It's a good thing the deal with Saunders is a lie, or I'd be in deep shit. My first time at bat, and I'm about to fail this acting thing already. I could barely keep the snare off my face as I watched this witch approach me with that lying smile on her face. Standing still for the few seconds it took for her to kiss my cheek almost took me out, and it was all I could do not to wipe it off. I couldn't resist stepping out of the way, though when she tried clinging to me, it felt too much like cheating. If this isn't some Hollywood bullshit, I don't know what is. I'm married to her, but it feels like I would be cheating on Elena by letting her get too close. Just the bare touch of her hand on my arm felt like a violation. Like she, the woman I'd so foolishly married, had no right, whereas my ex did.I saw the hurt look she gave me when I pulled away and stepped out of reach and had to turn my face away so that she didn't see the scorn in my eyes. When I was high on whatever it was that s
Ryder's back. I shouldn't feel this much relief that he was back safe, but there it is. I think I knew of his return even before the news broke; I felt it. I hadn't let on to anyone, including myself, just how worried I was about his disappearance or how often I'd looked at the photo of him in the crowd amidst my fans in the last few weeks. And yes, I've finally admitted to myself that I wrote and released that goodbye as a way to keep in touch with him in a small way.Not that I expected him to reply or anything of the sort, but at the time, even with all my other excuses and reasons, I needed to do it for me. But it wasn't long after the release that I realized how futile the effort was and that my heart may never heal enough from the blow of losing him. Something I only found out afterward.I thought I'd done a lot of healing and that I was ready to move on in some small way, but my own goodbye had proved me wrong. I'd gotten sidetracked with the whole rumor mill thing that was now
Well, this is interesting. No wonder they allowed Mary into the house today. They must've known what was coming and were planning some scheme to put her visit good use. Both Tyler and Zak seemed too laid back and unbothered while the rest of the world was about to crash and burn. At least L.A. Was.I've been following the theatrics online, and I think I see a pattern forming. "Hey, is there any rhyme or reason to whatever it is these nieces of yours have planned?" I still had no idea what the end result was supposed to be with this whole thing. I knew they were supposed to be helping me in some way, but to what end?"I wouldn't go sticking my nose into that mess if I were you." These two tough guys were the last kind of men I'd expect to sweat whenever those little girls were mentioned, but just like Saunders, they seemed to tense up and look around for cover whenever I brought them up.Had I not seen their handiwork firsthand, I'd find it comical, but in the last couple of weeks, sinc
I couldn't take my eyes off his face as he led me into the room and sat me down on the loveseat, taking one of the chairs closest to it. Even with that initial smile, I was terrified about what he was about to say.What if he asked for a divorce? What if everyone was right, and this was really the end? There was no way to read his face, not like in the past when the drugs kept him under control, and I didn't have to worry from one day to the next what he was thinking. "I want to apologize." I think the world stopped. It wasn't a declaration of love, but it might as well be. Ryder was saying sorry to me about something. It didn't matter what it was he was apologizing for, just the fact that he was talking to me and so nicely, too, was enough, and he wasn't finished."I know I haven't been the best husband, especially since I came back this last time, but I just wanted to get this acting thing right, and I couldn't have any distractions. I see it as a new adventure for the both of us, a
Really Ryder? Really? Just how much of a raging lunatic are you trying to be? Just when I thought my life was getting back on track, you have to go pull a stunt like this. The first song was bad enough, especially when the internet's new favorite denizen had deciphered the code, something I still don't understand since the code was a secret between him and me, but this second song is going too far.Thank heaven this MengeLiNi person hadn't revealed the secrets in this one, or who knows what would happen. Then again, it's only been a few hours since it dropped; they might be taking their time before dropping the bomb. The first song was all about missing me and what we had together, but this one would put the Police's every breath you take to shame. It was a stalker's daydream if you ask me, and an outright threat. In short, this beast who had left me at the altar and moved on with his decrepit life was now threatening anyone I went out with on a date, as well as letting me know that h
It's time. I'm as nervous as a hooker in church, but there was no way I wasn't going to go through with this. "Do you remember everything we told you?" "Yeah, but I still don't know how you know what the inside of her house looks like." "You really wanna have this conversation now?""No, I guess not." I wasn't in the mood for a tongue-lashing from Zak, and we both knew I was just talking to hear myself speak because it's a given that I don't know how they know half the shit they do. They still haven't come right out and said it, but my money is on military."Just breathe, kid; it's gonna be fine." Yeah, that's what they've both been telling me for the last hour or so. I don't know why I feel so sick to my stomach. This is what I've been striving for since my return, but now that the time was near, I wasn't sure I could go through with it.I knew it was fear of her reaction that held me in its grip, but still, I couldn't figure out how to shake it off. There was so much at stake here an
"Elena, please, just let me come in so we can talk.""No, it's too late for that." I felt such rage inside that I was almost afraid of what I might do. The tears that I'd been fighting so hard to contain were winning, and I hated that for myself; I hated showing any kind of weakness in front of him.How dare he show up here like this? Acting so blasé, as if he wasn't the monster who had hurt me in the worst possible way. How dare he think that all the pain and hurt of the last five years could just be swept away and forgotten by his mere presence?In the past, it was always like that. I was always quick to forgive him and move on from whatever idiotic thing he'd done. Because I believed that that's what love was. Long-suffering, forgiving, merciful. All the things an innocent young girl should believe. But look where that got me.He made me a laughingstock, something to be ridiculed and laughed at, someone to be pitied. "Damn you, I told you to go away. It's too late for explanations a
How the hell was I going to explain everything to her? Where the hell do I start? I felt gutted and raw. There was so much pain inside that I could hardly breathe. How the hell could I tell her everything that I'd learned in the last couple of months? And how will I bear this pain? The pain of what my words might do to her.Does it really matter? My pain was nothing compared to the hell I just heard in her voice, and though I'm not conceited enough to hold myself responsible for all of her pain, I knew at least ninety-five percent of it was because of me. Now I'm here for the first time in five years to add even more pain to her load.I hated myself more at that moment as I stood there staring at the back of her head because she refused to turn around and face me. I could force her; I know I could. I've done it before, forced her to see things my way or to do any number of things that, when I look back, I feel like the worst kind of human being for doing to her.If I were her, I wouldn