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Chapter 18: RYDER
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2023-07-01 14:04:00Related chapters
My Bully's Crush Chapter 19: RYDER
For the next three nights, I went to see her in that hospital bed. I'd just sit there holding her hand and watching her sleep the way I used to when we were together, and only the sight of her face in slumber could bring me peace.I paid a hefty sum for information on how she was doing since I could only see her while she was asleep. The reports were good; she was doing better with the tests they gave her and was even speaking up in therapy, which she wasn't doing when she first got here. I read between the lines enough to gather that though this last round of attacks had hit her hard, it was me and our breakup that was the real problem.Knowing that was twofold. On the one hand, it helped alleviate the fear I have been carrying around ever since I started coming back to my senses. The fear that she would never forgive me, never give me another chance. On the other hand, I hated this for her, hated knowing that she was still carrying that pain in her heart, and I wasn't there to mend i
Last Updated : 2023-07-01My Bully's Crush Chapter 20: ELENA
"What the heck has gotten into you?""What do you mean?" I looked up from my plate to find Sydney staring at me as if I had two heads."What do I mean? Chicklet, when I took you to that place, I was almost certain that we were about to lose you in the not-too-distant future. Now here you are, acting like that shit never happened, and you're living your best life.""Don't get me wrong, I am here for it, but what the hell happened to you in there." If I told her the truth, she'd freak. I can't even believe it myself, or more to the point; I'm finding it hard to accept. But ever since I felt Ryder's presence in that room, it's like I have a new lease on life."Isn't that the point? Wasn't I supposed to get better?" She looked stumped by that one, and I was able to go back to my enchiladas in peace. I wanted a margarita in the worst way but knew it wasn't a good idea, not with all the medication I was taking. Though according to the tabloids, I was on a bender every other night. The fuck d
Last Updated : 2023-07-01My Bully's Crush Chapter 21: RYDER
She looks good; she looks way better than she did in that hospital bed. And just the simple act of looking at her filled me with more peace and joy than I can remember. It was a bitch being this close and still not being able to approach her, but it was good enough for now. It will have to be. I watched her from afar and felt a smile in my heart when she threw her head back and laughed at something her friend said. She used to laugh like that with me, better even. Her laugh, like her cheeks, is one of those things I missed about her at night when I was lying alone beneath the stars, fighting to get the drugs out of my system and back to some semblance of humanity.If it wasn't for her, I'd have given up on the idea, especially in those first few days, which are always the hardest when going through detox. Add the psych shit to the mix, and it has been a different kind of hell. I just keep reminding myself that it's for her because, in all honesty, if it was just for me, I don't think
Last Updated : 2023-07-01My Bully's Crush Chapter 22: ELENA
It can't be; there's no way. But I know what I saw. Or do I? Maybe I'm losing my mind again. Uh-uh, nope, I'm not going back down that rabbit hole of destruction again. I won't fill myself with doubts and what-ifs again because that shit takes forever to end. But what's the alternative? Should I believe what I saw or write it off as my mind playing tricks on me again?The way my heart was racing and my skin tingling, I was afraid I already knew the answer but was just too afraid to accept it because I didn't know what it meant. If I didn't accept what my eyes and heart had seen, then I'd have to make a trip back to the doctor and admit that I'd failed once again, and if I accepted, it'd just be opening a rusty can of rotten worms that I'm not sure I'm ready to deal with.Ryder? Here? How? Why? And why now? This is crazy. I barely made it through my last smile for the last fan without a complete meltdown or panic attack before making my excuses and heading into the ice cream shop.I was
Last Updated : 2023-07-01My Bully's Crush Chapter 23: RYDER
She's going to pull a runner. I guess I should've expected something like this. Though the girl I knew wasn't one for running from anything, her behavior over the last five years had been quite different from the norm. I felt guilty that I was the cause of her giving up her vacation; in fact, I wasn't quite sure how to feel about her leaving after seeing me. But I also don't know what I'd expected.Yeah, I do; I expected her to run into my arms like some cheesy romcom movie, something I instinctively knew was not going to happen because, along with her sweetness, she had a stubborn streak a mile long that would not allow her to just give in to me at first sight.I'd built up the moment of our first meeting in my head for so long that I think I'd overlooked a few things, like the fact that real life hardly ever, if ever, follows the plans and ideas in my head. Still, the decision to follow her here was a compulsion I couldn't resist.I still have to work on my impulsiveness where she's
Last Updated : 2023-07-01My Bully's Crush Chapter 24: RYDER
"It was a setup." I'd barely made it through the door after hours spent running around to get here, and this was mom's greeting."What're you talking about, mom? What was a setup?""This whole thing, everything. It was all a setup." Being here in front of her, I saw that the panic in her voice was nothing compared to the fear in her eyes.My mom has this habit of pacing back and forth, waving her arms around frantically when she's stressed. She was doing that now only at warped speed. For a minute, I almost thought she was on something, but this wasn't that look. I know what mom looks like high, and this wasn't it.She kept rambling about lies and conspiracies and blaming herself for believing the wrong people, and I still didn't know what she was talking about. I was too tired and, frankly, freaked out myself to have the patience she obviously needed."You're not making any sense, mom. Now stop pacing and tell me what the hell is going on .""Your marriage, your wife, her family, the
Last Updated : 2023-07-01My Bully's Crush Chapter 25: ELENA
Well, what do you know, life does go on. A little change of scenery and a new and exciting project that takes up most, if not all, of your time, and well, you stop caring too much about what's being said. You'd think after weeks had gone by that the Ryder thing would've died down, but nope.It only seems to have opened up the proverbial can of worms all over again. To make matters worse, no one has seen hide nor hair of him since then, which has prompted everyone and their mother to stalk me around town as if expecting him to pop up any minute.Thankfully I've been too busy for all this nonsense. My agent seems to think I had acquired superpowers since my last breakdown because I find myself having to turn down offers left and right when there was hardly ever anything to choose from before. Granted, I was doing a pretty good rendition of a corpse back then, but still.Instead of griping about it, I decided to be thankful for all of it, but I'm still going to pick and choose what I want
Last Updated : 2023-07-01My Bully's Crush Chapter 26: ELENA
"Sydney, come over; bring food and ice cream. I just returned today and haven't been downstairs to check the fridge, so I'm not sure what we have down there.""I'm on my way." I hung up and turned up Elastic Heart, which I'd had on repeat for the last half hour.Sydney turned up about an hour or so later, but I was caught up in working on the ditty that had popped into my head after reading some of the crap online and didn't really notice the time. We exchanged hugs and small talk about what we'd both been up to since we last met before getting down to business."I guess you saw.""I saw, but you know, I don't believe half of what these things say. Since I was away for so long and you were here, why don't you tell me what's really been going on.""Actually, it's pretty accurate since it all played out online. Though the original post was taken down, someone screenshotted and reposted it, and all hell broke loose.""Yeah, I was afraid of that. I was hoping it was another one of those th
Last Updated : 2023-07-01
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My Bully's Crush Chapter 90: RYDER
I saw it as soon as I saw her walking towards the car. Even from this distance, her eyes gave it away. It’s amazing that after all that time apart, I can still read her so well. I knew from the looks of things that she’d spent the day worrying about someone who didn’t deserve it; in fact, I knew it would be like this even before I left her because that’s just who she is, and still, I’d let her go to work like that. I have to do better than this. This was one of my many failings from before, not protecting her even from herself. She’s so brilliant in everything else, always knowing the right thing to say or do, that it was never really needed, except when it came to herself. For everyone else, she’s a champion of causes, the one you want next to you in a fight. As long as the fight is for someone else.I’d seen it, time and again, the way she’d put herself last to take care of others and had taken advantage of that fact a time or two myself. Something I am now grievously ashamed of. Of
My Bully's Crush Chapter 89:ANDREWS
“You’ve got the wrong guy. Don’t you people know who I am? Hey, I’m talking to you; answer me, dammit.” They ignored me again like they had the last ten times I said the same. I’ve been repeating that refrain or some variation of it since they threw me back here with cuffs on and no regard for my comfort. At first, I tried telling myself that it was because of my disheveled appearance that they didn’t recognize me, but then I remembered that they’d called me by name in the alley, and that line of thought went nowhere, but only worked to heighten my fear and desperation.I was trying hard not to shit myself while worrying about the cameras that were bound to meet us as soon as we reached the station. “Hey guys, give me a break here; you know I’m not good for this; you should be out there looking for the real killer. At least let me get cleaned up before you take me in. I can’t let my fans see me like this.” Nothing, it was as if I wasn’t even there.I haven’t even had time to digest th
My Bully's Crush Chapter 88:JANIE
In moments of clarity, I kept telling myself I could bounce back from this, that things were not as final as they seemed, and then my head would become filled with all the ways I’d been wronged, and I’d get so mad I could throw up. All the way back to my childhood home with the two strange men upfront, silent as the dead, ignoring my questions, all I wanted to do was scream.One moment, I felt hopeful and ready to fight for what was mine, and the next, I didn’t have the energy to keep my eyes open. I knew it was partly because of the long drive the night before and partly the drugs messing with me, and still, I couldn’t help taking a couple more just to numb the pain.All I could think about was how hard things were going to be, how people were going to laugh at me, how low I had fallen. No matter how much I told myself to think positively and not give up, those were the only thoughts that seemed to want to hang around, and so they lingered.It wasn’t long before the pills started to d
My Bully's Crush Chapter 87:ELENA
“Do you want to call out today? Tell them you’re not feeling well?”“No, I can’t do that to the others, they have lives too, you know, and they didn’t sign up for my personal drama. I’ll be fine, Ryder, don’t worry about me.” I had to say those words because what else was I going to say? But deep inside, I was a mess and trying very hard to hold onto my sanity.I find myself caught up in a melee of troubling thoughts that don’t sit well with me, and there was no time to think it all through because I had to go to work and be my best in front of the cameras, not giving away any of what I was feeling. It's enough to make me throw up.If it were up to me, I’d go back to bed and pull the covers over my head until it all passed, but I don’t have that option. I thought I would be happy to see my enemy brought low. I’d imagined it a million times over the years, every time I hurt, each time I thought of him with her. I’m only human, after all, and someone else was married and living with the
My Bully's Crush Chapter 86: LYON
“We’ve got sound.”“What, they let you back on the island?”“They don’t know we’re back in.”“I’m pretty sure Russo had a hand in this.”“You would be right; only he could pull off something like this. That’s why we need him on our side.”Another ingrate. “You still haven’t told me how you found every one of us.”“Well, I was doing your job.”“I’m not looking for fuck.”“You found Lorde.”“He found me.”“If you say so.”“I’m not in the mood for your hoodoo bullshit.”“It’s the law of attraction, Lyon; they’re all coming home. Don’t you find it strange that the kids in Cali all found each other without knowing about their ancestral past? We should talk to Catalina about this; I’d love to hear her take on it.”“You talk to her. I ain’t saying shit to that kid.”“You’re just salty because she’s your carbon copy but in a cuter package.”“Kiss my ass. By the way, if she has those lions on that island, I’ll leave the whole lot of you there to get eaten, dumb ass.”“They were taken back to wh
My Bully's Crush Chapter 85: ELENA
What in the world is going on? Am I having an episode, or is this really happening right now? Things seem to be moving very fast one moment, only to slow way down the next, and everything is all out of place. My head was still spinning from my earlier rush of anger, and I could tell that any second now, I was going to lose my breath or have a total meltdown.Ryder looked just as confused as I was, and the hand that I’d used to slug her with stung as he held it gripped tightly in his. There was way too much to unpack here, not least of all the things Janie had revealed in the video we’d all just watched.My chest felt tight as I fought the urge to attack her again, but I knew as much anger as I felt, she was not the only one to blame here. I could lay it all at her feet for sure since she was the idiot who couldn’t take no for an answer. But I have to ask myself, had it not been her, would they have found someone else? From what I see, they would’ve used anyone to serve their purpose; s
My Bully's Crush Chapter 84: RYDER
I should’ve seen it coming, but even I didn’t think she was this stupid. Janie flew up from the chair in a rage and went after Elena, talons bared and teeth gnashing like something out of the wild. And before I or either Jared or Travis could reach them, Elena swung and knocked her down with a punch to the face. The screeching was almost unbearable in the empty room as it bounced off the walls like an echo.Elena, my little angel who I believe has never hurt a fly, stood over her and pulled her hair back hard with her hand raised, ready to wail on her again, but then she suddenly stopped and jumped away from Janie as if she’d been prodded by something. Unfair as it was, I was about to let Janie have it for whatever it was she had done to hurt her, but then Elena spoke, and it was the horror in her voice that had me stepping forward to take a closer look.“What the hell? What happened to your face?” I almost laughed at Elena’s question, thinking she was being facetious since she was the
My Bully's Crush Chapter 83: RYDER
“Where are we going?” She whispered the question as we were being driven through the quiet early morning New York streets by the two very stoic men up front.“I have no idea; they didn’t say. Are you nervous?” She turned to look out the tinted window while keeping her hold on my arm, where she had hers wrapped around my elbow.“Not really. Isn’t that strange?”“I know what you mean. I was thinking the same thing earlier.” I don’t feel this at ease around men I hire myself and have known for years.“Have you noticed, though, how quiet the street was when we left the apartment?”“It’s early.”“Yeah, but this is New York; there’s always someone outside, no matter how late or how early it is. I don’t think there was even a pigeon on the sidewalk.”I’d noticed that, too, and didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to spook her, but I was pretty sure the two men up front had something to do with that. I wouldn’t be surprised because all of Lyon’s men seem to have some sort of tactical trai
My Bully's Crush Chapter 82: RYDER
The phone rang just as I came out the shower. I’d been in there for much longer than was necessary, thinking about the way my life had changed so drastically in only a few short weeks. It seems impossible, and I still find myself having these moments where I want to pinch myself to make sure that it’s real.In that space of time, I’d gone from wishing for death to wanting to live more than anything. From living in the worst kind of hell imaginable to being the happiest I’ve ever been in my existence. The only thing plaguing me now was how easy it had been for me to lose everything the last time and worrying about how not to let it happen again.I doubt I’d be such an ass twice, but I hadn’t expected things to go south the last time either, and that’s what’s worrying the hell out of me. How blind I was to the people and situations around me. Drugs had played a part in it, sure, but I won’t use that as an excuse for the mess I’d made of our lives.I wasn’t in any hurry to answer the phon
