Chapter 4

 

" Then don't you think it is high time you started doing it again?" he said, and I felt a surge of irritation.

 

Who was he to say that? I disliked his interference. Yet, what astonished me more was the intensity of my anger. I had believed myself incapable of feeling anything anymore.

 

But he wasn’t wrong. My own thoughts have been veering in that direction lately. Only last week, I had contemplated returning to the riding club. My anger dissipated.

 

Even Avanti, my sister, had been urging me to do the same. Perhaps she and this gentleman were right. I needed to make an effort. And perhaps this was the right time.

 

"Would you like to see the place where John worked? Where did we first meet?" I asked him.

 

He smiled and nodded. His beautiful blue eyes met mine—so reminiscent of John’s, yet different. His eyes held many shades of blue, their depths as captivating as the ocean, pulling me in.

 

"Yes, I would," he replied.

 

I did not know why I agreed. The mere thought of going there made me miserable. Clenching my hands, I forced myself to summon the courage I so desperately needed. I had to do this.

 

"The school will be over in about an hour; we can go after that," I said.

 

He smiled and nodded. "I’ll meet you here in an hour. Bye!" And with that, he left.

 

I returned to my class and started an interactive story video on the projector. While the children watched, I found my thoughts drifting to the man I had just met.

 

As the school day came to an end, parents began arriving to collect their children. I noticed Robert standing near the main gate, looking around. Our eyes met, and he started towards me.

 

"Could you wait a moment? I can’t leave until all the children have been handed over to their parents."

 

"Of course. Don’t worry, I’m free now. I’ll wait until they arrive."

 

Two children were still waiting. One was a new admission—it was only her second day. The other was the little girl who had given me a flower and a card that morning. The new girl suddenly began to cry. I knelt to her level and spoke gently.

 

"Hey, cutie pie… why are you crying? Your parents will be here soon."

 

But she continued sobbing. I opened her bag and found her lunchbox—barely touched. I coaxed her into eating, all the while soothing her. The other girl tried to comfort her too. Eventually, her mother arrived, and she left after hugging and kissing me goodbye.

 

The new girl, however, became even more distressed. I picked her up, patting her back to calm her. She clung to me tightly, her tiny arms wrapped around my neck. Just then, I spotted her father approaching.

 

"I’m so sorry, ma’am… I was stuck in traffic," he said apologetically.

 

"It’s all right, but she became quite panicked," I replied.

 

I attempted to hand the child over, but she had fallen asleep in my arms. Robert stepped forward and gently pried her hands from around my neck. His large, strong hand brushed against my skin, sending an unexpected jolt through me.

 

The girl’s father thanked me, and I simply smiled and nodded. As he left, I gathered my belongings.

 

"Ready?" Robert asked.

 

"Yes," I replied, and we left for the riding club in his car. A knot of anxiety tightened in my chest.

 

Upon arrival, my eyes immediately sought out my usual mare. Despite my months of absence, she was still there. I approached her, laying my face against her warm neck. The horse whinnied in approval. I stroked her gently, feeling a sense of calm wash over me.

 

Opening my eyes, I met the gaze of the man who had brought me here. I offered him a faint smile, my eyes damp with emotion. He simply nodded.

 

"Take a ride—you’ll feel even better," he suggested.

 

I hesitated. "But don’t you have somewhere to be? Surely you must be busy?"

 

"No, I’m not. I’ll wait for you," he said, helping me saddle up.

 

I rode for thirty minutes, feeling a long-forgotten sense of freedom. When I returned, he helped me dismount. I then gave him a tour of the club, answering his questions about John and our time there. He was easy to talk to, and I found myself opening up.

 

He dropped me home, and for a brief moment, I debated whether to invite him in. But an inexplicable shyness overcame me, and I decided against it.

 

As I stepped onto the pavement, he followed, opening the car door for me. We stood there for a moment before he spoke.

 

"So? Have you thought about my suggestion? Avni, I need someone reliable to look after the children. I can’t trust strangers. You are family, and I trust you with them. They are your family too—you should consider it."

 

"I don’t know… You make a fair point, but…"

 

"Think about it later, when you’re alone. Even if you could come for just six months, let me know. Please, think of those two sweet children. They need your help."

 

I was about to refuse—I couldn’t leave my father.

 

"I’m hardly ever there. Some weekends, I don’t make it at all. It would ease my mind to know that at least a family member was with the kids, not a stranger. They’re precious to us. We can’t be careless with them. We’ve already lost John—we need to take care of them. And since you love remote areas, you’d have the entire place to yourself, aside from the staff and the children."

 

It sounded too good to dismiss outright. I was tempted to say yes. But my father… I had to think about him.

 

"Alright, let me think about it," I said.

 

He smiled, and at that moment, he looked incredibly handsome. We exchanged numbers, and he left.

 

Later that evening, I prepared dinner, my thoughts returning to the day’s events. I had done so many things I hadn’t done in ages. I felt lighter and freer. For the first time in so long, I realised—I hadn’t died that day with John. I was still alive. I could still feel.

 

Deciding to share the offer with Avanti, I headed to her home. The door was ajar, and feeling playful, I thought to surprise her. It had been my favourite pastime as a child—to startle my mother and Avanti.

 

I crept in, but what I saw made me freeze.

 

Avanti and her husband were entangled on the couch, lost in each other. He had her pinned beneath him, kissing her fervently. They were utterly engrossed, oblivious to everything else.

 

I should have left. But I stood there, transfixed. Their passion was so unrestrained, so natural. Were they making an effort to enjoy themselves, or were they simply enjoying it?

 

Realising the inappropriateness of my lingering gaze, I blushed. Just as Aashish slipped his hand under Avanti’s shirt and pulled it off in a heartbeat, I turned away, my cheeks burning.

 

Oh, God.

 

Should I interrupt them? Or should I slip away unnoticed?

 

I hesitated, torn between discretion and the awkward necessity of announcing my presence.