02

“Pen, your mother should write a self-help book with every dilemma she has ever taught you... Not that it's bad advice” said Suzane at the end of her laugh, and her tone of voice, changing to something more serious, made me go back to the present. She was having the annoying habit of saying things and then rethinking them better. That's when I didn't change the subject so suddenly, that I even lost the thread of the strike. I didn't like her to treat me that special way. It made me feel like my brain could have been affected by the accident (not that it was a lie), but I didn't have the courage to be unpleasant and tell her to talk to me like a normal person. “She has the gift of the word. Or you know how to lie very well about this advice.”

“I would buy her book” I mocked with a low giggle. I had rehearsed that sound so many times to look normal, that now I even believed it was genuine. But it wasn't. I didn't smile like I used to. I didn't think it was the same fun in the most diverse issues of life. And I didn't feel like the clown of the class. “Despite knowing all the advice by heart and sauté, I can't be accused of inventing all of them. I would never have such a great ability to invent so much nonsense. Even if I'm very stupid.”

Suzane laughed again, but this time, the noise was overshadowed by the sound of the crying of one of her babies. She had two small and emotional babies; a girl and a boy, both with blue eyes inherited from Suzane and her father's dark hair. I've never heard of children crying so easily! They completed ten months the night before, and Suzane gathered some people at her house to celebrate what she called a month-versary. I was the little girl's godmother; Eylem. And I had attached myself with all my heart to that child already so smart and naughty.

The rare times I left home, I mainly worried about paying a visit to Suzane and taking some toy for her babies. She was annoyed with most of my visits, because she just didn't believe it when I said that there were only noisy toys for babies of that age. The twins already had a whole room made just to receive their toys, because their mother had no problem maintaining a very high and enviable standard of living. So, even if they had not yet started babbling or at least trying to sit alone, the babies could already flaunt more riches than myself. Adam and Eylem were the twins who appeared the most in local gossip tabloids, because Suzane Johnson's public life has never been better.

Sometimes I had an outbreak of pride for what my best friend had become. Only the two of us knew how the past always came back to torment us. She had been very strong. She was her own anchor in the middle of the tsunamis, and never let herself down when it came to protecting those she loved.

But Suzane has always been a creature of isolation. She never had active social networks, and never liked to appear at chic events or parties that her social status guaranteed her. She sent me to those events because she knew I was a representative at her level. But now life had made a turn of three hundred and sixty degrees. Suzane was appearing in the spotlight and enjoying the life of being a known person. And I was erasing myself by the weight of my conscience. But I couldn't stop rejoicing for her. Suzane deserved the world in the palms of her hand. And I trusted her potential to make sure she would get there very soon.

It was because of Suzane Johnson and Hunter Johnson that the world was changing. People were often demonstrating in favor of minorities, refugees, those who needed help and had no voice for it. They had made a selfish and superb population — since Americans never bothered to show many feelings for each other — not to shut up in situations of injustice. A single couple managed to make the world join their hands, even if it was for a few seconds, just to be able to change something in the lives of those who could not survive with the same financial conditions.

But the change that both caused in the world, made me also affected, only in a slightly more complicated way. It turns out that I was involved in a plot of terrorism and criminal factions that I never had any idea existed outside of action movies. My family had proved to be a ruthless enemy to several nations. And the people I considered most kind or examples of what I would like to become in the world, proved to be the ones who most subdued or tormented the lives of the poor and oppressed.

It's cliché to say something like that, but you really never expect to be surprised by the people around you. I was always the kind of person who trusted those around me and who would give everything of me to protect them, something like me would easily throw me into a pyre of fire just for my friends and family to save themselves. But all this has changed in less than a year. I've been confronted with everything I've ignored all my life, and I'm not dealing with it. My life changed because I realized that I had lived for years in a bubble totally indifferent to what was happening in the rest of the world. It was sad to realize this, but I also changed after Suzane and Hunter began their changes around the world.

My only consolation was to realize that, despite the changes and adversity, at least I could still pretend very well when my self-confidence fell through the drain. At least I could still make it seem that the media did not bother me and that public opinion was just another of the lies that arose in my life. Deep down, everything affected me painfully.

I could easily understand that the reason for Suzane's call was precisely so that I could apologize and shamefully blame my medicines for having slept too much and missed family lunch - which actually consisted of bringing together Suzane's best friends and her two younger brothers, since all the rest of her family was a mess and were not worthy of our company. However, as much as Suzane pretended to believe in this and started a completely random issue about her trip to Miami in the next few days, we knew it was not the truth.