Chapter Five

The hoodie was no longer snug on his head, but of course I could still recognize that he was the man in the cafe before, because the clothes were the same.

I was a little surprised looking at his face. What I thought he was handsome like Armie Hammer was different. He was handsome, but much more handsome with black hair, hazel eyes as beautiful as Matthew Daddario, a sharp nose, thick lips and also a body that was one foot taller than me. He is handsome and very beatiful.

Sexy and beautiful—which seemed strangely familiar.

But...

"What are you doing, sir?" I said with a sarcastic call when I came back to my senses.

He blinked as well as if he had just woken up, which was the same as me. "Are you Amanda?"

I nodded stuttering when I heard his voice which also felt familiar. "Yes. What's wrong? You know me?"

That strange man stared at me intently before moving his face forward which made me turn my face back.

Disrespectful.

"If you mean to be rude, remember there are a lot of people here and I assure you you won't survive it if I scream." I said threateningly and firmly.

I tried hard to distract myself as I looked into his piercing eyes and his handsome face. Shit. Of course the two girls had that expression on, and I'm sure it wasn't just her. Because in fact this man does have a painful charm. He is handsome. And not the normal 'he can be a handsome actor' type.

But like the handsome type that 'he can convince you to make a really bad decision'.

His body language was relaxed, but he didn't hide the hardness behind it. And I can't think of a better way to describe him than 'hard'.

"You don't know me?"

I blinked and shook my head quickly. Shaking my hand that he held while my heartbeat thumped unsafely in my chest.

"Are you serious?"

"Are you a famous actor or a politician that I should get to know you, impolite man? Let me go. You are so insolent." I replied while shaking my hand, and he finally gave in.

Chuckling softly, he ran a hand through his hair with one hand. "I don't believe it." He said it seemed to himself.

"Whatever you say, freak. I I will leave the drama you made."

I was about to turn around because I was really annoyed. He's handsome but his attitude is really annoying. But I can't do that because he stops me, again, this time grabs my shoulder, making me flinch and immediately move my body away from him. I leaned against my closed car door, staring at the man as I raised my index finger.

"What exactly do you want, asshole?"

He raised his hands above his head and dropped to his sides again, his expression showing a disturbing amusement. 

"You're fierce. I guessed so."

"I don't know what you're talking about. How do you know me? Are you a stalker?"

He shrugged, "Of course I know, and you wouldn't like it if I told you how we met."

I narrowed my eyes sharply at him. Maybe that's why I feel familiar with him. Everything seemed familiar to me so I tried to dig up my memories which ended in vain.

"Would you like to sit with me inside and talk about the time we met so you can remember, mademoiselle?" he asked when I still silent.

The seductive tone and lopsided grin he used almost made me nod. But, of course, I still use my common sense not to serve him. Maybe, he was one of the previous shoppers who had disturbed my composure and wanted to tease me.

Dick move.

This man has extraordinary charm. But he's a lousy asshole. Reduced his worth in my eyes.

I shook my head and said, "No thanks. You'd better find another girl in the same mode. I'm too good for you to enter your fucking game."

"Too good?" he repeated scornfully.

I just endured it by turning back around, opening the car door and getting in quickly. Don't want to deal with him again. Fortunately, he let me this time. However, before I leave, he knocks on the car window and moves his finger to signal for me to put the car window down.

I snorted harshly, and complied. "What else, damn it?"

"I just wanted to pass on a message." He stopped, then lowered his body. Two stout hands showing strong muscles and veins rested on the window line. His face was in front of the glass hole, he smiled. "When you sleep later, you have to dig up your memories using my voice and my charming looks. Maybe you'll remember those times. The moments that I think are the most beautiful experiences you've had."

I squinted. Feeling weird with his ambiguous speech.

I shook my head. "I don't know what you mean."

"You'll find out later... Amanda..." He said with a mysterious grin.

My name that comes out of his lips feels weird.

It felt like someone was pouring ice water on my body all of a sudden.

He walked away from my car door and stood there, I just kept quiet and tried not to listen to him or to the reaction inside me by raising the windshield and then quickly driving the car, driving away from the coffee shop.

I briefly looked in the rearview mirror and found that this crazy, crazy weird guy was still standing there. Staring at my car with a fixed gaze.

......................................................................................................................................................................................

I lay in bed, scrolling through I*******m and replying to messages from my apartment friend, Gabriella. She told me that she was going back to New York tomorrow. I replied with a thumbs up and kiss emoji.

Indeed, since a week ago, Gabriella was in her home country, Germany. She's a restaurant owner in New York, and we've been friends since our freshman year of college. I can tell that we are quite close. But not too close. I always confide in her about work complaints or when I pour out my tiredness and also talk about my romantic relationship problems, and she does the same thing.

But we never share about our private life. In fact, there are still personal lines that we don't need to say to each other.

Like, I never told her that I had fears of being at parties or having fun at clubs. What happened two years ago always haunts me when I'm in the middle of a crowd, it always makes me keep my wall of defenses high so I don't get drunk and then wake up in the morning in someones bed. I never said that to anyone.

For that matter, I only trust my twin sister.

Fifteen minutes after I was bored scrolling through I*******m whose contents really made me insecure, I finally turned off my phone and decided to sleep.

I closed my eyes and hoped to get some sleep soon because I had work tomorrow. Looks like the calories I just consumed are working in my organs, it keeps me fresh. I cursed myself for eating the pizza and coffee earlier, and looking at it now…I'm sure I couldn't sleep until two o'clock at night and then end up late tomorrow.

"When you sleep later you have to dig up your memory using my voice and my charming looks. Maybe you'll remember those times. The moments that I think are the most beautiful experiences you've ever had."

The voice and the words slipped into my mind.

Silent with my heart beating fast, I thought about it deeper and deeper.

Who is that sadly crazy handsome guy? He says he knows me, but how did we meet?

I lay on my side, patting my right cheek a few times hoping that a glimmer of a sparking memory of who's that beautiful man was would pop into my head.

I fell silent.

I've known many foreign men, and if I don't remember their names, I'll definitely recognize their faces—just in case we meet again, and I can avoid them.

Unless....if I ever get drunk and...

I chuckled.

How could I ever get drunk like that...

Wait.

I've been drunk, and then felt something fantastic in my life until I woke up again naked in the hotel and check for a million dollars, right?

That was two years ago.

Wait.

Something was spinning in my head, making me dizzy.

My stomach almost churns when I think about it. I think I should really sleep. He's nobody.

But, something happened to me.

'"You're pussy not disappoint me."

"Oh, you're a virgin?"

"Give it to me, and you won't regret it."

"The pain will be a while, later you will feel the pleasure, kitten."

"Narrow,"

"Shit uh."

I wiped the sweat on his handsome face with my hand. He took my hand and kissed it, then kissed me hard again, as if devouring me.'

I sat up, blinking rapidly.

My heart seemed to stop for a moment just to beat really fast. A tremor ran across my skin, in a heaviness I can't explain. The flow of blood was receding from my face, I knew that by now my face was pale.

The shock came in a terrible wave and mixed feelings there. The heat and tingling feeling inside my chest and then below my navel as the memories of that night came back.

Also, there is a deep anger and hatred when remembering what happened afterwards. After that night, to be exact.

A million dollar check, expensive clothes, and an obscene note I got from him.

He's the person in that night. The same guy, the weird guy, that stopped me.

The asshole.

I closed my eyes in annoyance and hatred until the hairs all over my body trembled. I rubbed my face roughly, opened my eyes and took a deep breath to calm myself.

That is a thing of the past.

Bad night memories for me. A night that made me hate myself, and regret it. Because after that I really wasn't the same and I couldn't see the world the way I used to anymore.

God, how could I forget him?

But on the other hand, now I have given up everything. Well, my virginity can't be taken back, at least he didn't rape me or do anything bad to me. I, who was also in a conscious and unconscious state, enjoyed it and even went to the point of pleading with him which was so embarrassing.

Well, I think he's an expert at toying with women's bodies. Bringing women to their knees, begging him like a bitch in a porn movie. He was already very pro at it. Made me, who had never had sex before, drifted and drowned in the pleasure he gave me until I begged.

I felt my stomach had fallen to my knees.

The heat and tingling that swirled in my stomach to below my navel was more pronounced when I recalled that hot night.

A pleasure that I only felt once.

I never had sex again after that. Meaning it was the first and last sex of my life to date. After that, I was busy with my career and didn't have time to even take in the guys who wanted to ask me out on a date until Jordan, which never touched me further.

I just hate what he did after that. I just hate him, not the sex he does. I just hate that afterwards I can't have fun out of fear that the same thing will happen again when I allow myself to let go of my guard and shield inside me to get drunk to the point of fainting.

I don't want to go through the same thing again.

Indeed he was very handsome and skilled. However, what if one day, when I repeated it, I ended up with a terrible guy? What if I'm sold?

And that hazel eyed man is the asshole who gave my virginity dollars.

That time when he found out I was a virgin, he should have stopped, right? I still clearly remember he didn't even care and kept on teasing me, who was in this unconscious state to keep doing it.

I...

Fucked up.

A few times the curse came out of my lips.

I had completely forgotten that night, considering it a breeze and a valuable lesson. That way I shouldn't drink alcohol in public beyond my limits and I shouldn't rashly received an introduction from a man while I was drunk.

But, I did.

But when I saw him again in my mind, all the memories of that damn night and the night after, came back.

Say I'm such a shameless bitch, but when I think back, something happened to me.

I, like, feel him.

Want him.

Maybe this is what happens if you only do 'that' once in your life and never do it again. God, I'm even acting like a bitch wanting to be touched with Jordan because I, really, really want to feel it again.

Damn it.

How could his influence be this strong? Until even the hatred disappeared somewhere.

I blinked, taking a deep breath to suppress my dirty thoughts. He still seems to really want to try to get close to me or play games with me judging by his attitude earlier in the cafe.

He couldn't have chased after me and stopped me without any particular purpose, could he?Especially the words he spoke....yes, I'm sure he still wants to play games with me.

I closed my eyes and sighed—which I was doing again.

He's a jerk.

He's fucking jerk.

He's the one who made me like this

He is a bad memory that I must forget.

I will never see him again.

At least I won't let that happen.

I have Jordan Millero, the man I love and cherish. And, I won't let those memories affect me anymore. I had to blame him, because only then could I save myself, and only then could I maintain my relationship with Jordan who had intended to be serious with me.

I won't let that man bother me again.

Then what if later, by accident, we met?

I froze, but came back to think that if the world is wide, it just happens to come once or twice, right? I may never see him again. Even if there was a chance for us to meet at the same place, I just avoided it.

I won't let the chance to meet that bastard again. Won't.

Seeing what he did last afternoon at the coffee shop made me even more determined. An asshole of the type would only hinder my smooth journey of life.

Also, I already have a Jordan Millero draining me out, I don't want to make my life more complicated.