8 The Past She Wanted To Change

Lilian's finger caressed the baby's soft skin, sleeping peacefully in her lap with his hands curled in a tight fist. Her hands held the human of a few kilograms to safeguard him from each bump the car felt. The wailing that left a scar in her heart still scared her, and she didn't want to intrude on the endearing sleep he attained after lots of drudgery. Her baby adopted a porcelain colour in contrast to his usual warm ivory pale skin, and she still had the dried stains of tears on her cheeks, a flimsy heart attack she suffered when she saw her infant in ache. Is being a mother arduous, or was she having a tough time because she wasn't the biological mother? This baby in her arms was precious; she had promised to devote herself to this tiny soul without a mother. She didn't want him to grow up without a mother and be in despair, where he would sob over for not having a mother.

'Mommy loves you a lot baby.' She said in a subtle whisper and leaned in to kiss his forehead while patting his stomach though he was already asleep.

The girl diverted her eyes at the man sitting beside her, engrossed in his work. He was typing something on his laptop he placed on his thigh, his eyebrows fixed in a V shape with his sharp and focused eyes glancing at the screen. The portrayal of him looking at her tenderly where he held her purse flashed in her mind, the moment when she felt so vulnerable to come up strong. The more reasons she sought to not like him, the more he gave her thousands of reasons to fall for him.

Richard was the type of guy who wouldn't hesitate to hold all the girly stuff for the woman he loved without caring for his manly appearance. He was that dream guy of a woman who was dominating but caring at the same time. Intimidating yet loyal and respectful traits this man shared was the perfect mixture of cliche, flirt, fun and seriousness. He was the type of guy who opened the door for his spouse every single time, stood up for his girl in her every decision, and showered her with his cute, loving gestures every chance he got. But all this anticipating side of him was for Nia. Only for the girl he vowed to love eternally. What stupid path were you following, Lily? Walking behind the man who still held onto his wife!

Lilian massed her head against the foamy backseat of the expensive vehicle, her mind running back to the moment in the past.

The younger version of Lilian, wearing a casual white shirt and skin-tight blue jeans with her shoulder-length hair ironed with a straightener, held a pair of books against her breast, a bag resting on her right shoulder where she stood the position of an average unnoticeable student in the campus of her university. She nervously looked at the group of boys and a few girls sitting under the most enormous neem tree in the arena, but her stares were focused on the guy in the grey t-shirt and ripped black jeans. Her crush was always sitting at the centre of attention, leaning against the bark of the tree while his amber eyes squinted as he laughed. That spectacular vision kept her hypnotised until her friend Emily Ross bumped her shoulder.

"Just go! Your eyes will bleed if you keep looking at him like that." The friend said, flicking the gorgeous brown curls with her dusky hands.

Lilian bit her lower lip nervously, clenching the books in her hands tightly, "But there are so many people!"

"So what?" Retorted Emily, chewing her gum as she looked at the howling monkeys surrounding the popular guy, Richard Tucker. She hooked her arm around the nervous girl who struggled to confess, waiting for her answer.

"What if he rejects me?" the question floated, and the confidante scooped her hand in Lilan's back pocket to pull out a small letter.

"He rejects a girl every next day babes. People are habitual of it as much as they are of Mr Pott's farting in the class." The brunette scanned the small fold of the paper and sighed, "Should I go and excuse him here?"

The lovesick girl snatched her precious love letter and kept it back in her pocket, "Let's head inside. I will text him to meet me on the terrace in the recess or after college."

Her pal nodded, and the duo turned, gossiping about the girl caught cheating with her best friend's boyfriend.

"Lilian!" The girl flinched as she felt a little shake on her shoulder. Her bewildered black eyes met the amber orbits, and the baby mewled in her lap, pulling her back from the past.

"We are here," Richard notified, and she realised the car wasn't moving anymore. The window displayed the mansion behind the glass film, and she breathed in deeply at the reminiscence of the uneasy part of her life. Her hands patted the infant before she held him against her shoulder. The driver opened the door for her, and she carefully got out, covering the baby with his small blanket. Once she was out, her eyes anchored on the fine man standing a little further with her purse in his hands as he waited for her. Her heart felt sick; she didn't want to be wavered by him. He was just being kind, but she was holding misconceptions unconsciously. It was hard to hold on to the needy heart falling deeper for this man, and it was even more difficult with every kindness he showed.

Lilian paced towards him, and they sauntered inside the house together. A maid approached Richard as soon as they stepped on the front door, and he handed the handbag to the worker. The nanny came into view, augmenting her hand to hold the baby, but the mother denied it, wanting to keep the baby to herself. Richard looked at Lilian for a few seconds before caressing his son's forehead, leaning in and kissing it softly.

"Mrs. Smith, these are the pills in case Aiden gets a fever." The man in a black suit pulled a pill from his pocket and gave it to the nursemaid, "And help Lilian. He will be quite a handful today."

The elderly woman nodded, and Richard put his hands in his pants pockets, ready to excuse himself. He looked at Lilian for the final time, the girl intimidated by the eye contact.

"Take care." His voice vibrated against her eardrum as she eyed him walk away. Her heart was confused, wondering if he had said those words for her or his son in her arms. Her eyes fixed on the familiar back she was habitual of, and the man she liked, Richard Tucker, looked the same as in the past, back when she always walked behind him, but the difference was, Nia wasn't by his side anymore. She wondered if the present would have been different if she had confessed to him then. The hands he held while walking would have been hers, and she wouldn't have to see his back every time she walked with him.