Chapter 4

Before I could say anything else, Parrish had slammed his car door and drove speedily away and I released a breath I didn’t realize I had been holding. I focused on Nathan trying to hold his stare with the same intensity as I had with Parrish just a few moments ago, to ease off the tension that had slowly built but I still felt the slight tremble of my fingers and I placed then on Nathan’s shoulder to steady myself.

“How was the presentation honey, I’m sure you wowed them.” Nathan said now, thrusting the bouquet of red roses in my hands.

I hated red roses but I took them from Nathan still and I pouted, “No I flunked the deal.”

Nathan paused, “Oh dear, what happened?”

“Well the CEO walked in who turns out to be my ex boyfriend and I froze and couldn’t speak anymore, and yes I had a sex dream about him last night which I wanted to continue with you but you’re so in love with your job so yes that’s that.”

There was no way in hell I was going to say that to Nathan and still keep my relationship so instead I sighed, dropping the bouquet on the roof of his car, “I just – I don’t know – I forgot everything I had practiced, I chickened out and I nearly got fired. Well my – boss decided to give me another chance.”

“Or you could just quit instead.” Naathan said out of the blue and I shot him an unbelievable look.

“No Nathan, I’m not quitting my job because I flunked one deal, I’m just going to do better.” I said but Nathan shook his head, then he took my hand in his and looked into my eyes in the serious way that he does when he felt like he was about to say something equivocally life changing. I called it – the Nathan stare. It always made me nervous.

“No that’s not what I mean. You can quit your job, I make more than enough money to take care of the both of us and you don’t have to work. We can get married and have kids and you could just – ”

“Nathan!” I yelled out, stopping him before he could go any further, “We’ve been through this, I’m not ready for kids or a wedding yet. We just moved out here and I’m still trying to figure out my life.”

“We could figure it out together Jessica while we’re married and you don’t have to work.”

“I want to work.” I said out loud.

“Why?” he questioned back and I knew it was Nathan’s dream to have a family, a wife and beautiful kids and he had told me countless times that he was ready to get married to me but I wasn’t ready.

Was I not ready or was I not just over Parrish yet? The question nagged at the back of my head but I chose to ignore it. That was the whole point of moving cities, to get over Parrish but now he was right here with me.

“I have to get back to work.” I said instead and I could see the disappointment stretch out on Nathan's face, “But I would see you later tonight and we could talk about it – maybe.” 

I dashed away immediately and purposely leaving the red roses behind.

***

When I returned home that evening, I went straight to bed wanting to put an end to the disaster that was my day, with my colleagues giving me side glances all day and there was Cara with the – I told you so stare. Yes, indeed she did tell me. But apart from that, Parrish's move to the California branch had been confirmed and the office was having a welcome party at the club on Saturday night.

Kill me, Kill me now!

Throughout that week, I had managed to push Parrish to the back of mind and focus instead on getting the deal back so I could keep my job, I had also managed to avoid having the marriage conversation with Nathan and I had been walking on egg shells around him since then. But that Saturday morning , I had woken up with a female boner while Nathan watched a game beside me. I scooted closer to him, still drowsy from my sleep and I trailed my hands down his shorts, catching him unaware.

“Good morning darling,” I whispered into his ears with a seductive tone that I hoped seduces him and he turned to look at me, his eyes searching mine, “Isn’t it too early?”

“It’s never too early for sex.” I said back and kissing him fully on the lips with my tongue invading his mouth. I grabbed his brown curly hair with my hands and pulling his lanky body towards mine. Nathan obliged and his hands roamed my waist getting into the kiss, and I groaned into his mouth when his fingers found the sweet spot in between my thighs and I arched my back in anticipation for the deliciousness that was to follow. The heat rising in my body and the desire rising, a desire that I hoped Nathan could quench. I closed my eyes as he trailed kisses down my neck, down to my breast and sucking on a nipple that sent me over the rails. I moaned softly, the sensation building up as he worked his way in between my legs and just when I was about to get into it, I noticed he had stopped and when I opened my eyes to find the cause of the interruption, I found Nathan focused on the game on the tv and every desire that had built up for him in that moment died instantly.

“Nathan!” I called, pulling away from him immediately.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry Jessica,” he said trying to balance his attention between me and the game, “I’m sorry, the game – it’s the Lions, I’m sorry Jessica – ”

I shot him a look as I jumped down from the bed shaking my head and grabbing my coat that I wrapped around my body, “It’s fine, it’s the Lions I understand.” I did not understand, I was furious but I managed to contain it well in the manner that I always did, instead I fiddled with curtains.

“We’re having a welcome party at the club for the CEO today, do you want to come?” I said instead, knowing Nathan’s presence was going to be a hedge between myself and Parrish.

Nathan spared me a glance with his baby blue eyes before turning back to the tv, “Uh, I kinda have work to do today”

“It’s Saturday Nathan.” I offered.

“I know and I’m meeting with some clients, so I can’t come to the club but you have fun.” he said and I rolled my eyes in annoyance and stormed out of the room.

I was hot and uncared for, and Nathan’s negligence towards was driving me to an edge I deemed too dangerous. I didn’t want stay at home and stare at Nathan’s face while he paid more attention to the game instead of me. Instead I dressed up and decided to go to Sophie’s house.

I went there in an urgency to tell her everything that had been going on, I needed her to psychoanalyze me, to tell me everything was going to be okay and this was just a phase that I was going to pass through with Nathan. I needed her to pull me into her raspberry scent and smooth my hair the way she did in college whenever Parrish broke my heart even though she knew I was going to end up in his bed again because I was addicted to the toxicity he carefully dished out.

I knocked hurriedly on her door, “Who is it?” I heard her call from within.

“It’s – it’s me,” I called out “Just let me in Sophie” and the door flung open with Sophie standing before me with a surprised look on her face, but I ignored it and pushed my way in.

“What are you doing – are you okay?”

“I don’t know,” I plopped on her sofa but then I stood up again, “I need a drink.” 

I found my way to her  table where there was always a bottle of liquour handy and poured myself a shot.

“I don’t know Sophie – I ran all the way here – I just feel so exhausted and so – my heart just feels – ” my words were incoherent as I spoke in between downing the shots one after the other

“I don’t know – Nathan is – I can’t even explain and then there’s work and Pa – ” I paused when I saw the look on her face, like she was looking at something behind her that she didn’t want me to see. But I turned, I had to turn, there was no way on earth that I wasn’t going to turn around and when I regretted that I came there at all.

Right there, in my line of vision was Parrish Holmes looking at me – shirtless and half naked.