My Life's a mess!

Chapter 5

Vanessa's POV

"Hey sleepy head, what did I just say?" Mr Steve asked.

It took me a while before I finally realized that he was actually referring to me. 

"Uh?"

"I didn't say uh, I'm asking you what I just said, " he stated. 

"I'm sorry, I wasn't really paying attention," I admitted, and I could hear the low laughter of others in the lecture hall. 

"Well you better start paying attention or just leave if you're bored," he said and got back to talking about whatever he was talking about.

Why did I even come to class today! I knew I was not in the right space for this still I forced myself here just to make a complete fool of myself. 

I wasn't paying attention to the lecture.. I couldn't pay attention. I was completely disoriented and I'm sure the sweatshirt I was wearing hasn't been washed for days and smells awful but I didn't care.

I have been this way since the breakup with Peter but I was this way because of Damon. I could not focus because I didn't want to face reality. 

I desperately wanted to call Damon, I wanted to run back to the mansion and make him explain to me what was really going on with him…. But I had no right to act so crazy… he seemed okay and that's what matters.

So instead I put my phone on airplane mode and went radio silent. I didn't even check social media which was very unlike me.

I just wanted to be completely alone and dwell in my frustration. I wanted to feel terrible and so far I have been very successful with that plan.

I could not wait for this class to be over! 

My apartment was already beckoning on me. It had my bed, my numerous romantic movies and my fridge filled with all the junk food I wanted now…. All perfect recipes for my self destruction plan and it was all I needed.

I couldn't run away so fast though because just immediately the class ended. Mr Steve asked me to see him. 

I understood his concern though, he was my favorite lecturer and had really impacted my studies in numerous ways. He would not just let it go when he knew I wasn't usually like this. 

I didn't want to have this talk, I was not ready for any sensible talk that he was going to give me. 

Still I stayed till the class was empty and walked towards him. He looked really concerned and I felt quite guilty. 

"How are you doing Vanessa?" He asked. 

It wasn't one of those normal pleasantries people just say when they run out of things to say. He truly meant it. 

"Not so good, but I'll be fine," I replied and I hoped so too. 

I didn't want to feel this way forever.

"What's wrong? What's so bad that it's even affecting your studies?" He asked. 

He knew I took my education seriously and I had genuine passion for my career. Well I couldn't tell him that my problem was love. 

He'd probably laugh it off and tell me to be serious. 

"It's personal," I admitted. 

"I see…. Well you better sort it out real soon, I hate to see you like this," he advised. 

"I will," I told him, even though I had no plans of doing that. 

It would mean I have to face my problems, I would have to face Damon and I was definitely not ready for that meeting any time soon.

"You better, nothing is worth you putting your life on hold for. You're one of my brightest students so figure this out."

I just nodded. He let me go after that and I finally realized that maybe a sensible talk was just what I needed. 

Here I was pinning over my engaged best friend! 

It didn't make any sense but did anything about love usually make sense? I've never felt this way before, not even when he had so many girlfriends that I eventually lost count. 

He was hardly ever single so it's not like this was the first time I've seen him being cozy with another woman but somehow this time was different.

Maybe it was the ring that made it all real. Maybe it was not seeing him for so long that brought up all these feelings. 

Well whatever it was it finally put me in my place. Now I know that I've lost all hope of us being anything more than best friends. 

Still he was probably having a blast with his new fiancee while I was here wishing upon stars and making a mess of my life. 

Well I wasn't having it anymore. I had to get my life back. I had to move on. He obviously had made his choice and I wouldn't be the one to change it. 

I could live my life knowing that he was the only man I ever loved but I wasn't going to live it in misery. 

This was the best walk I have had in a long while and it was definitely therapeutic. When I got to my apartment I almost got discouraged with the state it was…. Clothes littered everywhere and it legit looked like a trash bin.

However, I had made a mental note that that was going to be where I'll start cleaning up the mess called my life so I got to work.

After hours of struggle my apartment was finally spotless and I was quite satisfied. It actually looked presentable and that was saying a lot considering its former state.

Next was my laundry. My dirty laundry was so much that the heap of clothes was actually like a mini mountain.

Well it had to be done, it was part of the process.

So I sorted it out and put it in the washing machine. While that was there I decided to fish out my phone from wherever it was. 

I had completely abandoned it because I wanted to get away from the world but now I thought about my parents, my mum in particular and how she would be worried sick about me.

My day would just probably say "give her time, you know she likes her privacy" but my mum would have gone full blown crazy by now. 

I usually checked on them only once a week cause School wasn't so far from home but still they would probably be worried by now. It's been more than a week now since I abandoned my phone and that was more than usual.

After finding the phone and getting it back on as expected I had numerous voicemails and texts. Most were from my mum and a few were from Damon. Well whatever Damon wanted to say could wait for now, family came first. 

When I checked her voicemail she sounded really worried at first but her recent one was quite strange. It was unlike her to just sound so calm when I haven't even called her back.

The last one was yesterday and she told me to come home as soon as I got the voicemail, and she sounded urgent. 

Something was definitely wrong but I couldn't say what exactly, but I could tell something was off.

Well I wouldn't find out anything just sitting in my apartment that's for sure. I rushed through the rest of the chores and dashed out of the apartment. 

My mind was in a haze trying to figure out what was wrong. Maybe she just used that tactic to make sure I come see them as soon as possible.

Well whatever it was I guess I would be finding out soon. I soon got home and realized that my dad's car was nowhere to be found, well at least that was normal, dad always worked late and usually didn't get home till very late. 

Still I felt something wasn't right. 

As I walked towards the door it was opened before I could even knock. Yeah I called home on my way here just to make sure everything was alright and mum just said my presence was needed immediately…. really weird.

Still I wasn't expecting her to be on her feet just waiting for me to get back.

"Hi, mum," I said. 

"Don't you hi me young lady! What Happened? You almost scared me to death! Where have you been?!" She queried. Okay I expected this.

"I've been in school mum," I replied gently.

"Don't get smart with me! I was really worried when I couldn't reach you! What happened?" She asked.

"Nothing happened, I just had to sort some things out, but it's okay now so you don't have to worry," I assured her.

"Are you sure," she asked, still very concerned.

"Yeah, absolutely. I promise to always check on you from now on, okay?" 

"Alright, have you eaten, should I make something for you?" She asked. 

"I'm alright mum, but what was the urgent thing you were talking about in your last voicemail?" I wanted to know as soon as possible.

"Oh that, well just settle down, give me a second," she said, then she went upstairs.

Well that was definitely strange. I walked to the sitting room and got comfortable searching for something interesting to watch. 

It sounded like she was talking to someone but I could swear there was no one else at home so she was probably making a call. 

10 minutes later and she had still not come downstairs and here she was making my heart skip like something was wrong.

Just then there was a knock on the door and I had to go get it. I didn't know if she was expecting anyone but when I opened the door I definitely wasn't expecting to see Damon. 

Then it dawned on me that I have probably been tricked. They obviously planned this surprise meeting together and I couldn't get out of it now. 

It's been more than a week since I've seen him but it felt like eternity. This must be the longest we have gone without talking to each other. Even when he traveled overseas we communicated non stop. 

Why was he here and not in his mansion with his fiancee? 

I guess his fiancee was probably somewhere close hoping to spring up on me and say "surprise" with that loud whiny voice of hers.

Still a tiny part of me was glad that he was alone.

"Hi Vanny," he finally said. 

"Hi, Damon."

"Can I come in?" He asked. 

Well this was just like his home so I couldn't stop him anyways.

"Sure," I said, making way for him before closing the door. 

I wasn't sure why he was here but I knew I was not ready to face him right now. But if I was going to get my life back, he had to be part of it anyways, no questions asked.