IsabellaI never imagined Leo and Rex together. To protect myself.Okay, that's not true.I've blocked the imaginings out. They happened constantly while I was pregnant and even more often than that when Leo was a newborn. Seeing anyone hold Leo, I'd get a flash of what it might be like to see Rex hold Leo.He might not have been ready to be a dad. But I don't know if it's fair that I've assumed he'd have been a bad one.Because as I watch Rex and Leo building this Lego set from the next room, listening to the way they negotiate the pieces and the moments they talk about life and the way they can make each other laugh...It's clear I've made a mistake."A piece of him," my mother says in Spanish, her hand on my shoulder.I don't shrug her off the way I have so many times when she's mentioned Rex. The mentions are sparing over the years because she knows how it upsets me. "A man deserves the opportunity to become a father," she told me. And when I'd inevitably blow up at her, she'd add
I can't suppress my smile. "I guess we didn't really spend a lot of time doing things that weren't...""Depraved?"I gawp. "Depraved?! You make it sound like we were committing ritual sacrifice when you say it like that."He pulls our clasped hands into his lap. They rest on the warmth of his thighs. "Well, it wasn't innocent, how about that?"My heart rate quickens. "No, I suppose not.""I can't imagine how scared you must have been.""I wasn't," I say.He rolls his eyes. "Liar."I laugh. "Not a liar. My body was literally built to have babies, I wasn't scared.""You know I'm not just talking about having a baby. But having a child. The whole thing.""Fair. I'll give you that."Rex shifts in his seat, closer to the window. We're mere inches apart. I keep my eyes downcast on our hands.Fuck. I feel it again. That unavoidable magnetism that pulled us together."Will you let me see him again?" he asks."Yeah, I mean, if you have time.""'Course I got fucking time for him."I feel a pang
Rex“Do I really have to be business casual?” I ask, staring at the sports coat in Isabella’s hand.We’re at the Ocotillo Valley Mall. Yep, a real, honest-to-goodness mall. Didn’t know these things still existed quite like this one. There’s a food court, a Spencer’s and a whole jungle gym for kids to trade germs back and forth.Just like the good old days.Of course, we’re not doing anything fun at the mall, just sorting through suit jackets that I know are all going to be just a little too short on my torso and show too much of my wrist.“Yes.”“You know, we’re not going to fool anyone with the whole ‘business dad’ thing…” I say, clocking some teen girls hiding with their phones out across the store from us. I’ve tried my best to blend in with a baseball cap and a simple black tee, but apparently, I didn't do enough to hide my rockstar vibe.“I’m not trying to fool anyone,” Isabella says. “You’re his dad. And you take his education seriously. I don’t go to meetings in scrubs. I dress
IsabellaLeo's hand feels weird in mine with my rings on.Yes. My fake wedding rings.I can't believe I let Rex talk me into it. Actually, I can. Because that man has always made me act in ways inexplicable to my character. Case and point, the tattoo I never thought I'd get. Leaving my own birthday party for sex, leaving work early for sex, introducing him to my mother even though we knew we weren't going to last.Rex Redford is the human form of ambrosia. Addictive and delicious.And man is he addictive and delicious looking in the suit we bought for him. I bought two sensible versions of it. Gray. Brown.Of course, he went for the burgundy.Somehow, he's made a ready-to-wear department store suit look like a million bucks.The three of us hurry up the steps of Tremain Day School and through the huge wooden doors."It's like a castle," Leo whispers to me."Yeah, it is, isn't it?" It does. A castle in the middle of the California desert. Slate gray tiled floors, tapestries on the wall
The headmistress puts on a pair of tiny, wire-framed glasses and pulls out a notepad.And thus begins the interview."So, Dr. Delgado. You're a doctor of –""I'm an emergency room doctor," I say softer than I mean to.The headmistress hums. "That must be difficult."I shrug. "I'm used to it.""Don't be so modest, Isabella," Rex says, taking my left hand in his right, stroking his thumb across the rings.Okay, now he's laying it on a little thick."And what about you, Mr. Redford?"I smile at Rex thinking, See? She isn't a fan."Um, well, I'm a musician actually.""A musician! What kind? Classical."Rex half-laughs, glances my way for some help.Nope. All you, buddy."Rock music, actually."Headmistress Rockwell's head bounces backward, her lips pursed like she's just taken a full bite of a lemon. "Rock music?""Rex is actually very successful in the music industry.""I see..." The headmistress jots something down on her notepad.Rex squeezes my hand harder. I needed that. My nerves ar
Rex"Mami, can I get a milkshake?" Leo looks up at Isabella, batting his long dark lashes.Isabella has not stopped smiling since the end of the interview. "Of course. This is a celebration," she says, scratching the hair at the back of his head."That is a lot of sugar..." Marisol clucks from beside me.Isabella shoots her mother a glare. "Mama, it's fine. Tonight is special."Marisol leans back in her chair and glances at me. "I think it's too much sugar, don't you?"I open my mouth. I don't have a horse in this race, not really. I was invited to a dinner to celebrate Leo's acceptance into that bougie private school. Just because I'm here and technically his father doesn't mean I'm allowed to have an opinion. And if I am, I'm too terrified to give it when Isabella could snatch time with Leo away from me at any moment."I don't know, Marisol. A milkshake sounds really good," I say. I glance down at the diner's menu. "I might have to get one too."Marisol laughs to herself and mutters
IsabellaWe make it out of town and to the spot while the sun is still clinging to the sky. Soon it will dip completely below the horizon and there will be a chill in the air before we know it. Luckily, I keep blankets and sweatshirts in the back of the car as part of an emergency kit in case the car should breakdown… in the tundra, I guess.It never hurts to be prepared, especially with a child in the mix.Anyway, we follow the same routine we did five years ago. Park on the gravel shoulder meant for people having car trouble and take the short walk out to the rocky outcropping that makes a half-moon shape, offering an unusual cage of privacy.As a teen, my friends and I would come camping out here. It’s not a legal campground which is why the rocks are so helpful for concealment for building tents, tending fires…And other activities.Rex follows me, just as he did five years ago. A California boy, but not a desert boy. He was freaked out by the lack of streetlamps and the distant c
The tattoo rests there as it always has."Look at that," Rex says with a half-smile.I guide his hand to feel it, just as he guided mine the other day, pressing his hand into my skin. Electricity zooms up my spine and I feel blood rushing between my legs, swelling my center with need.However, Rex is taking his time with the tattoo. He brushes his thumb across it. "So, I'd always be a part of you..." he says.That was the agreement. Delete each other's phone numbers and never seek to contact each other. Always carry a reminder on our skin that a love like ours happened."Kind of pales in comparison to the other thing I left you with," he says wryly.I giggle. "I mean, yeah, definitely less of a responsibility to care for a tattoo until it heals versus carrying a human, but...""Carrying a human and caring for a human and –" He draws away, running his fingers through his hair. "God, Isabella, I feel like such an asshole.""What? Why?""Because you've been here the whole time and sacrif