I am not a good person. I have never pretended to be one. But I am definitely not a liar. It is beneath me.
For the same unknown reason I confessed the truth about Brianna, I reply, “That’s what I wanted people to believe.” He swipes his hands across his face and groans. “Vincent, we can end this today. We can end this beef right now. Delete that video and we both move on with our lives. Forget this ever happened.”
Gone is the broken man from a few minutes ago when he barks out a laugh. He shakes his head slowly.
“Bastard. I’ll ruin you, Brandon Stark.” Vincent’s words are as icy as his eyes. I sigh. His sister is gone, his anger won’t bring her to life. “I’ll cause your wife and kids so much pain they will wish they were dead.”
My back stiffens but I maintain my composure. I don’t know how but I meet his gaze head on. If he had looked down, he might have seen me gri
Getting coherent words out of El proves impossible. All she does is cry until someone else collects the phone from her. I press my knuckles to my forehead as the new voice comes on. A man. I start pacing. The man’s voice is familiar but I can’t place it. He says something. Something about my little girls and an accident on the frozen lake in the park. A gasp locks in my throat, I grip the edge of the sink until my knuckles turn white. My eyes sting with tears. No. I shake my head. I don’t want to hear the rest of it. But he won’t stop talking. He won’t stop with his bad news. She’s in ICU. The doctors are doing the best they can. I have to get there. Eyes shut tight, I release my breath slowly, too scared to ask any question. She. Who? My feet move before my brain processes anything. I grab my keys and rush to the garage. Everything is a blur as I struggle to open the door of the car and get inside. My arms tremble violently as my ha
A beep sounds from the EKG. I lift my head slowly, expecting to see that flat line. But I see something else. I jump to my feet, walking past El to stand in front of the machine. The line isn’t flat anymore, there’s a triangle.Another beep. El stops whimpering. She wipes her nose with the hem of her shirt and staggers to a stop beside me. We both stare at the machine but she’s the first one to react. She screams for the doctor, a nurse, walking to the door as fast as she’s talking. I don’t run after her, I move behind Bren’s bed and touch her feet.She’s cold. I trace the sole of her feet but she doesn’t flinch. The oxygen mask on her face makes it hard for me to look at her. Brianna had one of those for so long the sight of it freaks me out. I hate masks.“You will be okay,” I whisper and squeeze her feet. My girls are fighters. “You must be okay.”There is another triangle on
“Should we sing for her?” Wyn asks. We are in Bren’s room, by her bedside. I rest my jaw on Wyn’s hair and slide my arms around her waist. “Don’t do anything.” The little minion lodged between my legs groans. “You can talk to her later,” I say. Wyn sandwiches her sister’s hand between hers, she doesn’t sing, she doesn’t talk. Seconds pass, I leave both of them to do what twins do and make myself comfortable on the couch across the room. I sniff my armpit and make a face. I need a fucking bath, food too but I am not leaving until my princess wakes. The ceiling is plain, same as the grey walls. Sad, dull and boring. I push myself into a sitting position. Wyn is whispering something to her sister. It must have been funny because she giggles and a smile springs to my lips. I am not sure staying here is good for her. But she looks happy as she caresses her twin’s cheek. I should attend to my missed calls and check on Brianna but I want to
Bren is fine. She has to stay a few more days to be properly monitored but she’s fine. She’s perfect.I toss and turn on the bed. Sleep is far from me. I don’t get it. I have had my bath. I’m in a comfortable bed, I should be able to sleep but El’s scent is everywhere. She has been gone for months. Why is my nose picking up on her smell now? I punch the pillow and throw the covers off me. Joshua gave me seven hours to get some rest. Two of those have been spent trying and failing to sleep. My mind is clustered with dumb thoughts.Another phone call to the hospital confirms Bren is fine. Joshua is the best person I call. I am tempted to ask Joshua about El but I don’t. He mumbles something about Wyn and I nod, she is in her room.“Yeah, she’s fine.” I ruffle my hair. “Joshua, I have to go.” Talking to Joshua increases my guilt. Will our relationship change if he finds out my pla
Brendan is the father.It doesn’t make sense. Then it makes a lot of sense. The universe must loathe my being. I shouldn’t exist.There is a tiny birthmark at the base of my neck, right on my scar. I forget about it all the time. Some people believe the placement of your birthmark tells the story of how you were killed in your former life. I must have been stabbed in the neck in my past life. I must have been a bigger asshole than I currently am so they decided sending me off in grand style was the only way to do it. Even in this current life, the universe is still punishing me.When will I ever catch a break?I shouldn’t have opened the diary. I should have listened to my guts. Waited till I was home to read it.A soft hand weaves into my hair, I bring Bren’s palm to my lips and place a kiss on the heel of her palms. She smiles. Will she still smile if she finds out Daddy is a brother killer? Will sh
The family lawyer is talking too much. I swear I want to punch him. Everyone talks too much these days when all I want is peace and quiet. Some time alone with my girls. I can listen to them blabber all day.I push the divorce letters across to him, he shakes his head. “Expired. They don’t count anymore.”Oh. I roll the letters and shove them into my pocket. El doesn’t have to know. Lamar drops his briefcase on the table and pulls out a file. I wave off the waitress who approaches us and my hands close around the mug of coffee I ordered earlier. Steam escapes the mug, I inhale and take a greedy sip of the coffee.“What now?” I ask him.Lamar pushes his sunglasses into his hair and tucks his pen in the middle of his notepad. “A redraft if you still want to go ahead.” He folds his hands on the table, his eyes scroll over my body. “The court can be avoided.” Writing on his pad for a minu
“Keep going,” I tell Brianna. I am all smiles as she tries to cover the distance between us in her Rollator. She pauses to catch her breath, sweat soaks the top of her gown and I raise both thumbs. I will cover the distance in a few strides but she is doing great. “You are almost here. You can do it, Bri. Come to Daddy.”Or, Uncle. Or, whatever the fuck I am.My hands jam together in an applause as Brianna bridges the gap. Sweat trickles down her temples, she breathes heavily. I tuck the hair sticking to her forehead behind her ear and ring the bell on the drawer.“Great job.” Leaning on the device for support, she smiles. My gaze darts to the door of her room, the starting point, it creaks open and the new caregiver steps in. We ignore her. “Do you want to go again?”“No.”Laughter trickles out of my lips. I smoothen her hair and she cocks her head to the side to a
Birthdays are awkward but Brianna’s is worse. We are here by the pool. One, I have never used the pool. Two, no one is talking. Music booms from the box speakers on the short tiled stairs leading to our table, the only source of noise in this odd silence.Joshua, the talkative is quiet. Bren might as well be absent. She hasn’t breathed a word to anyone. Wyn talks but just enough to not get Bren mad. I adjust the cone cap on my head, everyone on the table is wearing one but Brianna’s has birthday girl written on it. That and her sash. This feels like a terrible idea.The flame of her birthday candle flickers, Mother cups her hand around it to protect it from dying. She slides the cake to Brianna and inserts a table knife. Brianna knows her as her grandmother. That’s right. As in Joshua’s case as the uncle. I’m the only one being wrongly addressed. I’ll probably keep it that way.Joshua knocks the table twice,
ElnaI shut the door to our bedroom and tiptoe inside. Brandon doesn’t stir. He’s dead asleep. Or so I think till I near the bed and drop the package—his valentine gift on the nightstand. He puckers his lips for a kiss and I gladly indulge him. His hands grasp my butt, he pulls me up to straddle him and I move slowly against his erection without breaking eye contact. “Are they asleep now?” “Yeah. Finally. Alleluia,” I reply with a laugh. “Maybe I shouldn’t have given them the day off.” Silly me thought it would be great to give the twins nannies Valentine’s Day off so our family could do something special. Bad choice. With two one-year old attention demanding kids, I need all the help I can get. To make it worse, this year’s valentine fell on a Sunday and most of last night was spent trying to quiet the babies. “Maybe.” Brandon captures my lips. The kiss is lazy but it soon grows urgent. His tongue searches for mine, twirlin
The girls are dancing in a circle. Wyn is in the middle of the circle trying to perform a break dance. I laugh at her failed attempts, holding El closer to me as we sway gently to a rhythm in my head. El wrinkles her nose in disappointment, her fingers intertwine with mine and I spin her in a lazy circle.“You’re not supposed to be laughing at them,” she says as their mother dearest. “You cheer them up.”True. But it was funny. Wyn waves, Bren does the same. Brianna does not spare us a glance. Like me and El, she has two left legs. She can’t dance but she is better than us. I wrap my arms around El from behind, tucking my head into her shoulder. She smells delicious. I can’t wait to have her alone.The music filters into my ears, I close my eyes and the lyrics wrap around my heart.“What’s Josh doing?”My eyes fly open. Josh is at one of the two canopies with Joy. Most of the g
It’s today. Our vow renewal. To be honest, it feels like we are getting married again. This time, we have the people we care most about to celebrate the reunion with us and it makes me anxious. Joshua claps my shoulder. “Relax.” It’s so easy for him to say that but he doesn’t get it. The love of my life is out there. I haven’t seen my wife since yesterday because her mother believes it’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding. We stare into the floor-length mirror, our matching charcoal grey suits are differentiated by our ties. He’s my best man. “Is Joy coming?” he asks. Sophia will be in attendance but I can’t speak for her friend. I don’t say a word to him but I know this won’t work. Joy is older than Joshua. If her attitude towards him on my birthday is a sign to go by, she doesn’t like him. Some parts of me feel like this is an infatuation that will die soon. It is taking too long for him to get over her but I hope
The cries of our newborn babies snap me out of my sleep. I jerk up and check the time on the alarm clock. 7 pm. I groan into my hands.My life has changed since their arrival. My sleeping pattern has worsened and my knowledge about babies has increased.Babies poop a lot. They cry too damn much. They don’t need a reason to cry, just existing is enough reason for them to cry. It is exhausting.Brandon Langalethu Stark is the louder one. Brendan Lelethu Stark is quieter. Annika gave them their middle names with approval from their godfather, Joshua. Lelethu means ours while Langalethu, short for Langa means our sunshine. I must admit, he hasn’t been a ray of sunshine for a while. He’s a big ball of noisy energy. El rouses from her sleep at the incessant sound of her crying babies. I love my sons but they cry too goddamn much. Their cries are coordinated. Once one of them starts crying, the other twin is bound to join in.
Chaos breaks out. Everyone is all over me and El, saying so many things at once. The smile sitting on her face disappears. Tears fill her eyes, her nails dig into my shoulders so hard I’m sure it will leave a mark.She is hurting.Annika is speaking so fast, asking about the baby things. Mother is telling everyone to calm down. El is crying, she doesn’t want to go to the clinic with a wet dress. I don’t know what to do. I wasn’t present for the first pregnancy. Mother pushes me aside and helps El to her feet. I almost scream. Is she allowed to stand? What if our kids fall out?I rush to El’s side. Mother guides her through a breathing exercise as what she calls a contraction hits El. It must have really hurt. She balls my shirt and makes a pained sound that stops everyone in their tracks. More than six pairs of worried eyes pin her in a stare but she focuses on only me. My baby.“I’m okay,”
Choruses of happy birthday fill the air. I am dragged away from El before I can kiss her back or utter a reply. I was so worried she would forget about today I forgot it myself. Mother nudges me with her hip and grins. Well played. Even the girls were in on it.Joshua claps my arm. “Happy birthday, brother.” This idiot. He called me during the day and didn’t wish me anything. “Many happy returns.”We cheers to my new age and Bren pulls me to the living room where the real party is happening. The place has been redecorated. There are balloons tied to the wall, a table with a bigger cake on it and the words, “Happy Birthday, my love” written on it.There’s another cake. Well, there are three more cakes. Instead of my love, one has son, the other has brother and the last one has Daddy written on it. A cake from each of the most important people in my lives. My wife. My kids. My brother and my parents
El sneaks an arm around my waist. Her belly is bigger now. Our babies will be showing up soon. She leans on me for support while we wait for the private elevator. It was her idea to get out of my office to buy crackers. A little fun fact: We have boxes of crackers at home. If she wasn’t pregnant, her attitude would have been suspicious but with pregnancy, anything goes. Rule number 123432444: Never argue with a heavily pregnant woman. It will end in chaos. We enter the elevator with my hand on her lower back. Our reflections on the metallic wall smiles at us and El laughs. I set my suitcase on the ground and palm her face for a proper kiss. With the pregnancy due, her office has become mine. She spends more time with me than anyone else. I love it. Her lips taste like donuts. We ordered some an hour after she arrived to “pick” me. I will never let her drive in her state but she enjoys using that term even if she was brought here by a driver. She r
El won’t stop staring at her ring.We are in the backseat of the car heading to the hotel for dinner when she reaches up to give me a kiss. Leaning on me, she smiles at her ring again. I think I did right by her. Her mother will be happy. We had a long, loud, argument about this. About the vow renewals too but that will be after El delivers.“I have two rings,” El says, hand stretched out in front of her. She rolls Mother’s ring on her middle finger. “Does that make me Lord of the rings?”“Lady of the rings, maybe.”My phone vibrates with a text from Joshua. He wants to know if I did it. I facepalm at his request of a picture. It’s one more thing I have to get better at. Capturing the memories on camera. I nudge El with my elbow to show her the text. Her hand eventually lowers, she nods eagerly and strikes a pose, flashing her teeth in all the selfies. She knows she is pretty.
I tilt the laptop and the girls’ faces occupy the screen. Wyn is on top of Bren but her twin doesn’t seem to mind. Brianna is on one side of the bed, smiling at the camera. They are all lying on their stomachs. El settles down beside me, I prop the laptop on my knees and slip my hand into her shirt from behind. She shoots me a warning look. I bat my lashes like the cute baby daddy I am.“I miss Mummy,” Wyn says.My back meets the headboard and El rests her head on my shoulder. “What about me?”Again, she and Bren are rocking the same gowns. Wyn frowns. “I miss you too, I guess.”El bellows out a laugh. Evil girls. In a few months, I’ll have my boys. She wraps an arm around my waist to soothe me. It works for only a second before my attention returns to the laptop. Bren is grinning.“How are you?” El asks.“Fine,” three of them chorus.&