Chapter 150

KATE

I felt a tightness in my chest while watching his expression; whatever he was remembering seemed to hurt.

"You already know about my diagnosis. It was hell in the first few years. My family helped me as much as they could, and it worked to some extent. I learned to control my emotions, most of the time." He avoided looking directly into my eyes, gazing at some corner instead. "I searched for many ways to channel my anger. Sex ended up being one of them, as you already know. Being in control was addictive; it was all I thought I needed. I didn't want to go back to that hell. Not being able to control my emotions and actions. It haunted me and still does; I can't deny it. I'm sorry if I became a controlling asshole. But I need it, even now. The last time I lost control..."

"It's okay." I touched his face. "I understand."

"No, Kate, you don't understand. It could have been worse. It could have been... fatal."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"I hurt someone."

"Who?"

"A submissive