Chapter 10. How Long Have I Been Gone?

           "You can play the guitar?" Lyle asked River. We were in the diner, finishing our pie. "That's so cool!"

           “Yeah, but your mom is better at it,” River said casually.

            Lyle dropped his fork and turned to stare at me with his mouth wide open. Some of the pie in Lyle’s mouth fell out onto his plate.

            “How does he not know? Did you quit?” River asked, confused.

            “My four fingers on my left hand were broken, at one point. They don't move the same anymore. I can't play,” I said quietly. I stared down at my plate.

            It was quiet for a long moment. Lyle looked sad, and River gave me a questioning look.

            “It’s great that you still play. I'd like to hear that sometime,” I said and smiled.

            River raised his chin a fraction and gave me one solid nod.

            We walked out of the diner together. River insisted on paying, and I wasn't going to argue with him. He seemed troubled.

            “Come over to our house. I want to ride my four-wheeler. Mommy won't let me unless you're there,” Lyle begged.

            River turned his head and arched a brow at me. His lips mashed in a straight line to keep from laughing.

            I shrugged. “You bought it. You deal with it.”

            River chuckled. “Alright, for a bit,” River told Lyle.

            River followed us back to Helen's. It was only seven-thirty. The sun wasn't entirely down yet.

            As soon as I let Lyle out of the truck, he ran straight for River.

            "I'm going to go make coffee," I called to River.

            River gave me a thumbs-up—River headed for the big garage where I left the small gas-powered four-wheeler that was Lyle's.

            The kitchen smelled like Folgers as the coffee pot started to brew.

            I grabbed an old acoustic guitar from my closet. The strings were still good on it. I hadn't played it since before I had left for California. I had taken one guitar to California and left one here. I was relieved that I took the guitar I bought to California. The guitar I had left here was the guitar that River gave me when we were younger. It had more sentimental value.

            I left the guitar beside the front door. I grabbed the coffee, took it out to a small table between two old wooden rocking chairs, and went back for the guitar.

            The last time I played was a year after my fingers healed from being broken. My fingers had hurt like hell afterward, and I hadn't picked a guitar up since. I ran my hand up and down the neck of the guitar as I debated playing it.

            A smile stretched across my face as I started playing Faith Hills version of Piece of My Heart. I started singing the song. I looked up and saw Lyle pull up on his four-wheeler with River running after him smiling.

            Lyle turned the four-wheeler off, and they heard me. They looked up at me in surprise. Lyle’s little mouth opened in the shape of an O. I had a hard time not laughing.

            River stared at me intently as he picked up Lyle and carried him up the porch. They sat in the rocking chair beside mine and watched me as I played the rest of the song.

            River stared at me. I didn't look at him because I knew that I would lose focus if I met his gaze. I stared out over the front yard and watched a couple of the horses run through the fields. It was the lightest I felt in a long time. It was a feeling that nothing was going to stop me. The feeling that I was heading in the right direction, and it felt so damn good.

            The song came to an end.

            “Wow!” Lyle yelled and clapped.

            River whistled.

            I looked at them and smiled. I stood up and took a bow.

            “Mommy, you sing pretty,” Lyle said.

            “Thanks, baby,” I said. I sat back down.

            Lyle yawned, and he climbed off River’s lap. Lyle came to me and hugged me. “I'm going to tuck myself in. You can stay here with Daddy,” Lyle said to me. Lyle bolted into the house.

            I never saw that boy so excited to go to bed. I had to wonder if Lyle was hoping that River and I would wind up together. I laughed under my breath and shook my head. I looked at River, and River looked at me curiously.

            “What?” I asked.

            “You said that you couldn't play,” River said.

            “I haven't even tried in the past two years,” I said and shrugged.

            “Did Jax break your fingers?” River asked.

            I sighed. “Yes. Jax got jealous a lot. One night one of his friends came over, and I was playing my guitar. His friend said it was hot that I could play the guitar. So, when his friend left, he broke my fingers so I could never play again.”

            “But you're playing,” River murmured.

            “Jax broke them when Lyle was a baby. I tried picking a guitar up a year after it happened. I played one song, but it caused my fingers to hurt so bad to the point I could barely move them afterward. Some days I can't move them at all, but I thought since you brought it up, I'd try it.”

            “Did it hurt?” River asked worriedly. “You didn't have to–”

            “I wanted to,” I argued. “They don't hurt, but I probably shouldn't play again tonight.”

            “Hmm,” River hummed. “Then allow me?” River held his hand out.

            I smiled and handed him the guitar. Playing guitar was something his grandpa and his dad taught us to do. River’s grandpa lived just on Helen's other side, but he passed away a year before Arnold died. I called him Grandpa Joe even though he wasn't my grandpa.

            Joe told me I had a natural gift for playing guitar and singing. River was just as good at guitar, but his fingers didn't move as fast as mine could. That is until they had broke.

            I laughed when I realized he was playing You're Still the One by Shania Twain.

            “You sing,” River said.

            “No, it's your turn,” I argued.

            “Fine. I'll sing it with you,” River countered.

            I rolled my eyes but didn't argue with him. Our eyes didn't leave each other once throughout the song. The way the light danced across his face left me breathless, and it made it hard to concentrate.

            I was glad when the song came to an end. I could finally catch my breath. A realization had hit me, and I looked back at River. River looked out over the yard. That is the song that was playing when he kissed me for the first time, which was right before we... It's probably just a coincidence, right? We agreed it was a stupid mistake. You can't fall in love with your best friend. It could never possibly work out.

            His eyes pierced mine as he handed me the guitar back. Even though it was hard to focus, it was nice hearing him sing. He had such a beautiful singing voice.

            We talked until the sun went down.

            River bit his lip as he looked at the dark sky. “I should get home.”

            “Yeah, I need to get some sleep,” I agreed. “Thanks for coming to amuse him.”

            River smirked. “I’m glad that I came. See you,” he said. River turned and sprinted down to his truck.

            By the time I got into the house, my breathing was erratic. My mind swam, and my stomach filled with butterflies. This is ridiculous. This can't be happening to me again. Why do I always have to fall for the wrong things? Always, the things that hurt me the most. Tears built in my eyes. Gravity seemed too heavy, and I slowly sank to the floor against the front door. My body shook, and I buried my face between my knees.

***

“Dallas? What the hell are you doing?” River asked. River squinted as if he couldn’t believe what he saw.

            The office was built at the front of the barn. I sat at an old mahogany desk that had been here for as long as I could remember.

            “What does it look like I'm doing?” I asked. I kept my eyes on him as I stapled several papers together and placed them in a folder.

            “It looks like you're going through my shit...” River trailed off. He gestured toward the desk.

            “Precisely,” I said sarcastically. I looked down at the stack of papers in front of me and started dividing them.

            River sat the bucket down that he was holding. He walked up behind me, ripped the papers from my hands, and threw them down on the desk.

            “Hey–” I squealed.

            River grabbed me and moved the chair away from the desk. He spun me to face him. He gripped my waist and lifted me. He sat me down on the desk. “You should be at work,” he said sharply. He glowered at me.

            “I should be doing a lot of things,” I said and rolled my eyes. “Relax, I'm just trying to help.”

            “I don't want your help or pity, Dallas. That isn't why I told you. Now get the hell out of my barn. Get your little butt up in that truck and go to work,” he growled.

            “No,” I said stubbornly. I crossed my arms over my chest. “I took a personal day. It’s no biggie. Alyson is covering me. I'm switching to part-time until I help you fix this mess. It's no wonder you're so behind, by the way. This place is disorganized.”

            River rolled his eyes. “Where's Lyle?”

            “He's–” I started.

            “Here I am!” Lyle shouted.

            I turned to look over my shoulder.

            Lyle grinned at us. We stared back at him.

            “I'm going to go watch TV with Grandma, bye,” Lyle said. He bolted out the door.

            I slowly looked back at River. River stared at me. My gaze fell to his lips.

            “You should go,” he whispered. “You’re wasting your time here. This isn’t something that can be fixed that easily.”

            “It's not pity, River.” I gazed into his eyes. “It's about what is best for Lyle. I'm doing him far more good being here than I am at that clinic.”

            River cupped my cheek and rubbed his thumb against it. When I looked down at his lips, they were suddenly closer to mine. So close, they were nearly touching. Without thinking about it, I wound one arm around his shoulder and tangled my hand in his hair. Hot flames engulfed me as his bottom lip brushed against mine.

            A shrill ringing made us jump apart. We stared down at the phone as it rang again.

            I grabbed the phone off the hook. “Hello?” I asked breathlessly.

            River stared at me for a long moment. It made it impossible to look away from him. He turned and walked away.

            “I'm sorry. What?” I asked. I knew someone spoke but wasn’t sure what the voice said. It sounded far away.

            “This is Daniel Phillips. You called earlier and asked if I would be willing to buy cattle from you?” he asked, confused. He was probably wondering if I was mentally challenged.

            “Hi, Daniel. Yes. We're you interested?” I asked. “They're fully grown.”

            “I am interested. How many are there?” Daniel asked.

            “Forty,” I told him. I looked down at another paper.

            “Can I come out and have a look?” Daniel asked.

            “Absolutely. Can you fit it in today?” I asked. I tried not to sound too pushy.

            “I can,” he said. “How is one o'clock?”

            “Sounds great,” I told him. I gave him the address. I jumped off the desk to tell River, but I didn't have to go far. I spun around, and River was leaning against the door frame.

            “Selling my cows?” River asked and arched a brow.

            “To an excellent buyer. This way, you don't have to deal with an auction. It might pay out more too. You never know.”

            “It doesn't matter what you do, legs. You're not going to fucking save this place. Please, wrap your head around that,” River barked. He stepped forward.

            “What?” A high-pitched voice came from behind River.

            River spun around.

            I walked around the desk to peek around him, and there she was, his now eighteen-year-old sister. Willow had long, straight black hair and blue eyes. She looked like River, but she was an inch shorter than me.

            “Willow,” I breathed in surprise. I smiled widely at her.

            “Dallas?” Willow asked, confused. “River...” she trailed off. Willow eyed River suspiciously. It took her a long moment to speak again. “What in God's name is going on?” Willow asked.

            “Hi!” Lyle said excitedly.

            Willow slowly turned around to come face to face with Lyle. Willow’s lips parted in shock. “Um...” she trailed off. “How long have I been gone?” Willow asked. She turned back to River.

            “You're early,” River muttered. River scratched the back of his neck.

            “Yeah, and I came home to the crazy farm. Mom is already drunk and passed out in her chair. You're talking about how Dallas can't save the ranch. There is a mini River here? Who is he?” Willow asked in shock and pointed at Lyle.

            “My son Lyle,” I answered. “Lyle, this is your aunt Willow,” I said slowly.

            Willow stared at me, dumbfounded.

            “It's a long story,” River said and shrugged.

            “I've got nothing but time,” Willow said. She showed her watch to be a smartass. “You couldn’t pick up a phone and call me?”

            “I’m glad that you have nothing but time, but I don't ever have time. I got things to do,” River said. He walked out of the office.

            Lyle chased after River.

            “What stick got shoved in his ass?” Willow asked.

            I chuckled. “He’s just under a lot of stress. How are you?” I asked.

            Willow beamed at me. “It's so good to see you,” she said. Willow embraced me tightly. “You had a baby.” Willow pulled away from me.

            “Yeah,” I huffed and nodded.

            “With my brother,” Willow said and sounded more shocked.

            I grimaced. “Yeah.”

            “How?” Willow breathed.

            I laughed and ran a hand through my hair.

            “Oh my god, you two were secretly together!” Willow accused.

            “No, no, no,” I argued and shook my head. “It's not like that. It was an accident. We were drunk, and it only happened one time.”

            Willow snorted. “That is the most ridiculous shit I've ever heard, Dallas. You two are made for each other,” Willow said. She rolled her eyes, turned away from me, and walked out of the office.

            My lips parted in surprise, and my eyes widened as I stared after her. What got into her?

            River walked back into the office. “What's with her?”

            I gave him the most innocent expression I possibly could. “I'm not sure.” I never was very good at lying to River.

            River eyed me suspiciously. “When is the guy coming?”

            “One o'clock,” I said quietly and looked away.

            River came up to me and grabbed my chin. He forced me to look at him. “Thanks, legs,” he said. River kissed me on the forehead and walked away.

            I sighed and walked back to the desk. I plopped down in the desk chair and looked through more paperwork.