05.

I didn't know I could safely make it to the Memorial Park. My life had suddenly been thrown into a wild turmoil. I felt I had lost my way. However, my legs brought me to my mother, to her safe bosom.

My weary eyes could identify her among the thousands of souls buried on the ground. On the lichened headstone were carved the words; Madea William Carter. That was the mother I knew up until age seven. She had left me in this scary world too quickly.

My father, I knew, was kilometers far away from where my mother was buried. I had come to cry on their shoulders, but I was feeling so ashamed of myself. I felt so ashamed about having been betrayed by two trusted people in my life.

Their betrayal reduced me to nothing...

Amidst my tears, I noticed someone was putting flowers on a grave very close to my mother's. He was all dressed in black and his skin was pale. I guessed there was someone more mournful than I was.

He stared down at the grave for a moment before extracting liquor from the inner pocket of his coat. I watched him drink in bits and with every gulp, he seemed to relax.

"Hey there!" He caught me staring at him. I only nodded toward him.

"God bless you!" He said before he started walking away. My eyes stared lingeringly at him until he disappeared.

I needed a drink!

I tossed and turned on the bar table. Likewise, I remembered I had come in for a drink, but then I had more than I could count. Drinking was extremely tempting! I yawned, beckoning toward the bartender.

"Another shot, please." I drawled as the frilly haired bartender served a neat pour.

"Here you go." He smiled.

"Do you often smile so sexily at customers?" I wanted to know. The bar lights were reflecting on his smooth forehead.

"Only if they are as pretty as you..." He beamed.

I laughed.

"You mean 'hot as hell'?" I arched a brow at him.

"Well, I could use that." He winked at me and then moved on to attend to other customers.

Was he serious? I closed my eyes and fell into a brief slumber. Moments after, I gasped back to life. My emotions were unstable, and I soon began to swing from jittery to feverishness.

"Are you good?" Though I could hear the handsome bartender's inquiring voice, something in me held back from speaking.

I felt unable to move, paralyzed, and Chloe's words came flashing in my mind.

Was I sober?

I doubted it, I had drunk more than I had ever drunk before, so I could drown the bitter feelings that had begun to take over me. So that I could shatter the memories and wouldn't have to remember them again. But it wasn't happening. I can still remember it all. Of course, I should; it all happened a few hours ago.

'Am I beginning to develop signs of insanity?' I sighed.

"One more..." I slurred out just as a man waltzed over to the bar and ordered a drink.

In my drunken state, I decided to look up at him, but he turned to leave before I could even take a glance at him.

"Hey!" I yelled at him, but before he could turn around, a large man appeared in front of me, blocking my view. I was pissed.

"Want to play 21 TOD?" He moved his head in the direction of a group seated in a corner of the room.

"We need one more player," he added, his eyes briefly roaming me over. I squinted my eyes in suspicion. I couldn't be kidnapped, could I?

"And there's more," he cupped up his testicles, a nasty smirk curling its way around the corner of his lips, "If you'd like..."

I immediately felt nauseous.

"A moment." I rushed to the restroom, emptying my bowels.

Hell! I was wasted.

I collapsed on the bathroom tile and buried my face in my thighs. Two ladies staggered in, laughing hysterically. I immediately rose to my feet and returned to the bar.

Glancing across the room, everyone seemed engrossed in whatever they were doing. And there was a group of men and ladies playing 21 TOD. I wondered if the slot was still available as I tottered towards them.

"You in?" The large man asked while five pairs of eyes patiently stared at me.

"Sure." I sat next to one of the guys. His face was slim and he had a nicely trimmed mustache. He would have made a handsome man but for his drooping mouth.

"Hey hottie." His head was glistening with sweat despite the cool atmosphere.

I occasionally dozed in between the games, until it eventually happened that I said 21!

"T or D?" The large guy asked, winking an eye.

I thought for a moment. Was it appropriate to tell anything personal to total strangers? Though the other ladies had literally summarized their entire lives in one answer, I didn't think I could do that. I couldn't risk my identity.

Whereas there was the 'dare'; how bad could it be? One lady had taken off her bra as she was asked to, and she had even waved it around the bar. It had been fun and another lady had been asked to French kiss one of the men and she did. I think one can't be charged guilty of any breach of morality when one is under the affluence of alcohol. So I went for "dare."

"I dare you to pick any guy in this bar while blindfolded and lap dance him." He said. I heard the others cheer as my head whirled with dizziness. I slugged down a bottle of Champagne to boost my self-esteem.

"All right..." I drawled, and then I was blindfolded.

It horrified me how much I increasingly recollected the horrible state in which my life was while I was blinded by a piece of fabric.

Everything was dark, and I felt my way through the bar. I could hear the others shouting loudly. Someone was laughing madly and bottles collided noisily. One of the ladies was kind enough to tell me when I was about to bump my feet or kick a chair.

I didn't know where I was going or who I was going to meet, but I went on, steadying my movement. Ignoring the crazy howling of some men, I abruptly stopped when a fresh scent of cologne overwhelmed my senses. I felt I was close to someone, but the person was terribly quiet. I thought I had reached my destination, as I was no longer propelled to move further.

Furthermore, I reached for the person's face.

"I hope you don't mind." I muttered drunkenly, feeling his face. His forehead was as smooth as the temple of Michelangelo's David. I was jolted by the strength I felt in his jaw and the thickness of his neck. I was almost tempted to take off my blindfold to see what he looked like.

Not only that, but I perceived he twitched a little when I sat on his lap. His skin was warm underneath his shirt. His upper chest was bare as he had buttoned down and when I brought my face to his, I breathed in alcohol. He must either be a pervert or be drunk too, as he was not resisting a total stranger.

"Go on then. Show us what you got!" Someone shouted. My head ached even more. Suddenly, he became hard against my middle as I began whining my waist and grinding on him slowly.

I whimpered, feeling him against me. I immediately felt flattered to have turned him on. His manhood bucked towards me, it's a tip teasing my button. His arms snaked around my waist, pulling me closer to him. Amidst these stirrings of sensuality, he smelled so good and without thinking I leaned in and kissed him.

A bright light tingled through my eyes as I struggled to open them. My head was aching badly, and I was feeling very nauseous. I managed to move my eyes around the room.

Where was I?

I could see that I was in a white room and the atmosphere was quite different. And I was in bed covered in a duvet.

How did I get here?

It was definitely not my home, and I could remember I had been out drinking the previous night. Upon looking to my right, I was shocked to find a man sleeping quietly next to me. I didn't comprehend what was going on until I glanced at my body.

I was stark naked!

Bloody hell!

I leapt out of bed in a fright and hurriedly picked up my clothes. Almost slipping over an empty bottle of whiskey, I fled out of the room.

Since I couldn't go back to Ethan, I decided to go to Mrs. Carter. I had no one else to stay with.

Lucky for me, Mrs. Carter had gone out and Sofia had gone over to Charlene's. I was happy none of them would witness my miserable state, but the servants didn't restrain me from whispering.

Dashing into the bathroom all disheveled, I splashed water on my face. The mirror was already misted and while I stared at my own blurred reflection, I didn't know who I was anymore.

I felt my whole life had been thrown into disorder so much that I had lost my identity.

I hated myself there and then. Furthermore, I had had a one-night stand with a total stranger, and I felt like a whore. My pain worsened as my heart throbbed excruciatingly.

I couldn't forget Ethan so soon, he and Chloe had burrowed deep into my life.

Incoherent pictures from the previous night flashed through my head.

The thrust! My moans... how I begged for him to make me come. I could remember how he had come into me, and we had come off together. Who was he? He was so good, even in my drunken state, I knew I was satisfied.

I had been too ashamed to wait until he woke up. I couldn't predict what would happen afterward. What if he was some jerk or dimwit? I could still inhale his scent in my clothes, and it stirred up more disorganized memories.

I should just forget about him. It was for my best. My emotional balance would be at risk if I didn't. I had to get away from all things.

Yes, and as for Ethan and Chloe, I could only cut ties with them if I signed the divorce papers. That was the only way for me to really get away from the awful memories.

I sniffed as a tear trickled down my cheek. I was filthy. Likewise, I wondered what Mrs. Carter would say when she learned about Ethan and Chloe.

I wondered if she really knew the kind of man she had married me off to. I wondered if I wasn't just a pawn in their game.

I began to see myself as a stupid fool.

What was I going to do with my life?

What did I have left?

I couldn't begin to sympathize with myself, and my wailing must have attracted the attention of the servants who were cleaning the bedroom because one of them peered in to check up on me.

"I'm fine." I lied, hiding my face away.

Despite the fact that I desperately needed someone to tell me it was all going to be fine, I preferred to be left alone. I turned on the shower and let the water soak through my clothes. I viciously scrubbed my body, hoping I'd get cleansed of all the filth.

I cried even more when the thought of me contracting an STD crossed my mind.

What if I was finally doomed?

My thoughts were wild and depressing, I found myself longing to completely shut down. But it just wasn't supposed to end there and then in the bathroom on the Twenty Fourth of May.

No, it wasn't.

"Who is supposed to look after Sofia?" I couldn't believe Mrs. Carter would say that after everything.

Was she intentionally underestimating the magnitude of effect Ethan's betrayal was having on me?

"Sofia has a mother. What does that have to do with my leaving? Do you even care about me?" I blurted out.

"Do not bring sentiments into this!" Could she not show a little sympathy for me?

"That is what this is about! I should literally be blaming you for ruining my life, but I'm not. Marrying Ethan was your idea!"

"An idea you agreed to..." She was unbelievable.

"I'm disappointed in you...yet I feel I shouldn't be. I have not come to seek your consent, regardless of what happens, I'm leaving."

"Where would you be going to?" She inquired nonchalantly.

"It's none of your business." I stomped outside, tears trickling down my cheeks. My bridges had been burnt for me. It seemed like I was really alone in this world.