Rosa Higgins squeals her way into my bedroom window. She's been sneaking into my bedroom window for as long as I can remember. Her parents are abusive, and she needed a place to crash for safety. My parents found out about her sneaking into my room, and now they don't care if or when she comes over.
"What are you so happy about? It's a dumb party," I say, recalling Hunter being a dick to that Arlo guy. I wonder if I'll see Arlo so I can apologize."Why are you so depressed? I thought you were excited to make love on the beach.""We made something on the beach alright. And I can assure you it wasn't love."Rosa sits down on my bed and hands me a lollipop. She's convinced lollipops are a sex symbol. Her funny quirky is to suck them while Jeremiah is watching us. She can be quite the little tease when she wants to be."A lollipop? Seriously? Did you buy these to suck around Jeremiah tonight? Good grief, woman.""Yeah, so what? He needs to see my tongue in action."Rosa points to her red cherry-colored tongue."You might want to clean that off. It's not exactly attractive.""Oh God, my tongue is all red. He will think it's blood when he kisses me."Rosa panics around the room like a bird that has flown into a house."Rosa, get a grip. It's just some food coloring. Here's a new toothbrush. Just go brush your teeth."Rosa grabs the toothbrush from my hand and frantically heads into the bathroom. The sink water sounds like a waterfall. I hope she doesn't flood the bathroom in her panic.My phone beeps from a notification on my I*******m. A username appears in a private message ArloPhotos2000.Arlo: Hey Emma, right? I hope you are doing well.Emma: Umm, hi Arlo. I am fine. I am so sorry about what Hunter said to you. I was so embarrassed.Arlo: Don't be. I am sure he was just looking out for you.Rosa comes back into my bedroom. I don't want her to know about Arlo or why I had a horrible date today.Emma: I need to go. There's a party in Lincoln East if you want to come by tonight.Arlo: Great. See you there.Emma: It's at 7.I deleted my messages to Arlo so Rosa won't see them."Whose messaging you?""A pervert in I*******m is asking me to be his sugar baby.""Those guys seriously need to fuck off. Like anyone is dumb enough to fall for that scam."I put my hand on my chin and think about it."Marianne Porter, she's dumb enough to be a sugar baby. "Rosa laughs and plops herself down on my bed. Apart from me wants to tell her about Arlo and that I invited him to the party. Oh God, I asked him to the party. Why did I do that? That will not look good to my followers. What a nightmare."Marianne? Totally! She would be a sugar baby. She probably is one now. Let's start getting ready for this party. "I agree and will help Rosa find the perfect outfit for the party tonight. Model Perfect has selected my outfit for tonight. It's a little black dress with one strap on the side and all the golden glitter I would ask for. I sometimes want to wear yoga pants and look like a stay-at-home mom with a messy bun.Hours pass, and the party begins. The crowds of teens start piling in around 7:30 p.m. Hunter grabs a microphone as his band, Aftershock, plays in the background."Ladies and gentlemen, this next song is one I wrote for my girl Emma."My heart stops. Did Hunter write a song for me? He isn't a horrible boyfriend. He has his moments."That is so romantic, Emma. You are so lucky."I pull out my phone and Livestream his performance. The likes and comments buzz, and for a moment, I want to put the phone down and enjoy my life without screens—just one brief moment.I turn off the live stream and let Hunter finish his song for me.She's my girl, the girl with the brightest eyes,The reason there's summer fireflies,She's my girl, the beauty of my whole world,She's my girl...The song ends, and I find myself blushing. Then I see Arlo in the distance, and the world goes quiet. But, seeing him in real life again makes me feel panicky, the way Rosa gets for Jeremiah.Arlo walks towards me as Hunter begins another speech, "Ladies and gents, for our final song. But, first, I will sing our newest song, called Tidal Wave."Arlo waits for Hunter to get lost in song before approaching me. Then, he signals me to follow him, and for some reason, I do. I follow him outside to the porch. There's nobody else, just us."You must be some special girl for Hunter to write a song about you like that."Arlo's left dimple appears again on his cheek, and I feel myself trembling a little when he does."Are you okay, Emma?""Yeah, it's just chilly tonight. Thanks for coming.""Why did you invite me tonight anyway? This isn't exactly my kind of crowd.""I wanted to apologize in person for the way Hunter treated you earlier."Arlo smiles. His baby browns find my green eyes. Something about him fascinates me, but I stuff it down because anyone could be recording me or taking a photo, and then it would be over. I can hear it now. Model Perfect's Not So Perfect Model Cheats on Aftershock Lead Guitarist. No thank you headlines."No worries. It wasn't your fault. Well anyways. I need to get going. It's been a long day. I don't think I'm going to stick around for too much longer.""No, wait, umm, why don't you stay, and you can meet my friends.""I don't think that's a good idea, model girl."Did he just call me model girl?"Excuse me?" I ask. For some reason, his comment puts me in a bind."Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. It's just you have a boyfriend, and he's popular. I don't belong here, Emma.""Of course you don't. This party's only for the celebrities—the rich and popular kids. Get out of here, Arlo. Leave me alone. Inviting you was a mistake."I've done a one-eighty on Arlo that I am sure will come to bite me in the butt later. But what am I supposed to do? He's right. We can't be friends. Not that we ever were."I thought you were a nice girl. I guess I was wrong.""Yeah, I guess you were," I snap back. I don't want to push Arlo away because a part of me really likes how we talk and how he smiles. God, that smile, even though I've only known it for today, it takes my breath away.Hunter comes out looking for me."I heard yelling. What the hell is going on? Wait, it's you again. I thought I told you to leave, Emma alone.""Don't worry. I was just leaving." Arlo walks away, and as he turns his back, Hunter kicks him off the porch into the dirt nearby."You aren't going anywhere until I say so," Hunter says with a deep scowl on his brow.Arlo puts his fists up, and the two start going at it. Hunter dodges a right hook from Arlo. Arlo ducks from Hunter's returning punch. Hunter kicks Arlo in the ribs, and Arlo jumps up again. Arlo punches Hunter in the left cheek, and the fight ends. Arlo wins the match."Goodbye, model girl. It's been real."Deep down, I feel horrible. But I act like the victim. The concerned girlfriend is at her boyfriend's side. What am I supposed to do when the cameras are rolling, and my career is in the line? None of this makes sense to me.My eyes meet Rosa's; at least she had a good night. Rosa and Jeremiah are holding hands. I'm glad someone found romance tonight. The only person to blame for this fight is me. I only wish I didn't invite Arlo to this party in the first place."Thanks for fighting for me, Hunter. I also really loved the song you wrote me." I kiss Hunter, and he kissed me back. Even though this relationship is hollow, it's better than being completely alone.The fight between Arlo and Hunter bothers me so much. I skip out on Hunter's band auditions. It's easy to blame my absence on a hangover. However, I did drink a little last night. Hunter won't know how much. Why did I have to be such a bitch to Arlo? Why do I care so much anyway? School starts tomorrow. I'd better focus on that—my phone rings. "Emma, I saw the video of Hunter fighting last night. What happened? Are you okay?""Yeah, I'm fine, Freddie. And don't ask me to go to the Aftershock auditions today. I am not feeling well."Freddie, of all people, understands teen parties. He practically encourages me to attend them for fame, followers, and friends. The three 'Fs' I am supposed to care about. Freddie never thinks about the fourth 'F' for fuck. As in, I don't give a fuck today, Freddie. "Okay, I will let Model Perfect know you aren't feeling well. What are we sick with today?" "I'm hungover okay? I want a day off."Freddie sighs into my phone to signal his disappointment in
The rest of the day is blurry. The fog in my head gets thicker like clouds about to cry. So what is it about Arlo that has distracted my thoughts for most of the day?Arlo finds me in the hallway. He hands me a small piece of torn paper with the numbers 765-3459 written on it. He's given me his cell phone number. "Don't look all surprised. It's for the project. No more parties remember? See you on Wednesday, model girl." "It's Emma," I shout. Rosa comes walking up to me with a face that looks like I'm on fire. "What was that? Who is that loser?" Rosa asks with her head tilted and lips out? "That's Arlo. He is my party for the big English assignment. And he's not a loser. I don't think." I put the note sneakily into my purse. The last thing Rosa needs to know is that I am attracted to Arlo and that I have his cell phone. Apart of me wants to text him later, but it would mean trouble if I did. Is Arlo a secret bad boy? For some reason, that fantasy makes him even hotter. My face st
Wednesday comes and the next photography class is upon us. I think Arlo was just trying to get a rise out of me the other day. I want to start over with him, a fresh clean slate. Mr. Douglass meets us in the basement of the photography room. "How is everyone's projects coming along?" He lowers his glasses and looks at me like he is accusing me of something. Does he know that I almost kissed Arlo? Did the paparazzi follow me? Average people get privacy, but that will never be me.Any accident that can go wrong, is somehow my fault. Anything considered a scandal with my name follows me around like the ghost of Christmas past. That's why I try to be perfect. It's not easy being the 'it' girl of Davis High school. Arlo walks into class, my stomach already hurts. It's in knots because we almost kissed and that's a scandal waiting to happen. If we can keep our relationship professional then maybe we can be just friends after all. We aren't even that yet.The thing about Arlo is he isn't
It's Friday and that means another weekend is almost here. Weekend are when we live. The teenage years come to life on the weekend. The responsibilities of school and homework are left behind in the classroom. The hallways are crammed full of everyone pretending to be something they're not, with me the Queen B pretending to be above it all. But the thing is I have never been above any of them. I hate that think that I am, I'm not. If I was average I wouldn't have my life spoken for me. My life wouldn't be planned. Rosa and me could have a sleep over in tents in the backyard and we could do each other's nails. This weekend, like most of them is filled with Model Perfect photoshoots and parties. After awhile, it feels like my days are on repeat. School, party, photoshoot, rinse and repeat. Not that there's anything wrong with a routine. "Miss Rhodes, you're needed in the principal's office, immediately." A voice from the low speakers says. The onlookers judge me, but I still smile bec
Embarrassed! That's the only word to describe how I am feeling at this moment. My hair is sticky from the fizzy foam of Tanya's spiked lemonade. She's ruined the silver halter dress that Model Perfect had me wear. I know I saw cameras and phones landing on me at that party. My phone beeps and buzzes with the sounds of a thousand judgmental comments. I open it and my cat fight has already gone viral with the title, "Model Perfect's Imperfect Princess Accepts a Modeling Challenge While Getting Baptized by Lemonde." I read a few of the comments. "That bitch deserved a lemonade to her head." "She totally did. She didn't support Hunter or attend open auditions.""That dress would have looked better on Tanya.""Tanya is way hotter. I hope Model Perfect replaces Emma soon." "Hunter, your girlfriend is fat." On and on the comments continue. Their harsh words feel like an arrow to my heart. I am a deer who has been hit by a hunter and will soon face the end of my life or in my case my mod
Arlo takes me home. I am still wearing his clothes, his sweat pants are the most comfortable items of clothing I have been offered to wear in a really long time. Even though they are huge on me, I don't bother taking them off. My silver halter is in a plastic trash bag that Arlo hands me. It still smells like spiked lemonade. Model Perfect will take the damages out of my paycheck for the way Tanya treated this garment. He parks his car in my driveway. I don't want to leave. I want to stay in this moment with Arlo forever. Arlo's fingers are laced around mine, and even though I am technically Hunter's girlfriend I stopped dating him in my head ages ago. It's hard to be with the boy who calls me fat and thinks I am nothing but worthless meat. Hunter's anger gets the better of him, and I am too timid, shy, and scared to tell him off. Arlo isn't like that. I can be me, and be safe. Being with Arlo would be easier than being with Hunter, as far as a real relationship goes. But I am not th
The only choice I have now is to forget Arlo. It's not Arlo's fault the party went haywire and that my followers' list keeps going down in size. Do those thousands of people even know the real me? I'm starting to think no one knows who I am anymore. Rosa wanted to be my friend for fame. Now I am the slutty friend, who is shacking up with the hot camera guy from school. Popularity is like the tide, it pushes and pulls the waves back and forth to shore. The moon forces the tide to rise like my heart makes my emotions boil over. My emotions have been boiling for a while now, festering deep between the pores of my skin. Rosa was the scapegoat I needed. The pressure valve snapped and our friendship right along with it. My thoughts at this moment are to stay away from Rosa and forget we were ever friends in the first place. Perhaps our friendship was merely a facade, desperation on my part for a female friend and popularity seeking on hers. Maybe it was a doomed friendship this whole time
My neck hurts at the biopsy site. It has a heartbeat, that's tender to the touch. I keep the small bandage on it to protect it from accidental bumps. In the morning the sun dances across my blanket like it did the morning prior. I find a smoothie by my bed with a note from my ghost mom. My parents have been working night shifts and have been going on so many business trips lately, I haven't truly seen them in weeks. Now that I am eighteen, they think I am grown-up enough to be on my own. My mother made the smoothie to help with my biopsy recovery. It's tender to talk and the bump in my neck continues to throb throughout the early morning. My phone beeps and Arlo's text message lights up my screen and my face. Arlo: Want to hang out today, model girl? My mom is taking us sailing today. The message reflects Arlo's intentions. It isn't a secret that Arlo wants to hang with me more. A day going sailing sounds better than listening to Aftershock practice their new shitty songs about se
Today is the day of my surgery. I am not scared anymore because all of them are beside me. They helped me have something to look forward to. We all have a bright future ahead of us. Nurse Waters is right if I get this surgery over and done with I can go on to live the best years of my life. Being starving is not my favorite part. I understand why I need to fast before surgery. But despite their reasoning it still sucks, I could go for some hash browns right about now. Freddie picks me up for surgery. My mother is with us. She has been working a lot lately, but not today. Today I am her little girl getting surgery. She holds my hand the entire car ride and sits with me in the waiting room. They have me fill out paper work and hand Freddie a buzzer like they do at restaurants when your table is ready. The buzzer goes off thirty minutes later. Arlo runs into the waiting room with a bouquet of roses. "I am going back with you. I will never leave you." I kiss Arlo. I smell the roses an
Hospitals... I've been thinking of nothing else for the past week. Hospitals are covered in many layers of floors with busy nurses, humming janitors, crying babies, and focused doctors. I haven't been in a hospital since the day my grandma parted this world. She left us behind when the lung cancer took her up above to be with my grandpa. I've been watching YouTube videos of thyroid surgeries being performed. The videos aren't helping and have made me even more anxious for my procedure to be over with. Another torture that hospitals bless their patients with is the unknown, I'm expected to starve myself for years prior to my surgery okay more like hours, but still. Then I am expected to call the day before to find out my arrival time just to check into the hospital. The anxiety levels from hearing this and reading this make my nostrils flare. My tension migraines have returned in the temples of my head.Everyone has told me to slow down and take it easy. But that's just not possible f
Hunter Bates, the lead singer of Aftershock, has been taken into custody. He snuck into Emma Rhodes' house and began choking her. He is being charged with attempted murder. There are other models from Model Perfect coming forward with accusations against Hunter Bates. The police have opened up several investigations into the private life of Hunter Bates, who will soon be facing many years in person. I turn the television off. It's nice to hear the journalists tell the truth for once. For once my story has been turned around for a positive outcome. The part with Hunter Bates in it can end, and I can face the surgery with an open mind. The day Hunter attempted to kill me, his weight was around my neck. Since the moment he grabbed my tumor and started to squeeze, I have desperately wanted to get this tumor out. The pressure he placed against it, burns within my trachea. It's been harder to swallow since then and challenging to talk. I've been avoiding talking since the vibrations in
The Winter Paris Competition is over and I can finally relax. With Tanya Pennington named the winner, I can finish out the remainder of my Model Perfect contract and be away from the spotlight. All eyes are on Tanya Pennington and her girlfriend, Lucia Perez. Tanya is the first lesbian to become a model girl winner for Model Perfect. All social media platforms are buzzing with the news. As for me, I am glad it's all turning out the way it needs to. Freddie drops me off at my house. The exhaustion from today is written all over my face. "I'm glad you didn't throw the competition. You could have. You almost did. What made you return to my office that day?" "Tanya did. She wanted to win against me fair and square and she did. Now that that's over and done with, what does Model Perfect want from me. The CEO and everyone else on staff knows about my thyroid surgery now. Can I finish out the remainder of my contract?" Freddie smiles from head to toe. He gives me a large nod. "Yes,
The Winter Paris Collection Competition is back on, and Freddie is letting me compete. I re-read my contract, and it turns out I have six months left to go until it gets renewed. I am not sure I am looking for renewal at this time, or ever. Given their track record with me, I need to find a new career or new modeling agency that is willing to take me on. Rosa spent the night at my house, Freddie got her approved to model for the day. Rosa, Tanya, and I are all going to be sporting slutty Christmas dresses and Santa hats. It’s the time of the year when models get perks for modeling during the wondrous Christmas season. “Emma, Freddie told me what happened. Did you really try to quit being a model at Model Perfect? Listen it isn't up to me, but I think you should stay until graduation." "Don't worry. I will be staying for a little while longer. But the truth is I need to quit and get this surgery taken care of. Even Tanya Pennington knows about it now." Rosa chokes on her morning
As I storm out of Freddie’s office, golden locks of white hair flip in my face, Tanya Pennington startles me. I haven’t seen or heard from her since the night of Jeremiah’s house party. That’s not to say I haven’t been keeping my tabs on her, I have. I have been stalking her social media platforms in search of anything she might have used against me. But I have also been digging to find out if Hunter’s claims on Halloween night have any merit. Which so far it appears that they don’t Tanya smiles at me, like she is about to say something crass as her smile twists into the edges of her perfectly high cheek bones. That’s the thing about Tanya, if anyone were to be stalking her she would look good no matter what. Her make-up is rumored to be tattooed to her face. That’s what her followers brag about her eyeliner anyway. “I overheard what you said to Freddie, are you sure you want to quit? You’d practically be handing your job over to me…You give up to easily you know that? What fun is i
It’s Monday, after school and I find myself in the familiar company walls of Model Perfect. Freddie’s office lies at the end of the hallway. I knock on his door. “Freddie, do you have a moment? I would like the chat with you.” He signals for me to sit down and close the door behind me. “I wanted to talk with you about the Paris Winter Collection. Can I still be in it?” Freddie puts down the newspaper that he has been reading. An article about me is on the front page, I can’t imagine what there is to report on me unless someone found out about Arlo or my cancer. “Yes, of course you can still be in it. Is that why you came in here?” “Ummm well, how was your date with Rosa?” Freddie rolls his eyes. It’s amazing to me how different a person can be when they are asked to transform into a professional. Out of the office and away from Model Perfect, Freddie is this reserved person who knows how to laugh and smile. But here behind the walls of Big Brother, who watches his every move, h
Being away from school and the buzz of drama is what I have needed for the longest time. I have been ignoring my social media platforms, my fans have expressed concerns over videos of the alleged depressed model. Perhaps it’s true, maybe I am depressed in the small corners of the mind. I try to be active and productive during my depression, doing things like art, photography, and yoga get my mind flowing. The three prescribed days off from school are perfect for reflection. There are pros and cons to my life. If I have thyroid surgery, I don’t have to deal with cancer and an ever-growing tumor that makes it impossible to swallow. Every swallow of food is struggle, I have to eat soft foods to make it easier on myself. My hand finds my lump again, and this time it hurts when I touch it. It’s the pain of cancer lingering in the ticking time bomb in my body. Cancer is everywhere. Nurse Water’s sister died of cancer and Arlo’s mother. There must be something in the food we eat or the dri
The Winter Paris Collection competition is around the corner, and I am not prepared for it at all. It is hard to model these days, my energy levels are haywire. I can hardly focus in class, I fell asleep in math class the other day. The doctor says it could be my thyroid hormone levels becoming fuzzier and harder to predict. His words weren’t exactly that, but that was the overlaying message. It’s scary to be out of control. It’s a hurricane that I am not ready for. It’s been weeks, and I still haven’t decided to fully commit to surgery. It would mean goodbye Model Perfect, and I am not sure I am ready to say goodbye to them just yet. Arlo is concerned for me and has even put pressure on me to consider my health over my career. It’s a balancing act and I don’t like which way to go. I feel like a tightrope walker, at any moment I could fall in the net below if a decision is not made for me. My life is a balancing act, that I am too exhausted to recover from. I fall in all directions,