It felt like I hadn’t left my apartment in years. Things had been bearable before when I could just watch Netflix or read a book in utter silence, but now that my mom and I were fighting and the whole world was trying to contact me, hiding away became impossible.
I promised Kiara that I would explain things to her the next time we meet up, so that would at least give me some time to think things through. I didn’t respond to Max nor to Lian, I didn’t feel like I owed them an explanation. But now there was another person who I needed to explain myself too also.
I headed out just a bit after dinner. I left Clara in the care of my mom and headed down to the car. Apparently, no one had told the driver that Robert didn’t want to see me, so he responded the same as usual when I texted him the address.I don’t know if they told Robert whenever I was coming over, or if he received a notification when we passed his gate. I kept a wandering eye on my phone screen throughout the car ride, though I already knew that I would ‘accidentally’ not see it if he called or texted me on the way over. Oops.
“Next time you want to come over, please do text me first.” Robert said to me with a half-smile on his face. I rolled my eyes at him and walked down the steps.“You didn’t enjoy the surprise?” I asked him innocently.I had stayed for a little longer, updating Robert on any and every pregnancy symptom I had experienced since we last saw each other. It f
Clara was taking everything like a champ. We had our own little cubicle, three blue screens separated us from the rest of the emergency room. She was laying on a big hospital bed, which she thought was very exciting, and pointed out every doctor that came by.They had to run several tests, mostly related to blood work. She cried when they poked her with the needle, but smiled when she received a Princess Peach bandage over it. The doctors and nurses were all very kind to her, one even sneaked her an ice cream. popsicle. It made being in the emergency room in the middle of the night a lot easier
Robert had known all my secrets for a good two hours, but I knew I couldn’t tell him about the fight.The right side of my face was bruised, but the swelling had gone down quite a bit already. She never kicked me or my belly, so I figured that the baby had to be okay. I still worried about it a lot and wondered if I could convince doctor Ward to take a look at it without Robert’s knowledge.That awful night was two days ago, and I still didn’t feel any better. My head throbbed whenever I tried to get some sleep, and all I could manage to do was to bring Clara to school and pick her up when she was done. My days were spent like a zombie watching the TV.I glanced over at the clock, Clara wouldn’t have to be picked up for another four hours. I wasn’t an expert with make-up, but I tried my best to cover the bruises when I went out. One photographer and Robert would undoubtedly be painted as an abusive boyfriend.
It was the summer’s second heatwave and it did very little to improve my state of mind.I didn’t want to be here. I did not want to have to hear the baby’s heartbeat again. My bed at home was calling to me, if it was just another night I might have already fallen asleep by now.“Tired?” Doctor Ward noted.“All the time.” I answered truthfully. He wrote it down on the clipboard in the typical unreadable doctor’s handwriting.“You’ll start getting some more energy at around week fourteen.” He reassured me. “Only a few more weeks left of the first trimester.”And what a first trimester it had been. I had already lost hope that I would relax throughout this pregnancy, instead I was just focussed on surviving it. When my mind wasn’t a mess it seemed like my life stepped in to make sure that it would be.I brushed my fingers over the b
I don’t know how I managed to convince Robert that I would be fine going home by myself. All I knew was that this had to end, tonight.When Robert had hugged me, it felt like that was exactly what I had needed. I needed his arms around me to hold me together, but when he let go my self loathing only increased. I was Dalia fucking Adler, I did not needanyone
I put my hand over the weird pain. It was on my right side, on my bump. It only lasted for a few moments before it subsided. My mom sat down on the couch and grabbed the remote, but Clara and I stayed in our spot.The child protective services lady had told me that either my mom has to go or Clara will go and live with Max and Liann. She was pregnant too now, and I just knew that even if she was forced to live there, they wouldn’t take proper care of her. It would be a full on Harry Potter scenario, she would be nothing more than their slave.I looked down at Clara. Her blonde curls were a mess, her eyes were wide and looking at me now, rather than our bitch of a mother. I had tried to kick my mom out, and it didn’t work. So there was only one option now.I picked up Clara and headed into our bedroom. I sat her down on the bed and closed the door behind us. It was a little past midnight now, but the two of us were wide awake. I gave her a
“Take care of yourself, okay?” I told Hannah and hugged her tightly. She had let me and Clara sit and wait in their secret little hideout, and kept any ill-wishing people away from us with her extensive vocabulary of curse words. Some of her… Coworkers also greeted us kindly, one even sang a lullaby for Clara.This was what I would miss about the neighbourhood. In the news prostitutes were either portrayed as horrible drug addicts or as numb girls, no one ever showed this kind side of them. They were just people, like the rest of us, trying to make the best of a shitty situation.“You too Dalia.” She smiled at me and patted Clara on the back. I had picked her up, there were a few too many needles on the ground, and she was battling the exhaustion with all her might. Occasionally I would feel her body relax in my arms, but she always woke right back up and tried to stay awake again.I said goodbye to some of the other gi
Clara had never been one for lullabies, she preferred bedtime stories even before she could understand what the stories were about. Flynn was the opposite in this. If you spoke to him, he cried, but if you sang to him he would fall asleep.I finished the third Disney song, all three coming straight out of Tangled because I lacked originality, and stayed for a few more moments to watch if he wasn’t actually faking me out and was still awake. Not that I minded whatsoever, I could look at him every minute for the rest of my life and never get bored.His chest rose and fell, his face all scrunched up to deal with whatever dreams he was having. He had taken to Robert’s old crib like it had been his own for years already. He was only a few weeks old and already smart enough to know that he should not fight his father on this. God, this baby is going
“Drive slowly.” Robert warned him. “Or face her wrath.” The driver smiled politely at the joke, probably not realizing how much truth there was in it and that it wasn’t a joke whatsoever. The baby and I were finally both cleared to go home, but that did not mean that I was feeling fine and dandy again. I had a big c-section scar on my lower stomach, one that would surely turn into an ugly scar later on. The doctors had encouraged walking and moving around far quicker than I really wanted to. I could walk out of the hospital myself, but at a slow pace. After placing the baby carrier in the car, Robert helped me sit down. I felt like I was eighty years old with how much help I needed with everything, but Robert never once complained about it. I must have really scared him with the whole ‘my heart stopped beating’ moment in the operation room. He was never
In books and movies, they always depicted unconsciousness as this great dark abyss. Like it was a black hole with me floating around in the middle. I thought it would be similar to being underwater, floating around like I was weightless and free. But as always, the books and movies were wrong. They gave me the false hope that I would receive some sort of tranquil experience in the middle of this chaos. In reality, it felt like I blinked. I remembered looking up at the bright white surgical lights with plenty of doctors by my side. I couldn’t feel anything, even if I did see the occasional blood soaked gauze come by. It didn’t register that that blood was mine. The room was spinning, until I finally heard my final call to let go. I heard the sharp cry of my baby, my first born. I allowed myself to close my eyes. I wasn’t allowed to rest for long. T
Robert POVThe night my child was born happened in heartbeats.The first beat, I was at home. Dalia and I had a fight, even though I knew we shouldn’t have. She was important to me, but my child’s safety was at stake. We both knew it was just weeks of frustration and worry building up and overflowing. Tomorrow I would go back and we would make up again, and I would sit through another day of complaints and silence.I was reading Clara a new book. Dalia had reread the same ones to her a million times, so in her absence I decided to outshine her and buy the young girl some new ones. Tonight she wanted to hear about farm animals going on an adventure, even though she had already heard it last night. I wasn’t in the mood for another argument, so we got to reading.
Sleeping was so difficult. My mind was in turmoil, my body was in constant pain. I could never get comfortable enough to fall asleep and even if I did, one kick from the baby caused sharp pains to wake me right back up again. I thought that was what had happened when I woke up again. I opened my eyes and tried to turn a bit to the right to get comfortable again. That was really all I did these days, slight adjustments in the hope that it would be enough to fall asleep again. I had been in quite a deep sleep for once and I wanted to return to it, but something else was bothering me this time. My mind was half asleep so it took me some time to figure out that I could hear some sort of obnoxious beeping, and then even more time to realize that the beeping wasn’t coming from any of the neighbouring rooms, it was coming from the machine next to me.&nbs
I stared up at the grey ceiling. And then I stared some more. The pain was pounding through my body and it felt like it had been months since I had last been able to rest comfortably. Any movement made it worse, laying still did nothing to fix it. I just wanted it all to be over already, nothing could cheer me up anymore. Robert placed a kiss on my lips, but I wanted to slap him. It was his fault I was in this position anyway. If he hadn’t wanted a baby, then I wouldn’t be pregnant, then I wouldn’t be in this much pain. It was all his fault, not mine. “Doctor Ward is coming this afternoon.” Robert said when I didn’t respond much to his kiss. It had been a few days since Mr Price’s visit and Mahlia had confirmed that the FBI case against Robert
The pain never really went away. Though the doctors reassured us, and with us I mean mostly Robert, that both the baby and I were safe, it still did not make for a very comfortable stay. I was either high as hell on pain meds, or cranky because of the pain. It was very much taking a toll on my psyche, and then being told that I would need to stay here until I gave birth only made everything seem worse. “There is no need really,” I said. “Nothing exciting is happening, and Robert is constantly watching me like a hawk. Honestly, I never even have a moment to myself anymore.” Robert smiled at me and flipped me off, while I heard my brother laugh. In the spirit of our renewed relationship, I figured that I should probably tell him I had been hospitalized. He was luckily not brave enough to ask if he should take care of Clara, because that was really not a decisio
Robert POVThe examination room was more spacious than I had expected it to be. It clearly was designed for a pregnant mother who needed to bring her child along, as it featured both a bed with stirrups and a small play area for the child. The doctor’s chair was now occupied by a woman with light blonde hair and a windbreaker jacket that read ‘Child Services’, while Clara was in the play area, but touching nothing. Her head snapped to the door when I walked in. Her big eyes welled up with tears and she got up from the floor. She didn’t dare run to me, as she would run to Dalia. Instead, she hesitated, waiting for me to make the first move. I got down on my knees and opened my arms for her. She realized it was okay and ran to me. She was clearly in hysterics, her eyes were red from crying and rubbing her eyes so often and her hair was half in a ponytail, half like she had been in a tropical hurricane. She only cried more when she hugged me. I
My mind was broken into a thousand pieces. I could usually be calm and collected in the face of stress but now I can barely will my legs to move. “The driver will be here in five minutes.” Steph said to me. “Too late,” I responded. “I will drive myself.” Steph nodded and turned back to her own desk to continue working from there. I was almost at the end of the hallway when I forced myself to stop and turn back.“Steph?” I said. She looked up from her desk, as calm and professional as ever. “I am leaving you in charge. Dalia is my priority right now.”“Yes sir.” She answered and went right to it while I headed for the elevator. The truth was that even in a building filled with Harvard educated lawyers and the best business people in the world, the only person I would entrust my life’s work to was Steph. She knew how I ran it, she knew my vision for it and most of all: She was fie