7: I Like Me Better 1

I could not believe what was happening to me.

The fire that I loved so much was burning me dangerously, scorching my skin with its flames and I was screaming in agony as each spark seared my flesh. I did not know where I was or what was happening, all I knew was that this wasn't my happy place.

I was in hell.

I continued screaming as the fire seared my flesh. I was burning and no matter how loud I cried, there was no one around who could come to my rescue. My whole self was disappearing into the flames and for the first time, I was over powered by fear.

"Zamani!"

I grabbed my sheets tightly with my fists when I heard my name echo in the furnace. Maybe someone was here to help me.

"Zamani!!"

There was a loud bang somewhere. I instantly felt the cold touch of my savior pulling me out of the fire. A loud gasp escaped my mouth as soon as I opened my eyes with force and was met with Orion staring down at me with concern in his eyes.

"Zamani, are you okay?" He questioned, caressing my face.

I swatted his hand away from my face, followed by a cough. "Water, please."

Orion rose from my bed and walked to the desk in my room, as he poured water into the glass cup. He returned with a half filled glass of water and handed it to me.

I collected it from him and chug it down, exhaling as soon as the water damped my dry throat. "What are you doing in my room?"

Orion shrugged. "You were screaming like a mad woman, so I just got concerned and decided to check what was happening to you. Nightmares, huh?"

I nodded. "Yeah, it was crazy."

"Okay, Zam," he ruffled my hair and flashed a smile at me. "Be safe."

I kicked myself mentally for what I was about to do the moment Orion opened my door. "Orion, can you come stay with me a bit?"

His eyes widened and his smile faltered. "I'm sorry, Zam. I've got work to do."

He refused me. 

"Please, I'm scared." My heart throbbed because of my words. I was scared of going back to sleep because I might have another nightmare and no one would pull me out of it.

Orion shook his head. "Just leave your lights on, and you will be fine."

I nodded and allowed him leave without saying another word to him. I was in no position to get upset for this was Orion and this was how he functioned. He could be wicked and unbearable most of the time and I've grown accustomed to it.

I laid down back, using the comforter to cover myself while trying so hard to go back to sleep, but my mind was foggy and thoughts were clouding it. After tossing and turning for minutes, I made a resolve in my heart. I'd rather enter the lion's den tonight in order to sleep than to stay in my room and be awake until morning.

I grabbed my pillow and my phone and left my room. I found myself heading to the basement, trying not to regret my decision of bunking with Orion for the night. I balled my fist and was about to knock when I heard a muffled conversation emanating from the other side of the door.

"I understand, Mrs. Araya. It's just that I don't know how to tell her."

"You know how violent Zamani can be sometimes. Telling her would break her heart more than it's already broken."

"I know. I know. I'll tell Zamani when the time is right."

I could not take it anymore. Why was Orion and my grandmother having a conversation about me in the middle of the night? I was filled with curiosity and it made me burst the door open. "Tell me what?"

Orion's eyes widened as if he had seen a ghost. He jumped from the sofa, his eyes on me. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Araya. I'll call you back. I have to deal with something."

"What are you hiding from me? And why are you talking to my grandparents by this time of the night?" I was running out of patience and Orion was right when he said I could be violent sometimes.

Orion took the phone away from his ear. "Calm down, Zamani."

"Is that my spoon fed debauchee of a granddaughter?" My grandmother's voice echoed from the speaker.

"Yes," Orion answered.

"What's going on?" I questioned raising my voice.

"Give the phone to her," my grandmother instructed.

Orion handed the phone to me. I snatched it from him and glared at him. "Grandmother?"

"The house has been sold to Orion a very long time ago, so you are to vacate and come live with your grandfather and I starting tomorrow." Short, simple and cold was the conversation and it broke my heart.

I stared up at Orion, my mouth opened to the ground. I had many things to say, but I thought it better than to keep my opinions to myself. "Yes, grandmother." 

"Give the phone to Orion." I returned Orion's phone to him. "Help her pack her belongings and make sure she gets to the house on time."

"Okay, Mrs. Araya. Good night." Orion hung up the call and threw the phone on the bed, before letting out a long sigh. He arched his brows at me, his eyes narrowing to the pillow in my custody. "What are you doing here?"

"For how long?" I threw my question at him. "Why didn't nobody tell me?"

Orion pinched the bridge of his nose. "Your grandmother told us not to tell you."

"Why?" It came out as a squeak.

"She didn't want you to have problems with accommodations…"

"Until it was too late." I cut him off. "So I won't have a choice than to live with her."

"I'm sorry, Zam. I should have told you sooner," Orion apologized, stretching his hand to touch me.

"Don't touch me," I yelled.

"Zamani."

"Fuck you, Orion." I ran away from the basement and from the house, racing down the dark street, looking for solace.

No one wanted me around, not even Orion. Living with my grandparents would be a new hell for me, especially my grandmother who seem to share the same perspective as Orion to classify me as crazy and no chance in hell will I go back to therapy.

My grandmother never liked me because she felt I was over pamered by Bilen, my parents and my grandfather. It is not my fault that I don't find solace in her presence, she emitted a bad aura that was harmful to my being.

My throat burned from running too much and I had to stop to catch my breath. I braced my palms on my knees as my chest heaved in exhaustion. Although it was late, I wanted to get away from the house that was now Orion's. Tears threatened to spill from my eyes as I felt a surge of betrayal cascade through me.

How will I survive if I should live with my grandparents? And given that I only have tonight and early tomorrow to pack my stuff. I could not bear leaving the comfort of my room and going to a place that has felt foreign to me all my life.

The moment I got to the lake at Westwood, I picked up plenty granite stones and began throwing it into the water, finding comfort in the plunking and plopping sound the stone made. I was about to go dine with the devil's incarnate in her home and I don't even know how to go about it.

How will I conceal the scars on my arm?

Why will Orion even think about buying my parents' house without informing me or asking for my consent? This was all my grandmother's plan. She has been trying so hard to keep Bilen and I inside her woven web of deceit and toxicity.

"Zamani?" I turned back at the familiar voice of Orion. The look in his eyes was sorrowful and it made me want to pounce on him and tear him apart. "Can we talk?"

"I have nothing to say to you, Orion." I continued throwing stones into the water, while still trying to arrange my thoughts.

I felt Orion's touch on me. I forcefully peeled my hand away and began walking out from him when grabbed me by the arm. I could not bear staring at him. I was hurt and this was not the kind of pain you mull or cry over. This was the worst kind of hurt and Orion was always my punisher. "I'm sorry, Zamani. I should have told you."

"Did you think about my feelings beforehand?" My voice broke and my creature growled lowly, trying to find a valid excuse for Orion. "I should not be surprised. You are just a selfish bastard."

"Zamani!" Orion tightened his grip on my arm and I struggled to break free. "I only did this for you, but I should have told you."

"What? You bought my parents house without my consent and you claimed to do it for me?" I spat out in contempt.

"Your grandmother wanted you home with promises that she will send you to a psychiatrist to help you."

"So you think I'm batshit crazy, huh?"

I am not surprised. Orion will never change.

"Then explain the multiple scars on your body!" He let go of me. Orion fixed his piercing green eyes on me that glistened under the moonlight. "I hate it when you hurt yourself, Zamani. It hurts me too."

I scoffed. "Why are you making this about you now?" 

Orion exhaled and walked over the bench that was under the tree. I moved towards him and sat down. "No matter how hard I try to hide it, I keep failing. I like you so much, Zamani and I want you to get better."

My jaw tightened in anger. "So you think there is something wrong with me."