CHAPTER 5: NIGHTMARES

Alexander

`Alex, close your eyes. Don't look at me, don't look at mama. Papa is just angry, I was the one that wronged him.`

I jumped up from my sleep, covered in my own sweat, breathing heavily. Deep black bags sought refuge under my eyes, the beautiful shiny gaze my eyes held had become lifeless, like I was staring into oblivion. 

For months, they had always been that way. I looked up at the wall clock, it was just 3am in the morning. Frustrated, I pushed the covers away from my body and sat upright.

It's been 7 years since Melissa left and 7 years since the nightmares came again.

Few months after she left, her smell on the sheets helped keep the nightmares away. I always imagined she was right there beside me and it always worked but as soon as the sheets were changed, everything came back to the way it used to be.

I walked downstairs to grab a cup of water in the kitchen, I noticed the light was turned on and I wondered who would be awake at that time of the night. I saw Felix sitting by the dining table in the kitchen, helping himself to a glass of milk.

"Can't sleep?" I asked, standing at the entrance of the kitchen.

"Yes sir," he stood up and pulled out a chair for me. I grabbed a bottle of water before I sat.

We sat in silence for a while, each person just minding their business.

"The nightmares are back?" He questioned, speaking up first.

"Hmmmm," I nodded gently, placing the bottle of water in my mouth. "I don't know how she did it, I never had a single one ever since she was around. It felt like she was the goddess of peace itself, I could sleep for hours without feeling anything."

"I felt that way too, her presence was enough, alluring and calm even in her depressed state," Felix said.

"Why did you let her go Felix?" My voice quivered badly, this was the first time I had the gut to ask the question.

"Because you were going to ruin her life and I promised your Lady Monique to watch you and guide you, like I would to my own child."

At the mention of my mother's name, I bursted out crying. I wasn't a strong man, I was a coward who believed being ruthless and harsh will make people fear me.

"She hates me so much, right? Melissa, she loathes me so much. I could tell, not after everything I did to her. Nobody in their right senses wouldn't hate someone who caused them so much pain," I sniffed and wiped my tears. I faced Felix who wouldn't give answers to my questions.

"Just tell me where she is, Felix. I promise to make it right this time, I swear. With my late mother's grave, I will make it right by her this time."

"Sincerely sir, I have no idea where she could be," Felix genuinely answered, the same answer he had given me for years.

"I behaved exactly the way my father did to my mother. If Melissa wants me dead just for her to forgive me, I'll gladly lay my life down for her. Just one chance to see her again and beg for her forgiveness."

"It's late sir, try to get some sleep. You have a lot of work to do in the office," Felix patted my shoulders and gently walked back to his room.

`Alexander, no matter how much you run, I'll catch you.`

Her voice accompanied with her laughter still lingered in my head. 

28 years later, I could still hear her tiny small voice like it was yesterday. If the nightmare wasn't about my father beating my mother, it would be hers. The only woman I've ever loved, stolen away from everybody just like that. I wonder where she was, if she would still remember a small boy who loved her with all his heart.

I found the way back to my room, laying on the bed, trying to remember a smiling Melissa, maybe it would help me sleep. Then I realized that I never made her smile in all her days here.

I fell back to sleep, the nightmares ready to gnaw their teeths at me. My heavy eyes closed, not being able to stay the night any longer.

*****

I sat behind my desk in the office, grumpily trying to sort the files. It was the receptionist's—Nancy—work to do, but I purposely asked to do it.

I had little work left and I didn't want to waste my time dwelling on my problems. I'd rather focus my energy on something.

The knock on my door forced me to raise my head up. "Yes, come in."

Nancy walked in with a letter in her hand.

"Sir, the Carlton College of Arts sent an official letter, they request your presence to grace their annual conference."

"Cancel it, I'm in no mood for any conference," I said, burying my head back in work.

"Sir, James Talon will be attending," she said quietly.

At the mention of that name, my tired, lifeless head shot up immediately. James Talon was my biggest rival here in New York and whatever is going to make him go, I must definitely be there also. He was a lousy old man who believed he could compete with young blood like me. Irrespective of everything, I was way still richer than he was.

"Book a first class ticket for me, a 5 star hotel and also a lady to warm my bed at night."

"Yes sir," she said. "Any other thing sir?"

"Nothing really, just make sure she's a classy one. I don't want someone below my standard."

"Yes sir," she answered, walking away.

"Carlton," I said to myself, reclining in my chair, smiling weakly as she left.

Maybe it's time to look back at the past, not run away from it anymore. I agreed to the conference, not only because of James, but also a change of environment, I needed it. 

I laughed to myself, how my past and present seemed to be connected by a name.

The girl I've loved all my life was bearing Melissa and this new one that I desperately sought her forgiveness also bore Melissa.

What a coincidence, I laughed, thinking about the direction of how my life would take from there.