My life is fucked. I've come to accept this fact since realizing that the women in my life have taken over. I have no idea when Kat took my balls, but sure as fuck she has 'em. "You two ready?" I mumbled some choice words under my breath and rolled my eyes at my annoying ass wife. My two girls were all smiles and excitement as they came towards me where I stood waiting for them at the door.Last week I'd taken their brothers for a night out with the guys and their nosy ass mother and mine got it into their heads that I had to do the same with them. The fuck!First of all, I know fuck all about daughters, unless their mother is there to lead the way. And it has been quite some time since she's dragged my ass off somewhere with the whole lot of 'em.Suddenly I'm a neglectful father and I show the boys favoritism yadda-yadda-yadda. She knew just how to get under my skin, how to hit below the belt. I think she's been taking lessons from my mother or some shit. So as to keep the hen
I've outsmarted Kat's ass all these years, her ringers aren't going to get anything over on me. So far I've been lucky, they're all good kidsand then there's the little one.I eyed the backseat to make sure Hitler's youth wasn't doing some shit back there that she wasn't supposed to, before turning my attention back to my firstborn."How's school going?" I addressed the question to both of them. Caitlin just shrugged but the terror in the back had a lot to say.She had a tale for every damn day of the week. "They're gonna put you away the next time you get caught doing that fucI mean stuff in their lab."I should be so damn lucky. Fucking kid is worst now that she has all these new uncles and aunts to spoil her demented ass.At least once a week there's a Fed Ex truck in my driveway delivering something for her to tinker with, because the SEALs and their women are convinced she's some sort of prodigy and keep sending her shit.My ass! I'm coming to believe more and more that Elen
In spite of all my rumblings, I'm proud of my kids. As a father I've learned that it pays to pay very close attention to them and the way they handle things.I don't want them growing up to be assholes that I have to be ashamed of, so I try, along with their mother, to teach them values and shit.I noticed that no matter how bothersome her little sister was, Caitie always treated her with the care of an older sister. Kid has class.It was the same with the boys. They knew to look out for each other and to protect their sisters and mother, especially when I'm not around.All in all Kat and I were doing a good job. Of course I wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat when I think of the three little ones she's carrying.Please don't let them be like Mengele. I won't make it past their first birthday if they are. I watched her now as she walked next to her sister who took her little hand in hers.How easy it is to forget that she's just a tiny little thing. That mouth of h
In the morning it was daddy's turn to corral the herd and get them situated for the day. I had Cody on my hip while I prepared breakfast.These fucks don't know what dry cereal looks like, except during summer vacation, ain't that a bitch. Their mother and grandmothers spoil their asses and what they don't do, the grandfathers pick up the slack.I got the bacon from the oven and scrambled a couple dozen eggs. The noise level was off the charts becauseMengele. She was arguing with her brothers that our night out was better than theirs.I guess I should be happy that my kids don't have anything more serious to argue about. Their mother waddled in just when they were finishing up and I had to feed her miserable ass.Of course she didn't want anything I made and it took damn near half an hour to figure out what she wanted. I got her the fruit she said she wanted and sat with her while her kids tried to tear my fuckinghouse apart with their shit."What you got doing today?" I sipped
I spent most of the morning and afternoon with her needy ass, listening to her gripes and painting her toenails because she didn't feel like going to the salon.If anyone sees anything wrong with me doing that feminine shit, then they should've seen me with my daughters when they were toddlers. I don't give a fuck, whatever my girls want, that's what the fuck they get.My boys can't say shit because most of the time they were right there with me, especially Jared's ass. My boys are already dreading the three she's carrying now. They just know they're gonna be worst.If anything is worst than Mengele Kat's on her fucking own, I didn't sign up for that shit. "How's your tummy this morning?" Shit looked like it dropped to me but I kept my opinion behind my teeth.In this house whenever I say something about her pregnancies either she or Elena tries to shoot medown. Because I have a dick I don't know shit. Like I didn't monitor her ass through five pregnancies.She looked over the t
I made my way down to the basement to the lab that she conned me out of. I could already smell that she was up to some shit before I reached the door and as soon as I got there, there was no room for doubt."Mengele the fuI mean what are you up to little girl?""Nothing daddy." Nothing my ass! There were fumes coming out the beaker she was fucking around with.The pothead decided to give her a complete chemistry set and now I sleep with one eye open. The little shit scares me more than the fucks in the desert.The scary thing is that she didn't even flinch at getting caught, just carried on with her shit like it was normal. I'd bet anything that whatever the fuck she was up to was nowhere near anything resembling normalcy."I told you about lying to me?" She has this way of looking at me that makes me want to give her-her way in everything. She was doing that shit now."I'm not lying daddy promise. Daddy can you get me some PVC?" That sounded innocent enough, but I'm not trusting
I certainly wasn't expecting the shit that landed in my lap the next day. After the hell that is Sunday brunch in my house, with the grandparents and Cy joining us, I escaped to my garage to tinker with something.Every year or so I like to upgrade my sons' bikes because they outgrow them as fast as I build them. I could hear laughter coming from inside and that was good enough for me.They make me nuts, but there's no better feeling than having my whole family under one roof. Kat's in her element because she has more than enough people at her beck and call.It's the only time the pothead acts like he has any damn sense these days. For all his bullshit he's a grandpa down to his toenails. Of course by the time he and his wife leaves I'm gonna have to undo half the shit they did.The four grandparents, well five including Cy, thinks it's their mission to outdo one another in spoiling my kids. My sisters and their ilk will be here later for dinner just to round shit up.I'll be pr
Dinner was as to be expected, noisy and messy. I had the whole family at my table and I knew from the way the women were situated that some shit was going on.When my niece kept going on and on about driving lessons while my sisters, mother and wife kept staring at me, I got the drift.I gritted my teeth, clenched my fork and kept my head down. No, just fuck no. I cut into my steak like it was on the operating table and took ten minutes to chew. I'm concentrating on my food, don't say shit to me.I wonder who taught these women that the dinner table was the best place for an ambush? "So Colton what do you think?""What do I think about what Elena?" That piece of meat was almost as pureed in my mouth as Cody's nasty ass baby food. I got a pain in my gut but refused to rub it.These fucking women have given me ulcers, I'msure of it. I cut another piece of meat and the whole table got quiet. I could feel their eyes on me.Even the pothead, Drake and Cy were looking at me now. Ther
"Uncle Hank, can you get me some castor beans?" This kid, she keeps you on your toes; always up to something. Add the fact that she's her dad's carbon copy and well - "Who are you planning to poison little girl?""Who-what? No one, what do you mean? I have to go mommy's calling me. Coming mommy." The little sneak hung up as I grinned.I hung up on my end and called her dad. "Lyon, what did you do to piss off your daughter lately?""Which one? The damn place is crawling with them.""My girl.""Mengele? Nothing why, what did she say?""Well, she's trying to get her hands on castor beans and knowing your kid as I have come to, there can be only one reason for that.""Fuck me, Catalina, get in here." The panic in his voice cracked me the hell up."I'll go and let you take care of that little issue. Call me if she drops any bodies and you need help with clean up. Then again you're pretty good at that shit yourself.""Fuck you, I have to go deal with Hitler's youth catch you later." I hung
They were all set to come to my place because Elena had invited all the women to the surprise shower. Cierra Mancini was in the field and would be coming later than the others.On the way here in differing stages, they got the call that Catalina had been taken and rescued and that Kat had gone into labor.Mancini who wasn't supposed to be here for another day at least had flown out after talking to Jared who'd told him that we had the asshole in our warehouse."I knew that you would kill him and I couldn't let that happen. The cops would've had no choice but to look at you and I can imagine in that position you wouldn't have been thinking straight. We thought it best that one of us take it from there.""We? Who is we?" I looked around at all the men gathered in my backyard."All of us!" Logan answered for all of them, which is pretty much what I suspected.Mancini had made the decision to take point on this one and the others rallied around my family and I while he did his thing. No on
"Uncle Hank, can you get me some castor beans?" This kid, she keeps you on your toes; always up to something. Add the fact that she's her dad's carbon copy and well"Who are you planning to poison little girl?""Who-what? No one, what do you mean? I have to go mommy's calling me. Coming mommy." The little sneak hung up as I grinned.I hung up on my end and called her dad. "Lyon, what did you do to piss off your daughter lately?""Which one? The damn place is crawling with them.""My girl.""Mengele? Nothing why, what did she say?""Well, she's trying to get her hands on castor beans and knowing your kid as I have come to, there can be only one reason for that.""Fuck me, Catalina, get in here." The panic in his voice cracked me the hell up."I'll go and let you take care of that little issue. Call me if she drops any bodies and you need help with clean up. Then again you're pretty good at that shit yourself.""Fuck you, I have to go deal with Hitler's youth catch you later."
They were all set to come to my place because Elena had invited all the women to the surprise shower. Cierra Mancini was in the field and would be coming later than the others.On the way here in differing stages, they got the call that Catalina had been taken and rescued and that Kat had gone into labor.Mancini who wasn't supposed to be here for another day at least had flown out after talking to Jared who'd told him that we had the asshole in our warehouse."I knew that you would kill him and I couldn't let that happen. The cops would've had no choice but to look at you and I can imagine in that position you wouldn't have been thinking straight. We thought it best that one of us take it from there.""We? Who is we?" I looked around at all the men gathered in my backyard."All of us!" Logan answered for all of them, which is pretty much what I suspected.Mancini had made the decision to take point on this one and the others rallied around my family and I while he did his thing.
I woke up the next morning fully rested. My wife was still out so I went to check on my daughters. Catalina was ready for release or so they said, but I checked her over myself.She was her usual pain in the ass self and tried to con me out of some shit so I knew she was okay. I was feeling better until I walked back into Kat's room where she was just waking up and overheard the nurse telling her about her release later that day."Are you out your fucking mind? She just pushed three human beings outta her body. The fuck you mean she can leave in a few hours?""Sir, it's hospital policy""I give a fuck" I stopped myself there because I know she wasn't the one making the rules and it wouldn't be fair to rip into her."Hold him, I just changed him and fed him." I passed Kat the baby. "You can leave now." I sent the nurse from the room before leaving myself. "Colton what're you going to do?""Don't worry about it."I left and headed to the nurse's station. "I need you to make a note
I spent the next seven hours running between the two rooms because Kat wouldn't calm down unless I went to check on our daughter and I was seeing that shit played out on the monitor they had her hooked up to.Every time she panicked her pain level went up, something I was in no way equipped to handle. The whole fucking hospital staff knew how I felt about it because I told them at the top of my lungs.Law called me while I was making my way back to Kat for the tenth time. "What's up buddy? I can't really talk right now I have a situation here.""I know, your boy called us when we were on the road.""We should be there in about an hour but the girls are worried.""You're headed here?""Yes, the shower was this weekend remember? The SEALs are already in flight.""Shit I forgot, I guess I'll see you when you get here. I'll have my mom and mother in law set you guys up.""How're your girls Colt? He didn't""No, I got to her in time. She's sleeping it off right now but Kat's the on
"Colton something's wrong, Catalina didn't get off the bus.""What the fuck are you saying? Where are the others?""Everyone else is here except her.""And they didn't notice that she wasn't on the bus?""They did but the driver refused to stop the bus."I'd already pulled my little gadget. "I'm on it Kat no worrying." I hung up and called for my guys as I headed for my bike.My heart started beating right again when I saw the little red dot that showed me where she was."Someone grabbed my kid let's go." They mounted up and we headed out.There were no other thoughts in my head, only getting to her and dealing with whomever the fuck had taken her. I knew it wasn't anyone we knew, because no one would take one of my kids without me, or their mother knowing.Just who it could be was making me sick in the gut. I clenched my hands around the handlebars and willed myself to breathe. The warmth of my blood turned ice cold. This fuck is dead!I heard my guys talking to me in my hea
I rode up and around them and headed back the way I came with them following close behind. We didn't need to talk; we all knew where we were headed. I got there before they did and opened the security gate.I turned on only the bare bulb overhead light leaving the rest of the room in shadows. I kicked a chair into the middle of the room and waited.They dragged him in kicking and screaming. "Who are you?" He focused on me before I throat chucked his ass and pushed him down on the chair.I opened my little bag of treats and shoved two leaves in his mouth. Mengele wasn't lying that shit worked fast. It started out slow, maybe taking thirty minutes before the first sign of distress."What is that, what did you give me?" He eyed the bag in my hand and asked after I stopped holding his mouth together. "Where's the kid? You tell me that and I'll let you live, you don't, you die."He put up a good fight that dragged on for damn near three hours. That's when the fun really started. He los
I could hardly sleep that night my mind wouldn't let me rest. And maybe that's what saved me from my wife's wrath the next morning.Instead of reaming my ass for leaving her high and dry over the breakfast table, she picked up on the fact that something was bothering me.She reached over and squeezed my hand but instead of giving word to her thoughts just gave me a questioning look.I shook my head and indicated the kids who were trying to out talk each other. "Caitlin put it away." Her hand disappeared lightning fast beneath the table."I was just saying good morning daddy." She's trying to get this kid killed. I seriously tried to find justification for five solid seconds but the little shit hadn't done anything worthy of a gutting. Other than robbing me of my daughter."Not at the table." She's so much her mother's kid she left her chair and came around the table to wrap her arms around my neck. "I'm finished with my breakfast so can I be excused from the table?""Sure, go a