Chapter 10: LYON

I could hear the party going on outside, and the laughter and gaiety while one so young suffered just feet away.

Life is strange as fuck. Some people can be suffering while others have no clue, and they are just going along with their daily life as usual.

I wanted to go down there and yell at them to get the fuck gone, which was stupid. None of those people had anything to do with what had happened to her. What I was really pissed about, was the fact that I couldn't act yet, and I wanted to be up and moving, but I needed to be holding her more.

This changed things, and I couldn't just fall on her like I'd been about to. She was obviously still hurt, and still healing, so I'd have to watch, and gauge where she was in her head.

One thing is for certain, she isn't staying in that fucking shell a minute longer. Why should she hide who she is, because those fucks were cowardly assholes? She hadn't done anything wrong, and as far as I can see, they'd taken more than enough from her already.

"Angel, can I ask you something?"

She nodded her head against my neck.

"How do you feel? I need to know so I know what to do for you."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean right now, where are you with this, are you scared, angry, hurt, what...? I want to know where your heart and mind is."

"I'm not sure, I've been all those things...no one else has ever asked me that. I guess everyone just assumed they knew how I should be feeling, but you're the first one to ask me that question.

It feels good that you asked, and it's making me think right now..."

"And what do you feel, baby?"

She took a minute while she moved around a bit until she was finally sitting up next to me. Her eyes were red from crying, but even that didn't take away from their beauty.

I reached up with my palm and held her cheek, and when she rubbed her face against my hand like a baby fawn, she stole the fucking heart right out of me.

I dropped my hand, still warm from her skin, as she sat up straighter.

"I'm mostly angry; at them, at me, at Donna.

Then I feel guilty for being angry at her because she's dead, and then I feel guilty that I'm here and she's not, but I tried to warn her."

"This guy was older, and in college, so the things she said, that he was saying to her, made me uncomfortable. It's like I could see through his bullshit but she couldn't."

"If only she'd listened to me, then none of this would've happened. But it's stupid to stay angry at her because she's gone. My best friend is gone, and I couldn't do anything about it."

"I hate myself for standing there like a scared little rabbit while they brutalized her."

"But you were able to fight them off."

"What does that say about me. Why didn't I use some of that to help her?"

"Do you take fighting lessons, are you trained in any of the arts?"

"No, I just knew what my dad taught me over the years, and it just kicked in I guess. But while they were up those stairs, and she was screaming for me, I couldn't move. I was too afraid."

"Clear and imminent danger, so your survival instinct kicked in, and no one knows why the body reacts the way it does to fear, or why some people can accomplish the impossible in certain situations. All I can tell you, Angel, is that you were meant to survive, and that's why you're here, and you shouldn't feel any guilt for that. What else?"

"I don't know, but sometimes I laugh, and I'd hear myself laugh and I'd get sad. It feels wrong to laugh, like I should remember that night for the rest of my life, and never laugh or be happy again."

"So why don't you kill yourself if you don't want to live?"

She looked at me in horror, but I wasn't taking that shit back. Obviously no one had talked to this girl about this shit, or if they had they'd done a piss poor job of it.

I wasn't going to join that line of fuck ups. She needed a hard wake up call, before one day she ended up slitting her wrist or some shit. This thinking of hers was all fucked up, and she wouldn't heal like that, but only get worst as time went on.

"Why would you say something like that, that's,...that's cruel."

"No, Angel, what you're doing to yourself is cruel. You begrudge yourself happiness, and you walk around trying to look like, and be, someone else, so laughter is out, fun of any kind is out..."

"Well I'm here, aren't I?"

"I'm sure Elena didn't give you a choice. I know my mother, so you didn't come because you wanted to as much as you were obeying an order. You've turned yourself into a robot, no human emotion..."

"I was just dry humping you at the side of your parents' house. What are you talking about?"

And we'll be getting back to that later please God, that and much more, but later, after I've straightened your shit out. That much I was sure of.

"Yeah, and I'm sure you'll make yourself feel guilty for that later, like you've done with everything else since the incident."

"Why are you being such an asshole jerk?"

She clapped her hand over her mouth, and I howled with laughter. I couldn't help myself, I rolled into her, taking her down with me as I rolled around on the bed laughing my ass off.

"See that bitch that was just here, that's who I want to meet."

I kissed her quick and rolled away.

"Come on let's go."

"I don't feel like going back out there."

"Too bad, you're going. Your days of hiding are over, and you didn't do anything wrong. You didn't go up the stairs, because subconsciously you knew it was four of them against you, and you had no weapon, and nothing to fend them off. So you actually used the only weapons at your disposal, the phone, then you used your head, another weapon, only of a different nature. So you see, Angel, you weren't useless, and you won in the end."

"All we have to do now is deal with your misguided belief that you have anything to feel guilty about." Now come on." I pulled her up and held her for the barest of seconds before turning for the door.

Once outside people were looking and wondering, most likely, what we were doing together since I had her hand locked in mine. I didn't answer any of the silent questions as we went towards the table where my crew and their families were sitting.

"Hello ladies, this is Katarina."

I introduced her to each of the wives before taking a seat and seating her next to me. My first inclination was to pull her down on my lap, but I didn't think she was ready for that yet.

"I'm going to get you some food, you want to come with, or are you good here?"

She stood up with me, her face blushing red. Such a prude. She was back to tearing into that lip with her teeth.

"I'll come with you." She took my hand and followed me away from the table.

"Hello, Colton, Elena said you'd be here soon." Jennifer blocked our path. Fucking bitch.

I felt Angel's hand twitch in mine and gave it a squeeze. Jennifer's eyes dropped from me to our clasped hands, and her face grew angry.

She opened her mouth to say something scathing no doubt, but was thwarted.

"We're about to eat; later."

The enigma that is my Angel dragged me off towards the food table leaving a stunned Jennifer with her mouth hanging open, and it might be in poor taste, but I couldn't help laughing.

I loved that fire in her, and I will do everything in my power to draw it back out of her To break open that shell, and drag her out of it.

Jennifer wasn't going to like being dismissed like that, but who gives a fuck?