Struck

“The transport for the Iubas is planned for Saturday. If you wish, I will send you and Reese to Potsdam to attend the transfer of the proles to Historia. "

"And where is the part where we can just shoot them?" Rees asked grumbling.

"You must not be killed."

My eyes started to burn. "You killed my parents."

"Yes, this assumption is obvious."

Suddenly her calm manner pissed me off. There was this feeling, this damned injustice and the helplessness that I had struggled with my entire childhood and suddenly I couldn't sit down any longer. I jumped up, yanked the folder off the table, and tossed it across the office. "Those monsters killed my parents!"

"Shanks."

I slapped Reese's hand away when he reached for me. "Why are these beasts allowed to live ?! We should burn them alive! "

Jilin was not disturbed by my outburst. "That is against the law."

"Fuck the law!" I turned around and pushed the chair aside, simply because it was in my way.

"Shanks."

My fingers trembled as I threw the door open. It slammed against the wall.

Daniel, one of the venators who just wanted to see Suzanne in the hospital room, looked up startled.

I ignored him and his questioning look, just as I ignored Reese Ruf as I stomped down the corridor.

"Damn it, Shanks, stop!"

My legs carried me down the corridor past the office area and down the stairs. I didn't know exactly where I was going, but I knew if I didn't move I would just burst. The monsters that killed my parents ... they were still alive! How could fate do this to me? Why were these beasts allowed to breathe while the people who gave me my life lay underground and slowly crumbled to dust? It was …

My foot slipped on the bottom step of the stairs. I bent over and didn't fall because I quickly grabbed the banister.

A clatter of footsteps announced that Reese was right behind me. And that he probably wanted to turn my neck because I just let him stand. But I couldn't wait. I didn't want to hear what he had to say. Listening to Jilin was enough for me. And what she said ... my fingers tightened on the railing until my knuckles poked white.

Look, Gracy, the funny dog. I called it plush because it looks so plush.

"Come on." Reese took my arm and pulled. "Let go and come."

"And then?" What could he do? The laws were clear and precise. The misfortune that had plunged humanity into extinction wasn't really long ago. So far, only very few species have known how old they could get, how resilient they were, or how many offspring they could produce in one life.

Historia was there to find out and the monsters that had destroyed my childhood should now be brought there. To be able to live.

"My God, just trust me." Reese pulled again, almost dragged me away from the stairs and led me through the underground corridor.

There were no windows down here, just an old ventilation system that stuttered and supplied the air with oxygen. The part was broken so often that the temperatures down here were mostly sauna-like, but at the moment I didn't feel anything. My hands felt numb. My whole body felt numb. Not even Reese's presence could change that at the moment.

Why? Why did something like this have to happen now, of all times, when my life was finally going on in a semi-regulated manner? Why couldn't I just lock the past in some dark hole so it could never bother me again? I just didn't get it.

It was only when I heard Aziz laugh that I realized where Reese had taken me. The training hall. It was nothing more than a small gym with a shooting range on the side. Wall bars and exercise mats. A basketball hoop on which Aziz and Seth tried to knock each other out. And ... a sandbag.

I saw this black sack dangling from the ceiling and suddenly I felt the overwhelming need to hit it.

As my legs started moving, I tore the zipper on my jacket and let it slip carelessly from my shoulders. I didn't even feel Reese let go of me. There was just this sandbag that turned into a Iuba in my mind.

My first hit only dangled the sack slightly, as did my second.

"Shanks, put down your weapons," Reese demanded.

I ignored him, hit again and again.

Another blow.

My lips became a thin line.

Mutant descendants of dogs. Head-torso length 103 to 132 centimeters, weight: 81 kg to 103 kg. A giant German Shepherd with a lion's mane. A long muzzle with a goatee. Each Iuba was gray and black, with dark stripes on the face and ... plush. 

I knew this data inside and out. I had read it so often, so often tried to reduce it to something simple. It never worked.

Look, Gracy, the funny dog. I called it plush because it looks so plush.

I gritted my teeth tightly and hit it again. Over and over again. In doing so, I tried not to think about that cruel day fifteen years ago, but kept recalling the facts to myself. The size, the weight, the appearance. But the thoughts became blurred and suddenly I heard the screams of the children, saw my mother who stormed into the garden, only to be torn down by one of these beasts. I saw my father again, who was trying to split the skulls of these monsters with a spade. But he had dealt with three opponents and even while he was shouting to my little sister and me that we should get to safety, these monsters simply tore him apart.

Come on...

"Damn it, damn it, damn it!" I hit it so hard my ankles split open, but I didn't care. I didn't even feel it. The pain in my heart was way too great.

I hadn't spoken anymore. After that day, not a word had escaped my lips for years. And even today I found myself in so many dreams that showed me coffins closed and gave no indication of what was inside.

I knew it. I didn't even have to open it to know. My parents were so disfigured in the attack that the coffin lids remained closed when they were buried.

I struck again and again. My breathing got harder and harder. Sweat came on my forehead. My heart beat like a barrage. I pressed the knife in the leg sheath against my thigh with the familiar weight. The gun was in its holster around my shoulders. Everything was as always and yet very different.

They were still alive. Those damn bastards who turned my sixth birthday into a bloody massacre are still alive! My childhood was ruined after that. Everything had changed from one day to the next and even today I only had to look in the mirror to see everything in front of me again. "Crap!"

Sneakers squeaked across the floor. Seth came into my field of vision. "What's wrong?"

One look out of the corner of his eye was all he got, then I struck again.

Unfortunately for him, Reese wasn't that tame. He was leaning against the wall with my jacket over his right arm and never taking his eyes off me for a moment. "If you don't want me to point my gun at you, then get out of it."

There was a time when at this threat Seth would have picked up his legs and watched him get away. Now, however, he only had one raised eyebrow for Reese. "Another sunshine."

Reese didn't have to reply. One look was enough to make Seth involuntarily take a step back. Sure, he wasn't the little intern you could read the riot act to, but Reese could be pretty scary.

"Yeah, it's okay." Almost resignedly, Seth raised his hands in the air and then turned his head to Aziz, who gave me a very intense look. "I think our training round is over."

Aziz didn't say anything, just watched me punching the sandbag incessantly, ignoring how my knuckles were now aching. It seemed as if he wanted to say something, but then stopped at a look before he gave a sign with Seth and then left the gym with him.

He had calmed down since the incident with Taid's beasts nearly three years ago. Of course, he still courted Jilin where and when the opportunity arose, but when she wasn't around the smile disappeared from his face. The events back then had not left him without a trace - just as they had not left me. But I couldn't decide which was worse: Taid's monster, or a bloody children's birthday party. All I knew was that it hurt incredibly to be reminded again. It was like an old wound cracking open again and starting to bleed.

Reese let me hit the sandbag for what seemed like an eternity. He said nothing when I let out a desperate cry in anger and sadness. Even when tears ran down my cheeks, he kept his mouth shut. Only when I collapsed with a sob he came to me, took me in his arms and hugged me protectively to his chest.

That was all he could do for me. And at that moment it was the only thing that kept my past from breaking up.