By the time we get into town, it’s well past 9am. The walk from the cabin to the car park took longer than usual – Kitty insisted on wearing kitten heels for our little excursion. Even though they’re pretty low compared to her usual footwear, she still fell flat on her butt right at the start of the hike, and moved at a snail’s pace after that.
It could be worse though. At least she’s not wearing stilettos.
Still, her feet are covered in blisters after their ordeal, so it’s a blessing that we were able to get into the jeep at the car park and drive into town, rather than Kitty hobbling all the way.
By now, the boys should have woken up and found the note I left for them on the fridge. Hopefully they’ll just carry on without me, and they’re in the recording studio working on melodies and lyrics for the new songs.
As we drive along NW 32nd Avenue, Kitty points out posh designer boutiques and artisan bakeries, working up a mental shopping list before we even set foot out of the car. By the time we’ve found a shady parking in a nearby lot, Kitty’s already decided on two handbags, a pair of shoes and a dress, all spotted in shop windows as we drove past them.
Shopping with Kitty is an experience.
As soon as she sees a store she likes, she swoops in, like a sartorial bird of prey, drops between five hundred to five thousand dollars, and is out in less than five minutes. Within an hour we’ve visited about twenty stores, are carrying at least ten bags in each hand, and have spent enough to send me through college several times over.
“I wish you’d let me buy you something,” Kitty says, holding up a red mini dress and wiggling it in front of me. The boutique we’re in is called Sable & Sabine, and I’ve never set foot in it before, on account of the sky-high prices. In fact, it’s pretty much the most expensive dress shop in Portland, maybe even Oregon.
Jamie’s gone in a few times (in the name of fashion) but she’s never actually bought anything, because she says that the snooty shop assistants always give her insane bitch face.
We’re certainly not having that problem right now. The moment Kitty waltzed in with her multitude of designer boutique shopping bags and the confidence of a queen, the assistants practically groveled before her.
I'm tempted to ask Kitty how her parents made so much money. I think I remember reading somewhere that the Lockhart's have old family money, which Felix's granddad squandered – but Felix's dad made it all back and more through some business he started. I never imagined that they were so super rich though. Based on the rate at which Kitty is plundering the high street, her dad must be a multi-millionaire. A billionaire, even.
“Do you think this dress is more sexy vamp or 80s prom?” she asks, holding up a ruffled black velvet dress. “I like it, but I also sort of hate it. Think I should get it?”
“How much does it cost?” I ask, already dreading the answer.
“Who cares?” she says, handing the dress to a shop assistant. “I’ll take it. And that gold one in the window too. Ash, are you sure you don’t want anything?”
“I’m ok,” I say. It is sort of tempting to take up the offer, and most girls would. But somehow I don’t feel right letting Kitty spend money on me. And all these clothes are so sophisticated and showy. I couldn’t pull it off. I’d just look silly, like a little girl playing dress up in her mother’s closet.
“All this hard work is really getting to me,” Kitty says as she swipes her American Express Black Card. “I need some shopping fuel, stat. Let’s get something to eat.”
My stomach growls loudly at the thought of food, which sends Kitty into a fit of giggles.
“Sounds like you’re also hungry,” she says.
“Starving,” I say. “Voodoo Doughnut is just up the road, or we could try-”
“No,” Kitty interrupts me. “I want to see your restaurant.”
“My parents’ restaurant,” I say.
“Whatever. Let’s go there for lunch.”
“Biblio only opens in the evening,” I say, checking the time on my phone. “But the Night Owl should be opening up right about now.”
I almost ask her if it would be ok for me to call my friends and invite them too. I haven’t seen them in over a week, after all. But some small part of me says it’s a better idea not to.
On the night with the snake, Kitty said something about Felix changing when he was a kid. He wasn’t always so dark-hearted and sarcastic. It sounded like she was saying that something specific happened. Like a traumatic event of some sort. This could be my chance to find out more about Felix’s past.
“The chocolate cake’s legendary,” I say. “Seriously, to die for.”
“Perfect,” says Kitty. “Lead the way.”
*****
The Night Owl is just waking up as we arrive. Out on the sidewalk, the new girl is setting up the chalkboard with today’s specials as the coffee machines stir to life within. She looks up as we walk by and yawns a halfhearted greeting to me, probably out of obligation because I’m the boss’s daughter.
The tables inside are already filling up. The Night Owl doesn’t do a proper lunch menu – it’s more like a deli or café vibe, with sandwiches and scones and cookies – but it’s still a lunchtime favorite in the area. We find a table at the back of the café, tucked away in a cozy nook under the stairs. Then it dawns on me.
This is where I first saw Felix. He was sitting right here, at this table. This exact spot. Probably on this very chair, watching me play. On the night it all began.
I squirm uncomfortably in my seat and skim through the menu, even though I already know the whole selection off by heart.
Don’t think about Felix. Don’t think about how he pinned me to my bed, don’t think about how close his face was, inches from my own. Think of anything else, but not Felix.
“So, what’s going on with you and my brother?” Kitty says.
WTF she’s a goddam mind reader. Dammit.
“Nothing,” I say.
“Really?” Kitty says, narrowing her eyes at me. “I know he’s… complicated. If you want to talk about anything, I’m all ears.”
“Seriously, there’s nothing going on between us,” I say, raising my menu to cover my now violently red cheeks. Just the fact that anyone, especially Felix’s own sister, could even suggest something like that – it’s too much.
I’m not just a virgin – I’m an ultra-virgin. As inexperienced as it’s possible to be. I’m the girl who’s never dated a guy. I haven’t even kissed a guy. I’m pretty sure that the incident with Felix on my bed the other night and Alastaire’s repeated flirting don’t count. How could she ever suggest that something might actually be going on? It’s just embarrassing.
“Hey Ashling,” a familiar voice says right behind me. “Long time no see.”
I get such a fright I almost jump out of my chair. Turning around, it takes me a moment to recognize Jade. There’s something different about him today. His normally loose dark blonde hair is tied up in a man bun, and instead of his usual paint-smudged vests or t-shirts, he’s wearing a grey v-neck sweater. But that’s not what’s so different about him today. It’s the look on his face.
Jade’s usual super-chilled-cloud-nine-dreamer-artist expression is replaced by huge, corny grin, his grey eyes sparkling in a way I’ve never noticed before. That’s when I realize that his eyes are fixed firmly on Kitty.
“You’re not from Portland, are you?” he asks Kitty.
Kitty shuffles in her chair slightly, visibly stiffening under his gaze. She narrows her eyes ever so slightly, giving me a quick, questioning glance.
“No, I’m not,” she tells Jade carefully, a little coldly even.
“I didn’t think so,” Jade says. “I would have recognized you. What are you up to tomorrow night?”
Wow. Just like that.
Kitty’s ice queen mask drops, as she stares at Jade with a horrified expression on her face.
“Excuse me?” She says.
“Are you free tomorrow night?” Jade repeats confidently. “I thought we could-“
“Absolutely not,” Kitty says, looking down at her menu.
I look from Kitty to Jade wondering if there’s anything I can do to defuse the awkward situation, but Jade doesn’t seem rattled at all.
“Let me change your mind,” he says.
“I’ll have a cappuccino,” Kitty says, blatantly ignoring him. “What are you having Ash?”
“Oh um… I’ll have the same,” I say, glancing at Jade apologetically as I say it. But it’s like I’m barely here. Jade’s looking at Kitty in a way I’ve never actually seen him look at a girl before. It’s the special look he reserves for his artwork, when he’s staring at one of his swirling paint-splattered canvases. A look of pure captivation. Enthrallment. Rapture.
I shouldn't be surprised, really. Kitty's undeniably stunning. A ten out of ten. And she basically oozes mystery.
"Two cappuccinos, got it," Jade says. "Anything to eat?"
Kitty doesn't look up from her menu, and I can see by the way she's running her fingers through her black hair that she's actually nervous. “No, we’re not hungry,” she lies. “Just the cappuccinos. Thanks.”
“You will be hungry after you have a bite of the beetroot and chocolate cake we just took out the oven,” he says. “I’ll bring a slice over. You’ll love it. Trust me.”
He scoops up the menus and walks away before Kitty can disagree. She’s watching him open mouthed, her eyes blazing with anger.
“Who in the name of god was that, and just who does he think he is?” she says.
“That’s Jade,” I say. “He’s a barista. And an amazing painter too actually. He was in the art class my gran taught at-“
“Is he always like that?” she asks, her eyes following him across the room as he whips up our cappuccinos behind the counter.
"I guess," I say. "He's always trying out new recipes for the cake stand and forcing me to taste test them. They're always super delicious though."
“That’s not what I meant,” Kitty says. “Is he always like that with girls? Like, asking random strangers on dates the second he meets them?”
“I don’t know,” I say.
Jade’s gone through his fair share of girls over the past few years, but he’s not some sort of creep who’ll just hit on anything female. Jamie’s been throwing herself at him for ages now and he’s always brushed her off like a total gentleman.
“How old is he?” Kitty asks abruptly.
“Twenty-one,” I answer. “Why?”
Kitty’s cheeks flush ever so slightly. “No reason,” she says airily.
OMG. She likes him.
“Why don’t you take him up on his offer?” I blurt out. “On the date, I mean.”
“What?” Kitty asks, her eyes still fixed firmly on Jade on the other side of the room. “Why would I want to do that?”
“Well, because the attraction’s clearly mutual,” I say.
I probably shouldn’t be making suggestions and giving advice on stuff I have absolutely no idea about, but c’mon. It’s obvious.
“You’re imagining things,” Kitty says. “Besides, he’s not my type.”
“What is your type?” I ask, picturing Damon from The Vampire Diaries or some exquisitely chiseled fashion model in a men’s fragrance advert.
“Clean cut,” Kitty says. “Polo shirts. Suits. Country club. Not artsy grunge. And not so… so… annoying.”
Right on cue, Jade brings a tray to the table with our cappuccinos and a plate with two forks on either side of a gooey slice of chocolate beetroot cake.
“Who ruins a perfectly good cake with vegetables anyway?” Kitty mutters. “It’s savagery.”
“Don’t bash it till you try it,” Jade says with a wink, before heading back to the coffee station.
Kitty pokes the cake with her fork suspiciously, but she takes a bite and almost immediately goes back for more.
“It would be pointless, anyway,” she says between forkfuls. “I mean, we’ll probably be leaving in less than a week anyway. Felix says the album’s coming together perfectly.”
As she says his name, I get that same old familiar stinging in my heart. All the activity today took my mind off the painful purple bruise that appeared over my scar that night, when the silver serpent thing flew at me in the woods.
I reach up reflexively, touching it through the thin material of my shirt.
“Does it hurt?” Kitty asks, her eyes creasing with worry.
“A little bit,” I reply.
Kitty nods slowly, a faraway look in her eyes.
“That thing… it wasn’t a hologram, was it?” She says.
“No,” I say, shaking my head. “I don’t think it was.”
Maybe I should tell her about the strange shadows I’ve been seeing in the woods. The dreams. The way I found my bike decayed almost beyond recognition after spending no more than a day on the forest floor. The Irish fairy tale.
“Ash, is there something you’re not telling me?” Kitty asks.
I can’t do it. I can’t say anything to her. Not until I know more. She’ll think I’m crazy as hell if I try explain to her. Not that I even know what I’d say anyway. One thing I do know however is I need some answers.
And I have a pretty good idea where I’m going to get them.
After we finish our coffees, we head over to the Whole Foods Market on 15th Ave. Kitty got all flustered when Jade gave her the receipt but refused to let her pay the bill. It was folded in two, and I bet he wrote down his phone number for her.He has no idea what he’s getting himself into.She acted like she wasn’t interested, but she slipped the folded receipt into her bag when she thought I wasn’t looking. She’s been unusually quiet ever since.As we walk down the long aisles stacked with a rainbow of organic peppers and fruit, Kitty mumbles about how hard it is shopping for the boys. Lyall and Ben will eat anything, but Elliot only eats low-carb high protein, Alastaire won’t let anything but the finest delicacies taint his refined palate, and Felix always checks labels for MSG and food dyes and throws away anything that doesn’t meet his rigorous standards.
There’s a somber mood in the car as we drive across town to the Ninth Order of Angels Catholic Church.Kitty doesn’t ask me about what happened at the shops. She doesn’t need to – it’s pretty clear what went down.A few months after the accident, after it became obvious that Mia’s parents were avoiding my mom and dad and me, I tried to see it from their perspective. I realized that every time they looked at me, they were seeing the girl who survived instead of Mia. How many times had they wished in the small lonely dark hours of the night for history to rewrite itself? For me to be at the bottom of the ocean with the others, while their daughter got to live on instead? How fervently had they bargained, begged, prayed?I forgave them long ago, but they clearly haven’t yet forgiven themselves.A flock of blackbird
Ask the angel.The words echo through my mind over and over. There’s no doubt who I need to speak to. I only know one angel, after all, even if in real life he’s more pervy and devilish than angelic.Still, I can’t even imagine what I’m meant to say to Alastaire. He’s going to think I’m crazy if I start asking him about witches and sea serpents and ghostly messages from my dead friends.Before we reach the cabin, Kitty and I stop at the edge of the forest clearing where I found my bicycle overgrown with roses and moss a few weeks ago.I wanted to show her that it’s the same as Mia’s grave. She still doesn’t believe that the crumbling old headstone could possibly be Mia’s, but at least if she sees my bike she’ll have to admit that something suspicious is going on.But when we reach the spot, there’s nothing there
Elliot sits next to me on the steps in silence.We look out across Kitty’s vegetable patch. The forest surrounding the clearing is cloaked in darkness, but closer in, silvery starlight bathes the lettuces and cabbages in a soft glow. The light glimmers on the still surface of the water in the birdbath at the garden’s centre. For the first time since Kitty unearthed the secret garden from its prison beneath the brambles, I notice that the birdbath’s column is actually a stone figure, covered in ivy. A beautiful face, a flowing robe, two arms outstretched, holding the water-filled bowl – and two perfect, folded wings sweeping the ground.An angel.That’s right. The angel doesn’t necessarily need to be Alastaire. It could be a statue. Or a painting. Or a lingerie-clad supermodel in a Victoria’s Secret show. Maybe Mia wants me to
I should do this more often.My ensuite bathroom at home has a shower, so I hardly ever take baths. Even here at the cabin, I’ve been showering upstairs every evening out of habit, totally ignoring the beautiful porcelain clawfoot tub in the downstairs bathroom.I hold my champagne glass in the air, admiring the way the warm candlelight glints off the bubbling golden liquid.The boys looked mildly shocked earlier when I passed on supper and instead took a crystal champagne flute out of the cupboard. I half filled the glass with sparkling champers, then reconsidered and filled it to the very brim. Ben and Alastaire were thrilled – they’ve been trying to get me to drink with them for weeks now. They weren’t as thrilled when I said I was drinking it alone, in the bathtub, and I was locking the door behind me to keep out any unwanted visitors.The fruity bubbles sparkle on my tongu
My sleep is anything but peaceful.Half awake, I toss and turn for hours, stuck in the delirium between dreams and reality. At one stage I think I hear footsteps next to my bed, but I can’t move, can’t open my eyes.I feel the duvet gently lifted away, and cool lips touching the bruise on my chest. I slip deeper under the tides of sleep, and for a while I’m wandering in a cool green forest, with fir trees as tall as towers, and distant silver birds high up in the branches. They call down to me, and I will my arms to turn into wings so that I can fly up and join them.Just as the first snowy white feathers break the surface of my skin, a whisper pulls me from my dreams.“Wake up, Cupcake.”I open my eyes to find Alastaire sitting on the end of my bed, his face illuminated by the pale light of the crescent flooding in through the window. I can see stars ou
Felix’s love bite is gone the next morning.Not healing, not faded – just gone. As if it was never there in the first place.I run my fingers over the smooth patch of skin, still feeling the touch of his cold lips.If it weren’t for Alastaire seeing the mark and losing his shit over it, I might have thought I’d imagined the whole thing.Great. Yet another lovely incident to add to the long list of ‘Impossible Things That Can’t Be Happening To Me But Somehow Are.’Unfortunately, the other, older bruise over my ribcage is still right where it was, as darkly purple and painful as ever.Even though there’s no longer a need for me to cover up, I still choose a high-necked skater dress with a button-up collar. My neck and shoulders are totally hidden, and I won’t have to wonder if Felix or Alastaire t
I hear her before I see her.I’m making my way along the trickiest section of the path – a faint steep zigzag through the ferns and bracken – when the sound of a woman singing catches my attention.The song is slow, sad, beautiful yet somehow broken – like the words are drowning in sorrow, too heavy for the singer to bear.She can’t be far – just a few yards from the path – so I walk as quietly as I can in the direction the song is coming from.As I draw nearer, I can hear the words more clearly.Once again the threads pull tightA promise made, an oath to keepRivers of song creep through the nightFlow like the bloodlines she must reap.
Time passes. Maybe minutes, maybe hours. I stir to wakefulness, rising up out of a deep and dreamless sleep. The room is dark. I can hear Felix’s voice, soft and muffled. He’s singing Déjà Vu. Where is he? I sit up in bed with a jolt, wide awake, trying to trace the source of the sound. It’s distant, yet somehow very close… far away, but definitely in my bedroom. In fact, it’s in my bed. Silvery light bleeds out from beneath my pillow, a soft glow seeping into the dark. I lift my pillow and I almost can’t believe my eyes – it’s my long-lost phone. It’s been missing for ages, since my birthday. It purrs softly in my hand, and in a split second I’m both relieved to have finally found it, and bitterly disappointed to realise that the singing
“Let go of me!” I hear Jade shout.It takes me a moment to make sense of the scene before me.The helicopter is hovering above us like a swollen obsidian dragonfly stirring the sky with metal wings, a rescue ladder dangling down, held by the scowling lady in black.She’s shouting “GO! GO! GO!” in the general direction of the boys.Kitty is half way up the ladder, her dress billowing around her legs.A huge man in a black suit is holding Jade back. Jade’s yelling Kitty’s name over and over, fighting to break away.For a moment Kitty stops climbing. She looks back over her shoulder at Jade, and I can see the pain written all over her face.But the lady in black looks up at her and shouts “DON’T STOP!”, and Kitty hurriedly turns her back on Jade and continues climbing, before disappearing int
“Nothing’s over,” Jade says seriously, turning to face Kitty with a solemn expression. “I’m getting you out of here. We just need to find someplace quiet. Away from people. Where we can figure this whole thing out.”“'’Tis too late for al' dat,” I hear a soft Irish accent right next to my ear. ”We’ll 'av ter leave.”I snap my head around, face to face with the pretty girl in the pink dress. The girl who is so unusually strong, and whose lap I’m sitting on. The girl with Lyall’s voice. Lyall’s soft brown eyes. Lyall’s gentle bittersweet grin I know so well, sweetly smiling at me right now.“Lyall?!” I ask. My hands move faster than my manners - I pull the glittery pink mask away from his face and over his head.“Surprise,” Lyal
They are upon us within seconds.The sound of screaming drowns out my thoughts, and I watch dazed as girls close in from all directions, their arms outstretched as they yell Felix and Alastaire’s names.The ground seems to shift beneath us, and the air all around us shimmers, vibrating with tension.A girl just a few feet away from me hold up her phone and takes a photo, and for a moment the flash blinds me, sending a sharp pain searing through the backs of my eyes.I tremble, the hysterical fangirl shrieks shuddering through my chest like the buzzing of a million bees.And as in any swarm, a queen leads the charge.Beth Donklin, our school’s undisputed Queen Bee, leader of the three B’s, Her Royal Bitchiness, is just a few feet in front of me.
“Felix,” I say, the sound of his name sweet as honey on my lips.“Took you long enough,” he says, pulling me closer. His crooked smile is wickedly dark, and I can just make out the scent of the forest on him – midnight pine, icy moss, night-blooming flowers.Mystical and arcane – a deep dark mystery that has me firmly in its grasp.“What are you doing here?” I ask, trying to detach myself from him, but finding that somehow, I’m unable to.I have no control of my limbs, and my hand refuses to unclasp his; my feet glide gracefully over the grass in a perfect waltz.“You really thought I’d miss tonight?” He asks.
A pair of gleaming yellow eyes. Bristling fur, black as coal.And a row of teeth like little white knives flashing towards my throat.I jump off the bench in a heartbeat, and I hear the sharp snap of the wolf’s jaws closing on thin air, in the exact spot I was a moment before.I land hard on my back, knocking the air from my lungs. For a second everything’s a blur; I see the stars swimming in and out of focus between the swaying tree branches above me.A shadow moves into my vision, blocking out the starlight.I need to move. Now.But before I can spring into action, strong arms are around me, wrapping me up, lifting me onto my feet.“Are you ok?” A familiar voice asks.It takes a moment for my vision to clear.I step back, ready to bolt.The face I see
The bright golden moon hangs low and heavy in the black sky.Jamie, Grace, Zee and I make our way from the Huntson High car park towards the lawns, where a large, colorful crowd is milling about on the moonlit grass.In the distance, I see turrets, and I recognize the plywood castle backdrop from last year’s production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream. It’s been reworked into some sort of makeshift stage, complete with amps and overhead lights.I’ll be on that stage in an hour. In front of all those people. Somehow I’m not even nervous. Just extremely, utterly excited.“Walk faster ladies!” Jamie shrieks, tugging Zee behind her. “We’re gonna miss the chance to see Alix getting kissed by all the moms and grandmas! Maybe even grandpas! C’mon! Hurry!”“E
Warm. It’s so soft and warm here.I’m curled up on my side, cozy as a caterpillar wrapped up a cocoon of velvet sunshine, sleepily waking up to greet the new day.It’s a new day.I bolt upright in bed, the events before I passed out rushing back to me.I was in a clearing in the forest with Felix. He kissed me. And he changed, or at least he appeared to – he became the figure from my dreams, the dark prince from Gran’s fairy tale.What the hell is happening to me? Was I hallucinating? Having some sort of vision?He called me a name – Odin or Onion or something – and then… nothing.It all went black.And now I’m back in my bedroom at home, far from the forest and the cabin and (hopefully) Felix.He must have carried me here after I f
Wait.My voice sounds hollow and distant, like it’s coming from far away. Felix hovers over me, a darkness dawning in his eyes as I speak.“Wait, Felix,” I whisper. “This isn’t… I can’t do this.”His dark hair falls in front of his eyes, and he pushes it back as he nods, releasing me as he sits up, leaning his back against the trunk of the tree we lie beneath.I stay on my back for a few moments, trying to catch my breath as I stare up at the canopy of brilliant bright red leaves overhead. As I watch, a single, delicate leaf drifts down, landing on my breast like a drop of blood.Felix reaches for it with a faraway look in his eyes, his fingertips leaving echoes of prickling electricity where they brush my skin.He holds the frail crimson leaf up into the silver moonlig