The second the hotel room door closes, Cannon’s kissing my neck. What I thought was ruined suddenly comes to life. I take two steps backward until my back is pressed against the wall. His tongue laps at a little bead of sweat the air-conditioning is trying to chase away. He likes the room freezing cold and says it keeps the humidity from destroying his hair.
When I first met Cannon, his hair used to hang just above his eyebrows. When he was working out, the strands would nearly poke him in the eye. Sometime during the last few years, he started keeping the sides shaved and the top long enough to blow-dry into the perfect wave, swept away from his face. I asked him if it was the beginning of an early midlife crisis. He said he finally started giving a shit.
Is that what we’re having? An early midlife crisis?
“Piper? Did you hear me?” He bends at the waist to look me in the eyes.
“What?”
“You sure you’re okay? I wish you’d tell me what’s wrong.”
“I’m fine,” I lie.
“You’re not,” he tells me, like he knows me better than I know myself. He probably does because, lately, my thoughts have been my own worst enemy. He cups my jaw in his palm and whispers, “I don’t like telling you no, Piper.”
“Then, why did you?”
I want to understand. His reasoning has to go beyond the fact that we were in public. Because, had I begged him to touch me in the privacy of our own bedroom, Cannon probably would have touched me until I came apart beneath him. At least, I don’t think he would have made excuses, but these days, he’s been changing so much, and I haven’t been able to figure out why.
“We were on the beach, babe.” He runs his hand through that styled hair of his. His expression is pained, maybe even a little confused, when he adds, “And…I don’t know…you’ve never wanted something like that before. It wasn’t like you.”
“What am I like, Cannon? I always want you, and I felt how much you wanted me, too.” I hate how he makes me feel like wanting him is wrong. That we’re beyond trying new things just because we’ve always had the same cookie-cutter sex.
After a little peck on my lips, he doesn’t bother with trying to deny how turned on he was. For a few seconds, we’re back in the alcove, just him and me.
His eyes are focused on my mouth when he pries the beach bag out of my hand and sets it on the floor. The hair tie comes out of my hair, and he massages my scalp with his fingertips. My eyes close, and I rest my forehead against his chest, his skin still warm from the sun.
“Tell me what you need, Piper. I’m sorry. I do want you.”
“Touch me. Don’t stop touching me,” I tell him as a tear slides down my cheek.
He says nothing about the tear, just kisses it away as I cling to him.
“I’m sorry, Piper,” he says over and over.
But my tears aren’t because of the beach or the alcove. They’re coming from someplace darker. Someplace I’m afraid to shine a light on. Because, once I do, I don’t know if Cannon will still be kissing away my tears. I don’t know if he’ll be in my life at all. That thought alone has me gripping his shoulders so hard.
He picks me up and sets me on the bed. Looking down, he stares at my stomach and pauses. Right away, I know he’s mistaken my efforts this week. Wanting him has nothing to do with children. But I let him say it anyway because I need to hear this.
Finally, he says, “I don’t know if I’m ready yet, Piper. I want to be, but I’m not there yet.”
“We’re our own family, Cannon. I just need you,” I tell him.
I didn’t plan this trip to convince him that it was time to try to get pregnant. That’s an entirely different issue we’ve glossed over. And, if the time ever comes, we’ll discuss it again. But, right now, all I care about is us. Everything about Belize has been meant to bring us closer, to find our footing after months of coming and going left us feeling more like strangers than lovers. And, if we can’t find solid ground, then nothing will fix us.
Not a baby.
Not a break.
“I want you, Pipes.”
As I lift my hips, giving him the okay, he slides my bikini bottoms down my legs and unties the top from around my neck.
“Spread your legs for me, baby.”
One at a time, I lift each leg until my feet are flat on the mattress, my knees spread as wide as they’ll go. A low growl builds in his throat, and he can’t get his swim trunks off quickly enough. The second he springs free, he’s between my legs, guiding himself toward my warmth.
But the buildup is lost when he slides inside me with so much patience and tenderness that I ache for more friction. He stays buried to the hilt when I need him to move. God, do I need him to move.
“Please, Cannon.” I try rocking back and forth, but he holds me still, his breathing already shallow. “Please,” I say one more time.
“Don’t beg, Piper,” he says.
I want to ask him why, but I already know the answer. Sex with Cannon is nearly the same each time, a dance that’s become as predictable and routine as the rest of my life. Every kiss, every movement—it’s almost planned to perfection. Only it’s not perfect, not even close.
When he’s ready, he starts to move and grabs me by the hips, where his hands will stay. With my ass slightly off the bed, my hips tilted upward, and my thighs clenching his waist, he fucks me with a familiar rhythm, the same tempo I’ve memorized.
“Is this what you want, baby?”
I tell him, “Yes,” even though I want it harder and faster.
His pace barely changes as he chews on his lip and watches my chest bounce. My nipples are so hard that all he’d have to do is flick one, and I’d scream, but his hands rarely roam or explore.
“Keep your legs around me, understand?” he says.
I nod because I know this is how he wants me—on my back, gripping him. Other than a few kisses on my lips every few seconds, Belize sex remains as standard as Florida sex.
“You feel so good, Piper,” he says through gritted teeth.
He’s as hard as a rock inside me, and I know he’s close.
Three more pumps, and he’s on the edge, his entire body tensing as he kisses me hard on the mouth. I kiss back even harder, holding on, as he spills inside me.
When his muscles relax, I wait for him to pull out and cuddle me against his chest, like he always does. But his phone rings inside the beach bag, and he stands up, running his fingers through his hair, as he looks around for it. I don’t know why I’m surprised he’s going to answer the call. I guess I hoped that, just this once, he’d put us first.I watch him dig into the pocket of the beach bag, pull the phone out, and then glance at the screen. And then he holds up a finger, letting me know he needs a minute. Normally, I’d give him all the time in the world, but it’s Saturday, and the office is closed. Only dire emergencies are handled on the weekends, and considering we’re in another country, Cannon couldn’t be much help.Something inside me snaps, and I get up from the bed and storm across the room. Without thinking, I grab the phone out of his hand and hang up.He glances back and forth between the phone and me and then stares at me in disbelief. “What the hell, Piper? That was a
I stay on the floor, keeping my hands on her legs, with no intention of going anywhere besides inside her pussy again. “You’ve got two minutes.” She tries closing me out, but my fingers keep her thighs pried open. “Three then.”“At least four. And I need a drink. My throat is killing me after all that screaming.”Now that I’ve swallowed her, my mouth is dry as hell, and I can use one, too. So, I go into the kitchen and stand in front of the fridge. “Wine?”“Yesss.”I pour her a glass, grab a beer for myself, and go back to the couch. She turned on a lamp while I was gone, and now, a blanket covers her legs.She reaches for the glass and says, “Remember that plan I mentioned the day we arrived in Florida? When we were in the ocean?”That was the day I tried putting my cock in her ass, which is the only reason I remember the conversation.I set the beer on the coffee table and get on my knees, feeling for her legs over the blanket and shoving them apart. “You can tell me while I lick.”
A couple of weeks ago, one click led to another, and before I knew what was happening, I’d joined a forum online. It’s moderated by a marriage expert who answers any and every question, no matter how off the wall or mundane it is.I would take my time browsing through each of the responses, hoping that one of them would relate to my own marriage, leading me toward some much-needed answers. Some of the posts I came across were helpful; others were completely ridiculous. But, when one particular response hit a little too close to home, I realized there were other couples in the same boat as we were and that this forum was right where I belonged.That one helpful response had me so hopeful that I was devouring every stitch of information I could get my hands on. I was even curious enough to explore the questions that didn’t have anything to do with my situation. The advice was fascinating, and some of the methods were so completely unconventional that I had to dig deeper.Swinging for in
All of that is beside the point. Maybe I should have told Cannon what I was doing, but I wouldn’t have been on this website if Cannon hadn’t changed. I wouldn’t be driving myself crazy, looking at every possibility to explain what had been going on and how to fix it, if things were different, if they were how they used to be.But the truth of the matter is, I’ve snooped on his phone and laptop, making me just as guilty as he is for being on mine. He hasn’t done anything I haven’t. At least I don’t think he has until I sit down in front of the laptop and notice a typed message that is waiting to be sent.“What are you doing?” I yell. “God, Cannon. What were you thinking, trying to message them? You weren’t even going to pretend to me be.”“I read some of the other messages, Piper. Isn’t this what you want? To set something up?”“No,” I tell him as I erase the text from the message and then close out of the program. “We’re not swingers. What I’ve been doing…it isn’t what you’re thinking
She knew so much because I used the same screen name on the forum as I did on the website, not thinking I’d actually use the profile on the swinger site. It was only there, so I could look around—not because I wanted to find a couple to play with, but to help me gather information. But, now, my mistake has caused an even bigger problem.“I sent her a picture of us. She asked. I felt like I had to because I’ve seen them. You saw the comments; she wants you. Maybe you want her, too, now that you’ve seen her.”“Tell me you don’t want him,” he says. “You’ve been all over their profile. Unless you’re suddenly into chicks, it has to be because of him.”I could lie all I wanted, but the proof is in the numbers. There’s no denying the fact that I have been drawn to this couple—the sexy, bearded man next to the beautiful blonde—from day one.“It doesn’t matter, Cannon. Not unless you want to actually swing. Do you?”He runs his fingers through his hair and adjusts his sunglasses. I wish he’d t
WestI’ve started a routine. It’s nothing like the daily shit I had to do during hockey season. Not even close. That’s because there aren’t any trainers telling me how many pounds I have to bench or any coaches yelling at me to pick up my pace on the ice. My agent isn’t nagging me about negotiating an endorsement contract or when I have to be at a photo shoot or what restaurants are paying me to show up and eat or what kind of car I have to be seen driving. This new routine begins when the sun peeks through the windows of our bedroom. I lace up my sneakers, throw on a pair of shorts, and hit the beach for a run.Tilly always talked about the weather in Florida and how much she missed it. Now, I know why. It’s the middle of winter, and it’s so warm, I don’t even need a shirt. I let the morning sun beat down on my New England skin, that has a pretty decent tan already.There typically aren’t many people out on the beach this early. I only pass a few, all of them doing the same thing I a
He shakes his head. “I wanted to speak to you first, seeing as you’d be the one paying for it.”If Tilly married someone who couldn’t afford a cash buyout, I wonder if this conversation would be going a little differently.“I’ll talk to Tilly,” I say. “If she’s interested, we’ll go from there.”“I appreciate it, West. And it’ll be a fair price; don’t you worry.”I’m not worried.Nor am I interested.Tilly quit her job a few months after we started dating and hasn’t worked a day since. At this point, I can’t picture her standing at the tiki hut, renting out Jet Skis for the day. But, if that’s what she wants, she can have it.“I’ll get back to you,” I tell him, taking a few steps away.“We’ll be grilling some steaks Saturday night if you’d both like to join us. Not sure if my wife has mentioned that to Tilly yet or not.”For the last week, Tilly’s been reminding me every day what she wants to have happen on Saturday night. It’s not dinner with her family. It’s when she hopes I’ll be fu
I shouldn’t be this turned on when we’re on the verge of a serious conversation, but I can’t help it. The entire four years of our marriage, even while we’ve been struggling to connect, we’ve never gone five days without sex. Not even when Cannon was out of town for work. Those nights, we had some of the hottest phone sex. The memory alone makes me squirm.“What do you want, Piper? Tell me.”“Talk to me,” I tell him. “You promised you’d try to fix this, but I feel you slipping further away. I’ll give you anything.” Before he looks away, I see the guilt in his eyes. “That’s not what I meant, Cannon. This isn’t about the website. I haven’t been on it—the forum either.”“But you would give me whatever I wanted. I know you would. Yet I can’t do the same for you.”“What can’t you give me?” My voice is panicked. I know it is, but I feel like he’s on the verge of saying something that I need to hear. “It’s just you and me, Cannon. It’s always been us. Nothing else matters anymore.”Shaking h