chapter two

Pinning down the results I just got from Doctor Fabian on my crazy wall.

I run through different cards pinned on the road map of my plan.

Double checking, when my phone rings, I walk up to the kitchen to pick it up. “How did you find out?”

My mom’s voice shouts on the other side with frustration creeping into the voice.

Ugh. Back at it again.

I have learned firsthand the hard way about bad parenting from her.

Observing all the mothers I know closely. I wonder why I was so unlucky. She is a nightmare.

I haven’t seen or heard of a mother like her.

Whenever I get a phone call from her. I am guaranteed that anything she has to say to me means harm than good.

Making sure she is the first one to hurt me more first.

Before, the rest of the world joined in with her to slap me in the face.

All her phone calls remind me and are continuations of the torture from that day five years ago.

She was the first to call me with the same frustrated voice.

Revealing to me with no concern for me at all. That my then Fiancé married another instead of me, on what I thought was our wedding day.

It was never my wedding day. It was his.

I am not a patient person. I better get done with what she has to say. “Find out about what?”

“That your sister was pregnant?” She sighs in frustration and continues speaking.

“You know, your sister never wanted to hurt you.”

Tears threaten to come out of my eyes.

Perfect timing.

Anita. My only older sister knocks me out again.

She goes first again to get everything I want so badly. I've always wanted to be a mother.

I thought I had the right person. Death will do us a part person.

Growing up with him since we were toddlers. Falling madly in love with him in our teen years.

And thinking that we were a perfect match. We planned together on starting a family to having kids.

And I never thought I would be single at this age.

Struggling to achieve at least part of that dream has become a nightmare for me for the past five years.

But I won't give up on my plan. “So, what are you trying to say, mama?”

“What you are trying to do is not good. It doesn’t look good for our family image. Let her shine alone for once.

“Why does everything have to be about you? It’s her time.

“She has struggled in her marriage for five years with getting pregnant. You can’t be doing this to her.”

I CAN’T BE DOING THIS TO HER?!

Or isn't it my mother that shouldn’t be doing this to me?

Why did she have me if she only could give love to my sister alone?

In which world does my trying to get my child without waiting for my sister? Bring a bad image to my family?

She should be happy for me, on the contrary.

I can’t take it anymore. Tears already streamed down my face with more anger, fueled by the memories loading in my mind.

Walking to the church that day to the eyes of a full church, they were all avoiding direct eye contact with me, as though they knew something I didn’t know.

And everyone was hiding it from me. Standing at the altar nervously holding it in as I waited for six hours.

Meanwhile, watching everyone leave until they left me all alone.

With tears dripping through the veil to the ground.

Not being able to reach anyone on the phone.

They sent all my calls to my mother and fiancé to voice mails.

I kept on nonstop dialing, hoping whatever I felt was going on was not true and they would show up.

Neither was my mother, who should have been by my side on such an important day.

Nor my fiancé, who was missing out on his day, could be reached.

“You did not go to see Doctor Fabian to get ready for pregnancy, did you?

“I am sure you went there to spite her and stress her.”

Why must anything that means to hurt me forever be fueled by my mother?

Why doesn’t she realize she is hurting me with her words and her actions?

Raising my eyes to my wall watch. It hasn’t been fifteen minutes since I left Doctor Fabian's office,

But she is in the front row of the gossip spreading what I went to discuss with Doctor Fabian.

I am sure she will be part of making the gossip reflect on me as the villain in the story.

My mother.

She has never once in my whole life seen any mistake. My sister, Anita, has done to hurt me intentionally.

I will always come up short of her expectations.

While Anita gets her support in everything. Even the evilest acts no one expects from a sibling.

Anita is a hundred percent sure she has Mama's support always.

My mother turned my sister into that horrible person.

A person who believes everything in this world belongs to her if she has an interest in it.

She doesn’t care who will be hurt in the process on her way to get what she wants. I can’t really blame her.

My mother set up the ground floor for that behavior that has become part of her, as if it is her skin.

It’s not about Anita getting pregnant that is hurting me.

No… On the contrary, I am utterly happy for her, and I wish her all the best.

Probably this might be a way to Anita’s redemption for being selfish.

Bringing out the best in her as she goes through being a mother.

“Why can't you stop liking him?” My mother doesn’t disappoint as she continues throwing in more arrows that hit my heart and bring back the memories I am dying to bury.

Even if we went to war and I was battling the worst like my conniving ex-fiancé or strangers, anyone in the entire world, my mother will never choose to be on my side.

I lost the mother-daughter's love and respect a long time ago.

But never had the guts to cut her off completely.

My mother left me at the altar all alone to support the worst betrayal from my blood sister and my fiance.

My sister and my conniving ex-boyfriend, Erede, took off to another city, to have their wedding on the day of my wedding with Erede.

Leaving me behind like a fool in front of the whole town that already knew what was going on.

“I'm sorry, mama.” with a whispering voice I cut her off, hoping our conversation ends here.

Tears still are streaming down my face.

My fertility card on the board cuts through my thoughts, fueling my determination. Giving me hope as I disconnect my phone and my thoughts from my mother and walked back to my plan.