Chapter 3

“I don’t know about this Mom”, I say to my mother on the phone. She’s currently trying her very best to convince me to go on the cruise Nicola paid for without my knowledge. 

But she’s only doing this because she doesn’t know the wrath I’ll invoke if I step foot out of this house while Zeke’s away and he finds out. 

“Come on, Baby.” She pleads and her pet name for me rugs at my heartstrings. “I’ve always wondered why you never had the urge to travel the world like your dad and I did. This is your chance to go somewhere you’ve never been. Why aren’t you jumping at it?”

I’m trying to end this discussion and just talk with her about other stuff. Her voice fills me with hope and reminds me of life before Zeke, but her talking about the cruise is stressing me out. 

“I just think she should’ve asked me first. Plus, I’m uncomfortable having Nic spend that much money on me.” I sigh into the phone. That’s just one of the reasons I’m not going but it’s a valid one. I looked up the cruise and found out that she paid over $800,000 dollars on it. I know Oscar’s rolling in money but that’s such a crazy amount to blow off on someone else. 

Of course I can’t tell my mum the real reason. I’ve wanted to since the day I signed up for this punishment called a marriage but my mom’s ignorance is her protection right now. 

“You said she was so happy to tell you, which means she’s excited for you to go and doesn’t care about the money. She’s trying to do a good thing for you, Baby. Why won’t you let her?”

I try to look for another excuse to tell my mom but nothing surfaces. My inability to answer her question only edges her on. 

“It’s not like Zeke’s gonna miss you. I mean he will, but he’ll be too busy in Shanghai. You’re the one who’s gonna be alone with nothing to do for six months.”

I let out a mental sigh and the familiar urge to tell my mum about the reality of my marriage fills my chest and makes it hard to breathe. But, like I always do, I shove it down and remind myself that I am protecting her. I am keeping her safe. 

“I know, Mom. Okay, I’ll think about it. I promise.” I smile so she can hear it in my voice. I tell myself that I’m not lying. I will think about it, but I won’t change my mind. 

“That’s good. Call me when you decide.” She pauses and takes a deep breath. “I just want you to experience the world, Baby. The best years of my life were spent seeing the world with your dad. We fell in love and even conceived you while away on trips. I know you’ll love it and you’ll have so many stories to tell me when you get back.”

The familiar story of how Sigourney Phillips and Evan Carter met while touring Europe warms my heart. Two American students spending the summer backpacking across one of the most beautiful continents in the world. They were pleasantly surprised to find out they had the same tour guide and itinerary and decided to travel together. 

It may have been the beauty and rich culture of Europe or it may have been fate but they started the journey single but ended it as a couple madly in love. That love lasted till they got married. It lasted till they visited Europe again shortly after for their honeymoon and conceived me in Austria. It lasted till I was born, my whole childhood and even some years of my adult life. It lasted until my father passed away four years ago.  

Tales of their adventures were my bedtime stories and they always told me with their hearts filled with joy and happiness. I listened to them and thought to myself that I’ll give travelling a shot when I have the means for it. Now I have the perfect opportunity but my worries aren’t how it’ll affect my bank account, but how it’ll affect my wellbeing. 

Memories of my father’s smiling face flood my mind and cause me to lose good judgement. The sound of his laugh brings down my walls and the familiar feeling of his hugs envelopes me like he’s really here. Like he’s really holding me. 

I know he would’ve wanted me to do this as well. Heck, he would’ve wanted this more than Mom. That thought makes me start considering this thing for real. But my worries still take centre stage. 

“What if something bad happens Mom?” The question leaves my mouth before I can process it. My fears are made vocal as my voice shakes and I fight back tears. I do not want my mother to know I am gambling with torture in the best case and death in the worst. 

“Baby if you let fear dictate your life, you’re not gonna live it. There’s a difference between existing and living and I don’t want you to grow old and regret doing only the former. Your father wouldn’t have wanted that either.”

My mom’s words sink into my soul and cause a shift in my reasoning. She’s right. I only have this life. I do not like how things are now but this is my chance to know something different. It’s gonna be a huge risk but isn’t life just that? A big, fat, risk?

The old Vienna Carter wasn’t really a risk taker but she would’ve jumped at this. She would’ve squealed and jumped into Nicola’s arms in pure excitement instead of rising to her feet and berating Nic in fear. It feels like I’ve lost that Vienna but this might be my only chance to get her back. 

I speak into the phone with renewed conviction.

“Actu

ally mom, I think I’ve made my decision.”