Chapter 1

“Hey Vi! What’s up?” Nicola sings as I walk into the living room. Her bubbly aura breathing life into everything around her, including me. I’ve been feeling a bit dreary lately and seriously  craving a good feeling. If anyone can put me in a good mood it’s her. I give her a quick hug as we both sit on the sofa at the centre of the room. 

“I’m alright Nic. You?” I say my voice sounds weaker than I hoped. I try to cover up the signs of my low spirit but Nicola sees right through it. 

“Oh, Baby.” Nicola says, worried. “Did he do something again?” 

I sigh, giving up immediately, I honestly don’t know why I even try hiding things from her . “Doesn’t he always, Nic?” I try to give her a chuckle but it comes out shaky. 

“It’s fine. I hate to say it, but I’m used to it.” And I am. The awful things he does always caused me so much pain and anguish in the past. But lately, I feel nothing. I’d like to say I’m immune now but it doesn’t feel like immunity. It feels like surrender. I’m assured that I still have my humanity only when I’m with Nicola or on the phone with my mum. 

“I’m so sorry Vi. I hate seeing you like this.” Nicola muttered sadly. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Nicola Ferreira is probably the only person I can talk about my problems with. I tell her things I can’t tell my own mother. Because sadly, Nicola understands exactly what I go through and is the only person safe enough to share with. If there was anything I could do to end her suffering, I would do it in a heartbeat. But I’m so grateful to have found someone to sympathise with. Sometimes it gets so dark, I’m tempted to end it all, but Nic has always managed to pull me out of it. Today though, I have no intention of burdening her with my woes. 

"Please no. Let’s talk about something else. Anything happened to you lately?” I could tell she wanted to push, but thankfully she let it go. 

“Well, Arturo has his last paper next week. I can’t believe he’s almost done with his first year already.” She beams brightly as she mentions her brother. 

“Oh my God, Nic, that's amazing. Congrats to him. I know how hard he’s been working.” 

“Me too. He says the exams haven’t been too difficult and this last paper is one of the easy ones so I know he’s going to finish strong. I’m so proud of him, Vi.” She practically oozes excitement and I let myself soak it all in. 

Arturo Ferreira is Nicola’s younger brother and the only family she has left. He’s nineteen and studying Aerospace Engineering at MIT. He’s basically the cutest genius you’ll ever meet and the only reason Nicola endures her marriage with Oscar, her husband. 

“Whenever we talk on the phone, he always sounds so excited and full of life. He never imagined that he'd even be able to go to college at all. And now he’s actually a student at MIT, working towards his dreams. Seeing how much he loves it, how happy he is, it makes everything worth it Vi. Every single thing.” I can tell she’s about to tear up so I close the distance between us and wrap my arms around her, hoping she can feel the love and support seeping through me. 

She lets me hold her for a few seconds before she returns my hug and starts rubbing my back in slow, vertical motions. I allow myself to receive comfort while also doing my best to give. When we break apart, a few tears sit in my eyes, matching Nic’s. 

“Thanks Vi.” Nic says, her voice breaking but lips smiling. “I needed that”

“Anytime. And I probably needed it more than you if I’m being honest.” I hold her hand as she lets out a slight giggle. “Arturo is the luckiest little brother in the world, Nic. The smartest too. He’s not going to take your sacrifices for granted even if he doesn’t know exactly what those sacrifices are or what exactly you’re sacrificing.”

“If he ever found out, he’ll hate me for not telling him and hate himself even more for not noticing it. He won’t bother trying to understand why I do it.” She says between shaky breaths. 

I t sometimes worries me that Nicola fears what her brother would think of her for staying in an abusive marriage for the financial benefits more than she fears for her own safety in said marriage. But she was in the tightest corners- she still is- and had the biggest responsibilities- she still does- and had to do what she had to do for someone she loved. And I relate to that more than I’d like. 

“Nic.” I give her hand a little squeeze and pour as much firmness into my voice as I can. “Your brother will find out one day, that is for sure. But when he does, if he doesn’t see you only as the courageous and amazing sister that you are, then that’s his issue and not yours. You are not weak. If you wanted to stand up to Oscar I know you would’ve done it years ago. But you haven’t because you choose to. And if there is a good reason to make such a choice every single day, family is that reason.”

I see a smile creeping onto her lips as she squeezes my fingers in return. 

“I guess we’re both courageous and amazing then.”

I let out a giggle of my own.“We definitely are.”

“You definitely aren’t anything.” He says, the sound of his voice instantly disintegrating any good feelings I had managed to obtain, replacing them with feelings of dread and despair. “And you shouldn’t deceive yourselves into believing otherwise.”

Nicola immediately releases my palm and puts a few inches between us, her countenance suddenly restrained. The moment  destroyed just like everything else he comes close to. 

I make an effort to commit to memory every detail of my talk with Nic. Every detail of the last time I’ll feel anything other than bleak numbness for a long time. Maybe if I can recall it well enough when I need to, I’ll also be able to invoke the warmth and joy from the memory. I wish it had lasted longer but beggars can’t be choosers. 

Letting out a deep sigh, I turn to face him, not daring to meet his eyes. 

“Good morning, Dearest.”