Chapter 12: Kill My Love For Ivor?

I could not believe what Ivor had said.

“No way. I mean…”, I panicked, trying to resolve this terrible situation.

So far, I really regretted what I had done. That was an expensive price.

But Ivor didn’t give in to me, he looked at me with stern eyes.

Ivor said, “You can write your resignation this morning, I’ll sign it for you right away.”

Then he focused on his work.

I couldn’t believe Ivor would be so heartless, and I realized I was so reckless and confident in thinking that he would forgive me after all, just because I was his assistant who worked with him for five years.

I had to admit bitterly, Ivor might have an assistant who was more professional than me, but I could not find another person I could love as passionately as I loved him.

He certainly knew that, too, and he did so. He was going to fire me and found a new assistant.

I felt pain.

Ivor, you were so heartless.

But my reason reminded me I had no right to suffer or regret. Because from the beginning, I knew the price to pay for her blind love for Ivor, but I still defied.

Pain and self-blame tore my mind. I could fall at any moment.

“What else do you need to report? Hurry, don’t waste my time. If you want to hand over the job, then meet Romeo, he’ll know what to do,” Ivor said when he saw I was still not coming out of his office.

“Ivor, do you really want to fire me?” I said in a choked voice.

Ivor still focused on his work. He said, “Yes, I don’t need an unprofessional assistant.”

“But I don’t want to be fired by you,” I said. My eyes welled up with tears.

I thought it was the last time I’d seen him, so I allowed myself to express my true feelings.

Ivor put his pen down on the table. I watched his movements and realized it was his favorite pen. I had one too, and I spent an entire month of my salary just buying a pen that looked like his.

He rubbed his forehead and said, “Lia, don’t be so childish. You need to take responsibility for what you’ve done. I don’t have time to waste with you.”

My tears rolled.

“How could you be so heartless? Why was I so stupid? Why did I love you? Why would I fall in love with someone like you?” I said in tears.

Ivor was still looking at me. There were not so many expressions other than seriousness on his face. Because he always knew how to control his true feelings.

I wondered how he had felt when he heard what I had just said. Maybe he would be surprised? Or would my love for him disgust him?

“What? What did you just say?” Ivor asked me.

“Ivor, I love you,” I said, expressing my love that I had never dared to tell him before.

Ivor laughed a sarcastic smile. He said, “So that’s why? Love makes you not concentrate on working professionally. Right? That’s why I always don’t want to hire someone who loves his or her boss.”

“Ivor, you’ve been in love with me for a long time,” I said.

But Ivor punched the table hard.

“Enough, Lia, you can stop,” Ivor said angrily.

I was scared.

But his actions also kept me awake, and then I realized I was really provoking him.

I clenched my neckline, my legs were trembling. I did not dare look at Ivor, bowed my head, and waited for his verdict.

“Lia, I have always believed that you were qualified to be my assistant. But you had let me down. You don’t need to come to the company within a month,” Ivor said.

“But,” I was surprised. Ivor didn’t fire me? Even if I loved him, wouldn’t he fire me?

“Within a month, make your shallow low for me disappear. Lia, it’s your last chance.”

So was that so? Did Ivor finally see my love for him as a childish feeling?

“Lia, I’ll never love you,” he said.

I suffered the pain, but I choose to do things rationally. This was my only chance, I did not want to repeat my mistake again.

I took my sad mood with me and walked out of Asher’s office. Coco brought me a glass of cold orange juice, my favorite drink.

“Thank you, Coco,” I got the glass from her, wondering if she had found out.

Either way, I still felt comforted.

“You’re welcome. Would you like to go somewhere tonight?” Coco asked. “It’s just you and me.”

I was going to say no, but I suddenly thought maybe alcohol would get me through the pain, so I said yes.

“Go to the club, okay?” I asked.

“Of course, drink a lot and take out all the sadness,” Coco laughed and said.

I nodded, went into my office, drank all the orange juice, then packed my things and left the company.

Coming home, I just texted Coco, promised her the time and place we met.

We agreed that she would come to get me in the evening, after she had finished her work.

I went to bed right after that because I wasn’t in the mood for anything.

On that evening at the club, I did not stop drinking from bottle to bottle.

The loud music overwhelmed my cry sound, and I could comfortably scream to relieve my sorrow.

When I was a little drunk, I hugged Coco and said, “Coco, I need a psychologist, I don’t want to endure this pain anymore, Coco, find me a psychologist…”

And Coco had to have tried so hard to keep me from falling off the couch. After I was drunk, I couldn’t remember anything.

The next morning, I woke up in my beloved bed.

Last night’s hangover headache stunned me. I looked at the clock and panicked when I realized I was late for work. I hurriedly prepared to go to work, but as soon as I walked out of the house and locked the door, I remembered that Ivor had given me a month off from work because of my lack of professionalism.

I unlocked the door, threw the expensive handbag on the table in the living room and dropped myself off the sofa, and slept to make the headache go away.

I wake up in the evening, ordering dinner from a diner that I like. I ate and watched the boring financial news that I always watched every day. And then I realized that watching the daily financial news was a superfluous thing, because my job had nothing to do with finance, even though it was my major when I was a student.

After dinner, I brushed my teeth and continued to sleep.

For a week, I just laid on my sofa or my bed, watching boring movies, eating and sleeping.

By the eighth day of this unwilling holiday, I felt I needed to change myself.

I started by recording what had happened and realized how frantically I was running after Ivor.

I saw I had done like a stalker.

It was so stupid. I did not want to repeat that again.

I recorded all my thoughts, wishes, and choices. It took me two days to calm down and saw things that had happened objectively.

I didn’t hate Lahaina and her words, which gave me the motivation to admit my love for Ivor. I also felt lucky that at least Ivor hadn’t fired me. But I did not want to find out the reason for his decision because I knew he did not love me.

Simply, I did not know what I wanted, and then I could not deny that I loved Ivor.

I could only learn to kill my love for him, but I realized it wasn’t possible. So I learned to accept that Ivor would forever not be my man.

When I returned to the company, I became his professional assistant as I had been. Ivor was always at Elie’s villa every night when he was free. In the company, someone rumored that Elie had gained Ivor’s love and she would become Mrs. Mitchell.