Love Me, Alpha

I had been suffering from insomnia for several months.

My face shrunk, and I experienced a sudden loss of appetite, dizziness, and palpitations. My outward appearance was becoming increasingly withered.

I didn't want Alvin to see these two sets of unappealing ribs, so I'd beg him to turn off the light in recent days.

Regardless, he asked me last night, as he held my waist, "Why are you so thin?"

'Not bad, he could still tell I was skinny.'

I reassured myself that he was at least interested in me.

But that was the end of it. He then buried his head inside me and pounded it in.

The physical strength of a top alpha was truly terrifying. Because I wasn't a natural-born omega, it would be excruciating every time we did it.

He dozed off after it was over. I was using the wall to guide myself to the bathroom to wash myself when I slipped at the doorway and passed out.

I'd passed out so many times for no apparent reason that I'd figured out the pattern and knew I'd wake up in about two or three hours.

Before I fainted, I thought it was time to see a doctor.

But I despise hospitals.

The surgery half a year ago caused me so much pain that for the first few days after the artificial gland was implanted, every cell in my body screamed in rejection, threatening to tear my body apart.

It was so excruciatingly painful that I went restless, crying and pleading with the doctor to give me morphine. But the doctor simply smiled sympathetically at me, shook his head, and said, "You must endure."

I must persevere.

For Alvin's sake, I implanted a totally fake omega gland into my body.

It was my own free will, so I had to put up with it.

Even though they are unable to change their gender, technology and science have advanced to the point where people can surgically remove or implant glands for reasons unknown.

But, in the end, the hoax was a hoax.

Alvin could enjoy the satisfaction of dominance and possession by tearing into my glands, but he couldn't really mark me.

He, too, did not want to mark.

Dawn had arrived. The first rays of light of spring had always been a welcome sight.

Except for me, everything under the sun was alive.

Alvin had already left when I awoke. He was extremely disciplined and would arrive at the office on time at nine a.m. the next morning, regardless of how intense he had been the night before.

The house was desolate and cold without him.

I resembled a prostitute who would appear and disappear when summoned. I needed to get dressed and out the door before dawn.

For 3 years, I was in love with him.

For years, he fucked me.

I had access to his house because I had the key.

I could also come and go from his company as I pleased.

Nonetheless, I felt like a prostitute.

Simply because he did not love me.

He called me Nora the first time we slept together.

The affectionate murmur made no sense...

Jillian was my name, and Nora was the person he adored.

I was merely a beta, and Nora was the ideal Omega.

It was a difference that I couldn't overcome...

with a fake gland.

It's a shame that I have excellent hearing due to my musical background, I could only endure the pain and pretend I didn't hear it.

More than one person said I reminded them of Nora.

Maybe I should be thankful that if it weren't for the resemblance, I'd never be able to climb on Alvin's bed in my life.

Each of Alvin's partners would resemble Nora in some way.

I was the most similar to him, so I stayed with him the longest, so long that I almost forgot I was only a substitute.

On the first day of high school, I saw Alvin and Nora for the first time. Their photos were pasted next to each other in the top column of honorary alumni.

Alvin was four years my senior. At the time, he had inherited the vast fortune of Ainsley's financial group and was the youngest person at the helm of the business empire that controlled the entire country's financial lifeline.

Alvin's brows were arched in the photograph. He was undeniably attractive.

And Nora, who was standing next to him, embodied his name. His eyes were soft, and his lips were the colour of early-morning red roses.

A month later, I fell in love with Alvin. He returned to school to attend a freshman representative ceremony, and I went on stage to present flowers to him.

In person, Alvin was far more attractive than he appeared in the photograph. I fell in deep with just a glance, and I haven't come out yet.

Face-cons have always had to pay the price for their inability to see.

I didn't want to go to the hospital anymore after thinking about it. I learned about Nora's return to Eden after completing his doctorate half a year ago. I left in panic to perform an artificial gland transplant.

Nora should be back by next month if we count the days. Alvin probably wouldn't need me at that point. So what difference does it make whether I'm healthy or not?

I returned to school after sending a message to Senior Alvin.

He only responded "ok" after more than 30 minutes of waiting.

There was nothing to do at school as we approached graduation. The majority of the senior students had already left the dorm. I didn't have much in school, so it didn't matter if I moved or not.

When I turned in my graduation work last month, my professor asked, "Do you really want to turn down the Academy of Music scholarship?"

I didn't dare to look her in the eyes and replied vaguely with my head down, "I don't really want to go abroad..."

The teacher sighed. "That's unfortunate."

All I could do was apologise. "I'm sorry..."

I've apologised to a lot of people.

Guilt and self-reproach weighed on me all the time.

'I'm exhausted.'

I had delusions in the first year that I shouldn't have had. When I was in a bad mood or had a problem, I felt compelled to tell Alvin.

Not to ask him for help, but to take advantage of the opportunity to act spoiled in the hopes of eliciting sympathy and even heartache from him.

Until he teased me and said, "Jill, I believe you're mistaken?"

I froze and stared at him in disbelief.

"I'm not your boyfriend, and I'm not obligated to notice or care with your petty shit," Alvin said with a light laugh. "I'm very busy."

Yes, being pampered was a luxury reserved for those who were truly loved.

Who was I to do such a thing?

Alvin poured cold water on me. I learned to hide all of my negative emotions and instead offer him a tender smile from then on.

I was probably a well-behaved and obedient bed partner in his heart. Someone who would let him plunder without ever objecting.

Alvin once complimented me on being a beta, saying that my waist was even softer than an omega's.

Only at this time would he be gentle with me.

"Do you like me?" I asked, boldly burying myself in his arms and rubbing my body against his.

He didn't respond. He then leaned over to kiss my hair before pulling the quilt over his head and saying, "Go to sleep."

As a result, I never asked again.

People come and go from his bed. It's exhausting to like every single one of them.

'It makes no difference. You are under no obligation to give me a chance. In any case, I still have a lifetime to squander.'