1: It's Me, Hi

“Tangina, dahilan nanaman, puro ka nalang dahilan, bakit ba hindi mo magaya –gaya yang ate mo, wala ka naming ginagawa dito sa bahay nato, walang dahilan kung bakit ka babagsak ng ganto” Celi’s father, who has been lecturing her for the past two hours. As much as it sounded impossible for a lecture to last that long, it is possible. “Putangina, lahat naman ng oras binibigay sayo tapos ganito parin grades mo? Tangina mo pinaglalaban mo pa yang course nayan, tapos hindi mo naman pala kaya, puro kalang yabang kupal ka” he paused, still seething with anger, while I sat down in front of him in silence. “Lumayas ka sa harapan ko, kung gusto mo yang pabukod-bukod bahala ka sa buhay mo” finally, I was able to stand up, my feet numb because of the hours I had to sit down. Upon entering my shared room with my sisters, my tears fell without me permitting. My sisters looked at me with worry, as well as my mother who waited for the sermon to be finished. I smiled at them with a strained laugh before sniffing and wiping my tears harshly. I look at my mother before she let out a sigh, a sigh that sounded disappointed to me. I could only nod and continued to pack my things.

It was supposed to be a good night for everyone since I am moving to a condo unit that I bought by myself. It was only then that my older sister noticed the paper that fell down from my bag and picked it up, whilst giving it to me, she looked at it and was shocked that it was my grades for my first year of college.

Yes, I was a first-year college student, now entering my second year. My course was a Bachelor of Science in Civil Engineering, my ultimate dream.

Going back, my father noticed the ruckus and asked to see what the paper was about, then all that happened. Resulting in sleeping again with all my thoughts that filled my mind again and my heart hurt with the heaviness it carried.

18 years old, average height, maybe. Celiana Marie Sanchez, a second-year Civil Engineering. Brown eyes and hair are cut in different lengths. A typical academic gifted back then when I was still in high school but of course, life takes a lot of turns, I am now officially a former academically gifted kid to a burnout adult with a lot of traumas and problems. Hooray! 

I have two close friends that I met when I was in elementary, Luke and Karylle. I am not exactly the friendly type. I’d rather listen to blabber about things. I pick my friend carefully and take my time on doing that. Has huge trust issues and many other things that make me really unstable, where even my family doesn’t even know that I have been trying to kill myself with the little things I think would work but never did. So, I had to suck it up to a point that I don’t how to distinguish what is a happy and genuine emotion from a bad one, what laughing sincerely feels like, and how crying all your heart feels like. Even talking without being scared of being rejected and ignored, I was scared of all of it but acted as if I wasn’t and acted as if I was so strong and independent out of everyone else.

Just like now, I waved bye with a sad smile before I got inside the taxi to go to my new place. All my things were in the trunk and my necessities were in a bag beside me. I let out a huge sigh before plugging in my earphones and listening to music for the rest of the ride.

3 hours, traffic time counted was the duration of the ride. It took a long ride and I had to pay a lot but it was maybe worth it because I’m now standing in front of the condominium building. This is where she wishes all good things would start. Grabbing all my bags, I entered the building and went straight to the lobby. My heart pounded in my chest, scared and nervous, overthinking even because I was worried if the lady could hear it. “Thank you, Ma’am, here’s your key” the lady behind the marble bar smiled at me while I took the key. Some staff helped me to carry my things to the elevator in which I bowed my head to thank them.

Upon closing the elevator doors, I looked down at the keys that rested in my hands. 717. Seventh floor, room 17. I smiled to myself but it fell remembering what happened last night. With a huge and determent sigh, I gained my composure, ‘promise this time, I’ll surpass everyone. I smiled and nodded to myself before I heard the elevator ding. I grabbed her bags again before striding through the hallway while looking for my unit.

I finally found it, 3 rooms before the last one in the middle of the long hallway. It was silent and almost creeping me out so I fumbled through the keys and opened the door.

The clean and fresh smell of the room greeted me as I pulled my things inside and locked the door. My eyes wandered instantly to the spacious place I moved in. I had a giddy smile on my face while taking my shoes off and wandering around. There is basic furniture already but no T.V. It’s not like I need it anyway. I only need the wi-fi anyways. I opened the bathroom and checked the kitchen and the balcony, which I loved most. Now, I’m inside the room that’s going to wait for a bit until it’s fully decorated. A smile on my face was painted on my face before I picked up my bags again and wasted no time placing them inside the bedroom and grabbed my wallet to buy cleaning supplies and food that I’ll need until tomorrow.