Chapter 3: Nightmare

(Catherine's POV)

'Where am I?’ I looked around the place and all I could see was white. I walked and walked, but it was pure nothingness.

A voice suddenly sounded in this quiet place. “Catherine…” I looked back but I saw nothing. So, without any choice, I followed that voice until I saw something at the far end.

I hurriedly ran without minding the cold ground. As I reached my destination, my brows furrowed and my amber-colored eyes looked intently at the familiar-looking door in front. 'It’s a door. Wait a minute, this door seems familiar… Right, it’s the door used in the operating room. Why is it here?'

There was still nothing except for this door in front of me. Hesitation stopped me from opening this door. My hands seemed to freeze when I saw this oddly familiar door.

Taking a few deep breaths, I finally decided to take a step forward. Then suddenly, the voice I heard earlier came back. “Catherine!”

“Who are you?! Do you know me?!” I answered loudly, but the voice was gone again. That voice seems familiar as well. However, no matter how hard I try to recall, I can’t remember when and where I heard that voice.

I clasped my hands together and decided to open the door. Looking inside the room, I noticed that everything was very well arranged. All the equipment and tools are in order. This is starting to freak me out a bit. It looks like nobody has used this before, which means no one, except me, is here in this place.

One step, two steps, with every step I took, I turned paler. Suddenly, I noticed a strange blinking light in the right corner of the room. Walking slowly towards it, I finally saw that it was a button. ‘Wait, that is strange. Why is this button here?’ 

Curiously, I slightly pressed the button. My eyes widened when the wall near me suddenly opened. I stepped back a little. 'This must be a secret door.'

With my hands clenched tightly, I decided to walk inside slowly. But before anything else, that voice came again. However, it’s louder this time. “Catherine”

'There it is again.' I decided to ignore that voice and walked forward. Looking straight ahead, an operating table is seen. 'What the… Is that a body? There seems to be a body lying on that table!'

That voice vanished instantly when I reached the operating table. However, my knees trembled and my body fell on the rolling table near me. Different surgical tools scattered the floor, a sharp scalpel even scratched my right foot, but I paid no heed to it. My eyes widened at the body in front of me.

My mind is only filled with the person lying on the table. The body that's very familiar to me. I stood up and hissed at the pain in my foot. “Winter…”

Despite the pain, I got closer to her. Tears fell in my eyes as I saw Winter’s face. "Winter! Winter! Wake up! Sister is here! Winter!"

I wiggled her shoulders while crying. My hands trembled as I tried waking her up. But, no matter how hard I do it, she never opened her eyes. She's still lying there with her eyes tightly closed. "Winter! Wake up please! Sister is here! Please, please, please! Wake up!"

"She will not wake up! It's your fault why she's not waking up!" That voice again. I looked behind and saw my father and mother looking at me. Their eyes were full of coldness and anger.

I clenched my teeth, trying to suppress the pain on my wound, and hurriedly went towards them. "Mom, Dad! I didn't kill Winter! Mom, please believe me! Dad!"

As I walked forward, their bodies moved backward. “It's your fault, Catherine! It's your fault that Winter is dead!"

Despair flashed in my face. I raised my hand, trying to reach them. "Dad, I didn't kill her! Mom! I didn't do it"

"You're a murderer Catherine! I regret adopting you! We should have just left you in the orphanage to die!"

Their bodies moved further away. No matter how hard I ran, I couldn’t reach them. "Dad! No! Please don't abandon me! Mom! No!"

Heavy breath and sweating forehead, that's what I noticed when I woke up from that nightmare. My hands and body are trembling because of that dream. I cupped my face and noticed that my eyes were wet. 'It's the same dream again'

 Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath. Suddenly, the door of my room opened and Monique entered. “Cathy! I heard you scream. Did you have a nightmare again?”

“Yes, it’s the same dream again.” It's always the same dream. My nightmares started a month after we moved here to Capital City. I thought it would vanish after some time, but it never did. Even if 3 years have already passed, my nightmares remained though.

The worst thing is that it's always the same scenario. Winter's body is on the operating table. All of a sudden, a warm embrace caught me off-guard. "Cathy, I told you. We should get you a psychologist. It's not normal anymore."

I refused immediately at her suggestion. “No, Monique. I won’t go see a doctor. I won’t ever see a doctor!”

Monique looked at me worriedly and held my hands. "But Cathy, look at you. Every time you dream about it, you always wake up trembling. Your face is so pale that I could even mistake you for a ghost. It isn't normal anymore. You keep having the same dream for the past 3 years. Please, let's go see a doctor"

I looked away and refused to answer. I'm scared of the consequences if I see a doctor. I know nothing good will happen if I see one.

Without hearing my reply, Monique let go of my hands and forced me to look at her. "What's wrong with you?! Didn't you have any idea how worried I was when this incident happened?! Why are you so stubborn?! I asked my psychologist friend about your condition and she said this is quite dangerous for you! You might not wake up one day if this isn't treated! Please, Cathy!"

I heaved a deep breath and looked back at her. “Monique, I won’t get treatment. It’s not that I don’t care about myself, but I can’t bring myself to see a doctor. You might have noticed that, in the past 3 years, I have not gone to any hospital. I did not accompany you to the hospital either except for that time when you fainted.”

Monique looked at me with confusion showing on her face, but she nodded nonetheless. “Monique, I just noticed this when I brought you at that time. When I rushed you to the hospital, my anxiety surged up when I saw those medical staff attending to you. You might have noticed that for the days you were there, it was your assistant who was taking care of you.”

When she nodded, a sad smile formed on my lips. “It’s because I'm here in our apartment looking for ways to die.”

Monique’s eyes widened after I said suicide. She suddenly held my hands and gripped them tightly. “At that time, I tried a lot of ways to kill myself. I know what I’m doing but I can’t seem to control myself. It’s like I’m being controlled by someone. But all those attempts failed. I think Winter was stopping me at that time."

I looked up at the ceiling, trying to control the tears that started to fall. "That continued for days until you called me. That phone call brought me back to my senses, Monique. I'm not afraid of dying, but I don't want you to feel sad or grieve about me. That’s why I don’t want to see a doctor. I’m afraid I might lose myself again if I saw one. And most especially, I don't want you to see me in that state.”

She immediately hugged me tightly. I can hear her sobs occupying the silence of the room. I can even feel her tears on my shoulder, dampening my shirt. I raised my hand and patted her back softly. “Stop crying, Monique. I’m okay”

“Why did you not tell me about it, Cathy? Why?”

“I don’t want you to worry. It's okay now, Monique. I’m okay.”

It took me a while to make her stop crying. Maybe she got tired because she fell asleep on my bed afterward. Afraid of waking her up, I stood up and walked towards the chair near the window. Glancing at the clock on the wall, it was still 2 in the morning.

It is still dark outside and the moon in the night sky is still shining brightly. It illuminated the whole city with its stars twinkling in the sky. I rested my head on the chair and slowly closed my eyes. 'It's been three years since I last saw my parents. I hope they are doing well without me. I miss them so much but I know my presence will only hurt them.'