I Bid My Adieu

"I AM SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS."

That is it.

That is it. Finally, my world shattered into a million, no zillion, pieces.

I do not know how to react or what to say. My mind and body have stopped processing. My entire system has shut down.

Nancy held my hand and did something; maybe she made me sit somewhere.

I do not know how much time has gone by, and I am still sitting here.

Again, I felt some movement around, but I do not know what was happening. It feels like I am frozen.

I could hear some mummers, but nothing was clear, and my vision was blurry. Why can't I hear or see anything? I guess I need a doctor.

I felt a shake in my body. First, it was slow, and then it was too strong, like someone wanted to hurt me. I was looking here and there to see where I was, and I was at the cemetery.

I saw a coffin in front of me and saw my grandmother in it.

Why is Granny sleeping here?

And finally, my mind started processing,

She is bidding me her last goodbye.

She is no longer with me.

She is leaving me forever.

I officially became an orphan.

I went towards her and opened the bag, took out the gift I got for her, and kept it near her.

I felt some snowflakes on her hand and looked up.

It is snowing.

I touched her icy hand for the last time.

"Merry Christmas, Granny, See, white Christmas as you like," I said with a smile on my face. I know how she used to get happy, like a kid seeing a white Christmas.

"I shall see you on another side, hopefully. Since then, rest in peace and say hi to Grandpa and Mama." Leaving her hand, I let her go.

It was late in the evening, and I was standing at the same place, looking at the whole cremation process. Everyone started going. I felt a hug. It was Nancy.

She said something, but I do not know what. She opened my hand, put something on it, closed it again, and left.

I look around and find only myself and my grandmother.

I sat on my knee and said, "So finally, you also left and made me officially an orphan, han?"

"You were the only family I had, and now God has to snatch that too." After saying this, I started laughing like a maniac.

"Granny, can you do me a favor?" Can you ask God what sin I have committed to get this life?

Why does happiness never knock on my door?

You are the only one I had, and that is also gone.

Granny, I also want to come to you. I do not want to live here alone." I look at her tomb.

"I never tell anyone, but I get scared alone, Granny. Please do not leave me alone like this, granny, please." Finally, tears started flowing from my eyes. I weep in pain. The pain was so great, as if thousands of needles were pricking in my heart.

First Mama left, then Grandpa now you.

Am I that bad?

Why did no one want to be with me?

Why does everyone hate me?

Tell me, Granny.

I cried a lot.

I hugged her grave; I felt like I was hugging her. I sob like no tomorrow; my eyes, body, and heart were hurting like anything.

My eyes started getting heavy, and I was finally feeling sleepy.

I felt someone shaking me, saying, Miss? Miss?

But I do not want to hear anything from anyone anymore. I want to sleep with my grandmother. I want to sleep here in her embrace.

This is my peace.

Finally, I fell into a deep slumber.

******

I got up with such a headache, and my body was aching like a bitch.

I sat on the bed holding my head, and yesterday’s event came in front of me, and I again got teary-eyed.

I started laughing and said, "Good morning, orphan."

Well, this is my new reality, and you cannot run away from your reality. Can you?

I felt something on my left hand, and I opened it and saw a pendant. It is my grandma’s.

She used to wear this, and I love this beautiful tear-drop diamond pendant.

She used to tell me she would give it to me one day.

I closed my palm again and cried my heart out.

I do not know how long I will be lying in the same position on the bed.

Finally, I got up and saw that it was evening.

I went to take a shower.

After a shower, I made my coffee, sat in the same place again, and started looking outside.

I felt some movement and looked up, where I found Anna giving me the same creepy smile.

What do you want, Anna?" I was not in the mood, so I came straight to the point.

"Oh, nothing, mam. I just came to check on you," she said in one go.

She has somehow started getting on my nerves. Before I said anything, I again heard the irritating voice.

"Aunt Anny, can you please make some coffee? My whole body is aching."

"Why does she have to come down all the time"? I look up, and she was wearing an extremely short nightdress, and I can see lots of marks on her neck, or at least, love bites.

Well, I might not be experienced, but that does not mean I am stupid. Romantic novels have given me enough knowledge.

Please make double-shot black coffee for Sean and my expresso. I am sure he must be tired, too." She said this while playing with the belt of her nighty.

"Oh, my god, what happened to you on your neck, darling?" Anna said in her fake, concerned voice.

"Oh, come on, aunt, now do not tell me you do not know what it is," she said while making a shy face.

And that is it; I lost it.

I said, "Anna, thanks for your concern, but I am fine. You may leave now. And, next time, if you see your bloody face in my area, I will take out every piece of plastic that fits in your body nicely. Now get the fucking out of here, both of you." I gave them a killer look and saw them running towards the staircase.

I again look outside. "So my dear husband has all-time love for the world, but he cannot even ask me about my grandmother.

I do not believe he does not know about her demise. There must be big headlines in today’s news.

So, when I was crying, he was enjoying this piece of sh*t. Well, but again, why this expectation? We have no relationship between us.

I guess this is it.

This is the last nail on my patient.

I picked up my laptop, made the arrangements, and packed my stuff. As I am always home, I need no extra clothes, so I have a small bag and my laptop bag.

I recheck all my important stuff in case I am forgetting something, but no, all done.

I sat on the sofa and closed my eyes, so finally, that was it.

Opening my eyes and taking the pen and paper I wrote...

Dear Mr. Sean Hudson,

I hope you are doing well.

First, I would like to thank you for giving me this beautiful shelter. I would be grateful to you for my whole life for this.

I know life has not been fair to you, and you must get married to me unnecessarily. Today, I am freeing you from all the burdens of this marriage thing.

I am leaving for further studies. I have some dreams, and I want to live them. I hope you understand.

I want to make my mama, grandpa, and grandmother proud.

Here is my email address. Please send me the divorce papers here. I shall sign them gladly and send them back to you.

I wish you all the happiness in the world.

PS: By the way, I have bought a Christmas gift for you. I hope you like it.

Take care.

Regards,

Sarah Rose

I folded the letter, put it on the cover with his black card, and kept it near the Christmas tree with his gift.

I looked around this place last time. It has many memories of my lonely days and nights.

Finally, bye-bye, America. I hope I will never see you again.