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your lifeguard
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2024-10-29 19:42:56“ God, I don't know what I am doing-Crap.” I uttered to myself as I stared at the ceiling questioning myself with my abilities.
I just don't know what to write anymore. I just kept on hitting the backspace again and again. Then would read some books, writing and reading are the twins, but I just can't find the right words to say. I somehow feel writing isn't for me. This is crazy- I got the energy to write, but the page is still blank.
I swallowed the lump in my throat as I can feel my eyes stinging. Then tears just fall down to my cotton shirt, making my chest feels heavy. I immediately wiped my tears as someone knocked in my door. I looked myself at the mirror and checked my eyes if it is too obvious. The mirror said I look fine. Then I took a deep breathe and walked to the entrance.
I opene
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Living And Dying just breathe
I run quickly after I heard some screaming. It was loud and miserable-a scream that gave me goosebumps even though I am already used to it.“Here we go again.” Tim mumbled to himself as he washed the cups. He smirked at me and shrugged his shoulders.I opened the door and saw how the girl cried while holding a book. Her tears streaming down, and her feet- stomping on the floor. I glanced at Grandpa worriedly and talk to him by the eye asking him what happen. He shake his head no and other customers are glancing at the young lady, too.I took a deep breath and courageously took series of steps to the girl's direction. I cleared my throat first to take her attention but she seems fully concentrated while reading the book. “Uhm, can I talk to you for awhile?” I uttered with the
Living And Dying with feeling alive.
The room was perfect white when I opened my eyes. From the ceiling, to the walls, and to my hospital dress. The last thing I could remember was when I saw blood in the handkerchief and how the medical apparatus were being attached to me.The doctors examined my lungs, asked me a lot of questions- the ones you can't answer with a yes or a no. There was a thing called PET, MRI, CT scans and X-rays to see if there are abnormal mass. In my case, I know it's worst than what you'll expect since the tumor already spread in my spinal cord which is the cause of my back pains.I don't want to hear the truth.I'm trying to tell myself it was just overfatigue or anything caused by stress. I'm trying to act strong and unaffected- I am dying inside. Little by little, pieces by pieces. It's like my planets are getting attacked with giant asteroids without
Living And Dying It's enough for now.
The clock says 6:30 a.m.. Tim was sleeping in the sofa while Grandpa's on the folding bed. Miss Mia left yesternight to keep a track on her eldest daughter, and me-the sick kid who can't be part of the next decades.I felt guilt everytime I see them exchanging thoughts about where they would sleep or who would do this and that. And I can't do anything you about it. I don't want them to worry too much about me. I just want to hit rewind and stop time and stay at the moment where we are all celebrating life.I already told the doctor that I don't want to undergo any treatment. At first, he was trying to convince me that surgeries, chemotherapies are the best for me. Until I told him my side. I remembered how he took a deep sigh and spoke to me, ' Live your days. I'm happy to meet you in this lifetime.' And honestly, it hurts like hell. He is just
Living And Dying Stay.
We stayed here in the rooftop of the hospital while Grandpa and Miss Mia are talking health business with the doctors. Before we left the room, they are already having a conversation, and I saw how Grandpa wiped his tears- it made my heart shattered into million pieces. But then when he saw me, he gave me smile that hides his pain and it took me to a higher level of me sobbing internally.The atmosphere was caliginous, adding affection to my soul. The only thing I could hear is the sift evening whispers and my trouble breathing.“ Everything happens so fast, right? It's like.. just a glimpse and then everything went blank.. Feels like.. you almost finish your painting then suddenly... someone throw black at it then.. it's- it's dark.” I spoke softly breaking the defeaning silence while hugging my knees and my eyes are darted in the s
Living And Dying to the countryside
Morning air, the sound of my alarm clock with my heart ready to conquer the day, the music track in the stall, the quotes beside the plates and teapots-are the things I am longing for. The things that kept me alive.I closed the curtain by the window for the last time. We're leaving again. I suddenly felt lump in my throat as I walked through the door. It already looked like the first time I entered this four-cornered room. The lonely pillows, the chair in my reading corner, and the succulents in the table-little things that will remind me of how painful and amazing I've been through.I took a series of deep breaths as I scan the my now empty room. My things are already packed up. We left the hospital three days ago and now I am leaving the apartment with Tim. As I closed the door, I felt like I am closing another chapter of my life. Tim patted my
Living And Dying welcome home.
We traveled long enough until the only scenery that I could see from the window are trees.The tall buildings are slowly disappearing from the view, and my music being played in the van turned to ballad from rock. I couldn't fall asleep because I don't want to miss a single second of this travel... might be the last.“Are we still far away?” I asked Grandpa for the nth time. He's the only one awake aside from me.He glanced at me in the rearview mirror and gave me a gentle smile. “ Almost home.”I took a deep breath and rub my chest using my left palm as I felt a sudden pain. My eyes stayed still in the road we passed by. I felt like I'm having trouble breathing again. My lungs are really the worst of all the worst.“ Oh, gosh.” I mumbled as
Living And Dying I'll rather die.
“I felt like we're already living in a forest...like in the most beautiful way.” I uttered and sip my green tea which taste the worst but the best for my dumb body.Tim nodded and smiled looking at the view outside. Just people passing by with breads on their hands, or children running early in the morning, and the sound of the birds chirping- it made me feel alive. I took my cardigan from the chair beside me and wore it.“Where are you going, young lady?“ Tim asked.Since yesterday he's been calling me 'young lady' or would reply to me with words like 'my pleasure'. I couldn't count how many times I'd punch him because of that.“I want to visit the tree when you cross the lake, I found it really pretty. Gotta go. I'll be back-”
Living And Dying listen to me.
Should I wake him up?Should I go outside?Am I dying tonight?Should I just wait for the sun again?“Ugh, this kind of old drama again.”I mumbled to myself and sat down on the side of my bed again and took a deep sigh. It's freaking three in the morning and no single sign of sleepiness showed up. It's been a long time since insomnia hugged me. I've been walking back in forth here in my small room. I kept my moves quietly because the wall is thin, I might wake him up. I don't know what to do anymore. Insomnia and panic attack at the same time is the worst combination ever.I stood up again and walked through the door. I nervously twisted the doorknob with trembling hands. A deafening silence covered the whole area of
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Living And Dying the sunset of our lives
Timothy's POV.She looks tired but she looks fine on the inside. I stared at Sir Flinn as she talked with Kath in the kitchen- his tears ar estreaming down while holding his granddaughter's hand. Miss Mia sat beside me and we both watched them with a heavy heart. “ She's too precious, right? ” she spoke and her voice cracked. I smiled at her and eyes stayed still watching the painful scene. “An angel.” I said and stood up when Isaw Kathareen stared at me. “ I am just going to gt some fresh air-just outside.” I spoke and quickly left the room.I walked to the garden and messed my hair. Seeing her trying to bare with the pain is more painful. I stared at the sky and covered my face th both of my palms in frustration. There are billions of people around this world, but why does it have to be her? Why does it have to be the lady I wish I will grow up with?
Living And Dying let's go home
“ But... if you try the therapy, you'll live longer, right”I flinched with her words knowing she is just 7 years old. I played with the fabric of my dress and faced her with a nervous smile on my face. I took a deep breath before straightening my back to came close to her. I stroked her black hair and darted my eyes on her.“You know...there are choices you are going to make and only you know why you choose that. You are still young..there's more adventures you are going to face. But I want you to...be strong. You may not understand the decisions I made, I know one day you will.. and this may be the first we talk to each other.. I hope you will never forget my name..Zoe Kathareen.” I stated.She stared at the little doll she's holding and then faced wit
Living And Dying i am tired
“Oh gosh-is this real?”I kept on scrolling until I made myself believe it was real. It has been a week since I completed this story and yet- THERE ARE ALREADY 20,000 READS. I checked the comments they left and it touched my heartbeat. Some says that they didn't expect the ending and actually, me too.I took a deep breath and closed my laptop. I took a sip of my green tea and watched how the butterflies danced in the air, and how the blue the clouds are. After seconds of daydreaming, Tim appeared in my vision who's carrying a white box. He smiled at me when our eyes met and placed the box on the table beside me.” What's that?” I asked while he is slowly taking off the tape.“The printer.”“So..you're really serious about it, huh?”&nb
Living And Dying i lived a life
I slowly opened my eyes as the crisp of sunrays touched my face. The wall of my room is thin and I can hear murmurs from the living room. I hit the buttton in my side table to signal Miss Mia that I am already awake. After some seconds, she entered my room with her curly hair tied in a high ponytail and a wide genuine smile painted on her face. Staring at her made me left in an awe.“Rise and shine, sunshine!””Miss, you are freaking gorgeous..” I said in my hoarsy voice while she sets up my oxygen tank. She just glance at me and shake her head and continued on our morning routine.While she's combing my hair, I heard Tim's voice and Grandpa's and their voices sounds so excited. “What's going on outside?” I asked as I fixed the transparent tube being attac
Living And Dying stay with me
“Is you-uhm..and Mom in a-uhm..-are you not in good state?” I asked Grandpa while he's arranging the flowers in Grandma's grave. “ I never heard Mom talking about you or Grandma..I'm just..curious.” I continued and unconciously run my fingers with the metal part of the wheelchair.He sat down in the green grass while hugging both of knees and playing with the petals of the flower. “ Your Mom...was mad at me before until the time you saw her in the stall..when she was 18,when your grandma died..she left me and said she wants to live her own life. I let her go but as a father, I don't want her to suffer in poverty, so I gave her one of my company-”“ Wait..what?”He gazed at me but he doesn't to be surprised at all-no single sign. “ I thought she was just a regular worker..” I stated with my hush voice. “Wait, so..you're the one who..named the company, right?” I asked aga
Living And Dying to my moon.
My hands were trembling as I slowly typed the words. I listened to a hundred of songs to make sure that I'll convey the emotions well.I typed and typed and finally reached the last two words.The End.I stared at it long enough to consume the thought that I made it this far.I read the chapter from the top and made sure there are less errors. The feeling was unexplainable. I did it. I finished the novel. I took a deep sigh of relief as I saved it and closed my laptop. I stared at the view- mountains, big trees, green valleys, the lake, children playing with their kites-a home. While enjoying the view, a van suddenly stopped in front of our house. I waited until I saw a familiar figure of someone-her dark complexion, her cury hair, and finally..her lovely face.“ Miss Mia!” I screamed making my lungs stopped working for a moment. She gave me her wides
Living And Dying tell them my name.
I can't count how many times I already reread this book but everytime I do, it feels like I am reading it for the first time again. Every page gives magic and even though this novel breathes despair, and the characters are perfect but the dearest author just..killed them, I am still proud to say I am the number one fan of this 386 pages book.“ Kath! Are you done?”I didn't listen to Tim as he screamed from the garden. “Zoe Kathareen! Did you hear me well?” He shouted again.“Almost..” I replied even though only me can hear my voice.I heard his footsteps and I can feel him standing behind me. He pattes my head with his wet hands and it was freaking cold. I turned my head to him with narrowed eyes and wrinkled forehead. “ Stop it Timothy..”“Are you not sleepy?” he asked as
Living And Dying live before you leave.
“Ten chapters left.” I uttered replying to Tim's question. HIs eyes went big and there was a smile that formed in his face. I give him a finger gun and scratched the bridge of my nose. I took a deep breath and stared at the ceiling. “ I don't know if this is a great story... I don't feel like it's worth someone's time.” I stated while both of my hands are entagled and on top of my forehead.The smile on his face disappeared and he gave me a glare. “ What are you talking about?” he asked but I didn't respond. He went to the window sill and arranged the vases and then opened the curtain letting the light in. “ You know... not everyone can write a novel..” he uttered leaning at the wall while his legs are crossed. “People like you, who are blessed with writing skill are rare... and you should never be yourself's first hater. You may think your story is lousy it's because you already know everything about that story...how it will end or how you
Living And Dying i love you, too.
I sip the smoothie Grandpa made for me. It tastes great than the ones being served in the hospital. The doctor visited me yesterday and talked with Grandpa about my condition. I also grab the opportunity to apologize for how I act the last time we saw each other. He says that it's normal for him, and he already encountered a lot of dramas like what happened to me and him. But actually, I can't look him in the eye and I know there's a litte regret in me after he left, might be the last time I'll see him.Earlier, Miss Dehlaila helped me clean and wash myself. She was so gentle of me..and the way she speak and move is very gracious. Every time our eyes meet, she always gave me her sweet smile showing her perfect white teeth. She told me that she and Miss Mia are like soulmates-they are friends since they were in their teenage years when Miss Mia has to work for her family. They worked in the same shop where Miss Dehlaila is a wait
