Chapter 1 - The Sad Story of Miyuki Sakurai

"My grandmother told me from childhood that there is a terrible evil lurking in the dark, so I should beware of the darkness... So I have always been afraid of the dark. I always came home before dusk and asked my mother not to turn off the light in my room. Then she would light a candle for me and put it on the bedside table next to my bed to save electricity. I stared at that flame and felt safe, as if some invisible force hidden within that flame was watching over me, protecting from all evil. However, the darkness caught me then in my dreams, it lurked, hiding in its depths overgrown creatures with huge teeth, long claws and wild eyesight. Chased by these terrible creations of my childhood imagination, I would always wake up screaming, and my grandmother was always there for me first, but probably mostly because her room was closest to mine. Grandma calmed me down, and with her all the darkness disappeared, even when the light was not on, and the monsters disappeared along with this darkness. My grandmother always shone like the sun.

Unfortunately, when I turned 7, my parents died in an accident that happened in a factory where they both worked hard to ensure our well-being. Grandma struggled with the management to punish the guilty, but all she won was a small compensation, which was enough for just a few months with a relatively safe life. That is why grandmother, apart from her retirement money, also had to work, but fortunately she found a job with help of an old friend who ran a sewing room. And this is how the two of us managed, leading a very frugal lifestyle. Grandma even moved with me to a smaller apartment, where there was only one room, which served us as a living room during the day, and in the evening, a bedroom, when we put out the mat on the floor and the bedding on it, and so we slept together. For me it was the perfect solution, because with my grandma so close, all my fears disappeared, even in the complete darkness. Back then, I didn't even need a candle on, my grandmother shone with her inner light so much.

It wasn't until I turned 12 that I understood why my grandmother seemed to "shine" so much. It was then that my power slowly began to unfold, and my grandmother explained our origins to me.

- I'm a sorceress, sweetheart. And you are one too, and inherited power from me. You are very lucky because your mother was missed, but sometimes it happens in wizard's families. You have power, Miyuki, but remember, use it wisely.- I remember her words so well as if I heard them yesterday.- And I'm sorry for scaring you so much since you were a small child, I just wanted you to beware of evil. But do not be afraid of the dark, because the light you carry will drive away all this evil from you... You have tremendous power to fight, you just need to find it within yourself and use it properly.- she continued.

After that, grandmother mainly taught me to control myself so that I would not accidentally reveal to people my identity. She also taught me the basics of magic, including healing flora and fauna, especially small animals or minor wounds in humans. Grandma wanted to teach me more, but for my full power to wake up, I had to grow up a bit, and she was clearly in a hurry, as had struggled with cancer for a long time, but was already after chemotherapy, and for years it felt like she had won the fight. But when I went to high school, my grandmother started having a relapse and had to fight the disease again. During that time, she should save herself, as her doctor advised, but grandma continued to work to leave me as much money as possible. I said that maybe I would start working, but my grandmother replied that I had to focus on my studies so that I would get a good job and have a prosperous life in the future. Of course, I listened to my grandma and devoted all my high school time to studying, avoiding parties, dating, and even making friends, and thus obtained excellent results, best in class, but also a nerd title, and I was hated by most of my classmates. However, it did not bother me, at least as long as I lived relatively peacefully with my grandmother.

During the summer holidays anyway, despite grandma's pleading for me to rest, I worked part time at a grocery store in our neighborhood. I bought her all sorts of goodies, especially nut pralines, which my grandma loved very much. I was happy back then, even though my fear of the dark was lurking somewhere in my subconsciousness, but as long as I returned home right after school, and during the summer holidays I only took day shifts at work, everything was fine. Then I graduated with an excellent grade in my final exams, so sending my papers to university seemed like a formality, as I was sure I would be accepted. I wanted to go to social pedagogy in order to be able to help people in need, such as my parents, who, especially financially, could not always fully cope.

And just on the day I came home from work, and then all happy from the post office, where I had come along the way, with a letter from the university, announcing that I had been accepted for college, in a hand, and was standing in the doorway of our apartment, I was struck by the terrifying silence. My grandmother was always bustling around the house, turning on the radio... But today I heard nothing but the ghastly tapping of a clock. Terrified, I went deeper in and saw that grandma was still lying in the sheets. I threw the letter on the table next to and knelt beside her, revealing the quilt... And I knew right away that my grandmother was dead.

I cried a lot, blamed myself because last night grandma was feeling unwell, and I didn't take her to the hospital just because she herself said that would not go. And, as it turned out after the autopsy, my grandmother probably predicted that nothing would help her, because the doctor himself said that even if she went to the hospital, nothing could be done to save her. He even stated that it was better that she died in her home, having been with her granddaughter the night before, than after spending the night in a hospital bed.

I managed to pay for a very modest funeral with some of my grandmother's savings, and when I combined the rest of her money with what I had saved from a summer job, I managed to survive the first few months of my life while studying. In the meantime, I found a job in a bar near the university, mainly thanks to the help of Yumiko Natsuno, a girl of my year and of the same faculty, who despite my shyness and being introverted, became my friend anyway. All in all, it was weird that someone like Yumiko wanted to hang out with me at all, because she was more of a party girl, not a nerd like me, but Yumiko inside was a very good girl, sensitive to the harm of others, so she chose the same field of study as me. Thanks to her, I also got out of my shell, at least a little bit, and when I told her about my fear of the dark, especially the monsters that hide in it, she didn't laugh at me, but gave me a serious talk.

- You know what, Miyuki? You are silly.- Yumiko told me with a serious face.- Darkness is just darkness, the same as light. You should not be afraid of the dark, not even monsters lurking within it, because such things do not exist. People are monsters, and believe me, they don't always hide in the dark. Some people do bad things even in the broad daylight.- she added even more seriously.

It made me think a bit, but didn't help to get rid of my anxiety entirely. Unfortunately, when I had to work in the afternoons because of my studies, my childhood fear returned. Usually I come back with Yumiko, who lives a few houses behind me, so she has my building on the way, and then everything is completely fine. But there are also days when Yumiko either has to leave early or has a day off - and I have to come back alone. And then, when I walk down the street flooded with darkness, my heart beats like crazy. I feel someone's breath on the back of my neck, I hear footsteps behind me... I know it's all just in my head, but sometimes I'm really scared. Grandma told me to use my power in such moments, to "light" my way, especially if I felt more fear or a lurking danger somewhere, but despite my efforts, I was unable to do it so far. I am always paralyzed by fear. I also know perfectly well that I would not be able to defend myself even if I stand with some beast face to face. So how was I still alive? Maybe in fact, as my grandmother told me, I had a light inside me, just like she did, which scared the demons away? I didn't know if it was true, but I hoped it was so, and that this light would not run out, or its effect would not diminish after years...

Also, if there was any more power in me, than the small amount which allows me to heal a homeless cat, it was bound by some invisible chain. And yet, as a sorceress, I should be able to fight the forces of evil, right? However, I couldn't do it and felt terribly useless. I also had no one to guide me further, perhaps teach me more about the world of magic. Maybe then I could learn how to unleash this great power that I supposedly had within me?

Anyway, my life has been successful so far. I have a job, I can go to college, I have a roof over my head and I earn enough for a decent life, I can also afford to pay for the apartment. My friend Yumiko lives nearby, along with her older brother, Harue, who has tried to pick me up more than once, but I refused, much to Yumiko's delight, because she herself warned me about him, calling Harue an incurable seducer. Yes, he was very handsome and charming, but he had a different girl in his arms every day and didn't want to settle down and I wasn't going to be his next 'night adventure'.

I guess the only thing missing is love, but you can't have it all, right? God blessed me more fortunate than my parents and grandma did, at least for now. I managed to break a bit to the surface even though I came from a poor family."

~~~~~~~~~

Miyuki put down the pen and closed the diary, then hiding it in the lockable drawer, locked with a key she always had with her, hung on a silver chain, right next to the cross with Jesus and the medallion with the image of the Virgin Mary. She put the candle, which had been standing on the desk so far, on the bedside table. Out of a childhood habit, Miyuki used candles to save electricity, and besides, she always associated candlelight with safety. Miyuki had left it lit overnight, because she still couldn't fall asleep in complete darkness, especially now that grandma died and she was completely alone in this small apartment.

Miyuki lied down on a mat on the floor, rested her head on the pillow and covered herself with the duvet, and she lied like this for a longer moment, staring at the flickering flame of the candle. Soon she fell asleep.