I don't waste time feeling sorry for myself any longer. I will allow no one to continue hurting me. I'm finished being this weak person who I created through all my grief. Falling for those that have hurt me, thinking I deserve all the misery because of what has happened to my family.
I have found satisfaction in my own misery, but I need to stop punishing myself. All that has happened has made me seem weak. I am done with all those who have brought me pain. I will no longer allow myself to feel anything for them any longer. They are my enemy, not my friend. I will make them pay for all they have done to me.
Realizing now that I'm going to always miss my family and wish they were here with me. But knowing no matter how hard I wish for them to be here. They are not coming back, they are dead. They want me to excel in my life and be happy. Even though I find it impossible to be happy without them. I am going to have to find a way.
 
As we head up to his house, it's just like before. Nothing has changed. All the people gawking at me and whispering. What they all must think, but I don't care. The compassion that I've had most of my life is gone. I figure it's better to feel nothing than to feel anything.In the distance I see a little boy running to me, as my eyes clear I see it's Jayden. He has done nothing wrong, but I'm afraid to show weakness. Knowing Jayden is probably the biggest weakness I have even though everything that has happened is not his fault he is innocent, So why would I not acknowledge him? He is the little shine of light that is in my darkness. I squat down as he runs into my arms, I hug him as tight as I can and pick him up. "Lilly, I have missed you so much, I'm so happy that you are okay."Then the words come out of my month without me realizing, "Oh Jayden, I have missed you so much too."As I'm gripping on to him tighter, I watch as a woman walks towards us. "Now Jayd
As I'm starting to wake up, I feel pain radiating all over my body. As I open my eyes, I am terrified of what is happening to me. I then realize that Ivan is fucking me from behind. I go and grab onto the sheets on the bed to pull myself up, trying to get away from him. When he realizes I'm awake, he takes his cock out of me and flips me over onto my back and gets on top of me.I start hitting his chest, screaming, "get off of me, Ivan, stop this."I feel a hard slap across my face, "I told you, Lilly, that you were going to pay for what you did.""No I don't want this, please Ivan no."I start to kick and punch him as hard as I can, trying to make him stop. When He finally lets go of me, I then make a run for the door, trying to escape him. I try to open the door, but it's looked. I began to bang on the door screaming for help, but no one comes. I then feel as Ivan pulls me back by my hair. He throws me on the bed, I go to get back up. But instead, he th
I get woken up when hearing the door open. I then become scared that Ivan is getting ready to hurt me more. Knowing that I am so weak that I have no fight left in me, It's almost like he wants me to die a slow, agonizing death. Just to come back into a world for him to do it repeatedly.As I tremble in fear, hearing the footsteps coming closer and closer. I close my eyes, not wanting to see what is about to happen to me. Then I feel the loosing of the belt on my leg as my leg relaxes on the bed. Then the same thing with the other leg. I want to close my legs, but I am so weak from all that has happened. Something tells me I don't need to be scared, that I can relax. But I can't help but to be terrified.Then I feel too little hands touch my arm. Immediately my fear just disappears, and I get an overwhelming feeling of pure love. I don't understand this feeling, it's nothing I have ever felt before, and I know who exactly it is saving me, it's Jayden.When
Landon sees me. I can see the shock on his face. I don't think he realizes that Jayden is in my arms. Until Jayden pops his little head up "Hey daddy, please don't be mad at me.""Jayden, what are you doing with Lilly, oh my God what happened.""Daddy Ivan was hurting her. I had to save her, so I did. I tried to tell you, but you didn't listen, so I had to do it by myself.""No Jayden, you did not he is Alpha there are consequences. Lilly, what the fuck why would you let him be involved."?I become so furious that he thinks I would ever put Jayden in any kind of danger at all. What a fucking peice of shit right before I go to say something. Jayden jumps out of my arm. I can tell he is annoyed. "Daddy what is wrong with you, Lilly was being tortured to death. She needed to be saved. I could sense every ounce of her misery and no one should ever have to go through what she had to."I bend down to Jayden with tears in my eyes. "I'm so sorry that you h
I am unsure of what to do. I'm scared, wondering what games he may be playing. I watch as he goes to stand. I back up standing in the middle of the doorway. He stumbles and looks into my eyes, "mine, you're my mate."I am unsure of what is happening. He is starting to scare me. I begin to tremble as I wait for him to snap back into reality. I can be strong, but it doesn't mean I'm not scared. I watch as he steps towards me. I want to stand my ground, but I can't. I go to run, but then all I can think about is what will happen to Jayden.So, I stopped, and I turned around to go back into the bedroom. But he is standing in the doorway, just staring at me. I become uncomfortable with his gaze, and then I realize I am naked. I'm confused by his eyes. It is like this is the first time that he has ever seen me naked before.I get tired of his games. I know that he's pretending he's a monster. He has never been the gentle type, not with me, anyway. "Ivan, what games ar
IVAN'S POVAs I am laying on the floor, I'm not sure how I got here or what the fuck is going on. I'm not sure what room I'm in. It doesn't look familiar at all. My head is pounding I go to touch my neck, fuck as I touch it I feel pain. Then a smell begins to overpower my nostrils and almost makes me weak in my knees. I go to look up, and that's when I see the most beautiful she-wolf that I have ever seen in my entire life.She looks so beautiful with her green eyes and her long brown hair as she is looking at me. I see instant fear, not sure why she is so afraid of me. I look down at her body, loving her naked body. As I let a growl out, making sure it's known that she is mine. Not liking that her body is exposed, I want to cover her, but I can see that she fears me and I want to avoid frightening her more than what she already is.She is so beautiful, but why is she so fucking against me, I have never met another she-wolf that wasn't head over heals for me. Go
LILLY'S POVI don't know what to think, as I'm waiting for him to barge into the bathroom. He never comes. I turn the water on. I let it warm as I feel the heat of the water on my hand, it feels so good. I step into the shower, I let the hot water pour over my body. I am shocked how satisfying it feels. As I look down, I see the water turn brown as it is cleaning all the dirt off my body.As I reach for the soap, it smells of coconut, loving the smell it is incredible. As I fill my hands with soap and rub it all over my body, god, how good it is making me feel. I haven't been this relaxed in a long time, and I don't want to get out of the shower. I could stay in here forever, loving the feeling. Of the heat on my body.I then hear a door close. It makes me jump, thinking that he is coming in here. I open the shower curtain as my hands are shaking. I am trying to control my shaking hands, but I can't. Fuck I hate how I react to him, he frightens me so
I hear Landon talking, but I don't understand the words as I watch his lips move but not understanding the words, I watch as He reaches his arm out to me to comfort me. I then move backwards, not wanting any of his comfort. I'm shocked, wondering if he was involved in everything that has taken place.I don't speak to him, I turn around, and I run, I don't shift, I just run as myself. Tears flowed down my eyes, realizing all that had happened was a test. To figure out, I was a healer. I'm so uncertain about everything. I want answers, but I feel betrayed. I, no what I wanted in the beginning, wanting to find out who I was, but knowing now what it all cost just wasn't worth any of it.It seems like I'm losing small pieces of myself as time goes on. I'm scared that eventually I'm just going to disappear and hate who I become. I don't look back, I just continue to run faster and faster. I need to get away from all of this. I have been held here for too long, it's time to g
Six months have passed since we escaped hell. Life is finally beginning to feel normal. Which makes me feel terrified. I never wanted to leave Alaska where my family was from, where I was raised. But I knew I had no other choice. We had to escape to a place where wolves were almost seemed non-existing.I wanted to go back for Landon. I wanted to save him no matter the cost, if it was just me. I would have died for him, but knowing that it would have risked Jayden's life, I wasn't willing to do so. I hate that he's not here. I wanted to drop hints for him, so he would know where to go. But I knew that I couldn't risk anyone else figuring the clues out. I know that Jayden misses him. I miss him too.We figured out that other wolves didn't sense us. Usually, a wolf can tell when another person is a wolf, but because of Jayden and I having healing powers. We go unnoticeable. It makes it easy for us to live in a human world. We know that our old life will catch up with us eventually, but f
As we make our way to the door to the podium, Mary stops us. I look at her with so much anger and disappointment, I tell her, “please let us go. I want to avoid hurting you, but I will do whatever is necessary to protect us.”“They threatened to kill all of us. I thought one life for hundreds would be acceptable. I'm so sorry.”“You tied him up to a bed.”“He wouldn't stop trying to escape. I had no other choice.”“That's the thing, Mary, you had a choice, but you made the wrong one.”I want to rip her head off, but before I have time to, I feel a little hand tugging on my side. “Lilly, I know grandma made a mistake, but she's not bad, she just made a bad choice.”He's so innocent. I feel so bad knowing what is going to have to be done, and he's so little. Can he bear it? Will he forgive me for what I'm going to have to do? I don't want to take the chance of us being captured. It's time to kill them all.“Jayden, some things are unforgiven when you do something so terrible.”“Lilly, j
I refuse to lose any more people that I care about. If I can get Jayden and Landon out of here, then I won't have to worry about them. I will know that they are free. I may never see them again, but at least they will be able to live. They cannot stay here. I cannot have a distraction. I need my head clear. If I'm worried about them, that I won’t be capable of doing whatever is necessary.I didn't want to resort to violence. I didn't want to kill people, especially people of my own kind. I just don't know what other choice there is anymore. I just want all of this to end. I don't want to live a life running. I want to enjoy life and everything it has to offer. I know what I have to do, and it makes me sick, but I don't think there are any other options. I quickly snap out of my thoughts as I hear Sam's voice, “Lilly, I will not follow any of your demands. You will do what you're told, or I will kill Jayden.A fire lights up inside me as those words leave his mouth. Something happens
I stand there in disbelief. No, this can't be right, he looks nothing like. Sam, how can it be him? Star said it was our mate. I thought me not feeling for him was because of the hate that is deep inside me for him. I thought it overpowered the bond and turned it into nothing. But I was wrong, I felt nothing because this is not my mate. How could I be so stupid?“Sam, what is going on? Why do you look like Ivan?”“Oh Lilly, how easy you are to fool. You're just like your mate.”I watch as he peels his face. It is so disgusting as He removes the skin piece by piece, I then begin to recognize that this is really Sam. Another person who has betrayed me, I know that I shouldn't be surprised, but I am. There's not a person who has not lied to me. It makes me angry and sad all at the same time.“Why would you do this, Sam? I thought you cared about me. I thought we were friends."?“Lilly, it's nothing personal, it's for power. They promised me to be the alpha of the wicked falls pack I've
I get out of their grip and stumble to my feet. I grab a hold of them and throw them to the ground like they weigh nothing. As my hand gets tighter around their throat, I can hear them gasp. Questioning if I should even give them a breath to speak.I then ask, “who are you and what do you want?” As I slowly release their throat enough for them to speak.“Please don't hurt me. I'm only doing my job. I didn't realize who you were until I already grabbed you.”“Who are you?”“I'm one of the watch Warriors of the pack, my name is Tye.”“There has been so much activity in the past couple of days that I didn't think I'm sorry. I didn't want to take a chance to endanger the pack.”“What do you mean increased activity, why wasn't I informed?”“There have been wolves trying to come into the pack. We are not sure why some seem harmless, but others seem dangerous. With all that has happened, we have not been allowing newcomers to join.”As I listen to him, I become irritated. I am the alpha. I s
I've been watching Mary, but she doesn't seem to mind she goes on about her business like nothing is happening I know her secret I'm just waiting for the perfect moment to strike Landon is getting well, and he will soon be back on his feet and he will want to leave to continue the search for Jayden. I wanted to take this chance to find Jayden, but I haven't gotten any farther than what I was. I want to tell Landon because maybe he will know of some hiding spots that Mary might have used. If anyone knows her, it would be Landon that knows her best. I think my biggest issue is I don't know how to tell Landon. I don't want to be the person who breaks his world. I don't want him to have to lose someone else he cares about. But I'm at the point now where I'm not sure if I have another option. I try so hard to stop thinking about everything, but I can't. All I really want to do is sleep, but I can't. My head is spinning. With all that has been happening, figuri
It has been almost a week since Landon has been home. He has been sleeping most of the time. His body is attempting to catch up on everything that it has lost. I've been working with Mary and I don't want to do what she wants me to do. She wants me to confirm Ivan as my mate and make him my second in command.I've been trying to put it off, but I'm not sure if I can any longer. I haven't even spoken to Ivan since that night. With Landon coming home, I've only been focusing on him. I haven't gotten very far figuring out about Jayden. I want to follow Mary. But every time she leaves, I can not pick up her scent to follow her. It frustrates me so much, but I try to hide it as best as I can.As I am getting ready for the day I am nervous that today is going to be the day when Mary makes me make everything official with Ivan. I've been putting it off, and I know that she is not going to let me put it off for very much longer. Not sure what my excuse is going to be this time
He pushes me inside his grip, making me feel uneasy. Everyone's staring, wondering what my move will be, but I do nothing. I let him push me to the bedroom, not knowing what he's about to say. I'm nervous. It has been almost a month since I have seen him last. I watch, I'm waiting to see his lips move, wanting to hear what he has to say. “Lilly, I have looked everywhere for him. I can't find him. He is gone.” I watch as he falls to his knees crying in despair, my heartbreaking for him. And my body builds up with anger, knowing that his mother is making him feel this way. I ran over to him and let him sob in my arms. Not knowing what to say, I know that I can't tell him what I know. If he found out that his mother had been behind all this, I'm not sure what he would do. “Landon, I'm so sorry that all this had to happen to you. I wish I could take away all your pain.” I feel bad for Landon, but I will not jeopardize saving Jayden just to make him fe
My senses have improved dramatically, but something else that I have noticed is my anger. I feel my blood boiling inside me. Trying so hard to control it, I don't want to blow my cover. I don't want Mary to know what I know. If she gets any idea that I am up to something, my plan could go very wrong. So wrong that I actually might kill her.She thinks the first move should be me naming my mate as my 2nd in command. Usually, packs have male alpha's and the females are their Luna. In this case, it's very much different, since the female is the alpha. I want to avoid making it official with Ivan. I don't love him. I'm aware that I should since he is my mate, and I'm met to be with him, but I feel nothing.I was always told once you find your mate that the bond is unbreakable. But the bond that I have is nothing. When I look at him, all