Chapter 12

How long has it been since I masturbated? Maybe years, just like it’s been years since I was so horny that I had to lock myself in a bathroom and relieve myself for fear of getting in my pants.

When my body relaxed, I sighed and closed my pants.

I had to calm down or I wouldn’t be able to stay in Maya’s presence for more than two minutes. 

I cleaned the floor and I went back to the table like it was nothing.

The moment I sat in my place she turned and looked at me, peering at me with her grey eyes that were able to bring every man to his knees.

\"Are you all right?\" she asked me worried.

\"Perfectly.\" I answered.

She gave me a sweet smile and turned to resume the conversation with Lucas and his boyfriend.

My heart was pounding and all I had in my head was the image of her smile.

I’m fucked.

**************

We left Andrew and my sister’s house after midnight, the two lovebirds had blissfully kicked us out the moment they started rubbing each other on the couch, like two fucking teenagers.

Knowing them, they wouldn’t be ashamed to drag themselves into the room in front of everyone, so we’d packed up and left in a hurry. Most likely they didn’t even notice we were missing.

Every time I looked at my sister with her boyfriend, the way they looked at each other even after all those years, I realized what true love was, it was exactly what I saw in them.

The passion that united them, the solidarity for each other, and the way they supported and helped each other.

Sometimes I felt a little bit of envy. I, too, wanted someone to look at me the way my sister looked at Andrew like he was the only man in the world. I also wanted to feel that feeling that you have when you love someone, go home, and find that person who waits for you and welcomes you to console you after a failed cause or after a tiring day of work.

I tried, I looked for that woman who made my heart beat so hard that I thought it might come out of my chest.

But whoever I met never caught my eye. Too much makeup. Too many silicones. Too much fake.

No one had ever really managed to capture me, to bewitch me with a single gesture.

\"Are we going to a bar?\" asked Devon, Lucas’s boyfriend as soon as we were out in the open.

\"I have to go home, my mother will think I’m on the run.\" Maya said looking at the phone display.

Lucas peeked at her phone, \"But she didn’t even look for you! Don’t be old, c’mon May!\" said Lucas.

\"I’m not old!\" Maya defended herself by putting her hands in her coat pockets and trembling slightly.

I wanted to surround her with an arm and warm her up with my body.

\"And I can’t even drink.\" she said, snorting.

\"Just give it 30 minutes, then you can go back in your old and big pajamas and wear them like you’re 80.\" Devon smiled.

Maya opened her mouth wide in surprise and then she put on her nose. She was gorgeous.

\"Only half an hour.\" she said, walking down the sidewalk.

I followed her immediately and I stood beside her, with my hands in my pocket. I felt her trembling.

\"Do you want me to warm you up?\" I offered her maliciously.

Maya looked at me out of the corner of her eye and then shook her head.

That was it. I had a feeling that she was also attracted to me. Several times I had caught her watching me thin but every time I noticed, she was quick to look away or pretend to ask me something, like salad, water, or bread.

It was like she forced herself to not look at me or talk to me.

What the hell did I do that night to get me to treat me this way?

I prayed that I didn’t call her by someone else’s name. It would be the biggest mistake of my life and I wouldn’t be able to fix it.

After a few minutes, we arrived at a bar around the corner. I opened the door and I kept it wide open for Maya who immediately overtook me and entered the hot bar. She sighed when she was finally warmed up.

I followed her inside and heard Lucas whimpering behind me because I had inadvertently left the door and this was almost slammed on his face.

\"Rude.\" Lucas said on the way to the bar.

Maya took off her coat and sat down at one of the stools while I stood beside her.

The bartender immediately noticed her and gave her a broad smile as she pulled out her cell phone and began to write a message.

\"What can I bring you beauty,\" the boy asked, looking at her.

\"A non-alcoholic.\" Maya replied without even looking at him.

The boy made a disappointed face and then turned to me, I could only be happy to notice that Maya did not give in to anyone’s advances.

\"Whiskey without ice.\" I said to the boy, electrocuting him.

The young man took Lucas and Devon’s orders and Maya put her cell phone on the counter.

\"Are they always like this?\" she suddenly asked me while the two guys next to us were making out.

\"What?\" I asked confused.

\"Jess and Andrew. Are they always so, how can I say it, carnal?\" she asked with her eyes spinning.

\"Oh, worse. I don’t know how it’s possible that Mom and Dad haven’t caught them with their pants down yet. Whenever they feel it’s appropriate, they go somewhere and bang like animals in heat.\" I said as seriously as possible.

I didn’t want to remember every time I went into our parents\' bathroom and found them half-naked. The guilt ended up being mine because I didn’t knock.

Maya made a disgusted face that made her even more adorable. Why did I agree to come here?

The bartender arrived with our orders and immediately I swallowed a big sip. My throat was on fire, but I did not care.

\"Be careful. You use to be out of control when you're drunk.\" Maya said.

I didn’t understand what she was referring to. I then remembered the night of the party. Maybe I had been too aggressive with her? Did I push her to do something she didn’t want? God, I prayed no.

\"This is our song!\" Lucas said, getting up and dragging his boyfriend to the track.

Maya did not turn at all but continued to drink her drink, crossing her legs elegantly.

I tried to make a little conversation, but she kept ignoring me or answering me badly. It was impossible.

Devon and Lucas returned a couple of times to quench their thirst before returning to the track. I looked at them and I noticed how they danced quietly and looked at each other with love.

I turned to Maya and looked at her profile as she picked up the phone again to check out some new messages that obviously weren’t there.

\"Okay, did I do something to you?\" I suddenly snapped.

The alcohol was making it easier. She turned around and raised an eyebrow, looking at me crookedly.

\"Are you serious?\" she said.

\"Very serious.\" I said as seriously as I could as the head began to swirl.

\"Unbelievable.\" made her indignant.

\"Is it because of what happened the night of the party?\" I asked insecurely.

\"He knows how to think!\" she answered sourly.

\"Damn Maya! Tell me if I did anything to you! Didn’t you like it? Did I force you to do something you didn’t want? Please tell me.\" I said, looking at her.

Maya froze, then suddenly took off the glass with the whiskey before throwing it down with a single sip, making a grimace when the alcohol burned her throat. I watched her as kidnapped as she slammed the empty glass on the counter and turned to me.

\"Are you stupid?\" he asked me.

\"No.\" I answered.

\"Can’t your little head really get to the reason why I might be upset?\" said Maya tightening her eyes to two cracks, furious.

She was so hot when she was pissed off, her cheeks were red, her eyes were grey and she was glowing. I could’ve just bent over and kissed her just to remember the taste of her tongue in my mouth.

\"No?\" I said uncertainly.

\"Unbelievable! Unbelievable!\" she said exasperated, \"I waited for you, Nate! I lay on that damn couch half-naked for 20 minutes and you didn’t come! When I came to find you, you were fucking another girl against the wall!\" she almost screamed furiously.

I blinked several times, confused, I did not understand what he was talking about, and my head was spinning. I put my elbow on the table and took my head in my hands, trying to stop it.

\"And don’t make that face, you’re a bastard.\" she said bitterly.

She turned around, but I stopped her.

\"Wait.\" I said, grabbing her by the arm, \"I don’t understand.\" I said, more and more confused.

\"Don’t play dumb with me. You humiliated me, you treated me like an inflatable doll to fill, and you dumped me the second you found someone else to empty your balls into.\" she said furiously and did to free herself.

\"Wait!\" I stopped her again by tightening the grip \"I don’t know what you’re talking about! I don’t remember!\" I said in a panic, Maya looked at me grimly.

\"You have two minutes.\" he said.

\"I went upstairs to get what I needed when I came down, I got something to drink and I knocked it down in one breath then I don’t remember! I remember meeting you on the stairs and then nothing. I swear.\" I said in one breath.

\"You didn’t meet me on the stairs, you idiot!\" she yanked her arm and freed herself from my grip \"You jumped on the first one that happened to you! Do you realize how humiliated I felt?\" she asked with a wounded look before getting up and going to the bathroom.

I was the biggest asshole of them all.