Chapter 538

Gabriela’s death devastated me. I felt like a part of me had perished with her, like someone had reached into my gut and plucked out a piece of my insides. So great was the pain that for the first time since I had become a vampire, I began to wish the transformation had never occurred. Had I remained human, I never would have met her, and thus never would have lost her. What good was eternal existence when it meant unending years of pain and sorrow?

Were it not for Ricard, I’m certain I would have gone on a killing rampage, totally uncaring for my own safety, wreaking havoc across the land until the populace finally destroyed me and put an end to my suffering. Ricard would not allow it, though.

At first, he restrained me by force, using his far greater strength to hold me in check, despite the bites and gashes I managed to inflict upon him in those early days and nights. Later, he held me back through reason, advising me that no matter how much I hurt right the