Missing Her

✨✨Jake✨✨

It's been almost three years since my best friend Brianna moved away to California. We were inseparable, did everything, and went everywhere together.

She was one of the only people I was ever willing to open up to and be myself with. We went our separate ways when we graduated high school. She attends USC, and I'm attending MTSU- or Middle Tennessee State University.

I have one year to graduate, along with my buddies Jeremy and Matthew. The three of us come from the same town, Lakeview. A small quiet countryside town. Most folks there have been living there from generation to generation.

My family and Brie's included.

I've been playing football here since my first year. We got recruited when we were in high school. I get scolded by the coach all the time. He and everyone always say I have a big temper and need to work on it. I really just don't have the patience for anyone's stupidities and their bullshit.

I took up boxing a bit after Brie left for college. It helped me channel my "anger," as people call it, and I honestly became fond of it. I was really good at it until I was banned from it last year because of a fight where I knocked a dude's teeth out with one single blow to the face. The bad thing is, it happened out of the ring and at a party near campus. The owner had warned me that any fights out of the ring would mean automatic expulsion from the gym. So he had no other choice than to close the door on me.

It wasn't my fault; honestly, the guy kept getting in my face saying I was eyeing his girl. I kept telling him I didn't want trouble, and I wasn't even looking at her. The next thing I knew, he'd pushed me. When I tried to walk away, and he swung at me, I ducted and landed one on him right on his face. That's all it took.

I got suspended from playing our next two games of the season in football and had to pay to get the dudes' dentures done. He, on the other hand, didn't just get suspended from school. He got a warning from his dad to be sent to the military for causing the fight in the first place, rich boys. They think they can always get away with everything.

It wasn't the first time he'd started trouble with someone. He wanted to act tough because he was impressing his new lap toy.

I didn't see him past winter for the spring semester, so I figured he did get sent out to the military or whatnot since he kept getting into compromising events. He's a year older, so by now, if he transferred to another school, I hope he'd probably graduate.

When Brianna's parents separated a few years back, I was the only one there for her. Her brother Matthew took it pretty hard and isolated himself, often taking it out on her.

Sometime around middle school, we became a bit distant, her and I. I was not too fond of it one bit. But I was never really good with words, nor was I good at expressing myself, especially when it came to her. I always become tongue-tied around her, now more than usual for some damn reason.

One day during summer time, as we were ready to start our sophomore year in high school, she told me she was going to a private school in California with her dad. I thought it was because I'd been so busy with football and school. She thought I didn't want to be around her anymore. She was having trouble at home with Matt as it was; he was going through his rebellious teenage years, I supposed. I didn't make things better. I went off on her...my stupid temper clouded my judgment towards her.

I tried to convince her not to go, which ended up bad...we argued, and she left not talking to me, and ignoring me for months when I'd call. I was glad when she finally took my call. I can't live without her. She's not just my best friend; she's my world.

She only lasted two years out there and came back before her senior year.

We managed to patch things up and remained best friends upon her return. When she came back, we became closer than before. I tried everything in my power to make her feel important to me. Her opinion was the most important to me. Everything I did and accomplished was thanks to her. She was not only my inspiration but my biggest support.

When it was time to graduate, she told me she had been accepted to USC, and she left a few weeks before the beginning of the semester, leaving me completely crushed. There's not a day when I wish I could have convinced her to stay here and attend school with us, but it was her choice to make, not mine. And I wasn't about to argue with her again, making her stop talking to me again.

I would have hated myself for making her stay here and keeping her from her dreams of attending USC. She had talked about it all year as we placed in our applications.

I see her from time to time on our video chats and when she comes to visit her mom during holidays. I miss her terribly, more often now than before. Lately, I haven't been myself, man. She is always on my mind. No matter what I do, she is always there....taking over my mind every second.

I miss her terribly.

Her twin brother, Matthew, decided to stay home with his mom. That's why he decided on MTSU with me. In middle school, he and I didn't really see eye to eye. We were constantly bumping heads in football practices and games. I hated him just as much or more than how he hated me. He took his anger out on her, and it pissed me off. She constantly had to break us apart from getting into arguments before he or I could take the first swing.

It all got better between us when we got to high school and started playing football again, mainly because he'd begin to miss her as I did—not having her here as our rock gave us something in common. We both realized how much we had taken her for granted. We had chosen to pass our time on other priorities rather than her.

We've gotten along pretty well since then. We became really good friends. Played football for our schools together in high school and now college.

We've been hanging out daily in and out of school. I'm a second-year captain and quarterback of our football team, he plays second-man defense, the best defense our team's had too. I played distance runner my freshman year and I liked it, but the coach said I'd do better as a quarterback like I did in high school. I mean our whole team is awesome, three-time champs in my team since I started school, and hoping our senior year is the same.

The best part, I get to take out all my frustration and energy when I'm out on the field. So it's cool to be able to get to tackle men around.

Matthew and I have become like best friends. I guess you could say that I've stood up for him many times, and so has he. We're always sticking up for each other.... and I'm pretty sure we'd do it again in an instant if ever the case needed.

This year we both turned twenty-one, and we'll both be going into our senior year of college. To be honest, I'm on the verge of losing it, I need to see Brianna again. It's been a few weeks since she came to see me, but I really miss her. I wish I could just have her here all the time. I hate being so far from her.

Brianna has been my best friend since my diaper years. My mom and Loretta have been best friends since they were in elementary themselves. Our moms go way back, so I guess you could say we were destined to be best friends.

I just can't get Brianna out of my head. This last time she visited, we had a compromising encounter that left me completely questioning our friendship status. I just can't shake it off my head. I had always had a crush on her, she is fucken beautiful after all. But I never really revealed it to her because I thought maybe I'd get over it. I'm doubting now if I ever really got over her. My stomach flutters when I see her or talk to her. She's constantly in my mind and I hate it.

We made a promise long ago to keep our relationship as friends only, although yes, we are friends with benefits, and oftentimes things get heated more than we can handle, but no more than that. I've been in the friends zone forever with her, and I'm not ok with it honestly speaking, but I'm a man of my word, so I gotta honor my promise to her. So long as this is what she wants and she's happy, I'm happy for her.

I miss her; I miss her a lot.