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You Are Only Trying To Persuade Yourself
Last Updated:
2023-12-21 05:18:08Related chapters
LOVING HER DUKE Waiting For Him
The Duke wished for a simple conversation, an honest one, that was all.Beth sat at the table, holding onto a book of poems she had brought with her, absentmindedly flipping through its pages. The burning candle illuminated a part of the room with a faint glow and the fireplace kept it warm. It was nice and comforting.They were friends now – the Duke of Carlisle and her – as he had wished for long, still her heart was troubled. Two nights before, they had shared a series of honest truths between them and by note, he wished for another night of honest conversation which Beth was contemplating much about. Another honest conversation he had invited her out for, to the west balcony of the Castle.Still in the dress she had worn at dinner, she sat staring into her book, unfocused. They had been missing from the dinner table, the Duke, the King and all who had attended on their first night at the Castle. Although she was glad to have Cossington absent and unseen, still she wondered about t
Last Updated : 2023-12-22LOVING HER DUKE The Dark Is Best For Confessions
Beth held on tighter to her light cover and continued. "A letter arrived today from Rosethorn Hill. Lord D'Averette has taken a fancy to my cousin; he wishes to court her with the intent of marriage." She smiled. "Lucy has never looked happier, I think." The Duke remained silent, his lips sealed. Beth swallowed. "I suppose another council meeting holds tomorrow, how was it today?" She asked. "It must be matters of extreme importance for the discussions to take so long." She repeated her statement, hoping he would finally speak, still nothing. "Are you not exhausted yet, My Lord?"A moment. "Are you?" The Duke finally spoke, calmly and quietly.Beth was confused. Why was the question returned to her? "No, I am not. As you said, I had been waiting." She flinched. Why had she said that? "I was surprised by your calling at my door.""I apologize for calling you out."Beth recoiled. Did he think her exhausted and annoyed at his call? "Your grace, it is silly to apologize. Had I not waited
Last Updated : 2023-12-22LOVING HER DUKE Darkest Days Of My Life
She swallowed and clasped her hands together. His words further confusing her. "Thank you?" It was more a question than gratitude. The silence took over. With the Duke of Carlisle, Beth had learned to expect and enjoy the silence.He took another drag and crushed his cigar underfoot. He never seemed to finish his cigars. "Unlike with Alexander and Brand, in your company I want to say it all, and do it all." What did he mean? The Duke was far more misconstruing than Lucy and Gwen. "I have for years been taught to walk the paths of gentlemen, never revealing my thoughts to another. Sometimes, I wish for more than polite company."He was lonely and he admitted his loneliness to her.Did he mean to? Or was he unaware of his confession? Beth couldn't speak. Here the Duke was, seeking someone he couldn't see as a friend, someone he could tell even his deepest secrets and she thought he wanted her for more than she was willing to give. She was flustered, and her eyes shimmered with remorse a
Last Updated : 2023-12-23LOVING HER DUKE On A Dark Hill
When he had asked for her company to the Castle, it had purely been out of curiosity. He wanted, needed, to know why in her presence he was relieved and free, eager to try and even dare to fail. After the horse ride, while she was talking about her return to her relatives' home and finally to Ireland, he had elicited a promise from her to meet him every day before the departure, and everyday unfailing, she had kept her promise.It was the fourth day after he returned from the Castle, and as the night before, Charles waited for Beth to join him for another nightly rendezvous as he drank his wine directly from the bottle. The windy evening did little to lower his body temperature, for the wine warmed him already. Sitting there, at the top of their hill – as she had called it – he finally agreed to himself that he would miss the Irish woman when she returned home.Beth had, for the past few days, been a kindred spirit, who, much to his surprise and delight, understood him and every word h
Last Updated : 2023-12-23LOVING HER DUKE All Consequences Be Damned!
He cleared his throat. "You leave tomorrow still?"She nodded, her lips in a pout. "We leave as early as possible." Then her lips pulled into a smile. She sat upright, smiling at him. "But we return in two weeks for Lucy's wedding and farewell." She clasped her hands together and brought them to her chest in delight, still smiling. "How absurd to already look forward to the day we would return when I haven't left yet. It is amazing how Carlisle has grown on me." She chortled quietly.He became incredibly still; he couldn't look away. Her eyes shone with the reflection of the fire at the thought of returning to Carlisle, to his Duchy. "Do miss me, Beth." He blurted out. She froze up, surprised. "For I will miss you." He finally confessed.The night became still and quiet. The wind calmly troubling the grass and her hair as usual, dancing to the song of the wind. Beth's eyes remained on him and he held her gaze.He had began to refer to her given name rather than adhere to calling her w
Last Updated : 2023-12-24LOVING HER DUKE Burning Desires
Beth had never felt that way before, not that she had had any sort of experience to compare with, still it was exhilarating. She felt consumed, though she was not sure which was consuming her. The wine, or the kiss? Lord Carlisle's hand moved to the small of her back, while the other went still, away from her body. Good gracious, he was a marvellous kisser. She was pressed against his side and when he pulled her to himself, her hand fell onto his thigh.The fire crackled and the wind picked up, but Beth felt nothing from the outside, the fire within her had her heated, and his lips had her completely engrossed. She was hot, and deep between her thighs, she was starting to feel an ache, a sweet and upsetting ache that somehow she knew only Lord Carlisle could ease. His hand upon her waist contributed greatly to the sweet ache. Unconsciously, she wished he would move the hand underneath her skirt to ease the ache.He sat up straight, bringing her with him, kissing her deeply and more se
Last Updated : 2023-12-24LOVING HER DUKE His Lips, Her Lips
Her mouth opened up slowly, as it had dried up. The air was suddenly not enough for her to breathe. She licked her lips. His words, they set her heart and her body in motion, returning the ache with an even greater force. The weight on her lower abdomen dropped further. Her knees buckled and Lord Carlisle caught her waist, his hand pressing her to himself.Her hands fell on his muscled chest and she pressed her legs together. She could feel him, all of him. Beth was on fire and rightly so. She let her eyes linger again on his perfect lips and it was all she could do not to reach out. He kissed her.He did not regret it. He did not regret her. She was glad. And he desired her! He wanted her as much as she wanted him and his vulgar explanation was enough to make her want him even more. They could have the night; they could own the night. It would be filled with desire, illicit pleasure and wanton satisfaction. It would be theirs as the hill they stood on.But, the morning would be empty
Last Updated : 2023-12-25LOVING HER DUKE No Regrets
He watched her blink and turn her face away, knowing she had blushed. Bethany Fitzgerald had never been kissed before. She had never known any man before. An unfamiliar feeling surged in him. Although almost impossible, his loins tightened even still.Of course he had suspected. She was always guided around people, protesting against marriage, and the kisses they had shared told him, but Charles had told himself otherwise, that whoever she had had before him was not a skillful kisser, and maybe not a great lover. He had been wrong. She looked innocent because she was innocent.She had never known passion, never known the pleasure a man could give her in bed. She had never felt the pleasure he wanted to give her at the moment. He groaned, already close to rapture. She was killing him even with her words.She chuckled peculiarly, regarding him closely, anxiously. "You are my first."Charles groaned quietly. How could her words be so careless? He removed his hands from her breasts and pl
Last Updated : 2023-12-26
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LOVING HER DUKE Epilogue 3
She knew he truly cared for her too. Why would he not tell her he loved her? He had cried when he came to know of their child. He protected her from the scorn of the ton and stayed from her when he thought she wanted freedom from him. To Beth, these were all forms of love. Why then would he then not tell her he loved her? His gaze lifted and their eyes locked. "If I do," he whispered. "I'm afraid I would end up losing you." Her heart slammed, filling once more with love for him. she was absolutely breathless now. She never thought she could love him more. He was broken, broken by the tragedy of his parents. Scared that if he admitted aloud to loving her, she would be lost. But Beth knew better, she knew she would not be, she could never love another nor leave him. She loved the Duke of Carlisle and nothing could change it. He was the one she loved. She saw his fear, that he would become like his father, who gave up love to protect his power and title, leaving behind another importa
LOVING HER DUKE Epilogue 2
* * *Beth gasped as Charles's lips took hers, the familiar sensation sending shivers over her body and a known heat to the core of her being. Her eyes closed. He brushed his mouth back and forth against hers as his hands came to her cheeks. Her nostrils tinged. Surprisingly, he smelt like flowers and tasted like the best sunrise.The pebbles dropped and she clasped his shoulders, pulling closer. The pressure increased. His hand held the back of her head as he fought to pry her lips open. She gave in, the kiss was one of hunger and need and longing. He kissed her as if he had sworn his life to it, never wanting to let go.But when air failed her and she protested. He released her mouth.Beth was reeling from the pressure of the kiss and Charles shared her sentiment. His breathing complimented hers as her lungs fought for enough air to keep her alive, while her head fought for thoughts to keep her sane and in place."Darling?" Charles asked as soon as he could breathe naturally.It had
LOVING HER DUKE Epilogue 1
April 1827The rain had finally given up the challenge and let up to a drizzle, but not before creating obstacles in the form of puddles and broken branches, and hiding the moon from sight. In a bid to destroy, the wind had brought down branches and uprooted trees. The workers and the men who catered to the trees would be quite preoccupied in the days to come.The Carlisle coach pulled through, hurtling down the road at the request of its master, bringing itself home. It struggled against the rocks and branches flung about. In the sky, the flashing lightning and cracking thunder gave a promise of the rain's return. It would again storm terrifically, it said.Albert properly held the flowers picked from Torrence Hall when they had made a brief stop, and the cigars Mr. Danbury had given him at Lanhandron for his Lord. Although he had refused, many times, the man did not adhere to him. Did he think there was another merchant who they went to?Charles held freely onto the safety strap as
LOVING HER DUKE I'll Be Here For You
***Charles had finished with his work and was going to his room, walking the dark halls alone. As soon as Albert had finished attending to him, assisting him change his clothes and putting out his documents in his study, he had sent the man away, needing to remain with his ledgers and work without the hovering presence of an overzealous servant.Over the weeks after his return, he had been sitting with his documents, checking and ascertaining to a fault the works of his solicitors and confirming the progress of his estates.Beth and the builders had, to a large extent, established an edifice and he couldn't be more proud of her. The materials needed for the windows and the doors had already been purchased. On a later day, he would pay the site a visit, but he knew there was nothing to worry about.The bank statements and cheques his solicitors had sent were beautiful. The farms were progressing, the lands had been cleared and prepared for planting. The other estates had been renovate
LOVING HER DUKE A Final Goodbye
Beth searched for his emotion, searching to see if he truly was not angry. He wasn't. She turned her away, letting her eyes wander around. The sky was dark and save for the fire, it was all darkness. The wind blew, whispering to the fire, troubling it, and against her skin, causing goosebumps to rise. She sighed. It was warmer at the foot of the hill.How were they on the hill?!"We were standing by the foot of the hill." She mumbled to herself.Eric heard her. "Now, we are here, atop it. Isn't life wonderful?"It was. Wonderful and unpredictable. The grim feeling rose again, and Beth felt uncertain about the future, but she was almost sure of the disaster waiting to happen."Eric, we should not be here." She held his wrist. "This hill_"He cut her off. "What about the hill?" When his smile surfaced, it was one of melancholia. Beth had the silent feeling that he knew of what was to come but would not prevent it. Was he not afraid of it? Was he not scared for the future?If he was not,
LOVING HER DUKE Seeing Eric Again
"Beth. Beth!" Someone was whispering, calling out to her. The voice was close by, as though the caller was by her side, but also like they were afar off. It was a familiar voice. Beth stirred in her sleep, refusing to pay attention to the call, choosing rather to dive deeper into the world of sweet subconsciousness and unawareness."Bethany wake up, it's morning." The voice called again. She turned, pulling the covers higher as she allowed the darkness continuous hold on her tighten. The comfortable sleep carried her and she liked it. She enjoyed it.But the familiar voice would not relent. "Wake up, sister." It called again. She turned away from it, drowning it out. The bed covers wrapped perfectly around her, helping her remain where she was, far from the voice.Again, it called. "Wake up!!!" The caller shook her, forcing her to regain consciousness. She refused but he was as stubborn as her, finally she gave in. Annoyed enough, Beth forced her eyes open.The room was dark at first,
LOVING HER DUKE The Perfect End To The Perfect Night
***Beth stayed with Lady Marjorie who was as excited as a church mouse and the group, laughing gaily at the jokes of Lord Witte. When it broke, she walked with Peter Sinclair, Lord Witte's son-in-law, before excusing herself, telling that her feet were tired and she needed to sit. She walked away to the fountain and sat herself down.The water was beautiful and golden due to the lamps set up about the place. It beckoned and she answered. Her fingers played lightly over the surface of the water and her contact with it caused ripples, distorted and obedient to the slow movement. The lines formed and swept silently by, but before they could scatter she would create yet another set of lines. It was a nonsensical act but it was fun for her, at least for the moment.The Willowbrook sisters had scared her with their words but it had made her receive a promise from Charles, a promise that everyday made life beautiful. Her words to their mother had been true. There was nothing to forgive. The
LOVING HER DUKE She Is Brave
Beth shook her head. "No." She giggled. "Not too long ago, they saw me as a seductress and a thief. Soon they would see me as Bethany, and even if they don't, I am satisfied with being Lady Carlisle, after all Lord Carlisle is my husband, is he not? I would no more care for how people see me, it is their choice but I would demand my honour, it is my right."She was different. She was bolder. What had happened to the timid woman who was angry at the too quick a marriage and the new home she was to own and manage? The same who would always turn her away at every visit? Marjorie liked this woman. She was good for Charles. She was good for the Duchy. She was good for herself. Like this, she could face society and win even though many people still held contempt against her.She was brave."You are braver than I am and I consider myself quite brave. Marrying John was one of the greatest joys of my life, but there were days I was forced to regret it."The same people who bowed to her now, se
LOVING HER DUKE Seen Only As Lady Carlisle Now
***Marjorie turned her head at every approaching carriage, hoping it to be the one from Carlisle Crest. They had not promised to be in attendance but she hoped they would, seeing as they had not rejected the invitation either. She wanted them to be more aligned with the ton and her ways, even if just a little bit. It was alright to have one's dealings, but society had some rules and breaking so many of them l might lead to not being accepted or worse invited to its norms and functions ever again. She knew Charles didn't care for societal rules but she did, and perhaps Beth might too and it would be cruel to steal it from the young woman.Mrs. Blackwell, Jacob Blackwell's new and older wife, waved to her and she waved in return. They did not run in the same circle but she was a nice woman who, like her, had defiled society and married the man she loved. When Mrs. Blackwell invited her in with a gesture, she refused and gesticulated back, saying she would be in the open area in a matte
