LEVMY MOMMY said that when I closed my eyes, happy thoughts will invade my brain. Pastel clouds, flying unicorns, and enchanting dreams will fill it. But she forgot to tell me that nightmares are also dreams. The kind that wrapped its evil hands around my throat and makes me paralyzed.Dark clouds loom around me. Fear suffocates me.Sabi nila, nakakalimutan natin ang mga memories ng ating kabataan. I called that bullshit. I remember mine. Vividly.Every sound. Every smell. Every monster.Their voices and her whimpers.Nadakot ko ang dibdib bigla. A sneaky beast in a form of a large snake with crimson eyes was staring at me while I'm inside a small moldy box. He's hissing, showing the venomous forked tongue. It seems that we're at a standstill. He's thinking about whether to bite me, I'm not thinking at all. My subconscious is willing the reptile to attack me. Making this nightmare my permanent castle.Pero sinong niloko ko? Sa bangungot na ito, I'm just a helpless boy here. Cornered.
LEV"You'll do that. Play dead until I got you."Pinahid ko ng likod ng palad ang mukha habang panay ang lingon ni mommy sa likuran niya. I am crying for the first, I realized. Napatalon si mommy nang sabay naming marinig ang malalakas na kalabog mula sa bahay namin. Men are shouting and calling her name. Tarantang tumayo s'ya at pilit akong ipinapasok sa loob ng maliit na pintuan."H-how will I know it's you?" Nangangatal ang labing tiningala ko ang ina."I will knock on the door if it's safe for you to come out." Her fist connects to the door. Four times."Four.""Yes, baby. Four." Agad niya akong niyakap nang buong higpit. Basa ang balikat ko nang bitawan ako ng ina.Inayos niya ang pagkakasuot ng pantalon ko't itinali ang may kahabaan kong buhok. Matatabang luha ang dumadaloy sa pisngi nito habang masuyong hinahaplos ang pisngi ko. Gamit ang kamiseta, pinunasan ko ang pisngi ni mommy."Don't cry. I'll be good."Lalong humagulgol si mommy sa sinabi ko."Y-you are already good, baby
LEV"YOU WHAT?!""Sigaw mo pa, Trace. Mahina pa." Inis na ibinaba ko ang suot na avaitor at sumandal. Ipinikit ko ang mga mata't pinakalma ang sarili dahil baka bigla kong bangasan ang kaharap. Two bodies in twenty four hours is enough for me for now."Tang'na. Ikaw mag e-FB at IG? Katapusan na ba ng mundo? Simpleng group chat nga lang natin hindi ka maka-keep up. Then now. . . this? Fuck. This is an emergency. I'm calling the others–""Shut up and sit down." Tinadyakan ko ang malapit na stool.Napamura ang gago ng tumama sa binti niya iyon. Umungot ito't isiniksik ang phone sa bulsa ng pants. He started to pace back and forth, making an invisible line against the marble floor. Barilin ko na lang kaya sa paa si Trace, nahihilo na ako."Trace, sit the fuck down.""Wala ka namang malubhang sakit hindi ba? You're healthy as a bull. Then why?"I groaned. Trust this fool to be overly dramatic if he wants."Stop making this a big deal. Taragis. Para 'kong may stage 4 cancer sa ayos mo. I'm
LEV"You don't have any idea. As much as I want to rip you open and saw what's inside that body, I can't. Your pulse. . . breath and fucking heartbeats seem to take up the priority list, Bree. You're lucky."Ikiniling ko ang ulo't pinaraanan ng hintuturo ang labi. I'm picturing her lithe body pressed against mine, screaming my name while I stuff her with my cock and fill her holes with my come. Damn it. Blood rushed through my groin. Unconsciously, I adjusted my hard-on.Umawang ang labi ng dalaga, napamulagat. She covered her eyes, nae-eskandalo. I totally forgot that she's watching my every move with her catlike eyes."Lev, ano ba 'yang ginagawa mo?""Kumakambiyo as Logan likes to call it. Science 'to, Bree.""Ang gago mo talaga. Bastos kana psycho ka pa." She said in a breathless tone. Umismid ito ngunit 'di nakaligtas sa mga mata ko ang pagba-blush niya. Her face is red as well as her neck and ears.Gorgeous.I clucked my tongue and mounted my phone on the table. Bumukaka ako't in
LEV"ANAK ng tokneneng naman, Lev. We have meeting with the Italians this evening. Ba't tayo uuwi agad? Usapan natin hanggang bukas. Puta."I ignored Trace's yapping and run towards where the chopper is waiting. August was already inside, katabi ng piloto. Kanina pa reklamo nang reklamo ang kaibigan ko simula nang malaman ang plano kong babalik ng Manila. Calling me name like softie and whipped. My middle finger was the only answer he got from me. Idon't have to expialn everything to everyone. They can judge for all they want, I have nil care.I'll live it 'cause it's my life. My rules.Matapos kong makipagpulong sa mga tauhan ko sa Club Idée Fixe, sinamahan ko si Trace na ayusin ang gusot ng ilang mga members ng Foedus. There's a brewing turf war that we need to placate if we don't want to ruin everything.We jumped from one meeting to another. To say that I'm exhausted is an understatement."Lev. Pakyu.""Shut the fuck up. Kung gusto mong magpaiwan at makipag bonding sa mga pusa mo r
LEV"Surprise!"Biglang lumiwanag ang paligid. My eyes take in the large prompter on the far left showing the HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MASTER words. Damn. I forgot that tomorrow's my freaking birthday.October 10.Nang lumingon ako sa kanan, bumungad sa akin ang mukha ni Bree. Our gazed clash and it hit me hard to the chest. She's holding a small cake, her eyes glint with something akin to happiness."Happy birthday, Lev." Bree's melodic voice made me think of vanilla and sin.I blink several times. The light on the candle flickers, kissing her flawless skin and emphasizing her remarkably passionate browns.If love is instantaneous, gaya ng sinasabi ng karamihan, I think I'd already fall in love with her. But I don't believe in that bullshit. Isa pa, what I feel towards her is something intense. Mas malalim at mas matalinghaga. Mas nakakatakot.Hindi ko alam kung si August o si Logan ang kumuha ng baril ko. When it comes to Bree, I'm always in a trance."Lev, you need to blow your candle." Puk
LEVChaos like no other claimed the place.Kahit saan ako tumingin, dugo, apoy at karahasan ang sumasalubong sa akin. Tinutupok ng apoy ang kaliwang bahagi ng sky bar habang sa gitna'y may ilang katawan ang nakahandusay. Baliktad ang mga lamesa't kanya-kanyang kubli ang mga kasamahan ko.I'm still processing the whole scene but as I fill my lungs with soot and the scent of blood, one thing is clear to me. Death hangs in the air. It's everywhere, to the white walls and marbled tiles beneath my feet. Madaragdagan pa iyon at sisiguraduhin kong bago matapos ang gabing 'to, nakapinta sa buong rooftop ang dugo ng mga hinayupak na sumugod sa amin. Of course, after I made them spill the name behind this atrocious attack.Wala pang tatlumpong minuto ang nakakalipas ngunit nagmistulang battle ground ang buong lugar. Nakataob ang lahat ng mesa't nagkalat sa sahig ang mga handa. I even spotted the cotton candy maker pushed against a wall, spinning and whirring. People are running towards the exit
LEVMay hawak 'tong AK-47. His eyes are bleeding with violence as he nods at me.I nodded back to acknowledge him. Silent gratitude was passed between us."We need to get out of here." Kinuha ko ang kamay ni Bree at pinisil iyon. Gumanti ng pisil ang dalaga. Shit. She's ice cold.Panakaw kong sinilip si Bree. She's still pale but I can see that she's trying her might to shove down her nerves. Yakap ng kaliwang kamay nito ang sarili habang nakatingala sa akin."Here. You know how to fire a gun?" Tanong ko sabay lagay ng Sig Sauer p365 na palihim na iniabot ni August sa 'kin.Bree shook her head. Biting her trembling lips.Marahas akong napahinga."Simple lang, Bree. Aim. Don't hesitate or tremble. Release the safety pin, fire." Itinuro ko ang noo, ang dibdib at ang balikat."Here. Here and here. Got that?""I d-don't know, Lev. I'm scared.""I know. Pero walang lugar ang takot sa mundo natin. . . sa mundo ko, Bree. Don't think, just shoot. It's you or them and I am saying you that it m
BREEKAHIT saan ko ibaling ang paningin kadiliman ang nakikita ko. The starless sky. The pitch black sea and my bleak future.My world was now wrapped with thick black clouds. An abyss and endless darkness I wouldn't be able to escape cause I am part of it.They made me part of it.I'm filthy and destroyed.They did this to me.And I'm getting back the rein now. I will dictate how this will end.At isa lang ang nakikita kong paraan. Death.Walang kasing pait ang ngiting sumilay sa labi ko. Ano pang silbi ng buhay ko matapos ang lahat ng nangyari sa 'kin? Wala na.I have nothing.No future. No Lev and no dreams. I'm just a shell, walking aimlessly. Numb. I'm as good as dead anyway.Itinaas ko ang mga braso't hinayaan ang malakas na hangin at dagat na tangayin ang buhok ko't sirang gown.Tumingala ako't mapait na napangiti nang tumama sa mukha ko ang mahinang patak ng ulan."Is this your mercy? Are you mocking me, Lord? Or are you just l-lonely–for me!" Sigaw ko sa tahimik na gabi. Tangin
BREEWE collect scars. Battle scars. Sa dami ng nakolekta ko I think I can make a mosaic from it. It's made up of different mistakes but dominated by two colors– black and white. Never gray. Specifically not red. But after tonight, I know that it's a lie. I was just too blind to see the crimson dripping from every corner of the canvas that is my life.Buong buhay ko, pinaniwala ko ang sariling hindi ako kailanman maabot ng kasalan ng pamilya ko. That me being the only girl in the family and my zero knowledge with their dealings made me somehow an innocent onlooker. There's a rule to every exemption, right? Akala ko ako 'yon. Nakalimutan kong hindi nga pala iyon applicable sa mundo namin.Kasalanan ng ama, kasalanan ng lahat. That's how our world operates.Unlucky for me, I'm the one reaping the seeds of their sins. Ang hirap lang dahil sobrang laki ng sinigil sa akin. Buhay, pangarap at puso ko. Sinong dapat kong sisihin ngayon?Ang ama dahil sa kapalaulaang ginawa niya? Ang sarili ko
BREE"That's the whole fucking plan, Bree. Hurt the rest of your family. Get even. Your hell, my heaven, right? Pero mapagbiro ang putang inang tadhana. Dumating ka. You are the very definition of fucking off-limits! Pero dahil gago ako, baliw, I ignored it. I dive head-on, Bree. Into you. Fuck consequences. But this– I don't sign up for this." Bawat bitaw n'ya ng mga salita'y puno ng poot at pait.I can't stand it anymore. Tuluyan na akong humagulgol. I am helpless and at his mercy. My heart broke not just for me but for him also. I'm shaking like a leaf when I looked at him."I c-can explain. W-wala akong alam sa plano ng papa ko. I swear. Maniwala ka. . . Please." Lumuluhang samo ko. Lihim akong nagdarasal na sana'y hindi pa huli ang lahat.Na sana, abot-kamay ko pa rin ang Lev na minahal at hinayaan akong haplusin siya't mahalin.Dumaan ang confusion sa mga mata ni Lev pero dagli ring nawala iyon. It's back to its icy state."Stop lying to me. Pare-pareho lang kayo. Ikaw. Ang mga
BREETHIRTY minutes and five glasses of punch later, I'm running outside the parking lot with my purse in my left hand and cellphone in my right. Mabilis ang tahip ng dibdib ko sa pinaghalong adrenaline at inis.He's in his office. Maybe, in his basement. August will hand you the RFID. You don't hear it from me. Good luck.- T.DMensahe 'yon mula kay Trace. So Lev's in his lair, hiding from me. Why?You know why.Natigilan ako. Mukhang nag-materialize na ang kinatatakutan ko. Nalaman na ni Lev ang pangdo-double cross sa kanya ng ama ko. Knowing him, he'll think this as betrayal on my part."No."Nanginig ang kalamnan ko. Habol ang hiningang itinaas ko ang kamay upang parahin ang taxi. I ignored Theo and Indi, who were hot on my wake. Nilunod ng sumarang pinto ng taxi ang nag-aalalang boses ng dalawa. I need to see him and explain my side. He'll listen to me. Kesehodang manikluhod ako sa harapan niya, gagawin ko. Habang nasa biyahe, ilang senaryo na ang naglalaro sa utak ko. My knees bo
BREELIVING is so freaking expensive. Life will give you a bill so long, you'll end up broke. Literally and figuratively. I embody it–the brokenness, as I stand in front of our campus gate waiting for Lev, pacing back and forth.Seems that I paid handsomely just for a glimpse of happiness pero mukhang galit at pagkawasak ng puso ang maiuuwi ko?Hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang beses akong nagparoo't parito. Rinig ko na nga ang mga pikon na buntong-hininga ng mga guwardiya ng school namin, pero wala akong pake. I'm seething with anger as I searched the crowded parking lot. Once na maispatan ko ang kotse ng animal, lalaslasin ko talaga ang gulong n'ya.The nerve! Saan ka nakakakita ng date na nauna pa sa venue ang babae?"How dare him stood me up! Usapan alas-7 ng gabi, mag a-alas otso na. Akala ba niya bukas ang grad ball? Hayup ka, Lev. Sasakalin kita." Naiiyak na bulong ko habang sa back ground ay rinig ko ang malakas na tunog ng sound system at ang boses ng emcee, calling the student
LEV"Kinalawang ka na ba? Asan ang El Diablo na pinagyayabang nila? Gago. Makikipagtitigan ka lang ba sa 'kin?"I spit. When I speak, the calmness in my tone betrays the turmoil I feel."I'm just being generous. Kapag tinapos kita ngayon, uuwi na ang mga tao. Sayang naman ang binayad nila sa ticket."Namula ang mukha nito."Hambog!" Sabay sugod sa akin. Ngunit bago tumama ang sipa niya sa katawan ko, nakailag na ako.I jump, turn and gave him a sidekick that landed on his left jaw. Sumuray ang gago habang nagwawala na sa gilid ang mga kaibigan ko."Tang'na, Gurang. Ayusin mo. Ipinusta ko na 'yong mansion ko sa isla. Huwag kang papatalo, kungdi papakain kita sa muning ko."Umiling ako kay Trace. Balak ko sanang sagutin na kita ko na ang ngala-ngala niya nang matigilan ako.James was standing a few meters from Logan. Nilukob ako ng lamig sa klase ng tingin na ibinigay nito. I gulped and for a fleeting second, I was rendered immobile.My ears buzz with the grating sound of the crowd and
LEVIpinilig ko ang ulo't ilang segundong tinitigan ang cellphone. I'm still mesmerized by how Bree changes my mood in just a flick of a finger when James' stern voice floats in the room.Ibinulsa ko ang aparato't tinungo ang maliit na opisina. James was perched on the single couch facing the big mahogany desk. If his brows and the rage painted on his face are any indications, I would say that shit is about to hit the fan.Purposefully, I stride towards him."You're up for serious business now, lover boy?"Hindi ko pinansin ang pang iinis niya. Inukopa ko ang office chair. My gaze is fixed on his laptop."What do you have for me?"Tumigil ito sa kakatipa't sinalubong ang mga mata ko. Matiim akong tinitigan. Pigil ang hiningang hinintay kong magsalita ang kaibigan. Sa uatk ko, samo't sari ng senaryo ang naglalaro but I know that I pulled the stoic mask on. Sheilding me from his inquisitive eyes.Ipinatong ko ang magkabilang kamay sa lamesa. I steeple my fingers. There's this foreboding
LEVWHEN I eased my Bugatti into the parking space of The Ruins, I know something is not right. I can smell it in the air and feel it through my blood. I don't believe in superstitious shits but I must admit that there were times when instinct saved me.Now, there's that little voice at the back of my head that keeps on nagging me. I can't shake it off.Inis na inumpog ko ang ulo sa headrest ng upuan ko't ipinikit ang mga mata. Nerbiyos lang 'to. Or mabe, excitement. Cause at last, mabibigyan na ng linaw ang lahat ng kasagutang bumabagabag sa akin sa simula pa. Besides, ano pa bang mas lala pa sa kaalamang natukoy na ni James ang katauhan ng taong nag traydor sa papa ko?As if on cue, sinalakay ako ng mukha ng ama ko. Dread and hate skittered through me while I fight for some semblance. My father's face conjured the nightmare I tried but failed to bury. Lalo kong ipinikit ang mga mata. Visions formed and each one of them vivid. My mother's plea, my father's eyes, my baby sister's inno
LEVFORTY-five minutes after naming lumanding, I found myself parked outside Bree's campus. Waiting. I shouldn't be here, but the thing about me is that I don't just let go. If someone hurt my family of Foedus, I will surely rain hell on them. At walang gusto ang demonyo sa loob ko kung hindi ang gawin iyon.My fingers are drumming into my steering wheel as I wait for the pest I'm gonna squash. Namely, Anya. Sinulyapan ko ang mga larawang nasa tabi na tila ba hindi pa iyon naka ukit sa utak ko. I gripped the steering wheel, imagining it was the bitch's neck.Gusto kong yakapin sina August kanina nang sabihin sa aking alam na nila kung sino ang may pakana ng nangyari kay Bree. It's intense I know and uncharacteristically me but everything about Bree made me extreme.My assistant even volunteered to do the deed–meaning teach Anya a lesson. But I turned it down. This is personal.Muntik madurog ang mga buto ko sa kamay ng maglagutukan ang mga iyon. The bitch was coming out with her cliqu