WHAT IS A HAPPY SMILE?

   ☠️ CHAPTER SIX ☠️

    THE NEXT DAY

Raven decided to ignore the glares she got from everyone as she entered the company. Walking straight to her desk, she sat down and there was Miley.

" It's a good thing to see you today Raven, I was really scared to death when you fainted yesterday. Tell me what happened actually, why were the cops taking you away?" She asked.

" Boss and I had some misunderstanding. He thought I stole his pendant but everything is fine now. The pendant have been found and I'm free" Raven answered plainly.

" Oh thank goodness" Miley heaved. Just then, everyone stood up and the two was compelled to do the same.

" Ok, why are we standing?" Raven whispered asked Miley but her question was answered when she saw Holden approaching.

" Good morning Boss" Everyone greeted, including Raven herself but Holden ignored them all.

" Raven to my office now" He commanded without even sparing Raven a glance.

" Hmm...I hope you're not in trouble again" Mikey said to Raven who just chuckled lightly before heading to Holden's office. She entered without knocking and met Holden seated as usual, his legs crossed on the table but this time around, he wasn't just smoking...he was drinking.

" You called for me" Raven spoke up.

" How are you feeling today?" Holden asked not looking at her.

" I'm fine Boss as you can see" Raven replied and Holden nodded.

" Tell me what you need as a form of consolation for the inconveniences I caused you?" Holden asked, taking down a gulp.

" What you did yesterday is enough Boss besides it's just a misunderstanding and I understand fully" Raven replied truthfully making Holden look up.

" Really?" He asked in disbelief.

" You see I was actually planning on transferring 20,000 Yuan(¥) to you but since you said I shouldn't worry, then it's ok" Raven couldn't help but huff knowing full well what Holden was trying to do. But there's no way she is missing the money. Such amount comes in once in a while and this is an opportunity she needs to grab.

" Well if you feel transferring some money to me will make you feel less guilty then I'll gladly accept it. Not like a have a choice anyway " She shrugged.

" I thought as much" He scoffed bringing out his phone. An alert hit Raven's phone and she grinned in satisfaction on seeing the alert.

" So we're even?" Holden asked.

" A 💯" Raven replied with a broad smile.

   LATER THAT DAY

Holden can be seen seated on a relaxing chair in an office, his leg crossed and face void of emotions as usual. Sitting over the table was a middle aged man.

" No more CBT ( Cognitive behavioral therapy)?" The middle aged man asked, disappointment written on his face.

" Yes Dr Splinter. Despite everything, I am still unable to feel happy or sad or angry and neither can I show it. My face is always cold and void of emotions as usual"

" The therapy doesn't work for me so there's no point of continuing" Holden answered making Dr Splinter let out a sad sigh.

" I'm so sorry Holden. Even after six months of CBT, it still didn't help you feel or understand your emotions, it didn't cure your Alexithymia" He muttered sadly.

" It's ok Dr Splinter. I think you've tried your best" Holden said.

" But my best is not yet the best"

" I knew that soon you'll quit your CBT cause even I couldn't see the result . Which is why I planned for another therapy to help you out... 

" Nothing is ever going to cure my emotional disorder Dr Splinter. I will never be able to feel or understand emotions in anyway so why stress yourself about it?" Holden cut him off.

" You shouldn't give up yet Holden. I know we've tried many therapy and none of them worked but I think this last one will" Dr Splinter replied.

" It's called the Brain Wave Psychotherapy. It's a therapeutic technique used to monitor and change the brain wave pattern to modify and improve your emotions" He explained.

" And how is it going to work?" Holden asked.

" Well it turned out the abnormalities in your brain waves affected your Limbic system making it hard for you to understand or interpret your emotions. So I found someone with a stable and slightly high feeling of emotions to help you out" Dr Splinter answered.

" Who?" Holden asked wryly

" It's a lady. But we signed a confidential agreement not to let you see each other and I also made a sound changing process so you won't interfer in each other's personal life" Dr Splinter replied.

" So when are we starting the therapy then?"

" Today. So far you accept. I already told her to be here by six and I'm sure she's on her way"

" This is not going to work Dr Splinter..."

" Don't condemn it yet. We have to try it out first. I'm sure it will work, just relax" Dr Splinter assured and Holden only nodded.

" Good. You just stay here, I'll go prepare everything needed"

×. ×. ×

The lady for the experiment already arrived and she and Holden were already seated, backing each other with a visual machine they wore which covered their eyes.

" Hey" The lady greeted.

" Hey" Holden greeted back dryly.

" Nice to meet you. I'm here to help you out in the best way I can. I can't promise you being cured but I'll try my best" The lady said.

" Ok"

"So let's start with, how do you feel sitting here for this psychotherapy?" The lady asked.

" I don't know. I guess my heart is skipping a bit faster than usual, that's all" Holden replied plainly.

" Maybe because you're nervous. It's totally fine, even I, I'm nervous. But you can trust me" The lady assured and truth be told, Holden felt a bit relaxed hearing that from the lady.

" So, I'll like you to tell me what you think your problem is" The lady spoke up after a minute of silence between them.

" It's simple. I can't feel or express emotions" Holden replied sharply.

"Is it that you can't feel emotions or you feel them...but can't understand or interpret them?" The lady threw the question at Holden who couldn't help but ponder a bit on it.

" I don't know" He replied.

" Do you feel pain?" The lady asked.

" Yes"

" Do your heart leap unexpectedly sometimes? Does it skip sometimes or does it arch in pain sometimes?"

" Yes"

" Then you do feel emotions but you just don't understand what all of that means, whether you're happy at the moment or sad or angry, right?" The lady asked.

" Yes. The only thing I think I understand is pain.. nothing else but pain" Holden replied.

" Well, that leads us to the first lesson today. Ask me any questions about emotions or feelings you don't understand" The lady replied.

" What does it mean for someone to be happy?" Holden asked making the lady chuckle a bit. The question sounds silly, I mean who doesn't know what it means to be happy. But with someone with Alexithymia ( the inability to feel, understand or interpret emotions) it is not a silly question.

" When someone is happy, the person is pleased about something, the person feels relaxed and fulfilled about a particular thing. The feeling of excitement which always comes with your heart leaping in joy... that is happiness" The lady answered.

" Then what type of smile is a happy smile?" Holden couldn't help but ask. A smile creeped up the lady's lips on Holden's question.

" Well I think a happy smile should be just like this;

" The corners of your mouth turns up in a natural curve, you grin naturally and laugh like this" The lady answered demonstrating it.

" Com'on, close your eyes and imagine what I am talking about" She said and Holden slowly closed his eyes.

He suddenly could see himself in an unfamiliar place, which looked like a seashore. He was putting on white throughout and before him, was a lady putting on a white dress. He couldn't see her face clearly but only saw her lips which was creeped up in a wide smile.

" Now that is what a happy smile is" The lady said.

" What about anger? How do I express my anger?" Holden asked.

" Try slapping a table or hitting your fist on a wall. Or maybe you can yell at the person. You have to let people know how you feel so they won't take you for granted and I think I can help you do that"

" Why not take my hands and let's sail through this together" The lady offered, stretching out her hand for Holden to hold.

Holden felt so relaxed and calm at that moment that he didn't even realize when he reached out and took the lady's hand. The lady smiled at him genuinely making him relax the more. He felt secure and for the first time felt like their was someone in this world who truly understands him.

" Thank you" He didn't know when the word slip out of his mouth. Yes he knows he might not be able to understand his emotions even after this but at least if there's one thing he'll understand, then it will be what it means to have someone who understands him...