Chapter Nine

Tik tok, tik tok, tik tok.

The clock ticked continuously in the background. An eerie vibe could be felt through the air around me. It was thick – thick with poison. I could feel the anger fill up my chest, it was almost boiling, but sad almost – fragile like glass. It was unbearable, the quietness of the forest around me was deafening – there were no rustling leaves or birds chirping neither insects humming their songs. It was so oddly quiet that it made me crouch down to the ground, furrowing my brows deep, my hands clawing the dirt that I could feel some of it in my nails. I could feel my own heart beat in rhythm so loudly in the forest. And there was a ticking sound like a clock that I don't even know where it was coming from.

The hurt I could feel in my chest, a sting – a coldness that resides beside this boiling anger in me. I couldn't understand it. I didn't know where to put them nor how to express them. I couldn't bare the silence this place gave and the silence I'm giving my mind. It was too soundless, and I didn't like it one bit. I need to occupy my mind, do something, anything. It'll drive me mad.

I glance up, looking around at the unfamiliar forest. I realized I walked here unconsciously letting my feet control me. Why here of all places? It was too quiet. And I didn't like noiseless places like these. It drives my mind to madness – it lets my buried emotions free from their chains.

I gulped a lump in my throat, closing my eyes, clenching my hands into a fist, feeling my now dirty nails dig into my palms – I exhaled loudly and shakily. 

I missed her.

Tears slowly swelled up in the corner of my eyes. There was no denying that this feeling was what I was ignoring for the past few years. Hiding it deep beneath my mind and locking it – keeping myself busy and occupying my mind with anything. I read and read, hoping to get rid of it, but I knew that it was futile to get rid of genuine emotions that was felt deeply in the first place. I hoped everyday that it would disappear in the back of my mind, but everyday I encounter people, it reminds me of the pain and the stinging pull in my chest. The numbness, the coldness, the void that fills nothing no matter the things I do to fill it with emotions.

I avoided things and places that were too quiet, places that would make these emotions have the opportunity to seep back up the moment I stop being busy – I didn't want to let my emotions take over my mind and create havoc in my heart.

"Selena?", a soft familiar voice that I was avoiding a few minutes ago spoke behind me.

I quickly wiped off the tears in the corner of my eyes, standing up and faced Leah. I smiled, but I knew the smile was short. Leah noticed it but didn't ask.

"What are you doing here? Training is not over yet, you know."

I chuckled, rubbing my arm shyly. "I know. I just needed a moment." I avoided her gaze the best I could, glancing at the small rocks neatly stacked as if someone did it purposely.

"I…", she started. She placed her hands in her pockets, clearing her throat as she looked down, fumbling. "Are you okay?" There was a hint of concern in her voice.

I nodded, "Yeah, I'm fine." I knew I wasn't. But I didn't want to talk about why I'm not okay either.

"Come on, they're looking for you." She pointed with her thumb behind her. I followed after her silently. The only noise was the trudge on our shoes. Her emerald eyes shining against the sun. I dared to take a quick glance at her but looked away instantly, not daring to be mesmerized by her intoxicating figure. Every moment I'm beside her, the ache in my heart grows towards the person etched clearly in my mind. Those silver-colored eyes.

There was nothing I could do but to grieve over my dying self inside. There was grayness, no rather, I could feel the grayness seep in slowly up my body. It felt like drowning and being revived only to be another person.

The pulsating flow of heat around my arms could be felt a few feet away from Leah as I noticed she looked at my arms and to me. Worried and afraid at the same time but didn't walk away from me.

"Hey," Leah started again, trying to get the awkward and dangerous silence out. "We've decided to start traveling later this afternoon."

I still dared not to look at her as I replied, looking straight at the road. "Where?"

"To Zonculi. We thought that it would be better to train you there and on the way. We don't want to wreak havoc here since you don't really have control over your powers yet." She kicked a stone that bounced shortly on the side. "And besides, it'll be nice to introduce you to some towns you could go to and avoid going to. It'll be a new sight every town we go through."

I hummed in response, not really listening to her. My mind was elsewhere. But still half-heartedly listened to her. "How did you find me?"

"I just looked.", she shrugged her shoulders.

The trees that we walked past looked the same as if it was copied and pasted on the same length, same angles, and same positions. There are things in life that makes you a monster. I looked up at the blue peaceful sky, seeing a thin puff of smoke as I breathed out. There was peace in me that I could feel despite the raging emotions in me. There was still hope, there was still a light that shines so dimly inside – a ray, a beam, a tiny orb that never dies out. Would it kill anyone to look at me and tell me that it was okay to be the way I am? 

"Selena?"

I blinked once and snapped out of my short daze. Looking at Leah in question. "Yeah?"

I could see the concern written on her face. "You alright?"

I nodded and looked straight. "Just thought of something."

She cleared her throat. "Thought about what?"

"Is Catherine…" I paused. I didn't actually have anything in mind. I blurted it out to convince her I was indeed thinking of something. "Safe?" I said in a lowly voice. I couldn't think of anything else but the state of my emotions raging.

There were a few minutes of silence before she answered me. She was also unsure what to tell me, whether she should lie and tell me that Catherine was okay, or tell the truth that she doesn't know what to answer and she might be in danger. She bit her lip, and decided on the latter. "I…don't know, Selena."

I sighed loudly. "No one really knows, huh."

"But I'm sure she's safe though. She's got to be." I don't know if she was only telling me that to assure me or to assure herself to make herself feel good.

We finally got out of the forest path and were met with Tyson and Mike who were already carrying a worn-out brown pack on their backs. Tyson carried the much larger pack since he was stronger than Mike who was hunched beside Tyson and looked small – with only a thin backpack on his back. Two other backpacks lay on the ground idly beside them and I assumed it was for Leah and I to carry.

"How long will we reach the next town?" I asked as I grabbed the strap of the brown worn-out straps of the pack. It was a bit heavy but manageable to carry. What was inside the bag anyway?

Tyson looked over the horizon towards where a gray storm was brewing wildly in the sky. Squinting his eyes in the direction and placing his hand over his forehead to shade his eyes as he looked over. "About three to four days at most. We'll be lucky if we don't get stranded by the storm."

I glanced over to the direction he was looking and saw the huge gray storm heading towards the Mavi territory. Shouldn't we go the other way around the storm? It looks…" I paused, looking for the right word but came up short. I looked over to Leah for help.

But she smiled apologetically at me. "There's no other way around the storm. We can't go over the Ghrilk or we'll be dead meat. Literally."

I furrow my brow in confusion. "Ghrilk? What is that?"

"It's the land of ogres. And you don't want to meet one. Trust me." Mike shivered as he replied. "Those filthy creatures. They're awful." The look in his eyes was an evident fear and trauma inflicted by the ogres to him. Whatever happened to him in that place, I did not dare want to find out.

His brother, Tyson, chuckled at Mike's state of mentality. He patted his back which Mike stumbled to. "Relax, that wasn't the worst thing that happened to you."

Mike snapped a look at his brother. "Not the worst? Did you ever think–!"

Tyson interrupted him by grabbing his shoulder and pulling his head to his rock-hard chest and ruffled his hair. He laughed while Mike struggled to break free from his brother's grip.

Leah chuckled at the brothers' antics and shook her head – walking past them and patting Tyson on the back. "Let's go ogres."

Tyson let go of Mike, who glared at his brother and brushed off his now ruffled coat. "Stupid." He grumbled. Fixing the strap on his shoulder and following Leah on the lead.

"Come on." Tyson's deep and annoying voice came beside me.

I nodded and gripped the strap on my shoulder. The journey seemed exciting yet filled with unknown dangers that were still unfamiliar to me. I better stick close to them if I don't want to die.

—

As soon as the night fell, we set out camp and gathered woods for the fire. Tyson built up the small tent that he carried on his shoulders, a loud thud could be heard as he set down his pack down the ground. I wonder how much he carried and what things he brought. Four days didn't seem that long, but I guess we never know the outcome of this journey. Better ready than not, I guess.

Leah sat down on a log and started to light the sticks that we collected along the way before we set up the camp. She was about to flick the match when I had an idea and stopped her. "Can I light it?"

She glanced up at me blankly. "What?"

"Can I light it up with my fire?", I repeated. I got Tyson and Mike's attention as I asked Leah.

"Uhm…", she looks at the match on her hand, ready to flick it, and glanced back up at me. She looked unsure what to do but shrugged and stood up. "Sure, go ahead."

I smiled and sat down on the log that she sat on. Facing the thin logs that were stacked, I placed both my hands towards it  – palm facing it, I felt the heat flowing down my veins,  my skin smoking literally hot. I breathed and imagined a small flame lighting on my palm. I looked at my hands in anticipation and to my surprise, my expectations did not fail me. The small flame I created spewed out of my palm and into the stacked thin logs on the ground. Slowly, the fire started to grow and burn them slow. I glanced up looking at them smiling at me.

It was a small thing, but it made me happy that I was in a way helpful.

Tyson set out a few minutes after I spewed fire out into the campfire to hunt for food. I never had any rabbit before but there's always a first in everything. Mike, Leah, and I sat down around the fire, warming ourselves up as we waited for Tyson to come back for food. There wasn't much to do anymore since we didn't really have to set out everything for a short camp.

"So," Mike started. Trying to get the elephant out of the room, or forest rather. "What's up?"

I gazed up at the bluish-violet sky. "Nothing much."

"What's up? Really, Mike?", Leah raised a brow at him. Questioning him about his poor choice of words to break the silence.

Mike shrugged. "We keep silent then." He decided.

We fell into a deep silence with only the sound of crackling wood slowly burning and the wind howling shyly around us. If wasn't an hour that Tyson finally came back with four rabbits on his hands, dangling lifelessly around. I looked anywhere else than the dead rabbits he carried.

"Sorry about that, princess." Why does he have an annoying deep voice? He quickly hid the rabbit behind his back as he passed by me and towards a corner – fishing out a knife from the bag and he began skinning the rabbit.

Leah helped him stick the rabbits in and stuck it on the ground beside the fire and sat down beside me as Tyson did the last one before he went out of sight once again to wash off his bloody hands.

"I figured you never had rabbit meat?", Leah started.

I nodded, eyeing the pink rabbit. It made my stomach churn looking at them like that instead of being hungry.

"A bit of advice," Leah tipped her hand under my chin lightly, veering it towards her emerald eyes – it still shone brightly even from the dimly lit fire beside us. "Don't look at it when it's not cooked. It can be…", she paused, her eyes glancing down on my lips. "Gross.", She glanced back up to my eyes and smiled softly.

I swallowed a lump in my throat. At that moment, I didn't feel the ache in my heart. I just felt the insatiable warmth from her hand and from the small fire beside us. I looked shyly away from her and decided to be entertained by the calm red flames before me. I took a peek at her as she stood up and went to Mike, helping him with the map in his hands.

I sighed and stared at the small flames dancing on the ground, burning the wood we collected earlier, I found myself mesmerized by it. The brightness it gave, the flickering, the way it danced freely with the small wind that passed by, the warmth it gave in the night. There were things that were on my mind – how could such a thing that provides light be so dangerous that could burn you to death? I sighed silently.

Still staring fascinated at the flames before me, I raised my hand and slowly – like being hypnotized, placed my hand above the flame. Feeling the heat that seeped through my hands. Even though I was a fire user myself, I could feel the stinging pain in my palm. I furrowed my brow, why was that?

Leah's eyes widened at what I did and quickly went to my side and slapped my hand away from the fire. "What the hell are you thinking?!"

I snapped out of my daze and looked up at Leah, then to Mike and Tyson who were busy skinning a normal-sized rabbit they caught earlier and looked back to Leah. "I…", my mouth opened and closed like a gaping fish in a tank. No words came up to my mouth.

Leah exhaled loudly. "Honestly, what has gotten to you lately? You've been like that since the forest on Mavi." She turns to her side and grabs one of the cooked rabbits that Mike placed earlier beside the fire. She nudged it my way. "You should eat."

I sighed. I wanted to eat, my stomach is grumbling but the ache in my heart just dominates the hunger. But I grabbed the stick anyway, I didn't want her to ask questions again.