Chapter 5

Harshika pov,

Even though a sense of panic arose in my mind while walking alone on the road in the brightness of streetlight, I increased the pace of my walk as the notion of getting home rapidly prevailed in my mind.

As I got closer to the house, I noticed that the light in our house was turned on, and I wondered who was awake at this hour. Everyone usually falls asleep when I come home. I used the duplicate key I had, to open the front door and slowly entered the house without making a sound. The house we are staying now has a hall, a shared bathroom, and a kitchen. We would all sleep in the hall as there is no bedroom in our house. As soon as I stepped into the home, I heard Meera's voice,

"Akka.. Don't I ask you to come early today ?. As you can see, while waiting for you, Aarav fell asleep."

Argh !!. I had completely forgotten about it. I attempted to make an excuse with a sheepish smile,

" That.. meera.. I"

Mama's voice cut me off in the middle of my statement and assured meera,

"Meera.. Allow her to sit down for a while first. You go ahead and fetch her something to eat. She will be very hungry as it is going to be 11pm."

"Harshika chellam (dear), Come and sit near your mama for a while."

I nodded and smiled cheekly as I went and sit near mama on single bed where mama usually sleeps. Mama held my hand and begin to say in soft tone,

"I brought you with me by holding this same hand when you lost your parents and stood alone with the sole motive of setting up a better life for you. Back then you were a silent child and you would hide behind me in the fear if you saw someone new. I was worried about you at the moment because of your unusable silent and fearful behaviour.

However, after getting naresh sir friendship, you changed completely and start to behave normally. That time, naresh sir also very fond with you and treated you as most important person in his life. But everything changed when he moved to another country to pursue his studies. He returned from overseas after finishing his studies and treated you as if you were a stranger. Unable to accept his sudden change, you began to transform yourself according to his will. No matter how much you changed yourself for him, you couldn't able to bring out the old love and friendship he had for you."

I closed my eyes and those memories were replayed in my mind as if everything had just happened while listening to mama's word. I was completely devastated and depressed due to my parents sudden demise. I begin to isolate myself due to the depression and fear with the thought that every person I love would go away from me like my parents. One day naresh came and talked to me while I were sitting alone in the garden like every day. At first I don't mind his attempt to talk with me.

Then, I start to talk with him slowly from the day he saved me from my classmates who tried to bullies me. As the result of his friendship, I overcomed depression and start to talk with everyone without any sadness or fear. He was very special and important person in my life. He was there for me in every situation whether it is sad or happy. He would always convince by saying I'm chubby and beautiful girl and not an overweight girl like other teasing. And also he say that only right person can my shinning and rare beautiness. Is it funny right ??. But that time I believed his each and every words and promises blindly.

At that time, I didn't seen him in any other angle other than friendship. That time I was very sure that we were just friends. My surety also begin to shake when he left me and went abroad for his studies. Even a single day without him feels like an era to me. His absence reminded me of how much I love him. I'd been waiting for him to return from abroad since the day I realised I loved him, and I was determined to reveal my feelings to him as soon as he did. However, his change in attitude toward me caused a rift in my love and determination that to confess my feelings to him.

The thought that he was not talking with me due to my appearance, lead me to change myself in the way he likes. As I thought, he start to notice me and would look at me with a smile occasionally. It was only when I believed everything was going to be the same as before, I came to know that he was going to marry tashvi. I opened my eyes and looked at mama with tear filled eyes as my thoughts are distrubed by mama voice and the touch I felt in my cheek. I listened mama advise silently as he wiped my tears,

"Chellam.. I didn't say it to make you remember everything. I know you wish to forget all of those painful memories. Just as you think to forget your painful memories, forget the mistake you made. Just because you did something wrong does not mean that you are not deserve to be happy. I fixed your marriage with nakul for the sole reason that you should be happy in your life and get all the happiness you deserve. Even if you accept this marriage for me now, I have full confidence that you will regain the happiness in your life through this marriage. You should not give up the hope in your married life by thinking of old mistakes you have made in your life. You should give chance to your married life and try to trust and love nakul. I'm confident that Nakul's unconditional love will make you fall in love with him. He loves you so much harshika."

I just nodded with forced smile as the way to reply mama words. Will I get happiness again in my life ??.

I have no answers to some of the query that constantly arise in my heart.

Did I forgot naresh ??.

Don't I love him now??.

Just because our love does not succeed does not mean that our love is fake. Some loves are destined to be together, while others are destined to remain apart. Every time I tried to avoid thinking of him and his memories by telling myself that I should not think of him as he is married and it is not right to think of him, still his memories come and go in my mind like a storm and crushes my heart. His memories never fails to prove me that how unlucky I was and I do not deserve to be loved.

Marriage is a special, strong and deep relationship. Its beautiful relation for couples whose love each other or going to fall in love after their marriage. I'm very sure it'll never happen in my marriage. Due to Mama's relentless pestering, I consented to marry Nakul, a distant relative of mine. I'm not sure why he consented to marry someone who went to jail. Did he agreed to this marriage for the happiness of someone else, just as I agreed to this marriage for Mama's happiness ?. There's only one week left for me to be married. Even though I constantly denie that I won't get any happiness in my life, still there is a little longing in edge of my heart that to get happiness again in my life like mama said.