Jeremy“There's a lake,” Kyle says, his eyes wide with amazement “you actually have a lake in your backyard, are you kidding me, Jer. “He looks like a child at the sight of cakes. His brown eyes are sparkling- brightly, and beautifully and I wish I was bright like that and he wouldn't have to put up with me. I'm a dark spot. Dark like the gray sky above us now.Our parents went off, as planned and since even Nathan decided he could disappear for another few days, I decided to ask Kyle to come here. The maids have never asked questions, and they didn’t do now, although I’m sure Kyle was unnecessarily charming when Martha greeted us at the front door earlier. Kyle is like that- way too charming, especially when he smiles without even knowing it. and that makes him twice more charming, but don’t tell him I said it. So he agreed to come here, although I wasn’t sure if he would. It sounds boring, even to me. But I must have betrayed my absolute unwillingness to go anywhere else. But ye
EvaI've never wanted to kiss anyone before. Not like that, I mean. Before Nathan showed up and changed my whole life. I kissed a guy for the first time during that summer holiday a few years back. But he wasn't my boyfriend or anything. He was just a guy from our neighborhood and we used to hang out together. I hated it. Not only because I didn't know what I was doing and because he didn't know either. It wasn’t just that. But most of all, the reason for my revulsion was I knew I was doing it because everyone else was doing it. Chris was always talking about her boyfriend from back then and she wasn't the only one. At some point, I left like everyone had a boyfriend or a girlfriend.Except for me.I guess, in a weird way I was trying to catch up with them, or prove to them that I wasn't the most undesirable girl out there. Or the lousiest one. The nerd girl who can't even like someone, with so many boys out there; or be liked by anyone. Of course, my attempts didn't lead to anythi
KyleHe is kissing me back, and I can't get enough of him; enough of this feeling, of having him in my arms. He's much smaller than me, yet so not fragile.At the same time, I wish I could protect him from everything and everyone. It's so strange, I want to believe I can be the person he trusts, I want to be that person for him. I break the kiss and wrap my hands around him. Jer wraps his hands around me too and we just stand there, in the middle of the lake hugging each other. I squeeze him one last time and kiss his cheek "Thank you." A say against his neck and he shivers."What for?" "Just for letting me be here with you." And before I've said something weird, or something that would push him away, I add"Let's go back inside, it is cold.""Okay."Jeremy slips away from my hands and we head to the shore. I won't ask him why he never took his clothes off, and I know he'll only tell me if he needs to. We get back inside and head upstairs. I still can't believe how huge the hous
EvaI am sitting on the bed, the soft, white bathrobe the hotel offers wound around my body. Nathan was right. They do have toothbrushes and everything in here. I’ve wrapped my hands around my knees and the water from my wet hair’s still dripping on me, some drops land on the nice, fashionable carpet on the floor. Everything seemed perfect. Once Nathan went out, I did stay alone with my head and took a look around. This was me and this was happening. I was here, miles away from home with the person I’ve liked the moment I had seen him. We were in a nice hotel, and ...and then I went to the bathroom and took my clothes off. What’s worse than having the school nurse come and give the class the sex education lesson and show us how to put condoms on; what’s worse than dropping your pad in front of your classmates on your way out to the restroom is, and I swear it’s the worst thing ever- is getting your period when you are finally with the person you’ve liked for months and you can fi
He’s closed his eyes, and water’s dripping from his hair all over his chest. I see his tattoos, the ones I’ve seen only partly are now at full display. There’s the dragon I saw that time at Aaron’s and I see branches of a tree that are drawn on the skin above his ribs. They continue to the back, and then the tree goes even lower on his torso, but the rest is under the soapy water. I avert my eyes and turn my back on him before he’s seen me checking him out like an idiot. Like last time.I know tattoos are something special to people who have them; I mean, that’s not always true for everyone, but I somehow know a little about Nathan to know by now that’s not the case with him and they are likely something important. And I don’t want to be sticking my nose where it shouldn’t be, so I only say.“Yes?”I lean against the wall of the bath and I hear him say behind me. “Why haven’t you asked me?”“About?”“What exactly happened back in England. “I relax against the thin wall, separatin
EvaAfter we've finished the bottle, we have decided I need a first tattoo and I am getting one. Tomorrow. We are lying on the bed, my head on his lap. Nathan checks quickly and finds a place. "They should be open. I don't know if they'll have available spots, but...""But you are persuasive".Nathan smirks."Well, I can be."My eyelids are getting heavier by the minute, but I'm trying to stay awake. I hear rustling from him and see he's looking for his cigarettes. "I thought you quit."I say, sleepy. "I am."Nathan says quietly. "I'll go out and..."He tries to get up, but I squeeze his tight lightly. "No, stay here.""Are you sure you don't mind?""Of course I am."I hear the sound his zippo makes, then I catch the scent of the smoke coming from his burning cigarette. The TV is still on, and the only light in the room comes from its screen, painting the whole room with the blue-is light. The sound of Nathan's quiet voice lulls me to sleep. I think he's asking me something, and
KyleWe finish practice at about four, but I decide to stay longer and work some more on my shooting. I’ve been favoring my strong side, the way we all probably do, but I know I shouldn’t. By the time I finish, even my coach’s left and the older guy, cleaning the ice yells at me from the top of the big machine he’s driving. “Hey, Kyle.”“Yes, Sir?”I lift my protection gear off my helmet and he shakes his head. “Wrap it up for today, boy. I ‘aint staying all night because of you. “I laugh and shake my head, but still, gather all my stuff and head for the showers. The school’s empty by now and I type a message to Jeremy if he wants to meet later. Although later would probably mean late, and I assume he’d say no. I take my clothes off and once I do, I realize my feet are numb and my leg has started to hurt even more. “Damn, it, “ I mutter as I try to relax and run the hot water over me once I’m in the shower. A few minutes like that and I feel better. Everything is quickly wrappe
Eva School, students, hallways, classmates talking about their homework; complaining about what their mother said, or about who had the shitty sandwiches at the cafeteria or will there be a history test next week. I am walking towards my classroom. Everything’s the same, yet it’s not. It is because those are the same faces I’ve been seeing for so long, that I know what each is talking about without even me trying to listen. It isn’t, because I feel different. It is not because of the tattoo, or everything that happened in the past days. I feel like, and it’s that perfect feeling, of not having to explain anything to anyone. It’s the absence of a need to try and make yourself clear to others. Because it doesn’t matter who does or doesn’t understand, as long as you know yourself. The chicks, the nerds, the gorillas from the hockey team, the funny clowns- they are all the same, The difference is- I don’t care about either of them. I open the door and head for my seat. “Sorry I’
D Fox The story Nathan talks about when he explains his tattoos is Sakura Gari (The Hunt for Cherry Blossoms) by the brilliant Yuu Watase. He was the character I was most hesitant about when writing, just because Nathan is the ‘misunderstood’ one; the one even I couldn’t always understand. Everything starts with Jeremy, who speaks to the reader whenever he’s uncomfortable; he breaks the fourth wall in an attempt to escape, until he finally stops because he’s found his way. Partly thanks to Kyle, partly because of himself. And by the end, Eva is the one who starts talking to us. Gray Daze is the novel I began writing even before The Gentleman’s Code. I was just afraid of writing about some of the topics here. Afraid, because I know everyone dealing with any kind of emotional trauma, or however you want to name mental health problems (I hate the word problems, especially in this context, but that’s how they’re listed in the Mental Health Foundation List) has a different experienc
Eva "Eva, I'm off. Don't forget to eat something before you go to your part-time, okay?" “Okay. “ “Bye then, “ "No, Mom. Wait." I rush down the stairs and catch her right before she's closed the door from the outside. "Wait." "What is it." “Nothing. “ I kiss her lightly on the cheek "Just wanted to say have a nice shift." "Is this because I found out about the tattoo?" "No," I smile, "Because of everything else." My mother smiles at me and cups my face. “I’m your mother, Eva. “ “But still…” She pauses and when she speaks again, her voice is full of affection and understanding. "We all make mistakes. Look at me. And we're all first teenagers before we become adults. So don't think just because I am old, I don't remember what it's like to be 18." "Okay, I know, I just..." I cast my eyes down, and even though it hadn't been her intention, I feel guilty. Not for now. But for before, for all the things I've thought about her or called her in my head. "Okay, Eva
KyleI hear footsteps coming my way, as I'm lying under a car in Dad's garage, trying to fix the breaks of an old model they just brought in.I know it's not Jeremy because he's with Stela and they wouldn't be so quiet if they came in.I slide from under it and see my father."Dad?"We've been walking carefully around each other in the past few days.The reason- well, he knows about my grand show at the finals."Hello, Kyle.""Uhh, I'm almost done here, is there anything else I need to fix? I thought you'll be working on the truck. "I have no idea what he's doing here."No, you... That's enough for today once you finish with that one you can go.""Uh, okay."I'm still lying, waiting for him to continue.My father props himself against the front of one of the cars opposite me and crosses his arms.Then he relax
"Eva? Really? ""Yeah, why? "" I'm Adam. ""You are kidding," Chris exclaims and I give him a flat look."That's not your real name.""Does it matter?"The guy asks and leans forward, placing his palms on the table we've been standing around."No," I say, "It doesn't.""Are you a friend of Max's?"Chris asks and the guy, maybe his name is Adam for real, and he shakes his head. "No, my friend is. I don't know anyone here.""You do now."Chris says teasingly and they exchange a smile."You have a friend here, let's go to him. I wanna meet him."I'm pretty sure Chris is getting tipsy, but that shouldn't be a problem.On the contrary.We go back to the living room, where I see an unfamiliar face, and I assume that's Adam's friend.He's another cute guy, not that tall, but it's still evident he works out.Adam introduces u
"Eva!"Chris hugs me when she sees me enter the room at Max's.It's crowded, as usual.I can't help but glance at the piano, and that time when I first spoke to Nathan.It feels like two lifetimes ago."I wasn't sure you'd come," she says worriedly.But I'm not worried, not anymore. I don’t care f he’s here or not. I might be lying to myself, but I’m trying to sound as persuasive as possible, even in my head. So far it hasn’t been working, but I’m doing my best."Well," I smile widely, “I have a reason to celebrate too. ““Yeah?”“The principal let me off the hook this time.“"No!""Yes," I say and Chris hugs me again.“I mean, it wasn’t that simple, but he said considering my previous record, he won’t suspend me.““Oh, my god, that’s awesome. We really should cel
* * *We won. We didn't only win, but we won with a big difference. It’s indescribable, I feel my hands are shaking while I am taking my skates off. Even an hour later, the exhilaration still hasn’t died yet and I hear the others singing and banding the walls on their way to the lockers. They all come in together, I guess I’m busted because I kind of ran away again."Sorry, guys," I say and laugh "But I just thought that's the thing to do." "Are you crazy? " Will pushes past Mile and says "We were with you since the beginning. I don't care where you put your thing as long as it's not in me." "Yeah, Kyle. I mean, “ Max says, “I knew ever since I saw you with Jeremy at my place." "Really?" "Well, yeah. I don't know, man. Just- I don't care, what you do is your business. I don't think anyone else besides Jared had a problem with it." "And his actual problem was you're better. That's all." Will says"I can't believe you think that,"“Of course we do. That's more girls for us, right
Kyle"All right, listen up," Coach gathers us all right before the game."That's your most important game. Not only because we're almost at the finals, but because tonight the audience is not just your grannies or cousins, all right?""Yes, Coach,"We say together and he continues "Tonight there are recruiters from some of the top league teams. Do you know what this means?"It's like we're retarded. Of course, we know what it means, but we can't tell him that, so we shout in agreement again."Now get your asses out there and if you impress the right people, your future is something to be proud of. Come on and let's kick The Knights' asses."Everyone starts booing and we lift our sticks and get out on the ice.My teammates are excited, dizzy with the adrenaline, and the amazing prospect of either being offered a scholarship, or invited to an actual professional team.&nbs
"You stupid bitch, who do you think you are?" Maddison pulls my hair and my hand goes automatically for hers, pulling harder.It probably looks nothing like fighting in movies.It's mostly hair-pulling and shouting.I feel hands around my waist, pulling me back.I see someone else's arms wrap around Maddison and there's enough space around us now that I can pause and take a breath. "You're crazy," She keeps shouting at me and I push my classmates to hold me.The damage- I did pull her hair extensions and they're now on the floor.Some of the guys around are laughing, others are frowning at her eye, turning blue very quickly. Me. Well. I feel the blood of my split lip trickling and my hand shots to wipe it clean and I flinch as I do so, because it stings. The reason for all of this-Maddison is wearing the scarf I saw in Nathan's room.
Oh, there it is, I think to myself. This is what probably Nathan meant when he said addiction never goes away.He not only meant it doesn't go away for you but also the people around you.I guess they suspect him every time he is home after eleven.I shake my head, somehow understanding why he doesn't like trusting people.Trust is a two-way street, and, even his closest, or at least those that are supposed to be his closest ones, don't trust him."No, Jeremy," I say and smile "Don't worry. He's fine. We're fine."He frowns and something passes his face."What?""No, nothing. That's good, then. Just don't trust him too much, all right? ""I thought you were his brother."I joke."Exactly."He holds my eyes for a second and I decide to change the topic."Okay, I’ll keep it in mind. Thank for…for the warning. And you? How are thing