Chapter 8: What I was waiting for

QUINN

I fled down the hallway of the hospital and out the automatic doors into the waning afternoon sun. The air was chilly, and I shivered, wrapping my arms around my waist as I leaned against the bumpy stucco wall. My throat was tight with tears, but dammit, I wasn't going to cry. Not here, not where Leo might see me.

I wasn't stupid. I'd known for a long time that this guy who wore my best friend's face and spoke with his voice wasn't the same sweet boy I'd known forever. No matter how much I lied to myself, no matter how many times I searched for any hint that Leo was still in there, it was time to face facts once and for all. Leo wasn't my friend. He wasn't Nate's friend, and even though he'd rescued Nate today, the sooner we accepted that truth, the sooner we could move on. Forget him.

Pain held a vice-grip on my heart. For me, losing Leo meant more than just having one less friend. It also spelled the death of the dream that someday, he might be even more. I couldn't remember a time when I hadn't looked at Leo as the boy I wanted as mine. Even when I hadn't known how to define that feeling, I'd recognized how I felt about him. Leo was like the other piece of my puzzle, the one whose edges complemented my own. Nate was my best friend, too, but there was just something more about Leo, and I'd always known it. Maybe that was why I'd tried to compensate all these years, giving Nate more attention and deferring to him; maybe I'd always realized that some day, I'd choose between them. And when that day came, I'd known that I'd choose Leo without hesitation.

"Quinn."

His voice, low and rough, was so close to me that I jumped, sucking a quick breath. "God, you scared the crap out of me. Go away, Leo. Leave me alone."

"Quinn, let me explain." He grabbed my upper arm, and the heat of his hand burned through my sweatshirt. I froze, my heart stuttering.

"You said enough inside." I lifted my hand, trying to ignore how much it was shaking. From anger, I told myself. It wasn't because Leo was touching me. Wrenching away from his grip, I began to count off on my fingers. "I'm a loser, because I don't dress like the rah-rah girls and drool over Neanderthal football players. Nate's a wuss because he didn't stand up to three guys who each outweigh him by a good hundred pounds. And you only protected him today because you feel sorry for us. And now, Nate wants me to lie about what really happened, about what those boys tried to do, and you agree with him. You don't want me to rat out your idiot friends or mess up your precious football team. Did I miss anything? Leave out any other truth you feel I need to know?"

Leo's eyebrows drew together, and his gray eyes went thunderous. He bent so that his face was inches from mine.

"I never said that. I never said anything like that, about you being a loser or Nate being a wuss. I was just trying to be a good friend by giving you some advice-"

"I don't need your advice, Leo. I don't need anything from you. Believe me, you've made yourself perfectly clear." I turned away, intent on escape again, but he snagged my arm again before I could get very far.

"Quinn-" He growled out my name, yanking me closer as though he was going to keep yelling at me. I blinked rapidly, breathing hard at his nearness. I could smell that scent that was only Leo, a mix of his shaving cream and some kind of intoxicating musk. It made me want to bury my nose in the crook of his neck, even now when I was angry and hurt. My chest rose and fell so fast, I felt as though I'd just run one of Coach Cramer's laps.

"Quinn." Leo said my name again, this time a little softer, a little less frustrated and a little more desperate. His eyes fastened onto my mouth, and I couldn't help myself; my tongue darted out to run over my lips.

His grip on my arm loosened just a tad, not quite releasing me. Although I could've easily stepped away, I didn't. I stayed close to Leo, the warmth from his body making me forget the cool breeze blowing around us.

Leo didn't draw back, either. His mouth opened a little, and his throat bobbed as he swallowed. A tic jumped in his cheek, distracting me momentarily from staring at his lips. But then his tongue slid out to mimic my earlier move, and all I could think was ...please.

As if he'd heard my silent plea, Leo's hands skimmed slowly down my arms over my ribs to my waist. He drew me closer, lowering his head until I could feel his breath fan my cheek.

But he stopped short of touching my lips. For a moment, time stood still as I watched a silent battle wage in his eyes.

And then his eyelids slid shut. "Fuck it." The words escaped on a sigh that sounded like defeat, but before I could analyze that, his mouth was on mine and everything in the world was new and shiny.

Every girl imagines her first kiss, and I wasn't any different. I'd never pictured sharing that milestone with any boy but Leo, even though that possibility had felt increasingly remote lately. But when it actually happened ...every preconceived notion I'd had evaporated into nothingness, because reality was better than anything I could have dreamed.

His lips were soft, and they covered mine completely, at first with a tentative touch. I arched my body into his, needing to be closer, and he groaned, opening his mouth and coaxing me to do the same. His tongue teased at the corners of my lips, tracing the seam until I couldn't resist letting them open.

As if he'd been waiting for just that, his hands dropped to my hips, pressing me close to him as his tongue swept into my mouth, tangling with mine and exploring me with such intimacy that my knees went weak. His fingers dug into my back, just above my butt. My hands were linked behind his neck, but I couldn't quite remember how they had gotten there. It didn't matter, because in that minute, close could never be close enough.

"Mia." He broke the kiss just long enough to murmur his endearment against my cheek. I caught one fast breath before he captured my mouth again, this time with more aggression and need. His hands began to move in small circles over my lower back, but it wasn't enough: I wanted everything, and I wanted it now.

I became aware of the hard ridge of his arousal against my stomach, and a thrill of want shot through me. I did that. The realization sang into my heart. Leo wanted me. Me. I'd waited so long for this, and I couldn't believe it was finally happening. I had no idea if I was doing this right, or if there even was a right or wrong way. The part of me that still thought of Leo as my best friend wanted to ask him if he could tell how inexperienced I was. But most of me hoped he didn't notice.

The front of my body was warm as it pressed into him, but the wind was picking up, blowing over my back. I shivered, curling against him.

"You're cold." Leo trailed kisses over my jaw and then drew back, chaffing his hands up and down my arms. "We should probably get inside and check on Nate. See if he's back from the scan yet. And maybe his mom and dad are here. If everything's okay, I'll take you home after that."

I knew that reminder about Nate should've jarred me back to a place where I was worried about my other best friend-and I was concerned about him-but nothing and no one was going to knock me off this high. And the idea of Leo driving me home? Being alone in the car with him? Yeah, that made me want to break out into what the boys and I used to call my joy of silliness dance.

Would he kiss me again when he dropped me off? Would we sit in front of my house, making out until the windows of the car steamed? And what did it mean, exactly, this kiss? I opened my mouth to ask that question at the same time Leo began to speak.

"Quinn, I-"

"Leo, what-"

Whatever Leo was about to say was lost as a woman's voice behind me called out to us. "Leo-Quinn. Thank God. What happened?" Sheri Wellman was sprinting toward us. "We just got your message. I'd had my phone off, until it was closer to time to pick up Nate at the river-damn, that doesn't matter. What happened?"