11

XENIA'S POV

As I walked away from both Kaleb and Marrylen, my mind spun with the weight of everything that had just happened. Kaleb's proposal—his suggestion that there didn't have to be a choice between him and Marrylen—felt like a bolt of lightning straight through my chest. I had come here searching for answers, hoping to make sense of the emotions that had been tearing me apart, but now... now I felt more confused than ever.

The idea of being with both of them—of not having to choose between Kaleb and Marrylen—seemed impossible. It was something I had never even dared to imagine. How could it work? Kaleb was my destined mate, the Alpha, someone who represented everything the pack stood for. And Marrylen... Marrylen made me feel free, seen, like I could be more than just a piece of some larger plan.

But Kaleb's words kept echoing in my mind. What if there didn't have to be a choice?

I stopped in the middle of the path, taking a deep breath as I closed my eyes. Did Kaleb really mean it? Could he really be willing to share me, just to keep me by his side? And what did that mean for me—for us? It felt like a desperate attempt to hold onto something slipping away, but at the same time, it spoke to how much he cared. It was a vulnerability I hadn't seen in him before, a willingness to break the rules just to keep me close.

But was that love? Was it really love if he couldn't let go, even when he knew I wasn't sure? Was it love if he was willing to bind me to both him and Marrylen, just to avoid losing me completely?

And then there was Marrylen. Her face flashed in my mind, the way she looked at me with such earnest care, the warmth in her eyes that made me feel safe. She had always been straightforward with me—always letting me know that I had a choice, that my feelings mattered. With her, I felt like I could breathe. With her, I felt like I could be myself without any expectations or burdens placed upon me.

What Kaleb was offering might have been a solution, but it didn't feel like it was my solution. It felt like something he was doing for himself, a way to hold onto power over me, even if it meant bending the rules. And Marrylen—I knew she would never ask for something like that. She would never demand anything of me, let alone sharing me with someone else. She would step aside if that was what I wanted, even if it broke her heart.

Tears pricked at my eyes, and I wiped them away angrily. Why did everything have to be so complicated? Why couldn't I just be free to love who I wanted, without all these strings attached? Without the weight of destiny and tradition forcing me into something I wasn't ready for?

I wanted to love. I wanted to feel that connection, that warmth, that all-consuming passion—but I wanted it to be my choice. I wanted it to come from a place of genuine emotion, not from an obligation or some ancient bond that dictated my fate. I wanted to be free to explore what I felt for Marrylen, to see if there was a future there, without the constant shadow of Kaleb looming over us.

Kaleb's words were well-intentioned, I knew that. He was trying to make things easier for me, trying to offer a solution where no one had to lose. But what he didn't understand was that this wasn't about winning or losing—it was about what I wanted, about who I wanted to be. And until I could figure that out, I couldn't give myself to either of them.

I needed time. I needed space. And maybe, just maybe, I needed to find out who I was without Kaleb's claim on me, without the pull of the pack, without the weight of destiny pressing down on my shoulders.

I turned my head back, catching a glimpse of Kaleb and Marrylen in the distance, both of them watching me with hopeful yet uncertain expressions. My heart ached for them, for what we all wanted and for what none of us could seem to grasp.

One day, I thought. One day, I would make sense of this. But for now, I needed to choose myself first.

With that thought, I turned back toward the path, ready to take the first step on my journey—alone.

XENIA'S POV

The city felt different this time. The noise, the lights, the constant hum of life—it all seemed almost overwhelming now, like a cacophony of emotions that mirrored the chaos inside my own mind. As I stepped off the bus and into the bustling streets of New York, I couldn't help but feel a sense of relief, but also an aching emptiness. This place was supposed to be my escape, my chance to figure things out on my own terms. But it still held memories—of my old life, of Bradshaw, of the dreams I'd once had.

I made my way to my apartment, the one I hadn't been in since I'd left for Beddington. It felt like stepping back in time. The familiar creak of the door, the faint smell of the city that seemed to linger in the walls—it all felt so distant, like a part of my life I wasn't sure I could reconnect with. I dropped my bags on the floor, exhaustion washing over me as I collapsed onto the couch.

I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, trying to steady myself. But before I could even begin to settle, there was a knock on the door. My heart skipped a beat, and I hesitated for a moment, wondering who it could be. Slowly, I pushed myself up and walked over to the door, opening it cautiously.

And there he was. Bradshaw. The sight of him made my heart lurch, and a thousand emotions swirled inside me—surprise, guilt, nostalgia. He looked just as I remembered—his blue eyes full of warmth, his hair slightly messy, like he'd run his hands through it a few too many times.

"Xenia," he breathed, his voice full of relief, like he'd been waiting for this moment for a long time. "You're really here."

I swallowed, taking a step back as he moved closer. "Bradshaw... what are you doing here?"

He gave me a small, tentative smile. "I heard you were back in the city. I—I needed to see you. I know things ended... badly, but I've missed you. I've missed us. And I was hoping we could talk."

His words caught me off guard, and for a moment, I felt myself softening. Bradshaw had been a constant in my life—the person who had been there through thick and thin, who had made me feel safe. But things had changed. I had changed. And no matter how much I wanted to fall back into the comfort of the past, I knew I couldn't.

"Bradshaw, I don't know if that's a good idea," I said, my voice wavering. "A lot has happened. I've changed. I'm not the same person I was when I left."

He nodded, his eyes searching mine. "I know, Xenia. I can see that. But I still love you. And I want to fight for us, if you'll let me."

I looked at him, the sincerity in his eyes pulling at my heart. There was a part of me that wanted to say yes—that wanted to let him in, to let myself be loved by someone who had always been there. But another part of me, the part that had been to Beddington, that had met Kaleb and Marrylen, knew that it wasn't that simple.

"Bradshaw, I... I don't know if I can do this," I said, tears welling in my eyes. "I've been through so much, and I'm still trying to figure out who I am and what I want. I don't think I'm ready for this—for us—right now."

His face fell, the hope in his eyes dimming. He reached out, his hand gently brushing against my cheek. "I understand," he said softly. "But I'll be here, Xenia. I'll wait for you, for as long as it takes. Just... please, don't shut me out completely."

I closed my eyes, leaning into his touch for just a moment before stepping back. "I need time, Bradshaw. I can't promise anything, but I need to figure things out on my own."

He nodded, his expression pained but understanding. "Take all the time you need. Just know that I love you, and I'm not giving up on us."

As he turned and walked away, I closed the door, leaning against it as tears spilled down my cheeks. My heart felt heavy, torn between the love I'd once known and the uncertain future that lay ahead. Bradshaw's return had brought back memories of a simpler time, a time when I knew what I wanted. But now, everything was different.

I wiped my tears, taking a deep breath. I couldn't let myself get lost in the past. I had come back to the city to find myself, to make sense of everything that had happened. And maybe, just maybe, that meant letting go of what once was, and embracing whatever lay ahead—even if it scared me.