CHAPTER 7

       Rain owned the next two days, pouring out from the sky like it had been held for a long time by some unknown force, the house deathly quiet and Empty, the day before, Jemi hadn't even stepped out of her room except to get a glass of water, her lips had looked cracked and sore, Emma tried her best not to inquire if she was feeling well, knowing Jemi, she would definitely say things that might spark her on or say nothing at all. So Emma had spent the day watching TV and reading more romance books, she had cooked some, then stacked up the already stacked freezer.

      It was a storm, sometimes she looked out the window, seeing water flowing down automatically made her grim, she needed a walk, her legs were itchy. She wanted out of this place. She missed Will, his presence occupied the house in a way nobody else's could,  if he was present she wouldn't have been this lonely.

     Jemi was in her room mostly, if she hadn't known her, she'd have thought she wasn't even in, how did she live like that? She always asked herself, now she knew, having filled her internet searches on BPD she understood her better, it was a relief to her to finally scale over why she was that way and also a terrible feeling knowing the cause

      For the fifth time that day, she placed her ears on Jemi's door, but still no noise, she resisted the urge to push it open. Clenching her fist, she walked away and fell on the sofa.

     Lost in her thought and void that filled the house, she jerked when a cell phone buzzed, it was Jemi's, Emma picked it up from the chair it lay, and she pondered on if to receive the call or let it vibrate away.

      She was relieved when the buzz ended.

Soon the phone was ringing again. giving herself no choice, she picked up the phone.

      "Hi, Jemi this is Doctor Priya"

      Emma  interrupted "I'm sorry this isn't Jemi, wait on the other end I'm giving it to her right now," 

       "Oh"

      Emma hurried to Jemi's room, turning the knob with so much force,

       The sight that she met had her alarmed, the phone dropped from her hands.

     "Jemi!!!"

            ★★★★★

      The last two days had her sinking so bad she was gasping for breath like a fish pulled out of the water and drooped on dry land, it came at once, the memories, ate at her, surprising how one particular moment had you for the rest of your life.

      She was too weak to fight any longer. She just wanted to quit,

   Life was a mess

     Yesterday The room was choked with demons, staggering to her wardrobe she searched through the heaps, scattering canvasses, her hands touching something familiar, she grabbed the container popping pills into her mouth,  her back now against the door, head raised to the ceiling, she counted to ten, when it didn't slow her down, she continued to hundred.

    Her mouth now slightly bitter from the pill got her out of her room to get a glass of water, Emma was there, diverting her eyes from the TV back to her, she was quite a sight, 

     Done, she went back trying to disassociate, but it wasn't working, she banged her head against the door, feeling the calm coming on, and she pushed her back towards the bed.

    She was drifting.

  

     ".....so what if God doesn't take us to a better place," Sara asked snipping flowers from their stems, engrossed in what she was doing yet yelling questions behind her shoulders to Jemi who squatted under a tree with crayons in her hands, colouring on paper., nearby the brook rumbled fiercely, 

"Then the fairies take us to wherever they live" Jemi answered, eyes fixed on the image, taking form on the paper, she scrunched her little nose upward criticizing

  "If we good?"

   "Yeah if we are good" She finally guessed she couldn't divide her attention between Sara and the drawing she looked up at the little blond girl who had her nose buried in the flowers she held. "Sara I wanna concentrate"

"Alright," she murmured let down.

    She continued on the paper, trying out fonts, few minutes passed, and she smiled in satisfaction looking at the virgin Mary taking form. Another trophy.

  She heard the thump, then the splash. Her head shot up.

    "Sara" she called "Sarrrrrra"

    Running to the side of the brook,

    "Jemi Jemi HELP" 

     Jemi dove in head first, there was the crack of skull against a stone the fading echoes "JEMI JEMI, HELP ME JEMI, DONT LET ME GO JEMI...JEMIIIIIII......"

       Jemi shivered, she didn't want to be here, she didn't want to be in this room, She wanted to be free from the regrets, it was killing her, this wasn't living, just dying slowly.

Her decision made in a short period, she stood up, socks on tiles, pulling down the woollen curtain from the window, sliding the glass just a little bit so the light could seep through the room, she didn't want  to scare anybody with a dead body, 

     her dead body.

   If it took longer to find her, she might pollute the place, she thought then pushed wide open,  back to the wardrobe she picked up the picture and a blade, suddenly wishing she had a gun. Quicker, but Emma, she'd be leaving the poor girl with nightmares for the rest of her life.

    She unwrapped the blade, lost in calculative thought while staring at the gleaming edge of the sharp metal for minutes, she'd made up her mind.

    Lowering the blade, she created a small slit, then made it even lengthier, the instrument of death falling from her hands to the surface, she made slow steps to the window and sat just below it on the floor that was getting soggy due to the rain dropping in from the window.

     The blood dripped from her wrist down to the floor, the downpour soaking up her clothes and the wet wind had her trembling, teeth grinding against each other, slowly the blood seeped, slowly she was getting weaker and when she was about to shut her eyes, the door flung open,

          ★★★★★

     Emma ran to the rain-soaked Jemi whose back was to the window, not caring if she slipped on the blood, holding her neck in place. Jemi was half-conscious, her eyes were slightly opened, Emma looked at the cut wrist.

     "What were you doing?" Emma gasped at her words, her thoughts running faster than sync, she pulled her cotton shirt and tired the bleeding wound.

      Dropping Jemi's head against the floor and shutting the window against the room, "stay here Jemi, I'll be back,"

     She ran to the sitting room, Fumbling the chairs for her phone, her hands shaking, she dialled. "Pick pick, pick" she cried

     The male sleepy voice pouring through the speaker eased her tension but didn't stop her from nearly screaming through the phone "help help, she's dying, she needs help..."

     The tone snapped up "Emma, Emma, what's going on, try staying calm..."

    "She slit her wrist, oh my God, so much blood, everywhere, she's dying..."

    "Where are you, Emma?

    " at home, the school, home, Will... Oh my God"

     "Pull yourself together, losing control won't help in this situation, now do as I say, take a clean cloth and tie her wrist to stop it from bleeding"

      "Done that, I don't know how long she's been in there, she's losing so much blood"

      "Just hold on, I'll be there in minutes"

      "What should I do?"

       "Speak to her, anything,  stop her from falling asleep, now go"

        She ran to the room, Jemi lay still almost lifeless, and Emma was on her knees, putting Jemis's head on her lap.

      "Jemi please, Jemi please please please..." She stroked her hair "I'll forgive you for anything except this one, do not close that eye on me completely, you hear me you crazy...." She couldn't stop rambling, hugging Jemi's head to her chest, she was unaware she was being soaked up in the blood. So when the car stopped beside the house and the doctor came running in, she was still crying.

               ★★★★★

     After the doctor left, Emma stayed with Jemi who had been moved to her room, drip pipe stuck into her uninjured hand, she lay on the bed quite still Emma had to constantly check her pulse.

     The more she gazed at the frail human, looking so helpless with a pained countenance, the more it all dawned on her, her arms were filled with scars, her knuckles sore and swollen, what had she been doing? Punching the wall? Was that why she always had on outfits that covered her upper body every time?

     Arts so dark

     Wanting to be alone

      Rejecting every show of affection.

   And all that time, it was all about her, not anybody else, she had secretly despised herself and it was hard to tell with her sarcastic comebacks to whatever she faced.

    She traced her scars, one after the other, how many more were hidden? How bad was it?

    She held Jemi's fingers squeezing them gently and supportively, her other hand combing through her hair.

    "Just wake up and We'll sort this out together"  she planted a kiss on her forehead.

      her cell phone rang, she picked up the call

     "hey Will"

     "Emma, you good?" 

 she looked at Jemi and lied "yeah, I'm cool, sorry I haven't called."

    "It's fine, been busy here, feeling like an 8-year-old given chores, did nothing but still stressed out"

  "I know how that feels"

   "and Meera, Meera calls every minute it's becoming embarrassing," he chuckled "Lily now knows her and even picks the call before I'm in any way close to the phone"

     Lily was his niece.

"you sound like you're having a nice time"

 "Honestly I am, the crowd of people, the fun doesn't run out"

    "that's nice to hear"

   "Emma, you don't sound okay, what's going on"

    the sobs she'd been trying to keep in came pouring out, "Will it's Jemi"

    "Emma, did you guys fight?" he sounded alerted

    "she attempted suicide"

    "holy shit" 

    the line went dead silent 

     "where's she right now? "

     "here, my room, she's still breathing, the doctor said her hands were too shaky to inflict a mortal injury but she lost a lot of blood" 

     "so she's fine?"

     "for the main time, she's unconscious"

     "how could she have done that, Jeez, she didn't seem like she was struggling with anything"

     "she was, a whole lot of things none of us knew about, she hid it well" she closed her eyes, more tears dropping

     She explained to him everything, "but I should have known, I saw all those pills and never made a move to know about them"

     "come on Emmy, they were pills, there was no way you'd have known she had a disorder"

     "her paintings, they told everything, she told my dad there were stories to every piece of art"

     "That I agree, most of her paintings were dark, but even if you were to be curious she wouldn't have told you anything, she hardly said anything, now Emma listen to me, stop blaming yourself if there was anyone curious about her well-being it's you"

    "but..." 

    "let me finish, it's bad enough for you to find her that way, it won't do to blame yourself, do you understand me?"

     she said nothing

     "do you understand me?"  he asked again.

     "yeah I get you"

     "eaten anything yet?"

     "Yeah"

     "liar,"

     "there was no time to even breath," she thought she saw Jemi's lids flutter.

     "take it easy Emma, she's going to be fine, I don't know her that much, but the little I do know is that she's a fighter, she'll be out in no time"

    Emma smiled "I wish you were here Will"

    "I'll be back by Monday, I promise you" his tone turned light "tell Jemi she better hang on in there"

    "say hi to Lily," she said letting him go, he was supposed to be having a fun time, not playing comforter.

     "Jemi will be fine Emma"

     the call ended, Emma tucked her in neatly and walked into Jemis room, the blood stains on the floor were still there, she moved close to the wardrobe where canvasses lay, one after the other she looked into them trying to read a story into the symbols and paintings of Greek goddesses, it wasn't making much sense.

      she picked another piece, this one was labelled forgotten, she had seen it before, she traced the fading feminine figure, hard to point out due to the highly interesting surroundings on the paper.

time had passed since she had entered that room, she stood up again turning out when a squared paper caught her eye, and she picked it up. 

     it was the same picture, of the little girl, seems Jemi had been with it when she decided to call it quits.

    she picked it up cleaning the liquid from it. she looked at the smiling blond girl and muttered " who are you?"

     A tied nylon bag behind the door made her walk in that direction, untying it, she melted

     "Oh Jemi"

     The packs of twist, she had fished out from the bin, she didn't what it thrown away, she didn't mean to hurt her feelings, it was just an outburst. 

       Maybe she was a little kind after all.

         ★★★★★

     He laid on the bed, restless, taking in shallow breaths, and gulping air as if suffocating. he desperately hung on the trail of thought that kept him sane before he was pushed back into the realm, the realm that had him pleading to take back control over his body and mind.

     he rolled over again and again trying to fit into a position that lessened the agony, it was proving futile

    "for the wages of sin is death and the gift of God is eternal" 

    who was chanting? it was in unison, voices like thousands of flowing waters hitting on rocks, it wasn't him.

     "God's gift to mankind to purge them of their sins"

    "I AM TIRED, I DONT WANT THIS" he whimpered "just let me die"

    "the gift of God maketh rich and added no sorrow"

     he curled on the bed, worn out, he's wishes didn't matter just the 'lords', he shivered from the air that swerved through the open window.

   " for the ways, of God seem foolish to the ways of men," 

     He was becoming one with the voice, the voice that ruled, the voice that knew, the voice that decided, and as he chanted with it he felt the power fill him even his fingertips tingled.

     Spread eagled and eyes wide opened, he saw the signs, it was time. he was one with the voice.

     "let the will of God be done"