Playing the mysterious girl with a mysterious past has been fun—something I haven't experienced in a while—but it is time to let my schoolgirl crush go. Daniel has his own life, own problems, own crushes and I have to get over the fact that I will never be a part of it. I couldn't be even if I wanted.
Daniel is the type of guy girls dream of being with, he seems to be perfect. He is incredibly handsome, deliciously tough, mysterious, held back, and overall a teenage girls fantasy. That is what I am, a teenage girl fantasizing. There is a good and bad side to this as well, the bad being that I am wasting my time, and the good being that I am beginning to feel again. It may be just a schoolgirl crush, but it shows me that I can feel this certain way towards guys.
It was weird at first, to like someone. I did
Daniel does not come on the hike with us, and I cannot figure out why. It is not like he would share anything with me, but possibly Jordan, so that is our plan. We send Jordan to figure out what's up then we fix it—if we can. I am positive that whatever has Daniel in a mood is beyond anything casual, as showing any emotion at all is not his thing.Maybe him and his girlfriend—the one I imaginarily assigned him—have broken up. Not that I care. . ."He's upstairs in the master bedroom," Taylor tells Jordan as we stand at the bottom of the staircase, "just go ask if anything's up.""Maybe he just wants to be alone," Jordan says, clearly hesitant."Well, at least we'd know then," Jana says. "Let's just find out, and by l
For hours I find myself unable to get even a minute of sleep. I simply lay in bed, turn on my side, turn on my stomach, switch the direction my head is in, turn on my other side, then flip back onto my back. Nearly reaching a point of insanity, I glance at the clock—it reads 2:06—then I get up from the bed and wander down the stairs.Expecting everyone to be asleep, I quietly sneak into the kitchen to search the fridge and pantry for anything to drink or eat. Maybe I am thirsty or hungry. Maybe I am too tired to think properly.The fridge light burns my eyes, causing me to squint. My hands rummage around, sliding jars of jam and bottles of water from one side to the other as if something wonderful is behind them. After discovering nothing sugary-sweet, I grab a bottle of water and sit on top of the counter. I feel the chille
"Remember, the test over Lord of the Flies will be Friday. Fall break is over, people, let's get back into the routine," Mrs. Hilliard calls to us as we exit the classroom. "Remember, if you haven't turned in your Chapter Twelve analysis. . ."Her voice fades as I wander out the door and down the hallway. Everyone seems miserable today, all hoping for one more day of fall break. It is always hard to come back after a week of relaxation.The principals muffled voice sounds above us, rambling about Homecoming, the next football game, college visits, and other events I would love to forget about. Being in the school is enough for me already. I could live without the stares and whispers. You'd think after an entire quarter that people would get over the fact that I am indeed back in Coldgrove.
It is hard to get over someone when they have the keys to your car. It is even more difficult when that same person seems to care for you, then doesn't, then does, then doesn't, then takes said keys. It sucks, even more, when the only way to get those keys before the end of the day is to face your tormentors.He just had to take them. Daniel just had the caretoday.Putting in my brave face, I walk over to the table, but not close enough to where they can talk to me, yet close enough to were Jordan can notice me. Once he does, I motion for him to come over. As I expected, everyone including Harrison sees this, but it is better than being talked to.Harrison watches me closely, making my palms clammy. I want to yell at him to stop, shouting in front of everyone like I am o
"What?""Why has Daniel beaten up Harrison?" she repeats accusingly.I sit up swiftly and attempt to grasp the words coming through the phone. "He what?""You're telling me you haven't heard?"I run my hand through my hair. "No. I haven't heard, Jana. I've been at home for an hour or so. When did it happen? Where did it happen?""Well, I'm assuming it happened after you left, and I heard it happened in the locker room. What was the last thing you and Daniel talked about? Did—did you tell him that Harrison—""No, of course I didn't," I say. "Who told you?""Jordan did a
I stand outside the cafeteria doors, waiting for Daniel. My entire weekend was used to think of what I am going to say at this exact moment—Monday, the day Daniel gets back. Jana even pitched in a few lines. Tell him that you love how dangerous he is, but he can't fight Harrison without warning you first, she said. Obviously, I am not going to say that.First, I need to know why. Why did you do it after I asked you not to?Then I'm going to ask him if it was worth it. What punching Harrison really worth getting suspended over?Finally, I want to know Harrison's reaction. Did he fight back? What did he say?I cannot think about it too hard, or I might just change my mind for the thousandth time. Waiting here isn't helping either,
I park in front of Jana's house and walk up to the front door with nothing but my phone and keys. It is six o'clock as she asked, and when I ring the doorbell it takes five seconds for her to answer. She leads me past the living room where her parents are watching television. I greet them in the second that she gives me, as Jana is already on the stairs, telling me to hurry up.Once in her room with the door closed, I ask, "They're letting you go to a party on a Monday night? Or are you sneaking out again?""I told them that we're going to a basketball game for school. I just have to be back by eleven," she says. "Here, I have your outfit."I glance down at her bed where the outfit is laid out. "A black dress, great.""Not just a blac
I was feeling the alcohol now, my head spinning as we sat together on his bed. He shushed me quietly then gripped the bottom of my shirt. My face flushed and I quickly held my clothing down, stopping him from pulling it up.What's the matter? He asked.I didn't know what to tell him. I was a virgin, I didn't know the routine he did. All in one night I had had my first flirtatious conversation, my first kiss, and then make out. He wanted more, and I ran out of ideas. How was I supposed to tell the most popular, most attractive guy in school that I wasn't ready, even though he wanted to?I want to go back to the party, I lied, I need to find my friends. They wanted to meet up—My eyes shot to the clock. It read:10:57
Harrison was not at school for the last week until winter break. Everyone wondered where he went and assumed his father took the family on an early vacation to some tropical island. They were jealous of him. In the locker room, the girls chatted about how lucky he is to be able to miss an entire week. His father can pull strings, they said.I stayed silent and tried to ignore them, not wanting to feed my ego over the fact that I know the truth.Harrison is in trouble.After my mother went to the station with the USB drive, she called later on to tell me that everything was going well, that there were no issues. We celebrated at Knocks, and in the night, Daniel dropped Jana off at home and came inside mine. My mother was too dedicated to leave work, so I didn't expect her to come back a
"What are you talking about?""It was Harrison's father," he says again, confusing Jana."Okay," I whisper, not sure what to think but forcing myself to push it to the back of my head. "What does that have to do with the station?""We can't trust them. Most of the officers are in agreements with the mayor,Harrison's father. If we give it to someone we can't trust, they'll destroy it, I promise you," he explains. "You have to give it to someone you trust."I squeeze my eyes shut, knowing what he means. "My mother."Jana holds her breath in the back and Daniel keeps his eyes on me. The USB drive is locked in my hand and it feels as if I'm holding a diamond. Everything is
Jana and I walk into school side by side, talking about what happened after Daniel and I left the party. "I can't believe you—you just dived right in, didn't you? Was it—I mean, how was it? Were you okay?"We stop at her locker, and I talk quietly as she gets her things. "It was a little difficult at first, but he was so gentle, so patient and caring. I just...I love him. He really cares about me, Jana. He makes me feel safe and alive and..." I smile, dreaming."Well, I'm happy for you. You deserve it," she says and gives me a side-hug as we continue down the hall. "You two make a beautiful couple, oh, like James and I."I shake my head. "Maybe we're both love-sick puppies"Walking into my first class, I slip past Daphne,
I pull up to Jana's house and text her that I'm here. While waiting I glance up at the sky, hoping it snows like the news said it would. The heat is blasted and the windows are fogged, and it's beginning to feel like winter.Jana knocks on the window and I unlock the door. She slips in and shuts it immediately behind her, almost on her foot. "Jeez it's cold out there," she says while pulling on her seat belt. "Watts better have the fire going."I pull onto the road. "So this isn't some big Christmas party like you said before, right?""No, this one's just close friends.""Good. After Harrison's party, I need a break." Jana stays quiet and I glance over to her. "You okay?"She nods, h
I sit down at our table in the cafeteria, trying to figure myself out. It's been a long day. Daphne kept glancing back at me in Economics and Jana kept texting me about Watts' cousin James, saying that he asked her to be his girlfriend. She said yes and then continued to talk about it. I'm happy for her, but how can I smile over Love if the person I love hates me?I don't know what Love feels like, but if it doesn't feel like this, then it will be a disappointment.How can I not love Daniel? He's amazing in every way. He makes my heart race by simply thinking about him. He accepts me, every part of me, and I lost him. I let him slip through my fingers. I used to wonder if Daniel loves me, and now I'm wondering the opposite. Could he love me? I don't know. Maybe I just fall in Love easily.
I stare out the window, watching as the streetlights pass and erase my face in the glass. The image of Harrison standing there is stuck in my mind, I don't know what to think of it, but now that I'm with Daniel I feel better. It's a bit awkward to be so close after our last encounter, but I feel safe.My head rolls to him, my eyes watching his hands as he turns the wheel, turning onto my street. "Is anyone home?" He asks, and I have a flashback to a time before."No. My mom is at John's house.""Who's John?"I look at the house. "He's her boyfriend, I guess. He's the guy that snuck into the house with her."Daniel parks at the curb like he always does and gets out with me as I expect
My heart races relentlessly in my chest as I pull up to Jana's house, my fingers tapping on the steering wheel and my bottom lip between my grinding teeth. I watch as she flees through the front door and hurries into the car, her tight, black dress catching me off guard. "We aren't actually going to the party," I tell her and pull back onto the road."I know, I just want to blend in," she says while pulling her seatbelt on and glancing over at me, "and I see you don't.""I'm more focused on getting the flash drive. God I hope he hasn't smashed it or thrown it away. Just thinking about it...It makes me all anxious. And the fact that we're going to his party isn't helping either. The last thing I need is flashbacks.""You'll be fine," she encourages me. "You've healed so much the past fe
I rush to the cafeteria, to the table, then to Jana. She is sitting with Watts, Taylor, and Jordan, but I yank her up and drag her out, ignoring her "what are you doing" and "Hailey, what's going on" until we make it out of the cafeteria doors. The hallways are sparse with students, and I take her back to where Sam took me, yet he's gone as I expected. I wonder what he's thinking.I let her go and she lets out a weird laugh. "Will you tell me what that was all about? You know, I could have followed you, you didn't have to pull me out.""Shut up," I breathe out, panicking. "Something bad has happened."Her face turns serious. "What? Is it Harrison? Daphne? Did they do something?""Actually, yes, but I need to explain, and before I do,
Daniel called a few times over the weekend, Jana too, but I wasn't answering anyone's calls. I texted Jana and said that I needed to be alone just so she wouldn't come snooping around the house to make sure I am still alive. Daniels, well, I left his to ring, each time forcing myself not to answer."I heard your Dad told you about Florida," my mother grabs my attention as I sit alone in the kitchen. She walks around to the other side of the counter island to face me. "Are you going back?""Yeah. I'm moving back during winter break."She raises an eyebrow. "That's hardly a month away."I nod. "I know. I'll be ready by then. I'm used to leaving quickly anyway." It feels like an extreme case of déjà vu. It feels like I am g