"Is something the matter with Simon?"
"What do you mean?"
"He was really quiet this morning. He just seems upset."
He sighed heavily. "Well, you know what a momma's boy little Simon is… this morning Mom told us that she found a lump… in her breast. He's just freaked out about it."
"Jack…" I began. "I'm so sorry."
He smiled slightly, but when I met his eyes I saw the fear. "Nothing's definite, you know? It could be nothing."
He was trying hard not to appear vulnerable. It wasn't his style to be scared. I knew that he was afraid, but I wouldn't mention it.
"She's going to get a biopsy done today. Apparently she's known about if for a while now, but she didn't want us to get upset about it."
"I'll let you get back t
What was all this bullshit about love?! It's high school! Maybe I was the weird one for thinking it was strange to decide you loved someone so early in life. I was confused enough about my emotions without throwing love into the mix. I wanted to tell her it was stupid, but instead I smiled at her."Well, I'm sure things will work out. Don't worry about me, I'm not interested in stealing your boyfriend."The bell rang and Brenda grinned, seemingly satisfied with our little chat."Cool. Great earrings, by the way," she said, and then she was gone.When I got to my locker, Simon was standing at his with Caroline. They were standing close, too close for my comfort, but I said nothing. I just put my books away and stood, waiting patiently… okay, so I really wasn't feeling patient, but I did a good job of faking it. After a few moments, Caroline
Turns out by later, Jackson meant three hours later. The doorbell rang around 7:45. Mom and Dad were seeing a play in St. Lourdes. So I hauled my lazy ass down the stairs and looked through the peephole. It was Jack, holding a tub of popcorn. It was adorable that he'd brought it to me, but I was dressed in ratty sweatpants and a used-to-be-white camisole. I opened the door anyway, grinning out at him."Brought you popcorn," he said, coming in. "Your folks home?"I shook my head. "What're you doing here?"He shrugged a little. "Can't I pay you a visit every now and then?""As long as your bring food. Come on in. Wanna go upstairs?"He looked me up and down. "Are you wearing panties? 'Cause if you're not, we better stay downstairs… and sit on opposite ends of the sofa."I giggled. Jack
When we got to school, I abandoned Simon and went to Jackson's locker. Brenda was sleeping on his lap, listening to his iPod."She doesn't feel well," he told me, kissing her hair. "We can talk later, all right? I'm… not in the mood.""This is about last night, huh?""Shh…" he rolled his eyes. "Don't get all emotional on me."I hated how up and down things were between us. We had such a great relationship for about… four hours."Okay. Call me later?""Sure. Have a good day." He said, avoiding my eyes.My day was hell. All I could think about was HIV. Every time I saw Simom, I got sick to my stomach. It was the most stressed out I had been in a really long time. I couldn't concentrate on anything. Ellie tried to get me to tell her what was go
When Ellie left, I sat alone in my room. I felt hollow… completely hollow. When I closed my eyes the word "HIV" flashed like a neon sign in my head. So I laid there, my eyes wide open, staring up at the stark white ceiling.I walked into the waiting room of the clinic and sat in one of the cushioned chairs. There were magazines on the table, but I was too nervous to read. After the longest five minutes of my life, the nurse called my name. She was the same woman who I had dealt with days before, only she looked very gloomy now.I sat down, staring at her expectantly. She said nothing. I wanted to scream at her, to demand that she tell me what was going on... but no sound came out of my mouth."Are you sure you want to know?" she asked finally.I opened my mouth to speak. Nothing. Why couldn't I talk!? I nodded
"It's Brenda. Come on in, but don't make a sound.""You have bed-head," I told him, entering the room and pulling the door shut behind me."I was lying down.""Jackson?" I heard Brenda ask.He un-muted the phone, putting his finger to his lips. "Back babe. Sorry."I went to his bed and lay down, resting my head on one of his super fluffy pillows. He settled beside me, slinging an arm over my shoulders. It felt really nice, but also really horrible, since he was on the phone with his poor unsuspecting girlfriend. After fifteen minutes of mushy talk, Jackson said goodbye to Brenda. He set his phone on the nightstand and turned his attention to me."Where did Simon go?" he asked."He ditched me for Caroline."He shook his head. "He's so
"Shh… it's all right, no one will know… maybe this will make me less tempted. Getting a little sexual tension out of the way." I could feel him hard against my leg. He kissed my mouth, sliding his tongue between my lips as if he had every right to do so. I pushed him away."Jackson! I don't know if I have HIV! I'm not going to have sex with you!""Oh shit! I forgot. I'm sorry Sophie.""How could you forget?!""I wasn't using my brain… Don't get mad."I snuggled against him again. "Will you just hold me? I'm so scared and I… maybe if you stay here with me I won't have another nightmare."He kissed the top of my head. "Yeah, I got you. Get some rest, sweetheart."It was surprisingly easy to sleep. I felt safe and secure cuddled up next
It just didn't seem real. Never again would I have to worry about Simon cheating on me with Caroline. As much as I had wanted that threat gone, I hadn't wanted things to turn out like this. The classroom was buzzing. Everyone knew who Caroline was, but not many people were close with her."I heard some drunk guy killed her at a party when she wouldn't have sex with him," someone murmured."Nah, she was driving shit-faced.""She killed herself," I whispered."What?!" asked the person next to me.I nodded. "She shot herself."This got the class started up again. The teacher sat quietly for a while, and then stood up."All right everybody, that's enough discussion. If you need to see the counselor, that is fine. Otherwise, let's begin."
Simon slept peacefully for almost an hour before he was awakened by a nightmare. He shot up in bed, sobbing and sweating and clinging to me. I wrapped my arms around him, rubbing his back."Shh… I've got you Simon."After a few minutes, he pulled away from me, obviously embarrassed."Hey, it's all right to be freaked out." I kissed his forehead. "Bless your heart." I handed him the water and the pill. "This will help."He took it gratefully, popping the pill in his mouth and downing the water in just a couple of gulps.I stayed with Simon for about five hours. I was asleep for most of that time, though. Simon was still deep in his drug-induced sleep when I woke up. I got out of bed and kissed him lightly. I went downstairs and headed toward the door. As I passed the couch, I noticed Jackson and Brenda making out
Summer turned out to be the best time in our relationship. We spent every day together and didn't take any of our time for granted. One day as we were driving home from having coffee with Wyette and Brent, I glanced over at Jackson."I feel bad," I murmured."What for?""You never hang out with your friends anymore. Now you just hang with mine."He shook his head. "Your friends are my friends. The only real friends I've ever had, except for Brenda. Thank you for introducing us." He kissed my cheek. "And I'll get you guys into college parties.""Are you going to start drinking a bunch again?""No. I won't. Not after how hard you've worked to help me. We're going to Mom's tonight for dinner.""What are we eating?""Who knows? Something
I laid in bed and cried until about 5:45, then I fixed my make up. It didn't matter much to me what I looked like, but I was representing Jackson so I felt like I needed to be pretty. Sharon arrived at 6:00 to pick me up. She knocked on the door and I peered out at her. Her eyes were glistening with tears."I can't believe this," she whispered. "I know that he's still going to be here for a few months, and that he'll less than an hour away… but…" she shook her head."It's okay," I murmured. "I've been crying since he left.""He'll come back and visit. We have to be happy for him. You ready to go?"I nodded. "Yep…"When I got to the car, I saw Simon sitting in the backseat."I thought we should all go as a family," Sharon said to me. "Hope you don't feel too awkward. You
He lifted me gently and carried me to the bed. He tucked me in and then climbed in next to me."Get some rest, Sophie. I love you." He kissed me goodnight, and I fell asleep feeling better than I had in…forever.The next day at school, I cautiously approached Simon. He was standing with his arm around Terry. He was being the attentive, sweet boy that he had been to me when we'd first gotten together."Can we talk?" I asked softly."Where's Jackson?""With Ellie and Ronald. He doesn't need to be here for this. This is about us.""There is no us anymore, Sophie.""Look, can I please just have a minute? I'm not asking for much, Simon, just a minute. Please?""Just go, Simon," Terry said, shoving him lightly. "Go."
His eyes grew soft and another part of him grew hard. I loved his reaction to me… it made me feel powerful."Hellooo cupcake," he purred. "This isn't a you-let-me-get-all-worked-up-and-then-pull-away thing is it?"I shook my head. "Oh no. This is an I-tease-you-for-a-minute-and-then-you-rip-my-clothes-off thing.""Oh God… this is the best Valentine's Day gift I've ever gotten." He looked me up and down, his eyes lingering in all the right places. "You have no idea how hard it's been for me to wait.""I'm sorry," I said softly. "I just…""Don't apologize. That doesn't matter anymore… all that matters is tonight."We shared a moment of comfortable silence."I'm not sure if this is weird," Jackson began sheepishly, "But those wings are r
When the doorbell rang I disappeared into the bedroom. Things were quiet for about ten minutes, then Jackson started to shout… shortly after that, Scott started to… beg. After a while it sounded like things were getting out of hand so I went out to check on them."Jackson, baby… I think you're done," I told him. Blood was pouring from Scott's nose and his eyes were both a dark, angry shade of red."You bitch," Scott managed to utter. "You weren't supposed to tell anyone.""Excuse me?" Jackson snarled. "Did you just call my girlfriend a bitch?" He hit him again and I approached him cautiously."Let him go… it's not fair to mess him up too bad, he's already ugly."Jackson's body was rigid and his hands were bloodstained. There was something feral in his eyes, he smelled like sweat and cologne.
When the alarm clock trilled at 6:00 Jackson let out an exaggerated groan and smacked the clock. I rolled out of bed and Jackson, of course didn't move. "Too early," he muttered."For you. I have to get up so that I can look pretty."He cracked one eye open. "You look nice now," he mumbled."You have to say that.""No I don't. I could have just pretended that I'd gone back to sleep. I think I've made it abundantly clear that I find you attractive whether or not you're all dolled up.""Well, you go ahead and go back to sleep," I told him. "I'll wake you up around 6:30.""Do I have to go to school? I mean, seriously, I'm almost done.""Oh, quit bitching."I went to the bathroom and hopped in the shower. By 6:25, my hair was blown
We sat around for a while longer, then Jackson and I headed home. We still had a ton to unpack. I changed out of my jeans into a pair of his sweatpants. Sure, I had my own sweats, but something about wearing my boyfriend's clothes was so comforting."What would you think if I started dressing like a boy all the time?" I asked Jackson, coming out of the bedroom."Huh?"I grinned. "Your clothes are comfy... they're nice."
We went to my house and tried the door. It was locked. Guess the dumbasses forgot that I had a key."We have to hurry," I said, "I don't want to talk to them.""All right," he replied. We rushed up the stairs and into my room. Everything was pushed to the center of the floor. The walls had been painted a cream color and my bed was gone."I guess they were serious," Jackson said, looking around the room.There were a bunch of boxes full of my stuff on the floor. "At least they made it easy on me.""Do you want all of this?" He asked.I shook my head. "Mostly just the clothes. Let me look around."As I was rummaging through boxes and setting aside the ones I wanted, I realized the stupidity of what I was doing. I'd already established that moving in with him was a
Jackson ate quickly, barely taking time to chew. I ate as slowly as I could, and I knew it was driving him crazy. He finished a good five minutes before me."I'll be in the bedroom," he told me. "You can join me when you finish… if you ever finish."He was lying in bed in his boxers when I came in. God, even as upset as I was, I ached with wanting him."Hey," he said softly."Hi," I replied. I sat on the edge of the bed. "I'm not mad that you drank… I just wish that you hadn't drank so much… because I really needed you, but you were out cold."He drew in a deep breath. "What happened, Sophie?""After everyone left, Scott was still here… and he… he…" Tears filled my eyes."Oh my God… he didn't… Sophie, he di