RafaelI stand with my foot on the first stair, hand on the railing, when my phone starts ringing. The incessant pring-pring-pring echoes off the walls, setting my damn teeth on edge.I reach inside my pocket, and for some reason look up, straight at Madeleine who has a phone to her ear, and is leaning over the barrier, looking down into the foyer.With a grim smile, I glace at the number on the screen, knowing she’s the one using Enzo’s phone. I answer the call regardless. “Yeah?” I keep my eyes on her, unable to see her expression in the gloom, but I can feel her exasperation all the way down here.“Can you come up?” she asks.“You are supposed to be in bed.” I am trying with everything inside me not to laugh. I haven’t laughed in years - not a proper, feel it down in your belly, laugh at any rate.“Something happened,” Madeleine says.The laughter dies as abruptly as it started. “I’ll come up.”She ends the call and disappears from view. I can hear her hushed conversation with Enzo
Rafael Madeleine hesitates for a moment, glancing past me at her bedroom door. “We had an agreement,” I remind her. “If I made it so you could come home-”“No. Yes, I know. It’s just… you want to take me to bed. Betsy’s in my room.”My eyes fall on her lightly trembling hands. Her eyes are dark, uncertain, but she holds her head high, back ruler straight.I take a step in her direction, wrap my hand around her fragile little wrist, while I stare at her beautiful, inviting lips. My heart tumbles in my chest. My knees go weak. My mouth runs dry.God, I want to kiss her.She had that effect on me the first day I met her. I knew then, as I know now, that she possesses a beauty and quiet innocence that needs to be protected at all costs.If only I found her sooner. The casino wouldn’t have touched her delicate soul. But it’s not an indelible stain. We can still wash it out.“What, exactly, do you think I will do to you?” I ask her, keeping my voice quiet, my tone low.“I… well, men take
MadeleineBetsy is still peacefully sleeping when we go back to the bedroom. Rafael leans over the bed and picks her up, folding his arms almost protectively around her. Betsy moans softly in her sleep, then turns into Rafael, trustingly resting her head on his shoulder.“No,” I whisper. “What are you doing?”Now that I’m back, I don’t want to let Betsy out of my sight. I kind of trust Rafael with her - he kept her safe when I couldn't - but I want my sister near me. I feel better when she’s close.“If you want me to stick around,” he answers in a hushed voice. “She needs to go to her own bed or we’ll wake her.”My heart tumbles in my chest. I just invited a man into my bedroom. Anything could happen. But the more time I spend with Rafael, the more I can see Dom. He’s hidden by a hardened shell, but I know what is under that exterior.He’s just like me in a way. Shedding one skin for another so he can cope, so he can do his job.At long last, I nod and walk over to the bed to sit down
Madeleine“Mommy, are you a hooker?” Betsy suddenly asks.The brush falls from my hand and lands on the cluttered vanity with a loud thump. The question stops me cold. Her voice is soft, so innocent, but she’s red in the face, and her little lips are pressed firmly together when she crosses her arms over her chest.“Whu- uh- where did you hear that nonsense? Of course not!”“School. Riana says hookers go to hell, and will burn in the magical fires.”Betsy jumps up with her toy dog in her arms, and starts to bounce on the bed. “Hell, hell, hell, hell-hell-hell,” she sings. “Mommy’s going to burn in the fire.”A wave of rage crashes over me. Blood roars through my veins, making me dizzy and short of breath. “Stop it!” I scream, much louder than I want to.“No!” She throws her dog at my head and jumps off the bed. She plants her fist in her hips and stomps her foot to the tune of, “I hate you! I hate you! No one likes me because of you. Riana says that’s why I don’t have a daddy. ”I l
MadeleineThe VIP room is comfortably cool, but sweat drips from my brow and soaks into my uniform. I pull at the tight skirt, aware of the many eyes on me.Afterall, I’m not supposed to be here.If the Sisters saw me now, dressed in this skimpy outfit, mixing with the worst sinners this world has to offer, they'd probably faint.Goodness knows, they nearly had a collective heart attack when they found me talking to Dom alone in the garden. “You are tainting your own soul”, the sisters shouted, horrified. Dom apologised profusely, almost clumsily, as he stuttered the words out. He swore to them that we had done nothing inappropriate - he respected me too much to do anything that would harm me or my reputation. Oh, how he blushed. I’d never seen any other man as genuine and kind as him. And there will be no other. The people surrounding Rafael have their eyes on us. Our every move is being scrutinised, every word they speak is calculated. The low hum of voices is the only sound filli
MadeleineI wake up in a strange room. The air is fresh, quiet, and bright.I’m alive?The bed beneath me is softer than anything I’ve slept on in years, and the faint smell of cedar and leather clings to the air.My body feels heavy. My limbs ache as though I’ve been run over by a bus. My throat is dry, and it feels as if someone stuffed my head full of cotton.The first thing I hear are muffled voices right outside the door, droning in the background like a distant thunderstorm.“I can’t tell you what the long term consequences will be,” someone says in a cool, clinical voice. “ It is likely that there might be lasting damage to her nervous system.”“Is there anything you can do?” Rafael’s voice is low, soft, but no less commanding. “No. The dosage was extremely high. Frankly, Sir, I’m surprised she is still alive.” “Do everything you can for her.”The world swims in and out of focus, nausea pushes up in my throat, and I think I pass out. When I manage to drag my eyelids apart agai
Madeleine“Betsy!” I scream as I run from the apartment, my voice echoing down the hallway.The sunlight outside is blinding, but I barely notice. My heart pounds like a drum, and my breath comes in sharp, shallow bursts as I dash out into the shared courtyard, frantically scanning the dilapidated lawn and rusty play area.She’s not here!My mind spins. How could I let this happen? I should have been home two hours ago, in time to get Betsy up and ready for school.Where did she go? What if someone took her?“Betsy!” I call again, my voice cracking.A flicker of movement catches my eye. I spin around and relief floods through me. Clarissa, my neighbour, is walking toward me, holding Betsy’s hand.Betsy skips along at her side, her tiny yellow backpack bouncing with each step. My daughter did what she does every day. She got up, she dressed herself for school, and then she waited for me.Her eyes are bloodshot from all the crying, her little face swollen, and I can see faint bruises on
MadeleineI run as fast as my legs can carry me, not stopping until the school comes into view.I line up with the other parents who are here to pick up their children. I can’t wait to get Betsy out of here. I found a school for her. A good school. With other children who are like her. A place where they will understand and help her.I keep my head down, aware of the whispers behind my back. The parents cluster in small groups, chittering about me. “I wonder what she did this time?” Riana’s mother gossips. “Probably one of her johns,” another mother says. “I hear some men like that kind of thing."“Tsk, tsk, tsk. It’s no wonder that little bastard of hers is so… stunted. Poor kid has no mother to teach her any better. She should have dropped that baby on the church’s steps.”I shove my hands in my coat and curl my fingers into fists.“She’s a mess,” another woman mutters, her voice low but loud enough for me to hear.“Did you see her neck?” another says. “We should really phone the s
MadeleineBetsy is still peacefully sleeping when we go back to the bedroom. Rafael leans over the bed and picks her up, folding his arms almost protectively around her. Betsy moans softly in her sleep, then turns into Rafael, trustingly resting her head on his shoulder.“No,” I whisper. “What are you doing?”Now that I’m back, I don’t want to let Betsy out of my sight. I kind of trust Rafael with her - he kept her safe when I couldn't - but I want my sister near me. I feel better when she’s close.“If you want me to stick around,” he answers in a hushed voice. “She needs to go to her own bed or we’ll wake her.”My heart tumbles in my chest. I just invited a man into my bedroom. Anything could happen. But the more time I spend with Rafael, the more I can see Dom. He’s hidden by a hardened shell, but I know what is under that exterior.He’s just like me in a way. Shedding one skin for another so he can cope, so he can do his job.At long last, I nod and walk over to the bed to sit down
Rafael Madeleine hesitates for a moment, glancing past me at her bedroom door. “We had an agreement,” I remind her. “If I made it so you could come home-”“No. Yes, I know. It’s just… you want to take me to bed. Betsy’s in my room.”My eyes fall on her lightly trembling hands. Her eyes are dark, uncertain, but she holds her head high, back ruler straight.I take a step in her direction, wrap my hand around her fragile little wrist, while I stare at her beautiful, inviting lips. My heart tumbles in my chest. My knees go weak. My mouth runs dry.God, I want to kiss her.She had that effect on me the first day I met her. I knew then, as I know now, that she possesses a beauty and quiet innocence that needs to be protected at all costs.If only I found her sooner. The casino wouldn’t have touched her delicate soul. But it’s not an indelible stain. We can still wash it out.“What, exactly, do you think I will do to you?” I ask her, keeping my voice quiet, my tone low.“I… well, men take
RafaelI stand with my foot on the first stair, hand on the railing, when my phone starts ringing. The incessant pring-pring-pring echoes off the walls, setting my damn teeth on edge.I reach inside my pocket, and for some reason look up, straight at Madeleine who has a phone to her ear, and is leaning over the barrier, looking down into the foyer.With a grim smile, I glace at the number on the screen, knowing she’s the one using Enzo’s phone. I answer the call regardless. “Yeah?” I keep my eyes on her, unable to see her expression in the gloom, but I can feel her exasperation all the way down here.“Can you come up?” she asks.“You are supposed to be in bed.” I am trying with everything inside me not to laugh. I haven’t laughed in years - not a proper, feel it down in your belly, laugh at any rate.“Something happened,” Madeleine says.The laughter dies as abruptly as it started. “I’ll come up.”She ends the call and disappears from view. I can hear her hushed conversation with Enzo
MadeleineA scuffle at my door wakes me from a dead sleep.Ethel came by a few hours ago with my medicine and a little broth. It can’t be her.I slept for a week, and I’m still tired. As soon as the nurse left, I fell asleep again with Betsy pressed tightly against me.Her warmth and presence does give me comfort. Ethel was right.There it is again.I freeze, my insides turning to water, coldness spreading through my body as my heart rate spikes.Someone’s at the door.I try to tell myself it’s just Ethel, or maybe Marco adjusting his position in the chair, but the sound is wrong. It’s coming from the wrong place.A shadow breaks up the thin strip of light shining in through the closed door, and then it’s gone.For a long time, I lie perfectly still, unable to move, barely even breathing, holding Betsy as tight as I can.Slowly, the terror dribbles from my body, and I can command my limbs again. Still trembling, I gently extract myself from Betsy and swing my legs over the edge of th
MadeleineWith Marco’s help, I somehow manage to make my way up the three flights of stairs, but I’m exhausted and out of breath when we reach the landing. I sit on the top step and cling to the railing, taking in large gulps of air.Just over a week ago, I ran from the casino to my flat without breaking a sweat. Now I can’t even climb a flight of stairs.It’s sad. And humiliating. Marco fafs over me like a mother hen, desperately trying to get me up and into bed without outright overstepping his boundaries by picking me up.“I’m fine, Marco,” I wave him away. “I’m just tired. I’ll get up in a second.”“If you fall down these stairs, the boss will never forgive me,” he says, his voice filled with urgency. “You are my responsibility.”“Tsk,” I click my tongue, but stop myself before I can say anything else.Marco is just doing his job. And he can’t speak badly of Rafael, he’ll be punished for it. The poor man just stands there, wringing his hands and looking terrified, waiting for me
MadeleineRafael stands by the door, his hand on the handle as if he’s fighting the urge to turn around and run away again.He’s back to being Rafael. Every sign of Dom has disappeared. His eyes are strict, face set in an emotionless mask, body coiled tight like a snake getting ready to strike.“I- I can’t go yet,” I voice the obvious. I’m still attached to the drip and the machines.Rafael stares at me for the longest time, as if he’s trying to make a decision about me. Leave me here and run, or stay and risk… something.“What happened?” I ask.“Nothing. Doc said we could take you home.”“No, I mean with you… this week, while I was out.”He gives a nonchalant one-shouldered shrug. “Same old. Business as usual. I got Betsy into a really good private school. She started two days ago.”I should be angry. It’s not his place to make decisions for my sister.But I just don’t have it in me. Not yet.My debt to him is growing bigger by the day. And I know guys like him. He won’t just let it
RafaelI can tell just by looking at Madeleine that she thinks I’ll deny her request to see a priest and take confession, but priests take their vows seriously. I’ve yet to meet one who has broken the sacramental seal.No one knows that I still regularly go to confession myself. The priest is often the only person I can trust, and there are times when I need to unburden myself. I never give penance though—I’m not that much of a hypocrite, and I don’t plan to change any time soon.Unlike my often delusional partners in crime, I know exactly where I’m going when I die, and I don’t care anymore. It's far too late to save my soul.“There is a chapel on the first floor,” I offer, “with a priest in attendance. I’ll arrange for a wheelchair.”Madeleine stares at me - big, blue eyes are filled with guilt and shame.“There’s something… I have to beg you for forgiveness too,” she says softly. “I will do penance, but I don’t think it’s a sin that will be forgiven.”I cock my head at her and fro
MadeleineIt takes me a long, long time to wake up. It’s as if someone stuffed my head full of cotton and magnets are pulling my eyelids shut.I’m vaguely aware of the soft beeping of a machine, and my right hand itches something fierce. Betsy!My eyes fly open, and I stare straight up at a white ceiling.Where am I?Home. I must be home. But my apartment doesn’t have nice, clean ceilings like this.I have to get Betsy to school. It must be late. If she’s late again, they’re going to call me in. This time they might expel her.I groan softly and try to sit up.“Cara?” Rafael’s voice cuts through the confusion, and then I feel his warm hands on my brow. “She’s awake!” he calls out.“Whu-” my throat is dry and scratchy, my lips numb.“You are in the hospital.”“Whu?” I ask again.“Sh-sh. Don’t talk. Wait for the doctor.”“Ha-ppened. Wha- happened?”I look up at his handsome face, but it’s as if I’m trying to pierce through a white veil. He isn’t in focus. I can feel him, though. His han
MadeleineI pace around my room. I’m restless. And I don’t want to be here. Everytime I look at the painting, Jesus stares back at me, telling me that I’m a sinner.On the drive back, I waited and waited and waited for Rafael to scold me, it would have made me feel better, but he turned on Enzo instead. I got out of the car while his lieutenant stepped away for a smoke, and Rafael was furious at Enzo for not even noticing my escape.I shouldn’t have done it. I shouldn’t have gone to the police station to get my revenge. There was no reason for it. I just wanted to destroy what was left of Bruce, and I wanted to see Delilah’s face when I tore her whole world to pieces.I was selfish and vindictive, and I knew I’d get away with it because I had Rafael on my side.My eyes fall on the ratty pack stashed in the corner of my room. I didn’t unpack it - unpacking it would mean I’ve made this my home.It's not my home. It can't be home. I've only been here two days, and I already sunk to the