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Thirty-six: Taleen
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2021-03-02 00:24:33“I’m telling you; this is my very first lecture in almost a week and I already need a seven-week-vacation,” Josh complains as the four of us sit together. We all returned to Portland last night. “How was your Thanksgiving by the way?” he wonders; the two of us are sitting beside one another.
“It was normal; however, I did buy a lot of stuff on Black Friday!” Lisa exclaims, making me laugh a little while Josh and Owen roll their eyes at her.
“
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“It’s… it’s mum,”I informTaleen. My voice is shaky, and I can’t seem to be able to divert my eyes away from the screen. My phone stops ringing, and I debate calling her, but she beats me to it as my screen flashes with her name again.“Maybe it’s urgent… you should answer it,”Taleenspeaks in a soft tone. I give her a small nod and slowly put the phone against my ear after I press on the green circle.
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I haven’t seen Josh since last Monday. Today is Thursday. I haven’t even seen him at college. Well, we don’t share the same building, so it’s expected. It turns out that his mum is here to stay for a few days. I haven’t seen her either since Monday. Something I’m glad for. This woman freaks me out. No, she isn’t bad, but she has so much faith in me and I am not sure if I’m worthy of her trust. I don’t want to let her down.I text him every day. He told me that he hasn’t been at his best. He didn’t sleep last night. I wanted to go to his place, but I didn’t want his mother to have any wrong thoughts. I don’t want her to think that I’m his girlfriend.I terribly want to see him. I think I may pass by after my lecture. I’ll just say hi. Nothing more. I have a shift, so maybe I can pass by before going there. I take my phone out of my bag and call him.Currently, I’m in m
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She has just agreed to go on a date with me. The miracle has just happened, and I feel the need to pinch myself to be sure that I’m not dreaming. I can’t believe this! I’m not sure what made her agree, but I’m more than glad that she did. All that I’m hoping for now is that she didn’t agree to go on a date with me out of pity.“Why are you smiling like a goofball?” Mum’s voice snaps me out of the little celebration I’m holding in my head. “Does it have anything to do with Taleen?” she asks, sitting down on the recliner.“Actually, yes! It has everything to do with her,” excitedly, I say. “I asked her to go on a date with me and she said yes!” I fill her in.“I knew you liked her. It’s so obvious.” She smirks, causing me to let out a nervous short laugh.“Well… What’s not to like?” I tell her with a little shrug as I ta
Last Updated : 2021-03-02Inevitably Captivated Forty: Taleen
It’s Sunday, but this Sunday is special because my date with Josh is today. I’m excited and nervous. I have gone out with him more than once, yet none of those times was an official date. Even if he secretly considered any of them a date, I never did. Also, this is basically my first date. I have never been on a date before, so this is nerve-wracking to me. “Do I look good?” I ask Lisa, looking at my outfit in the mirror. I’m wearing a mid-length tight camel skirt with a long-sleeved black top and knee-high black boots. The front strands of my hair are pulled back; Lisa says my face looks better when I do that. My make-up is simple. There’s no need to cake it with an unwanted amount of make-up. “You rock!” She grins as I look at her. Lisa isn’t still into the idea of me getting close to Josh and although she hasn’t voiced her
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I never believed that one day Taleen could be cuddled up to me in this way. Not once have I imagined that I’d get this lucky. She is right here beside me and my arm is around her. she doesn’t look annoyed by our position. Before bringing her to this date, I kept reminding myself that I wouldn’t make any move that would make her uncomfortable. I wanted her to be relaxed with me. I almost shouted in joy when I felt her getting close to me and wrapping her arm around my torso. I find myself playing with her hair and weirdly, I don’t feel her shaking my hand away. She doesn’t like it when people play with her hair, yet she has allowed me more than once to do that. As silly as it may sound, this makes me feel special because I&rsqu
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On returning to the dorms last night, Lisa bombarded me with billions of questions, demanding to know every single detail about my date. Truth is, I didn’t mind filling her in, but I was in a state of total disbelief. It took me a while to realize that I’ve actually been on a date and I’ve received my first kiss in one night.I still remember her initial expression on telling her that I had finally received my first kiss. She almost screamed. Had it not been for my hand that clasped her mouth, security would’ve come to our room, thinking that something was wrong.
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I wish I can say things have been better with Josh, but I can’t because Josh hasn’t been okay at all. He can barely function due to the lack of drugs in his system. This isn’t by choice and this isn’t my plan to suddenly prevent him from taking the drug. I was slowly weaning him off it and things were okay, but apparently, Josh’s drug-dealer was arrested last Sunday, and Josh has run out of drugs. He doesn’t know where he could buy it.It’s been five days since our cooking date. We had a wonderful time together. I could tell that he was quite tired and he was doing his best to act okay; nevertheless, we did enjoy the night.
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I feel the rays of sun hitting my face and they’re strong enough to wake me up. I look beside me and see Taleen asleep. She looks tired. I can tell from the bags under her eyes. I look down at my hand and see her holding it. Last night wasn’t easy for her. The last thing I remember is telling her to leave me alone. She didn’t. Did she spend the whole night nursing me? I carefully sit up and look at the nightstand beside her and see a big bowl.I kiss her cheek and gently remove my fingers from her soft grip. I look down at her again and my heart flutters. I love this girl so much. God! What did I do to deserve her? I could sit here all day and watch her. I wouldn’t even get bored.
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Inevitably Captivated Bonus Chapter!
It’s funny how one small thing can change your whole life and turn it upside down. As for me, what changed my life was nowhere near small. Dating Josh changed me a lot. It changed the way I now see life and how I deal with people. It’s been ten years since I last saw Josh— well, face to face. I have seen him on TV and the news. I can’t be any prouder of him. Yes, we haven’t been in touch, but I know that he has come so far. He is now in charge of Dahlberg’s enterprise, and he has achieved nothing but success. He has also founded a charity foundation for helping addicts. He has been open about his addiction and how it has affected his life. I love how he is not ashamed of his past and how open he is about his journey with drugs. He has been clean for nine years and every time I hear him talking about it on a tv show or in an interview, my heart swells with pride and love. Yes, I still love Josh. Romantically. I dated only one person after him and w
Inevitably Captivated Epilogue
In our lives, we make decisions that may, later on, be thought of as nothing but mistakes. They may be considered our biggest regrets, what we wish to erase from our memories. They may be our main source of disappointment, the thing that pains us once it crosses our minds. Some may think allowing Josh into my life is one of the decisions I certainly regret, but this isn't the truth. I would never regret a single moment I spent with Josh because even if he brought me pain at some point, I can never deny the joy he brought me. I can never deny the happy moments we spent together. I can never forget all that he taught me.
Inevitably Captivated Eighty: Josh
I’ve done a lot of unforgivable things in my life, but I have decided to commit the most sinful act today. I chose to die in front of her because I wanted her face to be the last thing my eyes could ever witness before I’m taken to hell. There’s no way somebody like me would go to heaven. My sins outweigh my good deeds, so hell is my eternal destiny, but before going there I made up my mind that I want to steal a little bit of heaven.In that terrible state, I have driven and I am not sure how I have made it here, but here I am, in front of her apartment building. I can barely see. I have takendrugs,I have alcohol in my system and I have even swallowed some pills. I’m tired of living. I&rsquo
Inevitably Captivated Seventy-nine: Taleen
Ten more days have passed and I like to believe that I am used to his absence in my life. My family now knows I’m not with Josh anymore. I think it was a shock to them, just as much as it’s a shock to me. I think a part of me thought that Josh and I would be back together soon despite the breakup because we simply cannot stay away from one another.Maybe we have finally learned how to do that; however, I don’t think I have mastered that lesson yet. I still don’t know what I’m going to do if I see him before my eyes. I don’t know how I’m going to feel if he and I are invited to the same event. There are a lot of things I’m not ready for and I’m not sure when I am going to be ready.
Inevitably Captivated Seventy-eight: Josh
Meaningless. That’s how my life is without her. I still can’t wrap my head around what happened between us. She left. She packed her stuff and walked out of that door. I expected that to happen and to be honest, she took so long to leave, but why does it feel like she made that decision so early? I haven’t had enough of her yet.I long for her. I long for the warmth she brings whenever I take her in my arms when we both go to sleep. I long for the way she puts her head on my shoulder when we watch tv. I long for our cooking dates. I long for her presence.
Inevitably Captivated Seventy-seven: Taleen
“Come on! You need to get out! This isn’t healthy for you.” Lisa tries to get me to leave the apartment, but I won’t budge.“My muscles hurt,” I lie, pulling my fuzzy grey blanket over me. It’s a lie I have been using a lot to escape from any outing. I’m curled on my dark blue couch, having my tv on and doing nothing. For the past week, I have enjoyed doing nothing except for going to work and college. I think I have memorized every single detail about this apartment. The more I stare at the walls, the more I realize they’re actually ivory white and not cream-coloured,if there’s even a difference.
Inevitably Captivated Seventy-six: Taleen
Not again. He promised. He told me he wouldn’t approach drugs this month. He lied. I’m fed up and tired. I’m drained. I have given him my all and I don’t think there’s something left in me to give.Because of him, I have gone against my morals, against every single thing I believe in. I lied to myself, doing my best to convince every cell in my body that he can get through this ordeal. There’s nobody to blame but me. This is my fault. I believed him when he said he didn’t need anybody else but me. I have to admit, I have always beensceptical, but I brushed off every doubt, feeding myself lies, so I would push myself to continue this journey.
Inevitably Captivated Seventy-five: Josh
Almost two months have passed. Taleen didn’t leave. She refused to give up on me even though she should have done that a long time ago. I wish I could say I got better, but I keep on relapsing. I keep fucking up no matter what she does and I don’t know why she hasn’t left until now. I’m stressing her out. I’m giving her a hard time. I’m holding her back from living her life and she’s still here. She shouldn’t be here. She shouldn’t be with me. She should leave my sorry ass. College started a week ago an
Inevitably Captivated Seventy-four: Taleen
We reach the hall where the event is held. Avery is not with us. She said that she was tired and she would be in a terrible mood if she came. It’s one of the Dahlberg’s hotels, of course. It’s amazing. The walls are high and they’re painted in rich grey. There are hints of gold here and there, placed artistically to make the placemore classythan it already is.I glance at my reflection in one of the mirrors as we pass and I realize how close I am to Josh. In fact, our arms are linked together. I look at him and I see how handsome he looks despite his relapse. I fight the urge in me to kiss his cheek because I don’t want to earn weird looks from anyone and I still want him to know that I
