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Sixty-three: Josh
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2021-03-03 21:33:57“Any news?” Layan wonders as she sits beside me in the waiting room. Another eight days have passed. It’s also been seven days since I purchased the small packet of heroin. Eight days have passed over my snorting the drug. I shamefully allowed that drug into my body again.
Taleen is going to be so disappointed in me. I hate being a source of disappointment to her.
“Nothing…
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Inevitably Captivated Sixty-four: Josh
Four more days have passed. She is supposed to wake up any time soon. I have barely left the hospital. I only go to the shower and change my clothes. I don’t want her to wake up without having me beside her. Lisa arrived yesterday. She flew back from her hometown to be here for Taleen. She arrived an hour ago. I took her to my place to rest and she’s supposed to visit Taleen today. Avery is arriving tonight. Owen is coming soon too.“You need to have a rest.” I look beside me and see Taleen’s mum. “We’ll call you if she wakes up and you’re not here.”“I’m not tired,” I lie. I’m so tired. I’m exhausted. I’m running on caffeine. I’m barely functioning like normal human beings.“You’re a bad liar. The bags under your eyes are giving you out,” she points out, causing me to chuckle.“Is it that obvious?” I let out a sigh while running m
Last Updated : 2021-03-05Inevitably Captivated Sixty-five: Taleen
“Oh my God! You’re awake. Don’t you dare scare me like that ever again. Oh… I can finally hear your voice again,” Lisa sobs while hugging me. She has one hand in my hair and the other on my back. “You’re never crossing the street on your own ever again. I can’t afford to lose my best friend.”“I’m all right. I’m okay. Stop crying,” I say, placing my hand, which is not in a cast, around her. I have amazing friends. Protective ones. I have people in my life who never fail to remind me of the love they have for me. They voice their love out loud, assuring me that I will always be provided with the emotional support I may ever need throughout my life.“I’m sorry… it’s just… I was there. I was with you. I was right there beside you when that car hit you.” A shiver runs down my spine upon hearing her say that, “I saw you covered in blood, unconscious and… God! I couldn’t even hold your hand because I was scared that I may wrongly move you, so I’d end up hurting you more. I would have never f
Last Updated : 2021-03-05Inevitably Captivated Sixty-six: Taleen
“She’s waking up.” A female voice says. Have I fallen asleep or have I passed out? I remember being feverish and experiencing unbearable pain. A lime episode. Yes, I suffered from a lime episode. When did that happen though? How long have I been asleep? A few hours? A day? More? Oh my God! What if I was put in a medically induced coma again?Frantically, I open my eyes and look around me. Josh, Mum and Lisa are in the room.“Easy there,” Lisa tells me, gently placing both of her hands on my shoulders to calm me down.“What h-happened?” I worriedly ask. “How long have I been out?” I throw another question at her.“Just four hours. Why do you seem scared?” She frowns, carefully caressing the top of my hair. Originally, I would freak out if somebody touched my hair, but right now, I don’t mind. I need any sort of assurance. I need any gesture that would ease my nerves. They’r
Last Updated : 2021-03-05Inevitably Captivated Sixty-seven: Josh
It kills me that she still thinks I’m clean. I want to tell her, but this isn’t the right time. She is going to be very disappointed in me. I’m petrified of the thought that she may leave me if she finds out— more like when she finds out.This wasn’t supposed to happen. I wasn’t supposed to be this weak. I wasn’t supposed to give in when the first issue hit me right after I was clean. I made a huge mistake and I don’t know how to fix it. Honestly, I know how to fix what I’ve done, but it’s not easy. Detoxing is not easy; especially when I’m barely getting the sleep that my body craves. I’m not following a healthy lifestyle at the moment to get me through this.I’m trying to find any excuse to make up for the crime I’ve committed against myself, but at the end of the day, I know that this all falls on me. I know that nobody is at fault but me. I wish I can turn back time, but I def
Last Updated : 2021-03-05Inevitably Captivated Sixty-eight: Taleen
“You’re here,” I mumble, hugging him as tight as I can. I don’t want to be away from him. I don’t know why I have become so clingy. Ever since I woke up, I have been like this. I can’t stand the idea of his being away from me for long. I wish I had an explanation for that. I’m scared that I might be annoying him, but I don’t have control over my emotions at the time being.“I am. I miss you,” he says and I melt in his arms once his lips meet my forehead. He is wearing the cologne I got him for his birthday. He makes its scent way better on him.
Last Updated : 2021-03-06Inevitably Captivated Sixty-nine: Taleen
“You look amazing,” Lisa tells me as she styles my hair, “I still can’t believe I’m touching your hair.” She laughs and I giggle in return. My birthday is today and mum has decided to throw me a small party in our backyard. Since I cannot style my hair, Lisa offered to do it for me and honestly, she’s doing a good job. Maybe I should trust her more often with my hair.“Don’t get used to it,” I tease her, making her stick her tongue at me. “Avery, thank you so much for this dress. I’m in love with it.” Avery has gotten me the cutest sunflower dress I’ve ever seen and she even got me a matching necklace while Layan got me new black sneakers that I
Last Updated : 2021-03-06Inevitably Captivated Seventy: Josh
My gratefulness is beyond what I can ever try to say. No words can be sufficient enough to prove how thankful I am. Here she is, right in front of me, happy and healthy. She is no longer in casts and there are no bruises on her body anymore. Her body is also getting used to the new medication. She is finally okay again.We are in LA. It took me four days to convince her parents to let her come with me. At first, they were quite reluctant because of what happened between Evan and her— they still don’t know anything about him laying his dirty hand on her. I assured them that Evan doesn’t live at my parents’ house anymore and nobody is in contact with him.
Last Updated : 2021-03-06Inevitably Captivated Seventy-one: Taleen
I put my hand inside the pocket of Josh’s pants to get my bracelet. A plastic thing touches my fingers and I frown. I carefully get itout andmy hand flies to my mouth. No, this can’t be happening. This can’t be true.I look at the white toxins inside the packet and my eyes brim with tears. He has been lying to me. He told me he was clean. Why didn’t he tell me the truth? I asked him before we went out and he denied that he relapsed. I have been suspicious ever since I got out of the hospital. He has changed. He has lost weight, has become extremely tired and he hasn’t been himself at all.
Last Updated : 2021-03-06
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Inevitably Captivated Bonus Chapter!
It’s funny how one small thing can change your whole life and turn it upside down. As for me, what changed my life was nowhere near small. Dating Josh changed me a lot. It changed the way I now see life and how I deal with people. It’s been ten years since I last saw Josh— well, face to face. I have seen him on TV and the news. I can’t be any prouder of him. Yes, we haven’t been in touch, but I know that he has come so far. He is now in charge of Dahlberg’s enterprise, and he has achieved nothing but success. He has also founded a charity foundation for helping addicts. He has been open about his addiction and how it has affected his life. I love how he is not ashamed of his past and how open he is about his journey with drugs. He has been clean for nine years and every time I hear him talking about it on a tv show or in an interview, my heart swells with pride and love. Yes, I still love Josh. Romantically. I dated only one person after him and w
Inevitably Captivated Epilogue
In our lives, we make decisions that may, later on, be thought of as nothing but mistakes. They may be considered our biggest regrets, what we wish to erase from our memories. They may be our main source of disappointment, the thing that pains us once it crosses our minds. Some may think allowing Josh into my life is one of the decisions I certainly regret, but this isn't the truth. I would never regret a single moment I spent with Josh because even if he brought me pain at some point, I can never deny the joy he brought me. I can never deny the happy moments we spent together. I can never forget all that he taught me.
Inevitably Captivated Eighty: Josh
I’ve done a lot of unforgivable things in my life, but I have decided to commit the most sinful act today. I chose to die in front of her because I wanted her face to be the last thing my eyes could ever witness before I’m taken to hell. There’s no way somebody like me would go to heaven. My sins outweigh my good deeds, so hell is my eternal destiny, but before going there I made up my mind that I want to steal a little bit of heaven.In that terrible state, I have driven and I am not sure how I have made it here, but here I am, in front of her apartment building. I can barely see. I have takendrugs,I have alcohol in my system and I have even swallowed some pills. I’m tired of living. I&rsquo
Inevitably Captivated Seventy-nine: Taleen
Ten more days have passed and I like to believe that I am used to his absence in my life. My family now knows I’m not with Josh anymore. I think it was a shock to them, just as much as it’s a shock to me. I think a part of me thought that Josh and I would be back together soon despite the breakup because we simply cannot stay away from one another.Maybe we have finally learned how to do that; however, I don’t think I have mastered that lesson yet. I still don’t know what I’m going to do if I see him before my eyes. I don’t know how I’m going to feel if he and I are invited to the same event. There are a lot of things I’m not ready for and I’m not sure when I am going to be ready.
Inevitably Captivated Seventy-eight: Josh
Meaningless. That’s how my life is without her. I still can’t wrap my head around what happened between us. She left. She packed her stuff and walked out of that door. I expected that to happen and to be honest, she took so long to leave, but why does it feel like she made that decision so early? I haven’t had enough of her yet.I long for her. I long for the warmth she brings whenever I take her in my arms when we both go to sleep. I long for the way she puts her head on my shoulder when we watch tv. I long for our cooking dates. I long for her presence.
Inevitably Captivated Seventy-seven: Taleen
“Come on! You need to get out! This isn’t healthy for you.” Lisa tries to get me to leave the apartment, but I won’t budge.“My muscles hurt,” I lie, pulling my fuzzy grey blanket over me. It’s a lie I have been using a lot to escape from any outing. I’m curled on my dark blue couch, having my tv on and doing nothing. For the past week, I have enjoyed doing nothing except for going to work and college. I think I have memorized every single detail about this apartment. The more I stare at the walls, the more I realize they’re actually ivory white and not cream-coloured,if there’s even a difference.
Inevitably Captivated Seventy-six: Taleen
Not again. He promised. He told me he wouldn’t approach drugs this month. He lied. I’m fed up and tired. I’m drained. I have given him my all and I don’t think there’s something left in me to give.Because of him, I have gone against my morals, against every single thing I believe in. I lied to myself, doing my best to convince every cell in my body that he can get through this ordeal. There’s nobody to blame but me. This is my fault. I believed him when he said he didn’t need anybody else but me. I have to admit, I have always beensceptical, but I brushed off every doubt, feeding myself lies, so I would push myself to continue this journey.
Inevitably Captivated Seventy-five: Josh
Almost two months have passed. Taleen didn’t leave. She refused to give up on me even though she should have done that a long time ago. I wish I could say I got better, but I keep on relapsing. I keep fucking up no matter what she does and I don’t know why she hasn’t left until now. I’m stressing her out. I’m giving her a hard time. I’m holding her back from living her life and she’s still here. She shouldn’t be here. She shouldn’t be with me. She should leave my sorry ass. College started a week ago an
Inevitably Captivated Seventy-four: Taleen
We reach the hall where the event is held. Avery is not with us. She said that she was tired and she would be in a terrible mood if she came. It’s one of the Dahlberg’s hotels, of course. It’s amazing. The walls are high and they’re painted in rich grey. There are hints of gold here and there, placed artistically to make the placemore classythan it already is.I glance at my reflection in one of the mirrors as we pass and I realize how close I am to Josh. In fact, our arms are linked together. I look at him and I see how handsome he looks despite his relapse. I fight the urge in me to kiss his cheek because I don’t want to earn weird looks from anyone and I still want him to know that I
